The English rogue : described in the life of Meriton Latroon, a witty extravagant : being a compleat history of the most eminent cheats of both sexes

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YALE

THE

English Rogue:

Continued in the Life of

MERITONLATROON

AND OTHER

EXTRAVAGANTS:

Comprehending the moft Eminent

CHEATS

OF

BOTH SEXES.

Read, but do'nt Praflice: for the Author findes,
Tliey which live Honeft have moft quiet mindes.

The TVun/Part

With the Illustration of Pictures to every
Chapter.

LONDON:

Printed by Anne Johnfon for Fran. Kirkman, and
are to be fold at his Shop ia Fan-Church
Street over again ft the Sign of the Ro
bin Hood neer Algate, 1674.

1 0 i

The Preface.

Gentlemen !

IN the firft imprejjion of this third part, a large and
as I thought a fnfficicnt Apologie was made ;J or the
Writing and publifliing thereof. Wlierefore IJJiall not
enlarge at this time, onely tell you that you have here
laid before you, a large Catalogue of all forts of noto
rious Rogueries ; your own confciences may ferve as a
finger in the Margin, pointing directly to the Guilt
with which you are principally concerned ; to deal
plainly with you, had I lived in a lefs wicked Age
than this is, this Book had ne're been extant ; it was
t/ie vicious practices of thefe corrupted times, that gave
it matter and form, life and being: had the evil
inclinations of men extended no further, then to fome
ivagijh excursions, I fhould fiave been filent ; but fence
Villany improves it felf daily, notwithjlanding the
many lamentable examples monthly attending the
commijjion thereof. I thought good to erect this
Monument of their fliame and wickednefs, wJiich
may ferve in/lead of a continuall Seflions, an ever-
lajling Tyburn, to fright thefe vile mifcreants from
tJieir enormous practices: I know not with what
faces they can perpetrate that again, which is now fo
notorioufly laid open to the view of the whole world ;
the beajilinefs of their debaucheries Jlinking above
ground. But I have heard fome men fay, that the
writing of this is not tlte probable way of reducing,
but increafeng the number offuch perfons whofe enor
mities I have juft caufe to complain of: I would not
have you to be fo rafli in your Judgments, as un
charitably to believe me to be a Seminary of Vice, and
A 2

The Preface.

that I crcttcd a Nurfery for its propagation, for I
mutt affureyou I am of better principles, and that no
profit tvhatfocver Jhall buy out my intereft in a good
confcience. What I have done is well intended, and
is t)ie producl of a painful Experience, Travel, and
Ex-pence; and if you will have a little patience, you
JJiallfind(in the winding up of the bottom by the con-
clufwnofthis Story, in a fifth and lajl Part, which is
very fuddcnly intended) that no crime Jhall go unpun-
ijlied, no particular P erf on who hath been guilty ofthefe
vicious Extravagancies but Jliall have a punijhment
fuitable to their crimes : and then I hope all perfons
who make ufe of this Book to practice debaucheries,
will be induced to forbear and decline their wickcd-
nefs, left ajuft Judgment overtake them, as they will
find it hath done thefe Extravagants. This is the
true defign and end of this Book in generall, and
whoever makes any other ufe or Conftruttion dds
greatly abufc the real and true intents of their honeft
Monitor.

Fra. Kirkman.

THE

ENGLISH ROGUE:

Continued in the Life of

Meriton Latroon,

AND OTHER

EXTRAVAGANTS.

PART III.

CHAP. I.

Mrs. Dorothy rchearfcs how flie cheats her Lovers ;
who being with Child, made all that had to do with
her contribute to her expence in lying in, and recom-
pencc tier loft honour. She goes into the country to
lay her great Belly ; in her Journey Jlie falls intb
the acquaintance of a crafty Old Woman (alias :
a Procurer.)

MRS. Dorothy having thus given me an account
of her firft Adventure, I received much fatif-
faction in the Relation ; and told her that I found
fhe was much improved in cunning fince my firft ac-
B

2 The Englijli Rogue ; And Part 3.

quaintance with her ; for I had enjoyed her without
much advantage to her felf, for fhe had a great Belly,
with little profit, not knowing who was, or were to
find a Father : whereas now fhe had her choice of
three, and money enough to boot whereby to pur-
chafe a handfome provifion for herfelfand child. Yes,
reply'd fhe, I did not intend to be caught again ; for
then it would have been my own fault, you havingex-
perienced me in the fallacies of your Sex ; and there
fore, as I told you, I made my bargain with all my
three Friends as politickly as I could ; and upon fe-
cond thoughts, altered fomewhat of the terms I had
formerly agreed upon : for whereas my firft Cufto-
mer had given me twenty pounds in hand, to provide
me with neceffaries during my time of lying in, and
had agreed to provide for the Child, when it fhould be
born: I told him I had provided a Nurfe for it already
that was willing to take all the charge, and difcharge
him from any further trouble, upon payment of four-
ty pounds more ; to this he eafily confented, and gave
Bond in to me, in the name of a Friend of mine; whom
I told him was the Party that would make provifion
for the Child.

Thus did I fettle matters with the firft : and with
the fecond I continued my bargain, of having twenty
pounds down, and fifty pounds more at the birth of
the Child. And my Matters Brother and I continued
our old bargain of the like fum, of twenty pounds
down, and fifty pounds more, to be paid at 6 moneths;
neither did I difcontinue my familiarities with any of
them ; for I managed my affairs fo cunningly, that
fome nights I lay with my firft Cuftomer without the
knowledge of my Mafter's Brother, from whom I en
deavoured only to conceal it, and not from my fecond
for he, as I told you, was privy to my dealings with

Part 3. other Eztravagants. 3

him, and by that means only firft gained his ends up
on me: fometimes I lay with my fecond Cuftomer.but
it was with fome regret, for I had the leaft affection
for him of the three ; but now he fmce he had bled
fome of his yellow pieces, and give me what I defired
of him, I could not well refufe him his defires of me,
neither was he fo fhy as formerly ; for he valued not
though my Mafters Brother fometimes difcovered us,
for he knewthat our dealingswere not concealed from
him, and therefore he was the bolder. But with my
Mafters Brother I was more free than ever ; he
having as much again for his money as either of
the other, neither was it perceived by either of them;
for he having the command of the houfe, fo ordered
it, that my Lodging was neareft to his; and therefore
we had the more conveniencyto come at one another.
We drave this trade for fome Moneths, till in the
end my Mafter's Brother gaining the goodwill of his
Sweet-heart, he was married to her, and then he for
fome time fell off. But he had not lain with his Wife
above a fortnight, but he became weary of her em
braces, and renewed his love again to me ; I at firft
withftood him, and ufed Arguments to diffwade him
from any fuch courfe ; but all would not do ; for he
told me he found but little pleafure in the cold em
braces of his Wife; neither had he married her, but
for her Eftate, which was confiderable ; many other
Arguments he ufed to perfwade me, who was not al
together unwilling ; and fo we again renewed our
former pleafure ; but we were neceflitated to be very
private, and only now and then to have a private
meeting in the day time, for he was to accompany his
Wife in the Night. But as privately, and craftily as
we carried our felves, we were at length difcovered ;
for my fecond Cuftomer, after he had paid for his
B 2

4 The Englifli Rogue \ And Part 3.

pleafure, was more defirous to have his penny-worths
out of me, and ftill importuned me to interviews fo
often, that I much grumbled at him ; and he being a
weary Fox, ftill dogg'd and watch'd me, and that fo
often, that at length he found me and my Mafters
Brother in our ftricl: embraces ; he being both glad
and angry, without any [by your leave] entered the
Room where we were (the door being only carelef-
ly put to) and without any words approaching the
Bed whereon we lay, drew the Curtains, and faid ;
well, Mafter John (for fo was his name) that fawce
which is good for the Goofe, I hope will be good for
the Gander ; felf do, felfhave ; I hope, Sir, finceyou
have put in for your fhare in the pleafure, you will
be fhare, and fhare like in the charge. Well, replyed
Mr.y^/z;/, it fhall be even as honeft Mrs. DorotJiy will
have it; and thereupon removed, and fitting upon the
Bed, I began togivehim bad words,calling him jealous
Coxcomb ; and he again flew at me, telling me that I
was infatiate, and that twenty would not ferve my
turn ; and that now he found the reafon of my flight
ing him, for Mr. John ; but if we would not do him
Juftice, he would be revenged on us both: to thatMr.
John replyed, asking him what he would have ? I
would, faid he, have my money, and my Bond again;
for I fee, and find, there is little reafon that I fhould
pay for other mens Leachery ; you make me provide
for a Child, that, for ought I know, hath twenty Fa
thers ; well, faid I, you have had too much for your
money ; and if you are grieved, amend your felf ; fo
I will, faid he, furioufly going away out of the Room.
He being gone, Mr. Jo/in and I fell toconfulting,what
was to be done in this affair; and after many propofi-
tions, we at length agreed, that it was moft conveni
ent for me to be gone from my fervice, and to leave

Part 3. other Exlravagants. 5

London, for fome Country Habitation ; left this an-
gred Coxcomb fhould mifchief us, by difcovering our
practice to Mr. Johns Wife, or fome elfe, that was
worfe : I was willing, and ready to take this courfe ;
but I told Mr. John, that moneys would be wanting,
to make a handfome provifion for me ; for as affairs
now ftood, there was no expecting any mony from
my angred Cuftomer, but what fhould be forced
from him. That is true, replyed he ; but fo foon as
the money is due, for which he hath given you
Bond, I will take courfe with him, and compel him
to pay it ; and in the mean time I will furnifh you.
This was that which I aimed at ; and I knowing that
he had lately received a large fum of money for his
Wifes portion, with much eafe gained him to pay me
the fifty pounds down, for which he had given me
Bond, and being thus provided with moneys, and
making up my pack (which was much improved
fince my coming) I prepared for my departure. I
as yet knew not what Country to retire to, but was
refolved not to go back into my own ; and there
fore confulted with Mr. Jolm about the place ; who
ftill hankered after me, refolving I fhould not go
far, but that he might eafily vifit me ; appointed me
a place about ten Miles from London : and becaufe
he would not be fufpe<5ted of going with me, nor of
being any wayes privy to my departure, he per
mitted me to take my Journy without him ; he pro-
mifing in a few dayes to take the opportunity of
giving me a vifit.

Thus did I leave his Brother's Houfe ; but not fo ab
ruptly, but that I had the leave of my Mafter and
Miftrefs ; whom I told, that my Father being fick, had
fent for me immediately ; and to that end, a Letter

6 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

was framed by Mr. John, and brought me by a Por
ter.

Being now Coach'd for my Journy, I in fhort time
arrived at the Inn, where I was appointed to ftay, till
Mr. John fhould arrive, and make better provifion for
me ; where an Adventure befell me, which is worthy
of your hearing : For among the reft of the Travel
lers, there was an Antient Woman, who took great
notice of me, ftill looking towards my Apron, and ey
ing very diligently my belly ; which although it was
now fomewhat greater, being about three Moneths
gone with Child ; yet I had endeavoured, by busking
it down, and ufmg all other means to hide it ; but the
Old Woman was not fo dim-fighted, but fhe difco-
vered the fraud ; and having been a good one her felf
in her time, quickly fmelt out the matter ; and be
lieved, and gueffed the caufe right, as it was ; for my
thinn Chops, and (harp and whitely looks gave evi
dent teftimonies of what difeafe I was fick of ; and
looking more throughly upon me, and examining the
features of my buxome Countenance, fhe conjectured
right, that fome good Fellow had got up my belly at
London, and I was going into the Country to be light-
ned of my burthen : fhe having a while confidered
with her felf, that I might be very ufeful for her in an
affair fhe had then in hand, was very pleafant with
me, defiring my further acquaintance. I was not fhye
for the matter, but knowing that I had money enough
to bear me out in any crofs adventure that might hap
pen, was refolved to fee what the Old Woman meant
by her familiarity. She firft gave me Joy of my great
Belly ; to which I replyed, fhe might be miftaken ;
well, well, faid fhe it matters not, whether I am or no ;
but if it be not fo, I wifh it were ; and methinks it is a
pity that you fhould be fick of any other difeafe ; for

Part 3. other Eitravagants. 7

I have fo much skill mPhyfwgnomy,\hdA. I can tell that
you are of a morejovial Temper than now your coun
tenance (hews for, and it is very unfit, that one of
your years and complexion fhould want the pleafures
of a fit Bed-fellow ; but I fuppofe you are not igno
rant of thofe enjoyments, and have a Husband, with
whom you have experienced the fweet of a Married
Life. Truly, Madam, faid I, you are much miftaken;
for I never yet entred into that honourable Eftate of
Matrimony. Well, that matters not much, replyed this
good Old one ; but I have mifs'd of my aim, if you
are ignorant of what I have told you ; and although
you may have no Husband, yet I believe you have a
Friend, who has been dabling with you, and fwel'd
your Belly ; if it be fo, you are not the only me that is
guilty of that pleafing Crime; for I my felf have been
good in my time ; and ftill have a Colts tooth in my
head.

Thus did the Old Dotterel initiate her acquain-
tancewith me; and had well near put me to the blufh,
but that I turned my face afide, and gently wip'd it
with my Handkerchief ; and then I told her me was
very pleafant, and that a little in the extreams, confi-
dering the publicknefs of the place (there were more
Guefts in the Room) and our fmall acquaintance. As
for the place, faid fhe, I muft confefs, as we are not all
one Womans Children, fo we ought to be fomewhat
careful ; but I mall make amends for that, by defire-
ing you to withdraw into a more private place ; and
as for the fhort time of our acquaintance, I queftion
not, but we fhall quickly fet our Horfes together, and
I hope our prefent meeting maybe advantagious to us
both, efpecially, if it be as I yet expe6l it What do
you mean, faid I ? That is, replyed fhe, if you be
with Child, and fuch a Gamefter as I wifh you. I was

8 The EngliJJi Rogue • And Part 3.

much amazed at this Womans confidence ; but how
ever, fhe having been fo open with me.Irefolved to be
as free with her : hoping her words might prove true,
and that fome benefit might be made out of her ac
quaintance ; and therefore advifmg her to leave that
Room, for another more private, fhe foon obey'd me;
and having entred, and caufing a good fire, and Wine
to be brought, we fat down together, not without my
receiving fome falutations, and ftri6l embraces from
my Antient, but to me new acquaintance. After we
had each of us warned away forrow with a Cup of
the beft Canary, the Old Woman being now more
bold than before; again took me in her arms, & laid her
hand hard upon my Belly ; when it fo fortuned, that
at that very inftant the Child gave a gentle turn in my
Belly ; which fhe quickly felt ; and then cryed out,
Well, Daughter, you fee I was in the right ; therefore
fince I have difcovered fomewhat, I pray tell me the
reft of your condition ; and I queftion not but you
will receive much profit by your difcovery : I was
refolved to be very free with her, and acquaint her
with the chiefeft of my Adventures ; ftill concealing
fo much thereof, as fliould, or might be convenient to
be made known ; whereupon I thus began.

Mother (fince you will have it fo) I fhall make
a free confeffion of my Crime ; hoping you will be
merciful in the pennance you fhall impofe ; feeing,
as you fay, I am not the alone guilty party; and there
upon I recounted to her, how that I being born in
fuch a Country, and defirous to fee fafhions, went up
\.Q London, and there happened into a Service ; where
my M afters Brother falling in love with me, after
fome Courtfhip (he promifing me marriage) we came
to enjoyment ; that he, notwithfbanding his promife
married with another ; who indeed exceeded me in

Part 3. other Extravagants. 9

Fortune, as I her in beauty ; but my fweet heart foon
after marriage came to me, and repented of his bar
gain ; but fmce that was part could not be remedied, I
was forced to be contented ; and indeed, I having a
great love for him, permitted him ftill to lye with me,
that in the end, I was with Child by him ; and then
we confulting what was moft neceffary to be done, it
was at length concluded, that I fhould leave my fer-
vice, and retire into the Country, till I were rid of my
great Belly; and to that end and purpofe, I was now
come into the Country, expecting him in fhort time
to follow me. Thus did I give her a fhort, though
fomewhat true, account of my Fortunes ; and when
I had done, me thus replyed.

Well, Daughter, fmce your condition is as I judg
ed it, and indeed hop'd it to be ; I (hall play the Chy-
mift.'and extract Golden Fortunes to you out of your
own defperate misfortunes; for I doubt, as your Lo
ver hath once been falfe to you, fo he may prove the
fecond time ; and now he hath fent you a journey, he
may leave you to fhift for your felf ; and to look for
another Father for your Child. But, Daughter, (con
tinued fhe) if you will be rul'd by me, you fhall not
only have a rich Father, but a great fortune for your
Child : and perhaps, fo much ready money for your
felf, as you will not only give me thanks, but reckon
this our meeting to be the moft fortunate Accident of
your whole Life. I thank you very kindly, replyed I,
for your fair offers, but I fhall defire you to explain
your felf further ; and I fuppofe I fhall put fo much
confidence in you, as to be rul'd by you ; although I
do not in the leaft doubt that I fhall be put to thofe
extremities you imagine. So much the better, replyed
fhe ; but however, that I may fit you for thofe purpofes
I have defigned, and partly propounded to you ; I

10 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

fhall give you an account of fome part of my Life
and Adventures ; and thereupon fhe thus Began.

CHAP. II.

The Old Woman relates to Mrs. Dorothy, where flie
was born, in anAlehonfe; how educated in all man
ner of debauchery ; howJJie /tad a Bajlard^whichjhe
murther'd, is after marriage gotten with Child by a
Moor, and perfivades Jier Husband it was his, not-
withftanding, it being conceived fo by the Jlrcngth of
imagination. Her Husband grooving jealotis of the
Black Moor, fights him; and they kill one the other.
A Jlrange adventure between her Lover and a French
man, with a Wind mill.

I was born (faid fhe) at Portfmouth ; a Sea-
Port-Town, very well known, not only to moft
.£>/£•///& Men, but alfo to many Strangers. My Parents
were of the ordinary ranck, keeping a fudling School,
or Houfe of good fellow-fhip. I was educated, ac
cording to the Cuftom of the place, to learn to read,
and Sew ; in learning of which having fpent two or
three years, at the Age of eleven I was taken home to
fit in the Barr and keep the fcores ; I was well pleafed
to be at home, becaufe there was great variety of
Guefts ; efpecially merry drunken Saylors : who,
when they had liberty to come afhore, would luftily
booz it ; and fing, and dance, all weathers. And to
that end, our Houfe was ftill accommodated with a
blind Harper, who pick'd up a merry living : I taking
pleafure in Mufick, and my Father thinking it would
advance his trading, bought for me a pair of Virginals;
and hired a man to teach me : I giving my mind to it,

Part 3. other Extravagant*, 1 1

foon learnt fome tunes, which I played to the merry
Saylers.whilft theypull'd off their fhoes, and danc't
Luftick; and fometimes I gaining a Teafter, or Groat
for my Mufick, was fo encouraged, that I quickly
took all the instructions my Mafterwas able to give
me ; I likewife learned fome fongs of him, and fome
of the Saylers ; fo that in little time I was well fur-
nifhed with fat and lean Songs ; fo we term'd the
bawdy and others. Although I foon underftood what
was meant by bawdy Songs ; yet I was yet to young
to have experience of them : however, when my Au
ditors laugh'd, and fometimes hug'd and kifs'd me, I
had fome kind of Notions that were very pleafing to
me ; and although my Mother fometimes told me of
the hateful name of Whore, and how much it con
cerned me to keep my Maiden-head ; yet I refolved
that if it were long ere I were married, yetitfhould
not be fo before I tryed what it was to lye with a
Man : however I followed my Mothers directions, in
frowning, and fcouling on thofe who forc'd a kifs
from me. But, as I had defigned, fo it came to pafs ;
for at the Age of fourteen years, a Sayler, who of all
other fort of People, I liked beft, gained my good
liking : he newly came home from aboonVoyage,and
was full of half Crown pieces, and took up his quar
ters at our houfe ; my Father feeing him fo flufh, was
refolved to milk him ; and therefore permitted him to
keep me Company, though he faw he was very fami
liar in hugging and kiffmg me ; I likewife had a great
mind to fome of his money, and therefore begg'd fome
of him to buy Ginger-bread, Sugar, Plumbs, Figgs,
Fruit, and fuch likeliquorifh things; he believing, that
as I had a liquorifh tooth, fo I might have a liquorifh
Tail, refufed me no moneys I defired ; but I being
fomewhatmodeft in the fmallnefs of my demands, had

12 The Englijli Rogue \ And Part 3.

but little that wayes by fair play ; therefore I be
thought me, how I might be Miftrefs of more ; there
fore was refolved, at the next opportunity, to pick
his pocket, which I guefs'd would be no difficult mat
ter to do ; in regard he was oftentimes much over
taken with the Creature ; and therefore, to the end I
might effe<5l my defires, when we were met next to
gether, I drank pretty fmartly with him, and convey
ed fome ftrong waters into each cup of his Beer ; and
fo in fhort time he being fomewhat tipfie, defired me
to fing him a fong, which I performing, he was quick
ly, as I fuppofed fallen afleep ; I fat in his lap, and as
cunningly as I could, flipt my hand into his Pocket ;
where I gathered up three or four half Crowns ; as
fleepyas hewas,he obfervedme, andwhilel was atmy
work, he was at his ; and as flighly he conveyed one
of his hands into another place, having not as yet been
at that fport ; I fqueek'd out, which made him rife, and
me withdraw my hand, and both of us leave our
Prizes ; and I blufhing for anger, that I was fo doubly
catch'd, would have left the Room ; but he taking
hold of me, defired me to be quiet, and told me, what
was done on his part was but in jeft, as he fuppofed
what I did was ; and that it was but quid for quo. I
having by this time gained fome confidence, was, at
his entreaty, content to ftay longer with him, and fung
another fong ; which when I had done, he gave me
four half Crowns (a greater fum than I was ever till
then Miftrefs of) and told me, fince he knew what I
would have, he would give it me, as he hoped I would
do the like. To which I replyed, I knew not what I
might do in time, if he continued his kindnefs to me.
Thus did I encourage him to be liberal to me, in hopes
of his defired reward : and thus neither of us (know
ing one anothers minds) was long backwards, with-

Part 3. otJicr Extravagant*. 13

out enjoying our defires; he giving me fome money
and a Ring. I permitted him to enjoy me as fully as he
could wifli or defire; and many rancounters we had
together, both at home and abroad, as time and place
would permit: but asthe longeft day will have an end
fo had his money; and then my Father perceiving that
it was low ebb in his Pocket, began to be more wary
and circumfpecl: of him, and to watch him, and flight
him, left he mould gain anything upon me.and run in
to his fcore ; and fo he might lofe as much in the mire,
as he had got in the hundred ; the Old Woman, my
Mother,beingfomewhat fufpicious of me, ftill watch'd
us with much warinefs ; and he not having money to
treat me abroad at other houfes, as formerly, we were
fain to have all our fports at home when we had con-
veniency ; and there we were fo narrowly put to it,
that "we were oftentimes in danger to be catch'd.

When my fweet-heart could get any Moneys he
would treat me abroad ; and one day having been
walking with me.hecommitted one of the greateft ex
travagancies I ever heard of he had drank very hard
and was now almoft flufter'd, when coming by the
Wind mill which is near our Town, the wind blow
ing fomewhat moderately, there was a French man,
who challenged fome Englijk Saylers to fhew fome
feats of activity ; among other exploits, he took hold
of one of the wings of the Wind-mill, and holding
faft, was carried round therewith, lighting very order
ly on the ground upon his feet. This was a wonder
ful, and we thought defperate attempt, and he much
bragg'd of it daring any Englijh man to do the like :
my fweet-heart being with me, and defirous to gain
my efteem, and being fomewhat pot fhaken,makes no
more ado, but likewife takes hold of one of the wings
of the \Vindmil ; which by reafon the wind blew

14 The EngliJJi Rogue \ And Parts.

more frefhly than it had done lately, caufed the Mill
to go more fwiftly then ordinary ; and he not being
able to hold faft, was thrown off : but though it was
a pretty way off, yet to his good Fortune, he was
not thrown to the ground (which would have broken
his bones,) but into a pond of water ; and there he
being very skilful in fwimming, foon recovering him-
felf, fwam to the more ; and not forgetting what he
had done, cryed out, Noio let any Mounfieurof ye all
do the like. All there prefent did much applaud him ;
fome attributing that to his defign and skill, which
indeed was by chance ; and truly, it was a good chance
for him, that he broke not his neck : but he then
efcaped any further danger: and fome Merchants be
ing there prefent, were fo furprized with the manner
of the a6lion that they gave him ten millings to drink;
he beingthus rewarded for his folly, thought it hisbefl
courfe to go home ; where we being come, and my
Father made acquainted with the matter, and that he
had money in his Pocket made much of him, and
perfwaded him to go to bed ; and my Mother pro
cured him a Sack poffet, which we all eat of at his
beds fide ; but little did they think that this was a kind
of a Bride-poffet : for, although we were not married
that day, yet we lay together that night ; for when
they were in their bed, in went I to his ; where he
expected me, having before enjoyned me to make ufe
of that opportunity, which I did, to both our good in
tents: for we enjoyed one another in full freedom of
all dilights: this being the firft and laft time I ever
lay with him : for not long after, his coyn being
fpent, and a Voyage prefented it felf, he Shipp'd him-
felf, and away he went for the Eaft Indies ; we pro-
mifing a conftant continuance of our affe6lions. But
he being gone, it was not long, ere I found a ftrange

other Extravagants. 15

alteration in my body, being taken with pewkings,
and vomitings, fuch as young Married folks are ufed
to have ; whereupon I concluded, that I fhould foon
have a great belly, which fo fell out ; but before that,
I had a Husband to Father it.

Our Houfe being publique, we entertained all
Comers ; amongft the reft, there came a Sayler, who
had had the Fortune to meet with a prize ; and he for
his own fhare had two hundred pounds Sterling. This
was fo tall a Fortune as was unufual to be the pof-
feffion of an ordinary Sayler ; and he chancing in at
our houfe, my Father was very defirous to rid him of
his mony : he acquainted my Mother with his purpofe,
and told her, that this Fellow would make a very
good Fortune for me their Daughter; and they might
by means of this live more plentifully then ever. The
Fellow foon expreffed a great deal of love for me,
which my mother taking notice of, told me of her own
and my Fathers intentions, and bid me prepare to en
tertain his love, for they defigned him for my Hus
band; fhe advifed me to be free and courteous to him,
but by no means to let him proceed further then the
ordinary civility. I promifed her all obedience, and
fhewasvery diligent and watchful over me. My fweet
heart was very fweet upon me, and would fain have
been dealing with me, as Merchandize, bidding very
fair for me, but I refolved to have all or none ; would
not let him have a bit, but what was lawful : he being
thus ftopt, was the more earneft ; and at length, ra
ther than lofe me.agreed to have me at my own terms
which was marriage ; which at length was fully a-
greed upon. But my qualmes encreafing as did my
belly.my Mother fufpe6led fomewhat was the matter,
and thereforetook me ftri6lly to task; and fo wrought
with me; that I confeffed I had been fporting with my

1 6 The Englifli Rogue : And Part 3.

former fweet-heart ; this news much ftartled her ; but
fhe who had paffed many fuch brunts, foon found out
a remedy ; and told me that if I would be wholly ru
led by her, fhe would ftill warrant the bufmefs fliould
go on profperoufly enough ; for, faid fhe, I will direct
you to carry your felf, fo as the lofs of your Maiden
head fhall not be difcovered ; and as for your great
Belly, we will when you are marryed, fend your hus
band to Sea before your time of delivery : and in the
mean time, we will manage all matter cunningly e-
nough. My Mother having thus encouraged me, I
prepared for the wedding day, which was foon after
appointed ; which being come, and night alfo, we
went to bed ; and there my Bride-groom going about
to enjoy me, I counterfeited all kinds of fimplicity; I
cryed,fob'd, and fcreeked out ; and he had much ado,
with puffing and blowing, and fweating, to poffefs
himfelf of me. I had all the marks and fymptoms of
untouch'd Virginity ; and the more to beguile him,
notwithftanding all his fair words, and endeavours, I
made fo great a noife as raifed my Mother; who com
ing into our chamber, found me in fwound; from
which fhe foon brought me, by rubbing me with Vi
negar, and other Remedies ; and fhe perfwaded me to
be patient, and defired him to deal kindly with me, u-
fmg this Proverb; Gently, John, the Girls Young, She
left us, and then with fomewhat more Patience I per
mitted him to take his pleafure with me.

Thus was I marryed, and came off with all Credit
imaginable ; but afterwards it did not proceed as we
expected ; for my Husband being very fond of my
company, would not by any means be perfwaded to
leave me for the Sea; but intended, now he had gain
ed money enough, to live on fhore. This resolution
of his was very unpleafmg ; but I was forced to be

Part 3. oilier Extravagant*. 17

contended, and to provide againft the time of my de
livery of my great Belly, which now came on a pace,
and indeed was fomewhat fooner than I expected ;
for I was taken one day with a fuddain pain, which
much furprized my Mother ; for my Husband was in
the Houfe, and hearing my cryes, would needs force
his way into my Chamber ; where I was accompany-
ed by my Mother, who was inftru6ling me what to
do ; on his approach to the Bed, my pains encreafed,
and a Child was born into the World ; but, that he
might not difcover the fallacy, by the crying of the
Child, I fmothered it; and lying ftill for fome fpace,
my Mother perfwaded him to depart ; he being gone,
my Mother fell to work ; and removed the Child,
playing the Midwife in the beft manner fhe could; and
all being buried, and /put into order, fhe told her Son
in law, that thefe were extream fits of the Chollick,
and would now they had begun, continue for fome
dayes ; wherefore fhe defired him to take another
Lodging, and let her lye with me : to this he hardly
confented ; but at length, at both our importunities,
he wascontent, and in ten dayes time, I ftill everyday
counterfeited fits of groaning, but he feeing I fenfibly
amended, would no longer forbear lying with me.

Thus did I efcape this misfortune, and came off
with flying Colours, without the leaft fufpition ; fo
that I was encouraged to proceed in further Roguries;
which was the ruine of my Husband, and in which I
had like to have been involved. I told you our houfc
was for all Guefts ; and now by the addition of my
H usbands money, which was employed in my Fathers
Trade, to encreafe his flock, our houfe the beft fur-
nifhed, was the beft cuftomed houfe in the Town ; a-
mongft the reft, there came a Perfon of Honour, who
had been a Traveller, and among his Attendants a

C

1 8 The Englifh Rogue: And

Negro, or Black-man, which he had brought from
Guiana. This Black-more was reported by his Mafter
and others, to be the Son of a Prince in his own
Country ; I look'd on him with an affectionate and
fmiling countenance ; which he perceiving, and alfo
that I was handfome,much defired my company; and
being Mafter of money enough to fpend on me, he
had many opportunities of courting me ; at the firft,
I examining what I wasabout to do drew back, think
ing it a very ftrange thing to be kifs'd by a Black-more,
but ufe brought it into Cuftom ; and I endured not on
ly that, but alfo methought I had a minde to tafte of
his flefh, perfwading my felf, that there would be
more than ordinary fatisfaftion in that enjoyment ;
and he finding me coming, fo profecuted his fuit, that
it was not long ere I enjoyed him : I muft confefs
much to my content, for nothing but his fparkling
eyes was to be feen m the dark, which indeed were as
fhining, as two ftars in a clear night ; and he was as
much delighted with me : fo that we promifed to take
all opportunities for enjoyment. The Lords bufmefs
kept him there fo long, that we had fo much fport in
jeft, as turned to earneft ; for I found my felf to be
with child, and I did abfolutely believe that my Black-
friend was the Father of it : this confideration put
me into a deep melancholly; for we carried our bufi-
nefs not fo privately, but that we were taken notice
of, and fufpe6led by my Mother ; but much more by
my Husband, whofe extreme love to me was conver
ted into as extreme a jealoufie ; and he looked on my
Black-friend with a great deal of horror.

I finding my felf with Childe, and doubting it was
by him, a fancy poffeffed me, that I fhould bring forth
a Black-More like the Father : this, I fay put me to a
very great non-plus; and I endeavoured by all means

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 19

to blind my Husband,and takeallfufpition from him:
I told him, I believed I was with Child, this pleafed
him ; but I alfo added, I doubted, I fhould not render
him compleatly fatisfied : for that I had a very great
fancy that the Child would be black, and I could give
no reafon,but that the fight of my Lords Black-More
was deeply imprinted in my fancy : I told him, I had
read the ftory of a Black Queen and King, who had a
Child that was white; and being fo born, was thru ft
out of the King his Fathers Dominions, for no other
caufe but becaufe he was white; and the Queen his
Mother hardly efcaped the fury of her Husband, who
fhrewdly fufpec^ed her guilty of Adultry with fome
white-man, becaufe the Child was fo. This faid I, was
the Crime laid to her charge ; and it feemed fo reafon-
able to him and all his Nobility ; that notwithftand-
ing the Queen was alwayes efteemed to be a vertuous
woman, yet (he hardly efcaped with her life. But at
length, a wife man of that Kingdome coming to the
Court, and hearing of the matter, and that the Queen
was banifhed as well as her Son ; he, faid I, walking
about the Court, and coming into the Kings Bed-cham
ber, there faw the Pi6lure of a fair white-woman,
which had,as great rariety, been prefented to the King
he then remembring the unfortunate cafe of the
Queen, did really believe that the fight of that white
Picture had occafioned the Queen to conceive and
bring forth a white Child. Being thus convinced, and
perfwaded in his own opinion, he was not long be
fore he perfwaded the King to the fame ; and the
Queen having been alwayes of an unblemifht repu
tation, it was concluded by the King, and all the No
bility, that the Queen was innocent : and thereupon
the banifhment was repealed.and both received home
with great joy, ftate, and honour ; and this Son, after

C 2

2O The EngliJIi Rogiic : And Part 3.

hisFathersdeceafe,was crowned, and reigned Kingof
the Place. Now fweet-heart, (aid I, this being fo,
and fancy having fo ftrong an operation in the womb
by the only fite of a Pi6lure, I cannot but imagine
that the real prefence of one may work much more
and greater effects, efpecially fmcel find a very great
inclination not only to love, but long for black things ;
black cherries, I affecT: extreamly, as alfo damfons,
floes, & black-bullies ; I chiefly feed on black puddings;
and it is not very long, faid I, fince I longed for a
black hat, and did eat it up every bit: and now I have
lately had a great defire to a difh of butter'd char
coal.

This difcourfe wrought varioufly with my Hus
band, who, although he did fomewhat fufpecl: me,
yet would he take no great notice at prefent, but told
me, that furely this was but fancy, and would in the
end amount to nothing : I was content with his an-
fwer ; but knowing his mind flood thereto bent, I firft
propounded, that the Black-more fhould depart our
houfe, or elfe that I might remove from home to fome
other place, to fee, if by his abfence the fancy would
leave me : to this he willingly agreed ; and in re
gard to move for the Black-more's departure until
his Lord went alfo, would not only raife fufpi-
cious Difcourfes, but turn to our disadvantage, by
reafon they were good Guefts ; we therefore refolved
that I fhould remove four or five miles from home ;
the which I did the next day ; but my departure was
not fo fecret, but that I gave notice thereof to my
beloved Black-more, who promifed not to be long be
fore he took the opportunity of giving me a viflt ;
the which he did unfeen of any, I letting him in at a
back Garden door; and thither he ufually came to me
once in two or three days : we fometimes fpent fome

Part 3. otfier Extravagants. 21

hours together in a Banqueting-houfe in the Garden ;
and at laft grew fo bold, as to fpend whole nights in
bed together ; fo that my Husband, who forely fuf-
pe£led me, was refolved to watch my waters ; and one
Evening miffing the Black-more, who was then come
to me, he at midnight departed ; and coming to the
back door whereat the Black-more entred, he finding
it open, entered, faw the Candle in my Chamber, and
I believe could hear our voyces, but knew not how to
enter without great noife ; wherefore, now refolving
in his mind what to do, he waited till the morning,
walking about the Garden ; but in regard the Black-
more had fome affairs of his Lords that morning to
difpatch, he arofe early, and left me ; I fhut faft the
door, and left him ; no fooner was he down, but my
angry Husband with a drawn fword meets him ; he
feeing and knowing him, gueffed his purpofe, likewife
quickly draws ; and they running upon one anothers
fwords, foon bereft each other of life.

22 The Englipi Rogue ; And Part 3.

CHAP. III.

The Old Woman relates, tliatJier Husband and Black-
friend having killed one another, Jhe removes her
lodging, and is brought to bed of a young Black-more,
which JJie likewife murtliereth; and tlien again re-
movingJier quarters, and palfing for a maid, is mar
ried to a y oung Inn-keeper ; who, injtead of her, Iiad
a maid fervant for his Bed fellow ; who being both
fleepy,JJiefets fire of the Houfe ; and then pretend
ing to fetch water at tlie Well, tumbles her in, wJiere
Jhe is drowned.

THus, faid Mrs.Dorot/ty,did the old Hagg give me
an account of her mifchievous beginning ; and
indeed, in the profecution of her ftory, fhe acquainted
me with fo many horrible actions, that I was agaft;
and wondered that the Earth did not open,to fwallow
up a wretch fo monftroufly wicked ; but I think, faid
fhe, by what I have faid, I have told you enough to
know her, and therefore fhall pafs over the reft of her
actions in filence: nay, faid I, Mrs. Dorothy, fmce you
have begun to give us fo fair an account of the foul
aflions of this your wicked acquaintance, I fhall de-
fire you to take the pains to proceed therein. Truly,
faid Mrs. Mary, although I have known many
wretched People in my dayes, yet I never heard of the
like ; and I fuppofe by what you have already recount
ed, that all you have further to fay will be both re
markable, admirable, and pleafant (if we may ac
count that pleafant which is fo mifchievoufly, and
wickedly witty ;) and therefore I, as well as our

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 23

friend here, defire you to continue your relation ; and
if you will take the pains, we will have the patience
to hear you to the leaft particular. Mrs. Dorothy be
ing thus requefted by us both, replyed, that fhe fhould
be content to grant our defires, but then we muft have
a great deal of patience.and pardon thofe impertinent
ignorances that fhe fhould be forced to recount, in re
lating fo many notable and various adventurous acti
ons of another : We told her, we fhould willingly
attend, and excufe her in all ; and thereupon fhe thus
continued.

Although (faid this old Trot) my Husband, and
my black friend had quickly difpatch't their bufmefs,
by thus difpatching one another, yet they were nei
ther fo fudden nor fo filent, but I both heard and faw
them tilt at one another with their fwords, which
were bathed in each others heart blood ; and fo they
fell, grinning at each other with horrible Countenances
and they lay fo clofe together, that they could catch
hold of one another, and fight with their hands, their
fwords being fheathed in one anothers bodies ; but
this conteft could not, neither did it laft long, their
hearts being fuffocated with Blood, and fo in fhort
time they both expired ; which I difcovered by the
noife of hollow groans : and thus continued fhe, was I
deprived of a Friend, and a Husband. I was ftartled at
the prefent, but confidering what was to be done, went
to bed, and lay there till fome of the houfe came and
bounc'd at my Chamber door; I fuffered them to con
tinue knocking for fome time, as if I had been afleep ;
but they growing more furious by reafon of my fi-
lence, were ready to break open the door, when I
jumped out of my bed, and in my fmock opening the
door, asked them what was the caufe of their vio
lent knocking; they replyed, they were glad to fee me

24 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

alive, which they much doubted, by reafon of my
filence, and having feen fuch a doleful fight as was
then in the Garden : I feeming ignorant of all, defired
them to explain themfelves, and acquaint me with
their meaning ; they were not long then ere they had
told me, that my Husband and the Black-more who
quartered at my Fathers, were both dead in the Gar
den : I was amazed, ran then to the window, and
there beheld what I too well knew already ; and then
cryed out, and in lamentable and furious manner threw
my felf on the floor, tearing my hair, and making
great lamentation ; by this time the Conftable and
other Neighbors were come, but could not get any
thing out of me to difcover any knowledge of the fa6l.
J feemed a ftranger to all; and fo the Bodies being re
moved, word was fent to my Father and Mother, who
quickly came thither; but finding me, as the reft, to pre
tend ignorance, nothing could be done; butthePeople
conjectured varioufly, and though they could not ac-
cufe me as the murtherer, yet I was fhrewdly fufpe6l-
ed to be the caufe ; they judging the truth as it was :
but however, I was without the compafs of the law,
and therefore efcaped all trouble.

Their Bodies were foon after buried, and I thought
it abfolutely neceffary to abfcond my felf, left (the
time of child bearing being near approaching, I might
be further difcovered by the Complexion of the child,
which I did verily believe would be black ; and there
fore I left my Fathers houfe, and went to an obfcure
Village about ten miles off; I took up my lodging
with an old Woman of my Mothers acquaintance,
pretending a great melancholly fince the death of my
Husband, and therefore avoided all Company: I had
all along attempted to deftroy the Child in my
Womb, and to that end I had taken Savine, and many

Part 3. otJter Extravagants. 2$

other drugs and potions, and ufmg to jump, and leap,
and wraftle, to caufe my felf to mifcarry, but all in
vain ; fo that in fine, I was forced to ufe the fame re
medy I had done, and fmother the Child fo foon as it
was born ; I had all poffible conveniences to do it,
whilft the Midwife, who lived at fome diftance, was
not much looked after, although it was fomewhat
black, which was now taken to be fo, only by reafon
of its ftrugling for paffage ; and wanting a Mid-wife,
I caufed it to be quickly nail'd up in a box, and fo with
little trouble paffed over the difficulty of this affair :
my Mother foon came to me, and accommodated me,
with every thing fit for my condition, fo that it was
not long ere I perfectly recovered ; and I having no
mind to return to my Fathers nor to ftay in that place,
caufed my Mother to provide me with a gentile habit;
and money in my pocket, and being thus fitted, went
twenty miles further, to the houfe of another of my
Mothers acquaintance; and havingbeenfo unfortunate
with aHusband.was refolved not to own that ever I
had been married, but to pafs for a maid ; which I
might well enough do, not being yet above eighteen
years of age. My beauty then was fo charming, that
I quickly gained many adorers ; and it being given out
that I was a Virgin, and of a good fortune, had ma
ny Sutors in earneft,that woed me in the honeft terms
of marriage. Having the choice of feveral, I was the
more coy ; but in the end, there was one, who was an
I nn-keeper,whofe Father being lately dead, and left a
handfome competency, him I accepted of, but with
great jealoufie and fufpition of my felf; left he
was a cunning youngfter, fhould difcover the
want of my Virginity. I was fenfible it would
be no difficult matter for him to finde me out, but

26 The Englifli Rogue \ And Part 3.

I was refolved to try my Wits, and prevent his
difcovery : to this end I delayed my marriage for
fome time, till I could bring my matters to pafs ;
which (faid me) I did in this manner.

There was a Servant-Maid in the Houfe, whom I
ufually had for my Bed-fellow, andwithher I wasvery
free in all my difcourfe, acquainting her with all paf-
fages between me and my Sweethearts; and many plea-
fing difcourfes we had upon thofe occafions, and com
monly we fpent fome hours every night when we were
in Bed, in thefe Conferences : I asking her which of my
Sweet-hearts was the beft,and liklieft to prove a good
Husband; me and I both jumped in one mind, and fhe
feemed to rejoyce at the good Fortune I was likely to
enjoy, in having fohandfome, and accomplim'd aPer-
fon,as hewaswithwhom I was to be Married; faying,
that of all men breathing,fhe never faw one whom, me
thought, fhe could love better ; and adding, that fhe
would give all the money in her Pocket to have my
place on the Wedding Night. Well, thought I, are
you there? Tie be with you anon. Truly faid fhe, I
am a perfect Maid, not having yet had to do with any
Man ; and for deed, nay, for thought and word, untill
this time, was a pure Virgin; but methinks,fmcel faw
your Sweetheart, I have fuch pleafing imaginations,
that I could willingly experiment the effects; but, con
tinued fhe, I hope you will take all this in good part,
and not be jealous of me, for I fhall not in the leaft in
jure you, no, though your Sweet-heart fhould defire
it ; befides, my Quality and condition is fo much be
neath yours, that it would be but a folly to expect it :
but fhall wifh you all happinefs with your beloved
Bridegroom. She having opened her mind thus freely
to me, it was the thing I only aimed at, and above all
things wifh'd for j and therefore, that I might now

Part 3. other Extravagants. 27

ftricke while the Iron was hot, I thus replyed ; come,
come, do not counterfeit more Modefty than needs, but
tell me truely, and fmcerely, if I can find a way to com-
pafs your defires ; and be therewith content, and will
ing, will you obey me in what I fhall defire of you ?
This is a ftrange propofition, faid fhe, and I believe
far from your heart to do, and only to try me farther ;
but I pray let us talk no more of this matter.

I quickly anfwered,that I was now in earneft, and
would (if fhe would fwear to me to be fecret) dif-
cover a fecret that was of the higheft importance, and
that then all things would be as fhe had wifhed ; fhe
wondringwhat I meant, and being defirous (as all wo
men are inquifitive after fecrets) to difcover mine,
foon made many proteftations and vows, to be fecret
in what ever I fhould impart to her; and thereupon I
told her, that indeed about twelve moneths fince, being
in my fathers houfe, a Gentleman of quality lodg
ing there, and having divers times courted me ; and I
alwayes refufmg to hear him ; and being very ob-
ftinate, notwithftanding all his endeavours by
Prefents, and otherwife ; he, I faid being who-
ly impatient, and refolved to venture all for
my enjoyment, took his opportunity, and came to
bed to me; I feeling him near me, cry'd out but in vain,
for my Lodging was at too great a diftance from any
bodyes hearing ; and fo in the end, notwithftanding
my ftriving, and ftrugling, he had his will of me ; and
indeed, to tell youthetruth,the danger of thebrunt be
ing over, and I well knowing that what was pad could
not be recalled, was, in the end, willing a fecond, or
third time, to permit him the fame enjoyment ; and fo
he went away in the Morning well fatisfied,and I bet
ter pleas'd than when he came to me. I was refolved
to keep this from the knowledge of my Parents, and

28 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

did fo, though he offered me Marriage, which would
have been advantageous enough for me, he being, as I
faid, a Perfon of Quality ; but however, he continued
his practice with me all the time of his ftay at my Fa
thers, which was twoMoneths ; and then he departing,
promifed a fudden return, and that he would then dif-
cover himfelf to my Father, and requeft me in Marri
age ; I trufted to his fair words, and permitted his de
parture; buthehad not been long abfent ere I perceiv
ed my felf to be with Child : I kept this from the
knowledge of all, fo long as I could ; but in the end,
my Mother fufpe<5ling me, charged me fo roundly,
that I confeffed the Fa6l ; fhe thereupon took the beft
remedyfhecould,and unknown to myFather.fent me
away to a Friend of hers, where I lay in of a Child,
which foon after dying, and I recovered, I again re
moved hither, where what hath befaln me you already
know as well as I ; and now, my dear Friend, faid I,
the cafe being thus, you may do me a great kindnefs,
and pleafe your felf, as you fay, by taking my place on
the Wedding-night ; and he lying with you in my
ftead maybe deceived, and take me for a pure Virgin ;
whereas otherwife I am in much doubt to be difcover-
ed,in regard, that not only I have loft my Maidenhead,
but have alfo lately had a Child.

My Bed-fellow gave diligent attendance to what I
had related, and after I had fatisfied her how fhe fhould
behave her felf in every refpe6l, fhe confented to take
my turn. My bufmefs being in this forwardnefs, I
quickly confented to clap up the bargain with my
Sweet-heart ; and the Wedding-day being come, we
were accordingly Married ; and at Bed time I went to
Bed with my Bride-groom, but feigning Modefty, com
manded all to depart the Room ; which they did, leav
ing one Candle burning ; I feeing the Company gone,

Part 3. other Extravagants. 29

leap'd out of the Bed to put the Candle out ; which I
did, and then, accordingtoappointment,theMaid, who
was ready in her fmock behind the Hangings, quickly
got into the Bed, and enjoyed my place ; I ftaid in the
Chamber, and could well enough difcoverall paflages
between them, and how fhemade fome faint refiftance;
but not long it was ere they fe,ll a fleep, and flept fo
long, that I was at a very great ftand what to do, left
day-light fhould come ere fhe fhould awake, and then
be feen by my Husband, and I difgraced and loft for
ever ; I ruminated in my mind many wayes ; at laft I
was refolved to proceed to violence, and hazard all,
rather than lofe my credit ; and therefore feeing they
ftill flept on, I went out of the Chamber into the
next ; wherewith the help of a Tinder-box, I ftruck
a light ; and getting a Torch, and lighting it, fet fire
on fome part of the houfe, which foon encreafed to a
great flame ; I then made no great difficulty to make a
noife, and cry out fire, fire ; this was foon feen, fmelt,
and heard by my droufie bedfellows, who both arofe ;
and I being there, caught hold of him, as if I had lain
with him ; and his bedfellow being now a little come
to her felf, and feeing me, began to confider what fhe
was to clo ; and ran where her cloaths were, put them
on, and then came to help me to mine.

My Husband, and all the reft of the Family
being thus raifed, ran about for water to quench
the fire ; I being left alone with my Husbands
Bed-fellow, could have found in my heart to
have killed her with a Sword there in the Cham
ber : becaufe fhe had been the occafion of all
this mifchief ; and the thoughts of that, and re-
membring what hurt fhe might do me hereafter,
in difcovering my fecrets or, at leaft, in being my

30 TJte Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

Co-rival ; thefe Confiderations made me refolve
to difpatch her into the other world ; and there
fore defiring her to go down with me into the
Yard to fetch water at the Well, fhe did fo ;
where I fpying my opportunity, in the abfence of
the reft of the Family, as fhe was (looping to draw
Water, I turned her head forwards into the Well ;
where, before any came to help her, fhe was dead. I
pretended to bewail her misfortunes ; but the fire, by
the afiftance of fome Neighbours, being now quench'd,
we all retired into that part of the Houfe that was un-
burn'd ; where every one lamented, not only the mis
fortune of the fire, but that of the Maids death ; in
which I alone was principally concerned.

CHAP. IV.

She being at home with her Husband, is Cotirtedby Gal
lants; one of which Cuckolds him ; She is outwitted
by her Gallant, and cheated of a Gown, and three
Rings; Jhe is Courted by another Gallant, and they
Jludy a Revenge on thefirft; which Jhe executes, by ap
pointing the fir Jl to come to Bed to Jier; where her Hus
band, by her appointment, was in tier Jlead; who tak
ing him in the manner, foundly whips him; in the
mean time Jhe is in Bed with her nezv Gallant.

THE next day after our unfortunate Wedding-
night, all Perfons concerned began to reckon up
their lofles ; in which, neither I, nor my Husband fuf-
fered but little ; for he had nothing there but the
Clothes on his back, and I only had mine, and a Trunk

Part 3. otJier Extravagant*. 31

of Clothes, and Linnen, which were fafe. Our Land
lord loft fome of his Goods, and an hundred pounds
would not repair the damage the Houfe had fuftained
by the fire ; he therefore complained much of his lof-
fes : but his lamentations were not equal to thofe of
an Old Woman, who lived in the Town, and was the
Mother of the Unfortunate Maid, whom I had fo
treacheroufly, and ungratefully murthered : I was al-
moft as joyful as fhe was fad, that I was rid of fo
dangerous a Corrival, whom I had entrufted with
my greateft fecrets.

The diforders of this Houfe caufed us to quit it
fooner than we intended ; for that very day we re
moved to my Husbands Habitation, which was not
above four Miles diftant,and there we Lodged, where
that nightl received thofeimbracesfrommyHusband
which were very pleafing, to me, and then all things
were as well fixed as I could defire ; only my Mothers
coming was every day expected, I having given her
notice of my Tranfactions by Letters : Shecameinfew
dayes, and that not empty-handed ; for fhe brought
an hundred pounds in ready money with her : this, fhe
told her new fon-in-law, was but part of a greater
Sum, my Father and fhe intended for my Portion ; al
though my Husband expected five hundred pounds
with me (I having given out that I fhould have fo
much) yet he was content with this for the prefent;
and this money was part of what was left me of my
first Husbands. During the flay of my Mother, we
kept open Houfe ; and giving up our felves to all man
ner of mirth, I found my Husband to be but an eafie
Coxcomb, and one whom I thought I fhould out-wit,
andover-rule ; he was much inclinedtogameing; and,
as the fortune of the Dice went, he fometimes won, and

32 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

loft again as often ; at which he would be fomewhat
wafpifh and griping : and what he loft by gameing, he
would get up again out of large Reckoning, and tricks
he would put upon his Guefts, who now were more in
number than formerly; for it being given out, that he
was Married, and that to one that was handfom, all
the Countrey came in upon us; efpecially all the roar
ing Lads, who fpent higheft, came all to fee, and pre-
fent their ferviceto their Land-lady ; and as a Citizens
fhop is never fo well furnifhed, as when a handfome
Wife is placed in a varnifht feat ; even fo is an Inn
keepers Barr ; and doth draw in Cuftomers, all in
hopes to have a lick at her honey pot ; and although
a Woman be never fochafte,and the Guefts finde it fo,
yet if me be but handfome, her company is ftill defi-
red ; but you know my temper fo well, that you may
guefs I mould not hold out a feven years fiege, if I
were but once bravely affaulted ; but withall, I refol-
vedto beas cunningasallmyObfervationshad taught
me, and not be like a Glove for every ones drawing
on. If I had any Servants, I refolved they mould be
of the beft ; and thofe I counted fo, who wore moft
money in their Pockets , I had my choice of feveral
of that kind ; and though I still counterfeited a great
Modeftyyet I was treated, and regalia'd both at home
and abroad ; there was no fport, or divertifements,
but I made one of the Company ; no fair near our
Town but I vifited, being conducted thither by one
Gallant or other : where I had feveral Fairing prefen-
ted me. I had my Husbands confent to all my acti
ons, for I ftill acquainted him with all; and when I
was carried to any place, I told him every particular,
and caufed him to meet me at the place and time ap
pointed ; without which I pretended a mighty un-
willingnefs ; and this I did, that he might put the
greater confidence in me.

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 33

This trade I did drive for a long time, without
joyning iffue with any of my Gallants, and they gain
ed no more upon me than a kifs, or a languishing
look, which I fometimes caft upon them to caufe them
to believe that in time they might arrive to the height
of their defires; and for thefe my kind looks I was
as kindly rewarded ; they presenting me with Gloves
Scarffs, Hoods, Rings and Cabinets, and fuch like
Womanifh toyes, and all in hopes that they might
toy with me, as in fine they did : I had feveral of thefe
Gameflers, but one above all the reft was moft in my
favour, he having been the moft prodigal in expences
upon me; I gave him full freedome with me, and I
cornuted this as well as I had done my other Hus
band ; he fpent much of his time in gaming, and was
very earned at it with his Guefts : and while he was at
his game, I and my Gallant were at ours. My friend
for his greater pretence of freedom in our houfe, would
humour my Husband, and Game with him, and lofe
his money ; for indeed my Husband was at that fport
the better Gamefter, although my friend pleafed me
better at the other ; by thefe extravagancies of his,
and his loffes at Gameing, he in time came to a low
ebb of money in his pocket, and was necefTitatedrto
withdraw, and leffen his expences; fo that he was not
fo welcome to me or my Husband as he had been : for
I was of the Old Womans Opinion, No longer Pipe,
no longer Dance : as he avoided expences I fhunn'd
his Company; and having Friends enoughwhodefired
to be my Cuftomers, I endeavoured to be rid of him.
He ftill continued his wonted freedome, and defiring
my Company abroad ; and fo confident he was
grown, that he would ask my husbands leave, who
had not yet refufed him ; and therefore a Comedy be
ing to be adted at a Town not far off, he gained my

D

34 T/te Englijli Rogue; And Part 3.

company to go with him ; I had other company that
I liked better than his, but I could not fhift him off,
although I very much endeavoured it.

The Play being done, he defiredto treat me private
ly, which I accepted of, having a defign to manage
that was newly come in my head, and which was
this: I had feen a Gentlewoman at the Play, who had
a new filk Gown, of a pretty colour and fafhion, I
was refolved to beg fuch another of him, and in cafe
of refufal, to break with him totally : I therefore took
my opportunity, and whenhedefired his wonted free
dom with me, I told him he was miftaken, and I abfo-
lutely refufed, and forbid him turning up any more
Coats then he was willing to pay for: he asked what
I meant by my difcourfe and refufal : I told him un-
lefs he would give mefuch a new Gown as I prefcribed
to him, he fhould have no more to do with me : my
Gentleman was as blank as a Bell founder, and his
courage was fomewhat cooled at my demands ; fo that
he foon arofe, and walked up and down in a mufmg
pofture ; at length he fpake, and made fome excufes
and paufes : but I being refolved on the queftion, told
him, that he hadforbornhisPenfion a great while, and
therefore I was refolved he fhould be the more libe
ral, and that I would totry his love by performing that
requeft ; if he would not grant my defires, I would
alfo refufe him his ; but if he would give me fuch a
Gown, he fhould ftill oblidge me, and have the firft
taking of it up . Come, come, faid he, you and I will
not fall out for fuch a matter as that, and you fhall
have it, or any thing elfe that is in my power, or in
deed that you can wifh for; and within thefe three dayes
I will fend it you, on condition that I may have a full
nights lodging with you, well, replyed I, be you fo
good as your word, and I will order the matter fo, as

Part 3. other Extravgants. 35

you fhall have your defire : and thus we having clapt
up a bargain, concluded the difcourfe with two or
three kiffes ; and fo after a considerable repaft, we re
turned home, and there we parted ; he to contrive
how to be fo good as his word, and I to order my
Husbands abfence, that we might lye together, as I
had promifed.

My Gallant examining the matter, found that at
prefent the ftrength of his Pocket would not be fuffi-
cientto accomplifhhisdefire,and therefore he fupply-
ed that defect by the ftrength of wit ; hevifited the
Gentlewoman who was owner of the Gown, and be
ing of her acquaintance, he requefted her to let him
have her Gown to fhew a Taylor to make fuch ano
ther by for a Sifter of his ; his defires being modeft
were the fooner granted ; and a Taylor of his ac
quaintance receiv'd it of her, and immediately at his
commands brought itto me, I accepted it with a frnile-
ing countenance, and giving him a fmall piece of Mo
ney for his pains, difmifs'd him; when foon after my
friend likewife followed ; and my Husband being ab-
fent.we concluded that night to devote our f elves holy
to Venus\ and he being us'd to lye at our houfe, it
was no great difficulty for him to quit his bed and
come to mine, where we fpent all that night in all
thofe amorous enjoyments that we could devife : but
he thinking he had paid dear for his nights pleafure,
was refolved to have fomething more into the bar
gain ; and that he might engage me another time, if
I fell out with him, as he forefaw I would ; wherefore
he taking his opportunity when I was afleep, flipt no
lefs then three of my Rings off from my fingers, and
put them on his ; and early in the morning he left me
and my Bed, and went into his own : and having be
fore contrived now to play his Cards, he went to the

36 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

Taylor, and adviied him to come to me, and tell me
he had forgot to finifh fomewhat that was very ne-
ceffary, and had been omitted to be done in the Gown,
and therefore he was come to fetch it, that it might
be mended, and he might havenodifgraceby his work;
I being without all fufpition, and feeing indeed there
were fome defects, which he fhewed me, delivered it
to him, defireing him to make hofte with it, becaufe I
intended to have it home before my Husbands return,
and then to tell him that my Father had fent it me;
but I reckond before my H oft; for although I waited
two or three dayes, and fent to the Taylor, and asked
my falfe friend, yet I could have none, but idle excufes
and flafhes ; fo that in conclufion I found my felf
cheated ; for as I underftood afterwards, the Gown
was prefently fent home to the right owner ; whom I
faw wear it the next funday ; and then knew it, by
fome particular marks to be the fame. This paffage
vexed me to the heart ; but I was three times more
angry when I miffed my Rings, and upon examinati
on found that he hadbeguil'd me of them ; and indeed
for further confirmation, I faw them upon his fingers;
this (faid fhe) extreemly perplexed and inraged me ;
fo that then I converted all my love into (its contra
ry) hatred, and ftudyed nothing fo much, as how to
compafs revenge. He finding that I was angred, re
frained my Company at prefent.and that gave oppor
tunity to another, who had long time courted me at a
diftance, to lay a clofer fiege to me ; and he fo far
prevailed with me, what with gifts, treats and prefents,
that I promifed him that in fhort time he fhould reap
the fruits of his defired Harvefb ; but I was refolved
to make him inftrumental in my revenge upon my a-
bufier ; and to that end I thus broke the matter to
him.

Part 3. other Extravagants. 37

Sir, your friendfhip and love I very much efteem;
and believing you to be fmcere, and one in whofc
breaft I may repofe truft and confidence ; I fhall dif-
cover fomewhat to you, that may for the future be
of good confequence to us both ; and it is this : I be
lieve you have not been fo dim fighted, but you have
obfcrved more than common familiarity between me
and Mr. fuch a one, naming my abufive Lover ; fome
prefents he hath given me, for which he expected more
freedomewith me than I was willing to impart; but I
ftill kept him at a diftance, although he preffed hard
upon me to enjoyment ; which I not thinking fit at
prefent to permit, he began to clamour, at length
through his importunities, I confented he mould lye
with me at fuch a time,onconditionhegavemefuch a
filk Gown as I named ; to this he agreed, and fent in
the Gown accordingly: now it fo fell out, that I could
not perform what he expected, and therefore delay'd
him for a fewdayes longer.till my Husband mould be
abfent, promifmg then to keep touch with him ; but
whether he not believing me, or elfe the neceffity of
returning the Gown, which he had but borrowed, as
I fince found; one or both thefe reafons induced him
to be falfe to me, and by a while he got the Gown out
of my hands ; and he was not content with doing that
only, but he alfo intending to abufe me further, when
we were toying together, cheated me of three of my
rings ; which he as a Trophy of his Viflory, and my
weaknefs and fliame, ftill wears on his fingers ; and I
fear he is fo prodigal and lavifh of his tongue, as to
bray to his acquaintance, that he had thofe as my
gifts for unhandfome fervice done me.

Thus did I difguife the truth of my dealings with
my abufive Lover, and having given my new one this
account, defi ring his affiftance in a revenge: to this he

38 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

quickly anfwered, that as for the Gown I had been
fo out-witted in, he would make up that lofs, by
giving me another; and fo he would alfo for the rings,
if I pleafed ; or elfe compel my abufive lover to de
liver them ; and in all things elfe he would vindicate
my credit. I replyed to him, that I would not have any
compulfion, for that would make too much noife ;
but rather have his affiftance in my revenge, which I
had thus contrived.

I would have him poffefs my Husband with jealoufie
againft my abufive Lover, and leave the reft to my or-
dring, which I managed thus : I gave my abufive Friend
more freedom, & fhewed a kinder Countenance than I
had done of late, & that only to draw him on, which
I did with much eafe, for he had a great defire to be
friends with me, and upon our firft convenient parley,
he confeffed himfelf guilty, & made fome trivial excu-
fes, which I admitted of, as I did his love, in hopes to
gain my rings, and a revenge ; as for the rings, he
prefently returned me one, and promifed the other
two the third night following, when I agreed to lye
with him, promifmg io to order the matter, that my
Husband fhould be then out of the houfe ; we after
this parley parted, and my new friend had fo dealt
with my Husband, in difcovering my abufive Friends
freenefs and privacy with me, that he now became ab-
folutely jealous, and intended to make me fenlible of
his anger ; but I knowingwhere the (hooewrunghim,
was before hand, and the next night told him, that if
he did not take fome fpeedy courfe, I was in danger,
and he too, to be abufed by my abufive Lover ; for
faid I, he hath gotten two of my rings, and (hews them
abroad, reporting he had them of me, as tokens of
my dimonour; and to me hewill not deliver them, un-

Part 3. other Extravagants. 39

lefs I will promife him a nights lodging : now faid I,
if you have a mind to fave my honour, your own, and
revenge us both on him, I will thus do ; I will feeming-
lyconfent that he fhall come to bed to me to morrow
night, and to that end, I will have you pretend to go
out of Town ; but inftead of your going, I will go to
fuch a friends houfe.and there Tie ftay ; you fhall lye
in my Bed, and at the hour I will appoint him he will
come to bed to you, when you and your friends, and
fervants, I hope takinghim in the manner, will fo handle
him, as he fhall have little caufe to boaft of his nights
lodging; and you and I fhall be fufficiently revenged
on him for thus attempting my Chaftity.

To all this difcourfe my Husband gave very good
attention ; and it correfponding with what he fuf-
pefled.he nowwhollyquitted any fufpitious thoughts
of me, and agreed to execute all I had propounded; fo
that when the time came, my Husband pretended to
lye out, took his leave of me, and my abufive Friend,
who was glad of his abfence : I made hafte with him
to bed, telling him about ten a Clock he might come
fafely into my Chamber, and bed which he knew well
enough, not to miftake the way. I then left him, and
taking horfe, went to my new friend, who expe6led
me at our appointed Rendevouz, where he prefented
me with the defired Gown, and I according to my
promife, gave him a nights lodging with me, which
was much more pleafant to us both, than was that of
my abufive Friend ; who at the hour appointed, went
to my Chamber, and into the Bed where my husband
was expecting him ; he believing it was I, began his
embraces, and other actions, declaring his intent ;
with that my husband leap'd out of the Bed, and four
good Old Women of my Friends, who were hid un
der the bed.difcovered them felves, and having a dark

4O The EngliJJi Rogue; And Part 3.

Lanthorn, lighted the Room, and fell to work : firft,
they tyed his hands and feet to the ports of the Beds
Head and feet ; and then each being provided with a
good handful of Birch laid on luftily, till he roar'd
fufficiently ; my Husband making offer to geld him :
but when it came to that point, he begg'd fo heartily,
that my Husband confented to his defire, only he
paid the two rings he had of mine, as ranfome for his
Jewels.

CHAP. V.

Her abufcd and whipt Lover vows revenge, which is
done in part ; afterwards he is kill'd, yet kills his
Corrival : the manner how, with other things
very remarkable.

NEver did the Canicular dayes infufe into Dogs a
greater madnefs and fury, than did this whip
ping in Loves School inragetheminde of our fufficient
ly jerkt Amorift ; which for the prefent (whilft un
der his Chirurgions hands) he durft not exprefs ; for
all that he could do, was to fupplicate them not to de
prive him of what would make him ftand as a Neuter
between the Sexes of humane Generation ; which
they granted him.

With much hazard, and greater fear, efcaping their
hands, only in his fhirt, without fhooe or flocking, he
got out into the ftreets ; and being overjoy'd that he
was fecure, but had the black mantle of night to con
ceal his fhame, and convey him home, without the
knowledge of the Town inhabitants, ran through the

Part 3. other Extravagants. 41

ftreets with all fpeed imaginable ; but, by the way,
meeting with a fharp ftone, it fo hurt his foot, that he
was compell'd to flacken his pace, and lamely limp to
his lodging. The Clock had then ftruck twelve (an
hour wherein fuppofed Bugg-bears walk, to frighten
Children) as he could fee juft before him two women,
whom a third had raifed from their warm beds by her
inceffant cries, proceeding from the intolerable pains
fhethenindured, being readyto bedelivered, to haften
to call up a fourth, viz. a Midwife. Hafte on both
fides had madethemfo careleflyheedlefs in their way,
that they were within a fpit and a ftride of each other,
before theycould difcern one the other. Mycheating,
and cheated Leacherperceived the women firft, which
puthimto aftand,what hewere beft to do, either togo
forward, or backward ; they, on the other fide, feeing
a thing all in white ftandoppofitintheirwayjudgedit
to bethetroubledfpiritof the lately difeafed Husband
of this woman they were going to fetch the Midwife
for. He, on the other hand, refolved to go forward ;
and they feeing him approach them (skreeking out)
ran back as fail as they could; who being ftopt by the
watch,and demanded why they madethathideousout-
cry, made anfwer, they had met the Devil, or fome
thing like him. Condemning the womens idle and
cauflefs fears (as they judged) they advanced for
wards, armed with Bills, Halberts, but principally with
anunparallell'd refolution. My Gallant had ftept into
a by-corner, when the woman cried out to fecure
himfelf from what might enfue that unexpected
allarum, fully refolved to run home to his lodging
directly, with what fpeed he might; heftartedout juft
as the Watch were advanc'd within half Piftol-fhot of
him ; the fudden furprize confirmed them in the wo
mens report, fo that, without confi deration there was

42 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

not one of thefe defperate Kill-Devils to be feen, but
fuch as with a too precipitate hafte, lay tumbling in
the Kennel, one over the other. This accident gave
new wings to my Lovers feet, which were fo benumm'd
with cold, that he very much flood in need of fuch
Icarian practices, Dcedalian inventions.

In conclufion, with much knocking, he made a fhift
to get in. His Landlady (who was a Widow) fee
ing him in this condition, charg'd him home, asking,
Where he had been, how he came thus to lofe his
skin ? Whether he had been robb'd ? Though
wanting Garments, yet he would not be without a
Cloak to hide this Venereal enterprize of his, and
therefore replied,That falling into ill company, it was
his ill hap to fall into that damn'd itch, that tickling
humour of playing ; that having won fomething, and
like to win more, they would not let him play longer,
butfeizinghim,ftripthim,andwouldhavedone, I know
not what, had not his flight procured his fafety.

His loving Landlady believing that he was thus
really abufed, conducts him to her own warm bed,
and like a kind friend would not let him lie alone,
for fear of catching cold. But his Breech was fo fore,
he could not lie on his back ; and fo troubled were
his thoughts, he had no mind to lie upon his belly.
His Landlady finding him fo backward, imagined the
caufe to proceed from his being too forward abroad
with others, and gathered by too many apparent
fymptoms, that (he was much deceived in his pre
tended continencie at home; and being hartilyvext
to be thus difappointed of her expectations, fhe leapt
out of bed, telling him angrily, fhe had more lodgings
and Lodgers in herhoufe, and would not be beholden
to him for either ; and had fhe known fo much before
fhe did let him in, as fhe hath done fmce, fhe would

Part 3. other Extravagants. 43

have tried how the cooling Julip of ftanding in the
ftreet all night in his fhirt, would have wrought with
his feaverifh concupifcence.

Netled he was to the purpofe to hear his Landlady
(who had ever fmce their firft acquaintance born him
a more than common kindnefs and refpe6l)thus taunt
at him ; but his thoughts were fo abfolutely taken up
with a fubject of another nature, that he returned her
not one word; which fo exafperated her fpirits, not to
be replyed unto; that laying afide difcretion,with her
modefty.fhewasrefolved to ringhim a peal in the ear-
raUing-Rhetorickdi Billing/gate. How now, (faidfhe)
is it not enough that my Servants, from time to time,
have fate up late, or rather early, but that I muft be
difturb'd from my reft, to give repofe to a reftlefsS/Vz/-
lion ? Shall my roof prove the Protector to fuch Catcr-
wawlingNight-walkers? Is it not enough, that I have
furnifhed you continually with money, but you muft
ungratefully make that the Common-procurer of your
private Veneries abroad, and thofe gawdy Clothes I
gave you muft be the Gentleman UJlicr that muft lead
you to them ? Are all your former refpec~ls come to
this? are your hot pretences grown fo cold at home,
that nothing can warm them, but a fire in another
mans Chimney, made there at my expences ? She
would have proceeded, but that her clamorous tongue
interrupted her, by raifmg one of Her Lodgers, who
came down at that inftant, to know what the matter
was; when my Come-Rogue, not induring her rallery
longer, rudely bid her, rather than gently defired her
to go to bed ; begging that fhe would not trouble him
after that manner, charging her with incivility, for
difturbing him from his reft.

The Gentleman, that came down the ftairs, hearing
this ; and judging fhe had proftitutcd thofe kindneffes

44 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

to one that fcornfully refufed them, which he had fo
trequently follicited her for partly for pleafure, but
principally for profit, had not the patience to check
her for it in any other place, than thefe down- right;
outragioufly bellowing forth, Am not I the oldeft
Gueft in your houfe, and not a penny in your Debt?
Have not I pamper'd you at home, and Coacht you
abroad, till I have not had a wheel in my pocket
for your extravagant delights to move further on ;
and have afterwards ftab'd my Credit, that you
might delicioufly feed, and fatiate your felf on the
blood of the grape : then (when few refufe to give
themfelves fatisfa6lion) I have attempted to enjoy
what you now proftitute ; but you kept me at that
diftance, I knew not whether your breath flunk or
not. Nay, I have made ufe of Critical minutes to
purchafe my defire, more efpecially then, when I
could fee by the flaming of your eyes, what con-
fpiracies wine and wanton difcourfe had formed
within you, to fire the Fortrefs of the mofb refolved
Chaftity. And fhall you now be bid to go to bed ?
be begg'd to retire from your fatiated Lovers em
braces ? how can you ftand thus impudently in your
fmock in a mans Chamber, and yet commanded to
be gone ? Come, you forget your felf; your dark-
Lanthorn delights have dazzled the fight of your
Reafon ; and let this (kicking her with his foot)
light you to your own Chamber ; and withal laying
hold on her, would have forcibly thruft her out ;
which rude carriage of his made her cry out aloud,
fearing fome further mifchief.

This out-cry fo ftartled my Gentleman in bed, that
not enduring to hear his Land-lady fo grofly abufed,
got up,andclofingwith him, threw him ; and having
no other weapons, but their fifts, pounded one ano-

Part 3. other Extravagants. 45

ther to fome purpofe. The Woman fearing what mif-
chief might enfue, put her head out at the window,
and cryed Murder as loud as fhe could bawl ; the
Watch (hearing murder cryed out) came running to
to the houfe with all fpeed (not dreaming they fhould
fee again that Spirit which had fo lately frighted them)
and perceiving a great buftle in the houfe, and the fame
horrid noife continuing, they broke open the doors,
and entring, found two men fcuffling in their fhirts,
having blooded one the other fufficiently (this bleed
ing excufed very well the other blood that came from
the firked-back and breech of my Gallant) I fay,
finding them in this bloody condition, they doubted
they, had injured one another with fome fharp inftru-
ment ; they needed not to fearch farther than their
hands, having neither of them more cloathes to con
ceal anything than what modefty commanded. Not-
withftanding they were parted by the Watch, yet they
could not hold their hands off one another ; which
caufed the Watch to interpofe again, and now they
refolved to feoure them that night (from further mif-
chieving one the other) at the Watch-houfes, and fo
commanded them to put on their Cloaths; which the
one quickly did, but the other could not. It would
have been worth all my revenge to have feen in what
confufion he flood, at that word of command, or to
have known what the watch-men thought when they
faw their Prifoner could finde no Cloaths.

Though their wonder was great, yet they refolved
to have their curiofity refolved ; and therefore askt
him, where were his cloaths, and how he come, or
how he could be without them ? by the way, furely
there was not much wit in that Conftable and his
Watch : for had they had any, they might prefently
have concluded (from the pofture they found thofe

46 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

Gentlemen in) that they were a couple of mendicant
Poets, who had but one fuit of apparrel between
them, that when the one went abroad, a wheedling,
the other was forc'd to lye a bed a ftaring ; and dif-
putingwhofhould next fcout abroad to find out the
Enemies of famine, and not agreeing upon the point,
fell together by the ears. But to return where I left of,
theConftable having interrogated him as aforefaid,he
endeavouringtoexcufe himfelf.and palliate the fcuruy
ufage of his revengeful Miftrifs) anfwered him, that
walking that after noon, it was his mifchance, by a
pufh of that Gentleman they found him fighting with,
to fall into a Common-houje, (Pox on his witty allufi-
on) and that having no fuit than that, he intended to
have lain in bed till it had been cleanfed and dried.
That the Gentleman aforefaid would not let him reft,
but came into his Chamber, and with fcoffing and
irritating expreffions, provok'd him to rife, and en
deavour to be rid of his trouble.

The other told the Conftable, that what was faid
was agreater lye than the Devil could invent ; that the
caufe of the Quarrel was his endeavouring to hinder
his Leachery that night, by preventing his Landlady
from going to bed to him. The Woman hearing this,
replyed, they were both of them a couple of con
founded lyars, and (that me might make one of the
number) told them ; that they intended to have ravifht
her, and that the one breaking up her Chamber-door,
the other followed, and fell together by the ears, who
mould be the firft Actor in their damn'd defign : to
prevent which, fhe was compell'd to cry out Murther,
upon which they withdrew out of her Chamber, and
went into one of their own, where (faid (he) you
find them like a couple of malicious dogs, fighting for
that morfel neither of the Curs is ever likely to tafte of.

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 47

This Forgery was more femblable to probability
in the Conftables opinion, than any thing elfe he had
heard. Wherefore not to fpend further time in exa
mination, he charged his Watchmen with my two
Gentlemen, and fo inconfiderately rafh he was, that
he vow'd they mould go with him ; and had carried
them in that very condition, had not the Woman of
the houfeinterceeded, that (he mightcloathhisnaked-
nefs as well as fhe could for the prefent ; hereupon fhe
furnifhed him with a Peticoat of her own, having no
other Cloathes that would fit him : inftead of a cloak,
fhe helpt him to a red Rugg ; and to crown all, fhe
clapt upon his head her ftraw-hat. Had it been day
light, it would have been worth twelve pence a piece
to have feen this Slavonian, whofe garb, for ftrange-
nefs, the barbarous World might admire, but never
imitate. I do not hear that he over-flept himfelf that
night ; nor can I believe that the morning gave his
eyes no great fatisfacl:ion, in viewing the prepofte-
roufnefs of his habit ; and his Twinklers lookt, as I
am inform'd, as if they had been imployed in nothing
all that night, but on looking on the phatafms of
lome of his dead and damn'd acquaintance.

I flept but little my felf, that night, partly, by
thinking how this revengful, plot of mine would take
effe6l, but chiefly, by reafon of my unfatisfied Bed
fellow, who kept me waking, in fpight of my teeth.
However I arofe early, and being but a little way dift-
ant, foon got home; where arrived, I underftood from
my husband, that my Rings were reftored, that he had
left me his Breeches, as owning me his Matter; and fo
he might well acknowledge, forhe was never fo whipt
for being a naughty Boy, as I caufed him to be ; and
well he efcap'd fo, having like to have left behind him
a moft pretious remedy againft feveral female diftemp-

48 TJie Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

ers ; a Recipe, as infallible againft all manner of ob-
ftruftions, as ever was applyed to any Chalk, or Oat
meal Eater, fmce Eve lay in with Cain in her firft
Childbed. Immediately after I heard of the reft of
that Knights incomparable Adventures, and how he
was fecured; and had a particular account of the plea-
fant drefs he was in : never did any thing tickle me
more, than the Relation, how amply and fully I was,
revenged of him ; yet I could not but entertain a
thought that might incline to pity him ; but it would
extend no further then than to fend him his Cloathes,
and withall a Letter, to give my felf the plenary
fatisfaflion of laughing at him ; and thofe fufferings
he underwent by my procurement ; the words and
fenfe were to this purpofe.

The Letter.
Sir,

I A m much troubled that one of your age and expe-
riance JJwuld prove fo meer a Novice in Loves-
School, as to be guilty of an amorous erratum, that
Jhould deferve the lajh : I fee now you arc a mecr Baby
in our Sex, and ought to be whipt again into a better
under/landing. What, trujl that Woman whom you
Jtaveabufcd ! Why, a Child of the fa ft. head, in t/ienon-
age of Amorous matters, in the Hanging fleeves of
CourtJJiip, knew this as a Maxime — that if Love,
though never fo fervent, be once by abufc converted
into hatred, the woman is indefatigable in her
revenge, till Death hath put an end to the Contro-
vcrfie. Henceforth be better advifed from me, how
you behave your felf before your little Sparkling
Goddeffes ( as wantonly you are pleafed to call
them ; ) if you will prcferve your good ejlcem

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 49

and be dayly cherijlit with their Soul-winning and ra-
vifliing Smiles, you mujl not be relax in your offerings;
but if by flighting, cozenage, &c. you injligatc their in-
ccjl Deities to revenge, nothing but an abfence, as dijlant
as the two Poles, Jliall protect you from their fubtlc and
fpccdy rci'cngc. A nd now, thank me Sir, that mine hath
fallen foflightly on your SJioulders, having givcnajlript
Simmar,for tlie Goiun I Jlwuld have had : I am forry
though, I had not fecured you witneffes of manhood,
tJiat they might have been Teftimonies continually by
me, to off ure myfclfyou ivill not for the future abufc my
love, by fondly affecting an other. Lajlly, hearing that
you arc clad, as if you were fent Embaffadour from the
Northern Witches to their Emperor the Devil, /
tJwnght fit to fend you fome CloatJts (in lieu of thofc
Rings you left with my Husband) which are more fu-
tablc for humain convcrfation. But let me advifc you,
haunt me no more in them, left I conjure you out of them
again, and the Devil into you. Be wife, and have a care
of being amorous, wlien pcnnylcfs.

Your abufed, in part
revenged, &c.

I commanded the Meffenger to obferve his carriage
in reading the Letter; who told me, all the mad-men
in the World, put them altogether, could not in their
moft extra vagantgeftures, have expreft madnefs fo to
the life as he did. However, he was not fo mad, but
that he did put on his Cloaths, which upon old ac
quaintance fo complyed, as to fit him to a hair. Soon
after he was discharged; and now invoking the Devil
to be of his Cabinet Council, he walkt into a folita-
ry place, that he might hatch mifchief, that is, be re
venged on me, my Husband, or any elfe that he fup-
E

5O The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

pofed might be his rivals. He was quickly furnifhed
witha mifchievous defign, agreeable to his defire; and
how could he otherwife, for there are millions of hel-
lifh imps of the worfer fort, who continually attend
the motions of the malitious and revengeful, to exe
cute the commands of fuch who care not how they
precipitate others and themfelves into ruine and de-
ftru<5lion.

This ftratagem he contrived, by the help of a lit
tle credit he had yet furviving, he puts himfelf into
a new riding garb, mounted with fword and piftol ;
having gotten a Perriwig of a colour clean contrary to
what he ufually wore ; having for the better carrying
on his Plot, procured a falfe beard, with a black patch
on one of his eyes ; in this difguife, the moft difcern-
ing eye of his moft intimate, and familiar friends and
acquaintance, could not have difcovered him who he
was. In this equipage he rides out of town, fome
half-fcore miles, only to dirty his horfe and boots ;
and leaves a Letter with a Friend to be delivered
to my own hands, in thefe terms.

Part 3. other Extravagants. 51

The Anfwer to the former Letter.
Madam,

C\Rrather Mad-dame, f or JJie tJuit is madder that you
^-* was begotten in Monte Gibello, where troubling
the Sulphurous wombe of that burning Mountain, was
bclcht into the World, and carried on the back of a whirl-
wind, todi/lurbtheinhabitants thereof. Thinknotlwill
trouble my felfto anfiver particularly every flouting in
vective, the which your letter is Jluft withal, but foall
tell you in general, you are too dangeroufly wicked for my
acquaintance; and he that intends to contract afriend-
fJiipwith Hell, muft firft Jliakc hands with you ; your
eyes will be his light, to guide him ; your cheeks, and
breajls, are his high way; and your mouth the gate or en
trance thereinto. I do not intend to buy repentance at
fo dear a rate, as ever to fee you again ; therefore your
threats were needlcfs. I am not yet fallen in love with
my winding-Jhcet, that I JJwuld court Death, or hug a
Contagion. My fenfe of fmelling is indifferently well
recovered of its late dijlempcr, andean now diftinguifli
the f cent of found Bodies from putrifaclion. My eyes
too have regained tJieir fight, and can plainly fee theJJie-
drcilinyon, maugre all t fie paint, and fucus, that is on
tliat dauVd face of thine. Prithee name me not at
any time, bejl thy breath for ever poyfon my memory;
and to tJuit intent, forget that ei'er I had a being; and
fo wifJiing tJiou never hadjl one, I take my eternal fare
well of thee, &c.

52 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

This Letter he fent me, to the intent I might be
lieve he was fo far from revenging himfelf on me, that
he never intended to fee me more ; bywhich meanshe
facilitated his purpofe. In profecution thereof; late
in the evening he came to Town, and directed his
courfe to our houfe ; upon his alighting, he feemed
much tyred, which we verily believed, his horfe being
all of a foam ; and defiring his Chamber might be
fhewn him, it was done accordingly ; and order be
ing taken for a Sack-poffet, he fupt it up, and laid
his head to reft ; he lay abed fomewhat long the next
day, pretending indifpofition by reafon of his long
journey, but getting up ; he feemed fomewhat plea-
fant, calling for a pint of Sack for his and his Land-
ladyes Mornings draught, affuring me, that as a
ftranger he would not be indebted for anycivilities he
fhould receive in my houfe. I on the other fide, fee
ing him fo forward to part from his money, gave him
a confiderable lift by my ufual way of fpunging.
Dinner time approaching I askt him what he would
have ; who ordered me to provide variety of what
was in feafon ; not imagining that Table, on which
this meat fhould ftand, fhould fo foon prove the Stage
on which a bloody Tragedy muft be acted. A little
before we fate down to dinner, I fent for my friend
(that lay with me that night I acted my revenge) to
participate in our good cheer ; who coming, we fate
down together, there being no other, than this dif-
guifed Gentleman, my Husband, my Self, and Friend.
We did eat, and drink freely ; about half dinner this
Gentleman feemed to be very officious in helping me,
at laft, Madam, faid he, I will help you to one bit
more, which you fhall not refufe for my fake ; I re
turning him thanks, in an inftant hewhipt off with his
knife, my Husbands ear, and laid it haftily on my

Part 3. other Extravagants. 53

Trencher ; and turning his head quick about, be not
angry, Sir, (faid he) you fhall have bitt for bitt ;
and thereupon endeavoured to cut off my nofe, but
I was to nimble for him, and by running out efcap'd
the danger ; my Friend obferving what had paft, be
ing too fuddenly done to be prevented, ftept from
the Table, and drawing, bid the Rogue difguifed draw
too, or he would pin him to the wall, for this match-
lefs piece ofvillany ; whereupon he did, but behaved
himfelf fo ill, that my friend wounded him defperate-
ly in the body at the firft pafs ; concluding he had re
ceived his Mortal wound, he refolved not to die alone,
wherefore he made a full pafs, and fo running upon
his Adverfaries point, each dyed at once by the fwords
of one another. I foon returned with a long train
of Mirmidons, whom I had inftructed how to chaftife
thisinfolence; but Lord! what a confufion was I in,
when I faw the two combatants lye dead on the floor,
and my Husband gazingon them motionlefs, like one
converted into a Statue for the lofs of his ear ; which
he fhould have loft, by right, long before that time.

Some more bufiethen the reft, ftirring their bodies,
the falfe beard of the difguifed fell off, by which he
was prefently known who he was ; and becaufe it
was every where known through the town, how this
Gentleman had fpent what he had on me, and was a-
bufedforhispains; I was immediatly cryed out upon,
as the Authorefs of all this mifchief, I endeavoured
to excufe my felf, by relating what he had done ; viz.
the cutting my Husbands Ear off and the endeavour
ing to cut off my Nofe ; but this allegation fignified
little. Searchinghis pockets, they found a note, or let-
ter,fealed,& feeing it wasdire6led to me,theythen,with-
out my confent, break it open, imagining they fhould
find therein the myftery of thistragical encounter but
all they could difcover was only his intention of cut-

54 The Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

ting off my Nofe, and my Husbands Ear : the Lines
were thefe which follow.

INfatiate Strumpet ; perjured-painted- Whore,
Who haft the vice of all thy Sex, and more,
Devil, nay worfe ; for tkou canjl by thy face
Make Men Apojlate in the State of Grace.
By thee I fell ; then did my Pagan knee
Oft render Worfliip to thy Devilree.
I (being converted) Idols won't allow ;
Down mujl the Dagon of thy face I vow.
See where it lyes ; that Idol, once ador'd,
Muft be for tvant of it, by all abhor 'd.
Thy Husband lends an Ear, then let thy Nofe,
To Sifter-Senfe her wretched State difclofe.
And then confult thy Glafs ; See thy fare face
Is vaniflit, and Deaths-head Jlands in the place.
Thy lips fome Ne6lar Jipt from I fuppofe
Will be exclaim' d on, fogh, they want a Nofe.
And may thy fparkling eyes, which me did win,
Be thought to kindle from a fire within.
May ulcers feize thee, for tJie wrong tliajldone,
A iid living rott, without compajjion.

The rumour of this fad difafter ran fwifter than a
Torrent through the Town ; infomuch that our houfe
was fo cram'd with People, that our fervants were
forc'd to acquit their imployments,to'give room to the
inquifitiveln-comers,achirurgeonwasfentfortodrefs
my Husband ; & a Coroner to fit upon the other two
that were flain ; glad I was, that I had the opportune
excufe to leave the Company ; and attend my Hus
band ; by which means I avoidedthe hearing fo many
thoufand accrimations that were laid to my charge.
In the meantime the Jury found their Deaths hapned

Part 3. other Extravagants. 55

by Man-flaughter : and fo thereby though we were
prefent, we could not be found acceffories.

The noife of this accident did alfo flye into the
Countrey, not efcapeing the ear hardly of any one
Gueft that frequented our Houfe; report had rendred
theFa<5t fo horrible, and my Husband and Self fo no-
torioufly acceffory thereunto, and now all our for
mer wickednefs, and roguery was drawn up in a long
Scrol, and this laft added in Capitals, to make up a
compleat Sum of Villany. By which means we had
little refort to our Houfe ; and our Houfe-rent being
great, and our Trading fmall, my Husband and I were
now neceffitated to put our heads together, by fome
other means to patch up a future lively-hood. Thou
feeft, faid he, the more ferious, and reputable fort of
People, fhun our houfe, as if old Bclzcbub were there
fitting abrood to hatch thofe difeafes which fhould be
the deftru6lion of the Univerfe. And therefore to be
revenged of their thus flighting us, I will meet them
abroad, and what moneys they forbear to fpend with
me, I will compel them to lend, and more. Though
I am not ftout and refolute enough of my felf to do
this, yet thou knowefl Humplirey our Tapfter, is a
ftrong Fellow, and hath a good heart ; he and I, fear
not, will do the bufmefs.

For my part, I muft needs confefs, I queftion'd not
Humphrey's performances, having made tryal again
thereof; I ever fancyed to try experience, and mark
ing what a rough-hew'n Fellow he was, all Bone and
Sinew, with a face likeatann'd Bulls hide, I could not
be at quiet, till I had found the difference between this
Man, nerv'd with wire, and others, that were clean
limb'd, and ftreight (lender bodyed joynted likeZfar-
tJwlomew Babies, with quaking Cuftard faces ; but
fo vaft a difproportion between them, that were I
E 4

56 The Englijli Rogiic ; And Part 3.

Widdow ; and were courted by a Knight worth five
thoufand pounds a year, with a handfom fair whitely
face, I fhould hardly be perfwaded to accept of a La
dy -fliip, but for the fake of his revenew.

To be fhort, Sir Philip Sidney's Cowards were not
much ranker than my Husband ; but, thought I, if he
hath courage enough to look a Man in the face, and
bid him ftand, Humphrey hath flrength, and valour
enough to compel them to deliver. Wherefore I per
fwaded my Husband by all means to go forward with
what he had propounded : I was the more willing to
it, in hopes that he would be taken fome time or o-
ther; and as he was marked for a Knave, fo he might
be hang'd for a Thief; and fo be freed from an im
potent Husband. He feemed well fatisfied that I
aflented to his propofal, and look'd upon it to be a
good Omen, and promifed fuccefs to his undertaking.
On the other fide (faid he) you muft not be idle at
home; you knowthere is now none but thedebauched
that refort to our houfe, and therefore fuit their incli
nation, if ought can be gotten by fo doing. Your
daughter is young, and handfom, let her be the fign
to attract ; but pray let me have you furnifh your felf
with other Utenfils. The Boy too is no fool, who, by
obferving your carriage, and direction, hath very ill
fpent his time, if he cannot tolerably pimp as well
for others, as his Mother. Well, well, (faid I) hus
band, you are merrily difpofed ; look after your bu-
finefs, I (hall manage my own well enough, I warrant
you. MyHusband and his Tapfter, committed many
robberies in a little time: and very fewbut what were
on our Guefts; who freely difcourfing their affairs
over a glafs of Wine after Supper, many times dif-
covering what ftore of money they carried with them,
and for what purpofe, gave them a fair opportunity in

Part 3. other Extravagant^. 57

the Morning to fet on them, and deprive them of it.
Nay, fo little fufpefted he was of robbing, that feve-
ral have returned to our houfe after he hath robb'd
them, and made their complaint to him, how bafely
they had been abufed ; it was alwayes his care, and
indeed therein he (hewed the utmoft of his prudence,
to return home with all the fpeed he might poffibly,
after he had rob'd any ; by which means, he and his
Man rob'd a long time fecretly.

It was generally their good fortune to meet with
fuch as durft not fight them; a thing that Travellers
generally, and juftly, are to be condemned for ; who,
with eafie parting with their money, they not only
fhew how meanly fpirited they are, but encourage the
Thief in his robberies. Whereas, on the contrary,
would they fhewthemfelves as defperate,and as refo-
lute as their affaulters, it is my opinion they would
quickly turn tail, as not daring to venture the hazard
of thedifpute. Buttoreturn.thoughmy Husband fuc-
ceeded fo wellin his attempts, by meeting with none
but Cow-hearted fellows; yet once, waiting with his
man in a thicket, earely in the morning, for the paf-
fing by of a Gentleman that had lain the night be
fore in our houfe, who had a confiderable Sum of
Money, in his Port-mantle, there travelled by another
in the dawning of the day, whom, by a miftake, my
husband affaults ; the other drawing a Piftol, fired it
at him, but mift him ; however, the report had like
to have done as much mifchief, as if the bullet had
part through his body, for with fear he fell from his
horfe ; and had like to have faved the Hangman a
labour, by breaking his own neck. Our Tapfter
feeing his Mafter fall, and verily believing he
was kill'd by that was refolved to revenge his
death, had not he feen another come Rideing

58 TJie Englijh Rogue; And Part 3-

to him (which was the Gentleman they lay in wait
for) which made him altar his purpofe, and ride
away, for the prefervation of his own life. The
Gentleman fuppofmg too.that he had really difpatcht
this Pad, not feeing him move all this while (which
he confeft to me afterwards, he politickly did, to the
intent he might be exempted from fighting, and fe-
curely fee the event of the Combat : the other two
that came to his afliftance judg'd the fame, and advifed
him to ride away with all fpeed to the next Juftice ;
not only to avoid the prefent danger, for (faid he)
this other Rogue is rid away but to get fome more of
his fellows, to make a further attempt) but you will
alfo receive the thanks of the Country, for deftroy-
ing fuch Caterpillars, that eat up the Fruit of their
Land. Setting Spurrs to their Horfes away they
Gallopt, to find out the next Juftice ; my Husband
perceiving they were gone, got up, and mounting rode
full fpeed home, without fo much as once looking be-
hindhim. Cominghome,he found me almoftdrown'd
in tears, and half frighted out of my wits; not fo
much for forrow of his death (which news I had pri
vately fent me by our Tapfter) but for fear, as foon as
it mould be known who this flain Thief was, I fhould
have my goods inftantly fiezed on, and my doors fhut
up. I was in a Room by my felf, getting fome Plate
together, with other choice portable things ; and
coming to the ftair head, with an intent to convey
them out of the houfe, met with my Husband full
butt ; whofe face being pale and wan, by reafon of
his late great fear, poffeft me with fo ftrong a conceit,
that this was his Ghoft, that the fright made me skreek
out, and letting fall what I had in my Apron, I re
treated. This fudden furprize fo amazed him, that
he flood indeed like an apparition at the Chamber-

Part 3. other Extravagants. 59

door, and had not the power to come in : this increaft
my belief, however, I pluckt up my Spirits, and bold
ly askt him, what he was, and what he came for ? He
fneakingly, in a low voyce, (for he was more than
half dead) anfwered.he was my Husband, and that he
came to fee me. My Husband, faid I is dead ; and if
thou be his damn'd Ghoft, I conjure thee, by all that
is good, prefently depart, and trouble me not now,
fince whilft living, I could never be content, nor at
quiet for thee. Not fpeaking one word, he turn'd his
back upon me, and went down flairs. I never be
lieved my felf a Conjurer till now (although I have
been called Witch a thoufand times) and indeed I
knew not what to think of it, (comparing altogether)
whether this was a phantafm, or not, but troubling
my thoughts no further about that matter, I took
up what I had dropt, and getting into the yard, would
have march'd off with what I had in my lap, had he
not haftenedafterme, and holding me faftby the arm,
told me, that he was not quite dead, though almoft
frightned out of his life, and therefore begg'd me
I would not remove any thing that might tend to
his prejudice ; and if I would walk in, he would tell
me his whole morning Adventure.

The two Gentlemen coming to the Juftice, amply
declared what an eminent piece of Service they had
done their Country, by killing on the place one Pad-
der, and putting to flight another ; and that if his
Worfhip pleafed to Summon a quantity of the Parifli,
to defend them if occafion fhould require, they would
mew them the place where the dead lay. Hereupon
there were a great many that offered themfelves free
ly to go along ; but coming to the place, found neither
man, nor horfe, nor the fign of one drop of blood.
The Countrey People finding themfelves thus abufed,

60 The Euglifli Rogue; And Part 3.

and not knowing what the defign of thefe two Gen
tlemen might be, in putting fuch a trick upon them,
laid hold on them, and carried them back to the
Juftice ; who being informed that there was not the
leafl appearance of what had pretendedly been done,
askt them the reafon.why they thus abufed themfelves
and others, with meer forgeries : to which they both
replyed, that their eyes had feen what their tongues
related, and concluded, that other padders, confede
rate with this, had carried off the Body of their Bro
ther, that they might avoid fufpition. The Juftice and
others were of the fame opinion, and fo the Gentle
men were difmift.

Our Tapfter hearing that his Mafter was in health,
returned home, refolving for the future, never to ha
zard his life with fo great a peice of cowardize ;
and to fpeak the truth, it was high time to leave
off, fmce they were fhrewdly fufpe<5led by the
whole Town to be High-way men, they being feen fo
often together on Plorfe-back, both early and late.
My Trade however diminifht not, for I was taken
notice of, all the Country round, to be a dealer in fe-
crets.and ready money commodities ; nay, there were
not a few honeft mens wives, that would not ftick to
truft me in the difpofal of the whole Cargo of their
reputation. Nay, I was fo excellent at my art, that
neither Privateer, nor Publican would aft any diffi
cult matter without my advice. I could Pimp, if oc-
cafion ferved moft incomparably; and I was lookt up
on as the beft Procurefs in all our Countrey ; which I
would not have been, but that I was fo much tyred
with my daily, nay, hourly Vifitants ; for though Age
and Time have confpired to ruine the glories of my
face, I can affure you, the remains may inform any
they were good. Being fo generally noted not only

Part 3. other Extravagants. 61

for my beauty, but my art \x\.Pandarizing, a Song was
compofed on me by fome riming Doggril or other,
which I will fmg you thus, and fo finifh the Story of
my former lifes actions,

1. A T tJic Sign of the Swan
J~\_ There livcth a man,

I go not about to deceive you ;

Ten thoufand to one,

If you come, he is gone,
That his Wife may the better receive you.

2. Lovely brown is lier hair,

Her face comely fair,
Her wajlc you may f pan, ' tis fo flcnder ;

Negro black are eyes,

Pajfing white arc her thighs,
All the allurements of Venus attend tier.

3. Her Twins of delight,

( Which are alwaycs in fight)
Her breafls which are whiter than fnow,

By their panting do beat

An Alarm to the feat,
To combate Jier Lenders below.

4. With her f miles JJie invites

To tajle her delights ;
Which I would, if I durjl fo prefume ;

But I fear Jlic hath fires

Which will quench my defires,
But my body to aJJies confume.

5. S/ie's an excellent Pimp,

The Devils bcjl Imp ;
She's a Bawd,y7^'j a whore, that's too common

If 'you intend for to fly

Hells flames, come not nigh;
S/:es a thing, that is worfe than a Woman.

62 The EngliJJi Rogue; And Part 3.

CHAP. VI.

Mrs. Dorothy goes with her new Acquaintance, who
perfwades her to accommodate a barren Gentlewoman
a friend of hers, with her child, asfoon as born. A
cJtaracter of this Gentlewoman, and her amorous
practices : the manner of her being roVd by one of
her Gallants ; tie is apprehended and executed. Mrs.
Dorothy is delivered of a Boy, who is made Heir to a
great EJlate, andJJie highly rewarded for her confent.

e Old Woman having thus finifht her Story,
JL fhe addreft her felf to me, faying, Dear Heart,
you fee how free I have been with you, not concealing
from your knowledg any one remarkable paffage of my
life, though never fo infamous or fcandalous. I, and
though our acquaintance is very young, yet put your
confidence in me, and queftion not, but that I fhall fo
affift you in the management of your concerns,
that you fhall have caufe to thank me as long as you
live. Hereupon fhe acquainted me, that there was a
Gentleman (not far off) well known to her, that
had been married a dozen years and upwards to a very
beautiful, and well proportion'd Gentlewoman ; yet
had no iffue by her ; that for want of an Heir, the
Eftate after his deceafe would fall to the younger Bro
ther ; that it was a very great grief to the Gentleman,
but efpecially to his Wife ; and (faid fhe) this Gen
tlewoman knowing me to be a perfon fit to be advifed
withal about matters of this nature, often fent for me
to her houfe, where fome years fince, I counfelled her
to make trial, whether fhe or Husband was in fault ;

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 63

in order thereunto I have helpt her at times to the en
joyment of at leaft a fcore of feveral lufty young
Perfons. And becaufe I would take the fureft way,
fhe never had more than one at one time, and him nei
ther not above a quarter of a year together ; he then
fruftrating our expectations, I counfell'd her to make
tryal of another. The firft I made choice of for
her, was a proper young flaxen-hair'd man, tall and
(lender ; a delicate young man he was indeed, whofe
complexion (being Sanguine) furnifhed him with
more heat than is in any other temperature ; which
made his hair like fine threads of Gold, twirl in rings,
or rather you might call them the lines and hooks
with which the little wanton God of love did ufually
angle for female hearts ; had you feen them, you
would have fworn that they were fufficient to catch
the heart of a Vcjlal- Maiden, or the moft refolved Vo-
tarefs to Chaftity, that ever had a being. His eyes,
quick and nimble, and penetrateing ; he had a ftrong
fancy, a quick invention, and a moft incomparable ut
terance; and hiscarriage and deportment was incredi
ble winning ; whofe fmgle touch of the hand was
fufficient to have thaw'd the moft congealed-frozen
temper in the world into affection. Notwithftand-
ing all thefe allurements, and feirpromifingproperties
with near upon an half years mutual converfe with
each other, fhe found her expectations fruftrated.

Being refolved to make further tryal (for fhe
would not be convinc'd that fhe was either defective
or barren,) fhe confulted me, how fhe might be rid
of this her amorous Hot-fpur, and have fome other in
his place, of a different conftitution ; alleadging that
fhe being of the fame complexion, fhe verily believed
her impregnancy proceeded thence ; faying further,
that fhe had heard feveral, as Well Phyfitions as

64 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

others ftrongly affirm, that the grand reafon, why feve-
ral Women have no children, was the too near affi
nity of their husbands complexion and conftitution
to their own ; and that on the other fide, none more
infallible enjoy'd the fruits of their labours, the off-
fpring of their bodies, than fuch, whofe corporal
temperaments were diffimilar or different.

Underftanding her humour, I was refolved to com
ply with her in whatfoever fhe defired (being fo pro
fitable a friend to me) but I knew not how to dif-
place her Sanguine complexion'd Gallant, who grew
by this time a moft paffionate Lover ; at length I be
thought me to perfwade him to follicite her waiting
Gentlewoman, making him believe that fhe was ar
dently in love with him, and that fhe had a good Sum
by her, which would infallibly be at his devotion; my
credulous young Gamefter greedily fwallowed my
advice, and followed to a hair my dictations; having
won her (for I know not who could withftand him)
he came to me, and informed me of the time, and
place, that he fhould commence thofe delights they in
tended to continue as long as life lafted ; being joy
ful of this opportunity, I prefently addreft my felf
to my Miftris, giving an account to her of her friends
new courtfhip, and when it fhould be confumated ;
advifing her to watch them, and catch them in the ac~l,
by which means fhe fhould be freed from his future
addreffes,and likewife confirm her Maids fecrefie and
fidelity to her. All which fhe performed, by threatning
her Maid to turn her away, and fhame her to boot, if
ever fhe affociated her felf, or entertained him again
in her houfe ; and calling him falfe, faithlefs man, and
I know not what, banifht him for ever from her pre-
fence for his unconftancy.

The next Dick I pickt up for her was a man of a

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 6$

colour as contrary to the former, as light is to dark-
nefs, being fwarthy ; whofe hair was as black as a
floe ; middle ftatur'd, well fet, both ftrong aYid active,
a man fo univerfally tryed, and fo fruitfully fuccesful,
that there was hardly any female within ten miles
gotten with child in hugger-mugger, but he was more
than fufpected to be Father of all the legitimate. Yet
this too, proved an ineffectual Operator. She now be
gan tofufpect herfelf of barrennefs; butbeingprompt-
ed with hopes, and ftrangely induced by the fenfe of
pleafure which fhe reapt in the variety of her amo
rous Confidents, fhe refolved on a third, a Gentle-man
of her own election, who having been a confiderable
time a Student in the Inns of Court, was returned in
to the Country, to enjoy that plentiful eftate his
lately deceas'd father had left him, the antient Seat of
his Anceftors ; of ftature fo low, that he could but
juft take the upper-hand of a dwarf, being only eleva
ted by the pole above him. She was fain at firft to
Court him.inftead of his courting her : and indeed, I
could not fee how he could prefume (without her en
couragement) to carefs a Gyantefs, fo much taller
than himfelf.

There was not fo great a difproportion in their bo
dies, as there were conformity and agreeablenefs in
their wills ; and that the Soul of his which was coopt
up, and confined within too narrow limits, became
more active and vigorous ; fo that attacking her with a
lively and fprightful courage poffeffed himfelf of the
garrifon without a tedious fiege of a 12 months court -
fhip, his hair was of a darkifh brown, or cheft-nut co
lour, not handfome enough to be a woman, yet too fair
to be a man. Though he was not tall, yet nature ex-
preft no irregularity in his formation : being fymme-
trical, or proportionably compofed from the lines

F

66 The EngliJJi Rogue \ And Part 3.

of his face you might have collected Capital Letters
enough to have fpelt a Gentleman ; and not an
action, or expreffion of his (excepting this of his too
intimate familiarity with another mans wife) which
did not largely declare the immenfityof his Soul, and
the virtues that thereunto belonged.

So dearly fhe loved him, (that notwithftanding he
did not anfwer her expectations in making her Belly
fwell) fhe fo doted on his Company, and converfe,
that fhe gave her husband too many palpable caufes
to fufpecl: her honefty, and integrity towards him.
Not, but that for the fake of an Heir, which he quefti-
on'd whether he fhould ever get himfelf) he would
be content to wink (as he hath done feveral times)
at the freedome his wife hath taken with feveral o-
thers befides himfelf. But looking on my little dap
per fquire to be to little for that purpofe, and
that would come fhort home, as to that bufmefs,
took an occafion to affront him, that it might produce
a quarrel, that fhould eloign him from his houfe, and
further intimacy with his wife. However, though he
had low and undervaluing thoughts of this Gentle
man, by reafon of his ftature, yet he found him in
field, full as tall as himfelf in true valour, being (as
we fay) mettle to the back. It was the hap of this
Gentleman to be defperately wounded by the leffer,
and fo dangeroufly, that it was fuppofed his wounds
would end all the future differences between them ;
however recovering this Combate feparated them e-
ternally.

My Miftris was fo well acquainted with the lofs of
her Gallants, that fhe was not much troubled to be
deprived of the fociety of this laft ; but all her
trouble was, to get another in his room. Shee ap-
plyed her felf to me again, her undeceiving Oracle,

Part 3. otJicr Extravagants. 67

and received her accuftomed comfort, that in a little
time I would procure her another, that fhould out-
throw the reft, at leaft a Barrs length ; I was not
long in the procuration ; for there was a Gentleman
that frequented our Houfe, who fpent his money very
freely, yet had not a foot of land, neither had he any
trade, or tools, but the high way, fword and piftol
to bring him in a lively hood. He was a lufty well
fet man, and red-hair'd ; a complexion that hath often
gonethrough-ftich. I had often tryed him my felf.and
therefore I could the better recommend him to a friend.
One day (his ftock being low. and he at that time in our
houfe) he defired me to lend him half a peice. I be
ing glad of this opportunity, told him I would, and
withall defired to confer with him in private ; he
joyfully accepted my motion, thinking I had fome fe-
cret defign to take my accuftomed ufe for the loan ;
but he was ftranglyfurprized, and even diftracled with
exceflive joy, when he heard me tell him, what a
Miftris I had provided for him ; that he fhould have
his belly full of fporting, & be liberally paid for it too.
Weappointedtheday when I fhould introduce him in
to his new Miftrifs's acquaintance, but with this con
dition, that I fhould mare with him in his gettings. It
was concluded on, and he poffeft of his Treafure, to
the full content of them both. My Houfe was now his
conftant receptacle, or dormitory, but when he was
in the embracesof his miftrefs; and hewasveryhoneft
in giving me my mare, my half part, and commonly
fpent the reft (to my advantage) of what he had re
ceived ; and to the intent the more might come into
mypocket, I advifed her by all means not to ftarve his
fervice, but incourage him often with fums of mo
ney ; urging moreover, that the poor Gentleman could
not but be at great charges in maintaining himfelf

68 The Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

in a flrange place, exiling himfelf freely from his own
habitation, to be near at her Command ; befide the
great expence he is daily at in coftly broths, jellies,
with other provocatives, or reflorers of decai'd na
ture.

I needed not to have tempted her to liberality, fhe
being naturally prone thereunto ; always extravagant
ly rewardingkindneffes of this nature. She began now
to grow very penfive, and unufually melancholy, to
fee all her fwelling hopes thus dafht ; and was not fo
fociable as fhe ufed to be with her friend ; which gave
him fome caufe to fufpe6l her inconftancie, or that fhe
would fpeedily defert him, and accept fome other ;
which put him on the contrivance to fave fomething,
that might be a fupport to him, if his fallary fhould
fail, or at leaflwife keep him alive, till his Country-
Contributions, or padding incomes fhould fupply his
profufe, and unneceffary expences.

When ever he came, fhe entertain'd him with fuch
an undelerved francknefs, that fhe concealed nothing
from him, that might either pleafe his fancie, or fatif-
fie his curiofity. Underflanding fhe was admirable at
her Needle, he defired her to fhew him fome pieces of
her art, that he might by the applauding of the one
admire the other. She readily condefcended to what
he propounded ; being glad he had demanded a thing
which came within the verge of her power to pleafe
him withal. Opening a large Cyprefs-Cheft, fhe
Ihew'd him great variety of excellent pieces of her
own hand-working ; and withal he difcovered feveral
bags cramm'dwith other pieces, which he hadagreat-
$r minde tohandle ; which I conceiv'd fhe fhew'd him
out of meer oftentation, telling him withal, that as
long as one penny was in them his pockets fhould not
be unfurnifht with money ; and that when all thofe

Part 3. other Extravagants. 69

bags were emptied, her Husbands annual eftate
would quickly fill them again, and fix times as many.

This affurance of having his conftant ftipend con
tinued, prevailed not in the leaft on this Caret-pated
villains ingrateful defigns ; but he refolved, with the
firft opportunity, to make himfelf Matter of thofe
fums, although he knew he muft unavoydably lofe his
Miftrefs thereby ; the next morning fhe fent for him,
to acquaint him, that her Husband was gone fome
twenty miles off", and that he would not return in five
days, having 300 lib. to receive of fuch a man, naming
the place where he lived. This damn'd Dog, hearing
this, caper'd for joy, which the poor Innocent believed,
proceeded from his thinking what a long time he had
to enjoy his Miftrefs uncontroulably : whereas it was
otherwife, for now he knew how to kill two Birds
with one ftone.

However, that fhe might not miftruft him as guilty
of any treachery, he behaved himfelf fo pleafantly
and his Careffes were fo agreeable, that his Miftrefs
efteem'd her felf the happieft woman in the world, in
the enjoyment of the perfon of fo facetious, and moft
accomplifht Lover ; nay, fo fond fhe was of his com
pany, that fhe was refolved to make the moft of him
in her husbands abfence ; and therefore caufed him
to lie in the houfe, not induring him out of her fight,
till the day before her husbands returne; at which
time he walkt out : what feaftings, junketings and
jollitingstogethertherewerein thattime,noneare bet
ter able to conceive than fuch who, with their large
purfes, have inlarged hearts, caring not how dear the
purchafeis, fo that thepleafure be great, though not of
two minutes lafting. You muft underftand, that I went
fnips with him in thefe delights, as well as in his
profits ; I had a liquorifh tooth ftill in my head, and
F 3

7O The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

therefore would not be out of call, to participate
with them in their Viands, and Banquetings ; In
deed, I was ever an excellent fmell feaft.

The day (wherein he went abroad, as I told you)
was the curfed time in which he procured affiftants, to
carry on his hellifh plot, which had like to have proved
my utter ruine. It feems he appointed them about
four of the clock in the evening to come to the Gen-
tlewomans houfe, where (as before) we were all
making merry ; and knowing the ftrength of the
houfe, there being never a man at home, the Groom
being gone with his Matter, and only a foot-boy left,
he appointed only two that mould manage the defign
befide himfelf ; who knocking at the gate, and the
foot-boy opening it to them, they inftantly feiz'd
him, both binding, and gagging him. Having bolted
the Gate, they advanced into the houfe, and feem-
ingly very peaceful, they mounted the ftairs, having
fecured thofe who were below in the fame manner, as
they had done the boy ; as foon I faw two men now
entring the Chamber, where we were, I then con
cluded that we were betrai'd, and that the principal
Traytor was our fuppofed friend; I hereupon opened
as wide as my jaws would give me leave ; which one
of the rogues perceiving, clapt a gag within my
mouth, and fo kept them at that gaping diftance, the
Rogues might have had fome confideration before
they had ferved me thus, as knowing I had few teeth
to barricadoe my gums from the injury they might
receive from that confounded inftrument which
ftretcht my mouth afunder.

The good Gentlewoman, feeing how barbaroufly
they handled me, did not queftion they would exercife
the like cruelty next on her ; to prevent which, me
fell on her knees, befeeching them not to abufe her,

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 71

and throwing them the keyes of what they lookt for,
bid they take what they pleafed. Her accurfed Vil
lain had the impudence to view the tears run down
her lovely cheeks, without the leaft remorfe, or pity
on a foul fo dearly loved him, he only raifed her with
his hands, afluring her, fhe fhould receive no other in-
jurie than the lofs of what money fhe fhewed him,
and his eternal happinefs ; for I know Madam {faid
he) how infatiate you are, how variable, how change
able upon the flighted occafion ; I am not infenfible
what variety you have already tyred (the more to
blame me that imforced him ;) and how many more
you intend, may be fufficiently drawn from your un-
fatisfied humour, and inconftant nature. And now
if you love your life, ftir not till we are gone; and
thank our lenity, that we have not fecured you other-
wayes. Taking up the money, every one carrying a
part ; hold (faid one) we have forgot fomething yet,
that Ladies hands muft be tyed, leaft fhe ungag that
ferious and now filent Matron there : her hands
and legs muft be tyed too, left fhe talk or walk to
fright us. Having fo done, come now let us go (faid
the Red headed Traytor) it is high time, left that old
witch fwallow on of us ; don't you fee how fhe gapes ?
God b'you (good Madam) you are bound to be con-
ftant now; dear Partner (pointing to me) farewell,
I thank you for your procuration money, and fo a-
way they went ; in lefs than half an hour the Gentle
woman had with her teeth fet her hands at liberty,
which foon gave my hands, feet, and tongue the like,
and difcendingthe ftairs, we found the maids, and boy
bound, and gagg'd; having loos'd them fhe whifper'd
her boy in the ear, I knew not what, but it was to
fetch a Conftable, which he did in an inftant; and
whilft I was condoleing my Friends lofs, and misfor-

72 TJie Englifli Rogue \ And Part 3.

tune, I was apprehended by her command, and con
veyed to Goal, there to bewail my own too rigid fate.

I cannot much blame her fufpition of me,fmce there
were arguments too many, and ftrong enough to per-
fwade her I could not be innocent, and therefore what
ever I alledged in my juftification flood fora Cypher.
I fent for my husband, with many other friends, but
none of them could prevail with her from fending me
to Prifon ; feeing there was no remedy, I was refolved
to endure my confinement as patiently as I could.

Thefe three rogues had theirhorfesnotfaroff,ready
fadled, which they mounting, rode directly in that road
where they were fure to meet their prize ; and as the
Devil would have it, they waited not two hours, be
fore they could perceive two riding directly towards
them, and foon after could difcern them to be the
Gentleman and his groom ; the firft of an undaunted
refolution, but weakly, by reafon of a Chronical di-
ftemper, that had a long time afflicted him; his man,
by his bulk, fhape and looks, appeared like one that
could teach a Guy of Warwick to fight, and give a pre-
fident of fuch a valour, as only became a Royal Cham
pion to own. The Gentleman was firft commanded to
ftand and deliver, which he did, but it was a Piftol,
which he difcharged without any execution ; they fi
red at him again; and wounding him in the fword arm,
he dropt his fword, and whilft he was fubmitting to
their difpofal,his man fets fpurs to his horfe, and moft
valiantly ran for it ; getting to the top of a little hill,
not far diftant, where turning his horfe head, moft
manfully about, he had the confidence to look on,
whileft the Thieves robb'd his Mafter.

The gentleman feeing himfelf thus deferted by this
lubberly-cowardly Hog driver was ready to burft
with anger; but knew not how to come at him to be

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 73

revenged ; and therefore begg'd the robbers, in lieu of
what money they had taken from him, to do him the
kindnefs, to bafte his man foundly that ftood on yon
der hill, as a meer looker on. I, /, faid the one, /will
give you that fatisfaclion prefently my felf alone, and
fo fetting fpurs to his horfe, rode up to him, and com
plemented him no otherwife at firft, than with the
flat of his fword, which notwithftanding made his
fides and fhoulders fmart to fome purpofe ; this great
looby took all this with incredible patience; but the
Padbychancecuttinghim; nay, nowfaid he, flefh and
blood is not longerable toendure ; and with that drew
a broad two egg'd Scotch-fword, and handled it fo
well, that he cut this fellow off his horfe prefently;
the other two feeing their fellow over-matcht, advan
ced with all fpeed, and both affaulted him at once: but
hefeeingthemapproach,andbeingnowblooded,made
ready to receive them by drawing a Piftol, which he
fired fo luckily, that the (hot deprived him of one of
his enemies more, and he had now no inequality of
number to oppofe him. Succefs had fo flefht him, that
he fought more like a Devil, than a man, laying about
him backwards, and forwards; fo that he difmabled
the third, which was the firft Plotter. Had his Mafter
been able to fight, and there had been as many more
againft him, he fo behaved himfelf, that there was no
work for any to do but himfelf. Thus did this one
man, who had never fought before (and thereforelike
an horfe, knew not his own ftrength till it was tryed)
conquer three, that were accounted Cocks of the
Heclors.

The Gentlemen fearching their Portmancicks, and
finding 400 lib. was amazed at fo confiderable a pur-
chafe; and fecuring it, with this furviving Rogue,
and their Horfes, rode directly to the next Juftice ;

74 The Englijli Rogue \ And Part 3.

where leaving the Booty in his hands for the prefent,
the Prifoner had his mittimus drawn up, and was fent
to the fame Gaol his Lanlady, the Hoftefs was in. Not-
withftandingallthofe difguizes he madeufeof tofeem
another man, he was known by me, and received from
me a whole broad fide of juft reproaches; which had
like to have funk him deeper, than the preffures of his
prefent misfortunes could do. What (faid I) did
you not live too much at your eafe? had you not but
too much plenty, which took you off thofe defpe-
rate courfes, or might have done, which would with
out doubt have brought you to the Gallowes in the
end ; but having fo little regard to your own well-
fare, I could not expect much from you as to mine;
though gratitude might have commanded you to have
flu dyed myprefervation, although you fhould hourly
hazard your own. Inftead of applying fmooth, and
foothing anfwers (which might have been as Cordi
als, or Balfom to my wounded mind) he gave me
this corrafive, this Choak-pear, that if I would not
hold my clack, which dinn'd his ears worfe than the
Catarachts of Nile, he would declare before the
Bench, upon his tryal, that he would never have done
fo foul a fact, but by my inftigation ; and that if I
held not my tongue, he affured me, that (fmce he
knew that it was impoffible for him to efcape with
life) he loved me fo well, that I fhould dye with him,
to bear him company in the other world.

Perceiving what his defperate refolution was, I
thought good to alter the Scene of my chat, and beg
him to be patient; affuringhim, that what I had faid
was not out of any ill will, but to make him fenfible
how much I was his friend at all times; and that my
own imprifonment (for his fake) troubled me not fo
much, as the dangerthathewas in; and that he might

Part 3. other Extravagants. 75

accufe me, if he pleafed, and fo endanger my fuffer-
ing with him ; but I charged, withall, his Confci-
ence with my innocencie in, and ignorance of what
he and his accomplices had a£led, contrary to my
privity. It was fome comfort to hear him then ac
knowledge before a great many witneffes, that I
was no way acceffary to his guilt; and when the AfYi-
zes came, he acknowledged upon his Arraignment,
that none abetted, or were concerned in what he had
done, and there flood arraigned for, but himfelf and
two others, which were (lain in the conteft. Where
upon I was difcharged by Proclamation of Court,
none coming in againft me ; and he received fentence
of death, which was accordinglyexecuted three dayes
afterward; he then again at the Gallows declaring
to the fpeflators my innocencie in his robbery.

This Confeflion of his, I thought, would as well
reintroduce me into the favour of the abufed Gentle
woman, my former friend, as by his fuffering death
give full fatisfaction to her inraged revenge. In order
thereunto, after my Gaol delivery, I fent her feve-
ral Letters to pacific her paffion, and imployed feve-
ral friends to acquaint her with the reallity of my
former fidelity, and prefent integrity: at length they
fo far mediated with her in my behalf, that (he fent
for me (when her Husband was abroad) and in the
walks of her Garden, difcourfl me largely, as to
whatever had paft between us, or anybody elfe by my
means. And now, faidfhe, this laft unhappy and unex
pected villany from a friend you procured me, and one
I dearly loved, hath tyed up my hands from ever en
joying the like opportunities again. For my Husband
finding that the purchafe he took from the Thieves
was but a Pig of his own Sow, his own money, and
knowing the principal Robber to be the Perfon I of-

76 The Englijti Rogue; And Part 3.

ten treated at our houfe with much civility, fhrewd-
ly fufpe6ls, that I not only consented to the Robbery,
but would be eafily induced to believe to his death too,
were it not for the great lofs he knows I fhould receive
by his death if he fhould dye without iffue. However
he is much more cautious of me than he ufed to be,
taking his money into his own cuftody, and he fets a
watch over me to obferve what company I keep a-
broad, or entertain in our houfe : and therefore, if
ever you intend to redeem your former credit and e-
ftimation with me, ftudy fome proje6l how I may
carry on the defign afore propounded, of having an
Heir, that the Eftate may not pafs to the next Bro
ther. A man I cannot but hate, for feveral weighty
confiderations. The crookednefs of his difpofition,
and the unfuitablenefs of his humour to mine, were
fufficienttomakemenotlovehim; but his infufferable
wicked pra6lifes, both againft me, and my Husband,
make me abfolutely detefh the very fight of him. When
I was firft married (quoth flie) I thought my felf as
capable of conception as any fhe that ever wore a
head ; & my husband being then healthful, & actively
vigorous, foon confirming me, in the opinion of being
a teeming woman : It feems I was with child, though
I knew it not ; and finding a great change and altera
tion in my body, I was fo ignorant, as to believe I was
breeding fome ill humours, which, if not timely pur
ged away, might ingender a difeafe that might prove
my death. My Husbands Brother (which was wi-
fer than my felf in that point) knew very well I was
breeding young bones, the growth of which would
infallibly lift him out of all his flourifhing hopes of
enjoying his Brothers Eftate ; therefore out of a
feeming tendernefs, and vigilant care of the prefeva-
tion of my health, followed my own perfwations,

Part 3. other Eztravagants. 77

with his damn'd advice; and at the end I was induc'd
to take a vomit to clear my ftomack, he telling me,
for certain, it might be very foul, fince I was fo fre
quently troubled with puking in the morning, and
vomiting after Dinner. An Apothecary of his own
procuring (with his Devilifh inftructions) made up
the Compofition, which, without imagining the leaft
harm, I eafily fvvallowed, which wrought with me fo
ftrongly, that, having nothing left within my ftomack
for it to work on, I thought it would have brought
up my very heart within its appurtenances ; the Devil
of a Phyfitian all this while feemed to comfort me,
by faying, be cheerful, Sifter; this will clear you (and
fo it did of what it fhould not) and clenfe you of thofe
malignant humours which fo much prejudiced your
healthful conftitution ; and that he might make fure
work of me, counselled .me to take a purge, and that
would carry all downwards, and then my bufmefs
was done ; I poor eafie fool, was quickly drawn to
it, and the fecond time fvvallowed that, which the next
day made what I went withal prove abortive.

I had often feen, but more efpecially heard, that
this Doctor was no fooner gone from his Patient, but
he was immediatly in the Company of my brother,
which made me, with a great deal of good reafon,
conjecture, they plotted no good together ; where
fore I got two Doctors more to vifit my Husband,
who plainly told me, at the firft fight (both agree
ing in one opinion) that he was poyfoned. Hear
ing them fay fo, I could not forbear ; but, in the
agony of my Spirit, cryed out, I know the Murde
rers ; and their lives fhall here, for the lofs of his, make
fatisfaction in part, and in full, by their damnation
hereafter. They defired me to be patient, affuring
me that they would ufe their utmoft skill to over-

78 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

power the poyfon ; and doubtlefsly he had dyed, had
not thefe two eminent Artifts beftirred themfelves
to purpofe. In a little time they raifed him on his
feet (which made his former Doctor betake himfelf
to his, having not been heard of by us fmce ;) but they
could not affure me how long it would be ere hewould
be down again ; for (faid they) he will be an infirm,
impotent man, as long as he lives.

If now my hatred to my Husbands Brother be not
juftly grounded, do you judge ; and I hope Heaven will
not be offended with me, in finding out fome way to
dispoffes him of his hopes, in having the Eftate, who
rob'd me of my fruitfulnefs,and would have deprived
my Husband of his life.

Madam (faid I) there is juft now a plot come
into my head ; which if you pleafe, mall be put in
practice, and that is this. Since your Husband is
thus infirm, and you barren, this muft be the only
way, which muft crown your defires. I will imme
diately go upon the fearch for fome young thing
with Child, whether fhe be Wife, nor neither Maid,
Wife, nor Widdow, it matters not ; whom with
large gifts, and larger promifes, I will perfwade to
part with her Child, when born, and you fhall lye
in with it ; let me alone to the management of all ;
but firft, let me find out a Perfon fuitable to our
purpofe, and I will warrant you to carry on the reft
to your full fatisfaction. I will inftantly ior London
where I cannot mifs of Subjects enough of this fort,
out of which I may pick and choofe. She liked this
propofal fo well, that fhe would not fuffer me to ftay
a minute longer with her, but that I fliould inftantly
leave her, and make my felf ready for my Journey;
and thus far have I travelled in order to the finifhing
thereof, when I met with fo bleffed an opportunity,

Part 3. other Extravagants. 79

of falling into difcourfe with you, Deareft Madam,
which I hope will tend to both our happinefles, if you
will be ruled by me.

Thus, faid Mrs. DorotJiy, I heard the whole re
lation of her felf, and others, with great attention :
and thought it was now my Cue to fpeak, which I
did in thismanner, not onlycauteloufly, but with much
feeming refervednefs. Mother (for fo, by the difpa-
rity of our Age, I make bold to call you) the ac
count you give of your felf is fo monftroufly wicked
that I know not whether, with fafety, I may inter
change any further difcourfe with you ; neither can
I but take notice of your fubtility, and matchlefs
craftinefs, as well as your unparallel'd debauchery,
and .wantonnefs ; you may very well excufe me, if
now I fband on my guard, and wearily entertain a par
ley with you ; fmce you are known to be an old Soul-
dier in the Wars of Venus, and fo may fight too cun
ningly for me, that am but a (tripling upon any fuch
account. However make your propofals (and if I
may beafluredyoupump me not to intrap me) as I
find them faifable, and profitable for the future, I
fhall accept them, and be ready to be fervicable to
you, and your defign.

The good old Gentlewoman, as one tranfported,
by hugging me in her Arms, interrupted me, fay
ing ; Daughter, miftruft me not in this affair, and
try whether I will not in a little time make you as
happy as your own wifhes can make you ; and there
upon asked me how long I had been with Child,
and whether I could be content, that, by anothers
owning it, the Child hereafter might be owner of an
Eftate (it feems born to) the tenth part whereof
none of my Anceftors ever yet enjoyed.

It is confeft, faid I, my own weaknefs, and Fe-

8o The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

male frailty betraid me to unlawful embraces of
a handfom young man, whofe fubtle follicitations
could not be withftood by a Nun, much lefs by me ;
and yielding, I now carry both the Sin and the fhame
of thofe ftolen delights about me, where ever I go.
That though it was my ill Fortune thus to lofe (by
one throw at play, inconfiderately) a thing of that
value, my Maiden head I mean, yet it was fome
comfort to me, that it was a Gentleman of no mean
worth that won it ; and I queftion'd not but the off-
fpring would be like the Father, as well in the
comely proportion of the Body, as Gallantry of
Mind ; being thus fully perfwaded it will prove fo
goodly a Perfon, it will the more trouble me to part
with it to another ; that if I fhould do any fuch thing
it is not for necefiity ; for, as I had money confidera-
ble of my own, before my deluding Lover came
acquainted with me ; yet, to compenfate that fingle
kindnefs, he hath fo fhowred his Gold and Silver
on me fmce, that my Wealth may procure a Match
confiderable enough, though my face carryed in it
no other invitation. Come, come, Daughter (faid
the Old Woman) Something hath fome favour :
and although you have enough, yet more will do no
harm ; befides your Child will be well look'd after,
well provided for (which you may fee when you
pleafe) and you rid of that incumbrance, will be
in a better condition for any one to follicite you in
Marriage. Being thus convinc'd by the fubtle Ar
guments of this cunning Matron, I condefcended to
whatever (he would have me to do ; and fo without
further delay, the next morning we rode together to
the Houfe of this old Gentlewoman ; where alight
ing, fhe had no fooner provided a neceffary Room
for me, and given order for my Supper, which was

Part 3. other Extravagants. 81

extraordinary, but her impatience immediately hur
ried her to the Gentlewoman, her Friend ; and being
out of breath, told her, as well as fhe could, that fhe
had effected the bufmefs beyond expectation ; but
becaufe flie would not leave me too long, begg'd
her excufe, promifmg the next morning a full ac-
counf of all her proceedings. That night was fpent
in all the jollity imaginable; Fowles of all forts, and
the choiceft of the feafon were provided ; Wine
flowed fo plentifully through every room of the
Houfe, that I wonder it did not reel into the ftreets.
I am fure the fervants would, had not a noife of Mu-
fick held them by the ears, whim their Legs caper'd
like a pair of Drum-fticks. Although they took but
little repofe that night, yet my Hoftefs got up early
to wait on her Correfpondent, who had not flept
that night, for the eager expectation to hear how her
defires were accomplifht.

But overjoyed fhe was, when fhe faw the old Wo
man approach, who taking her afide in one of the
walks of the garden, askt her how flie had fped, and
in what manner. The old woman (as much tranfpor-
ted with joy as fhe) have patience, and I will tell
you, faid fhe; In my way to London, I met with
feveral that had nibled on the bait of concupifence;
but they were fuch flounder-mouth'd, draggle-tail'd,
dirty Puffes, that I would not venture upon any of
them ; but at length comming to an Inn on the road,
I accidentally fell into the Company of a Gentlewo
man (which is this that I have now brought with me,
to be ferviceable to you) who by her deportment in
formed me, that flie was not meanly extracted ; and
bythofe wanton torches in her face, which Nature
had drawn to allure, and captivate hearts, I gueft (he
was not unacquainted with theMafculine gender; and

G

82 The EngKJh Rogue ; And Part 3.

as I imagined, fo it proved ; for I have fo rigled my
felf by difcourfe into her concerns, that I foon made
her unravel the bottom of her fecrets. To be fhort,
I found her every way fit for our purpofe, and by an
extraordinary device, I have made her ours ; and
that you may fatisfie your felf farther, I will bring
her to the Park, a mile from your houfe, where I ihall
defire you to meet us in the afternoon. Hereupon
fhe departed, and acquainted me how me had open
ed the way to confummate what we had agreed on ;
and fo having dined, we went to the place appointed,
where the Gentlewoman was already cometo meet us.
The Gentlewoman feeing us at a diflance, made
up to us, but was ftrangely aftonifht when fhe faw a
perfon fo unexpectedly handfome, and in a Garb
which as much exceeded that which fhe wore, as the
face fhe faw excelled mofb others that fhe had feen
before; and therefore thought it requifite to make
her addrefs, as to a perfon of no mean Quality ; yet
thinking again, fhould fhe do fo, I might think fhe
mockt me; (for had I been nobly born and bred, I
would never have condefcended fo low, as to profli-
tute my body to the unlawful embraces of fome hot-
blooded Gallant, and afterwards mercenarily expofe
the Infant to the difpofal of a meer ftranger;) there
fore familiarly thus fhe fpake; Sweet-heart, Though I
never faw you before, I am not unacquainted with
your affairs, and am much troubled, that fo good a
face fhould be fo deluded, and grofly abufed by any
Promife-breaker of them all; but fmce what is paft
cannot be recalled, I fhall endeavour to redrefs your
misfortunes, after this manner; you fhall lodge with
a good old Gentlewoman, not far off, a friend of
mine: but be fure you keep your felf private; and
when you have a mind to take the air, and enjoy

Part 3. other Extravagants. 83

your felf, you fhall not want a Coach to carry you
whither you lift, fo it be far enough off : your pro-
vifion at home, with all things neceffary, and your
expences abroad, fhall be at my charge ; all that I
fhall require of you is, that when you cry out in la
bour, your Childe may be at the difpofe of your
Landlady, whom I conftitute your Guardian. If in
the interim you want any thing, let me know it, and
you fhall be fupplyed, and enjoy your felf as free
ly, as if you were Emprefs of the whole World ;
and when you are difcharged of your great belly,
you fhall not want a fum to make you a good portion
for any honeft man. Be not feen in the Town, and
do not come to our houfe, but be ruled by yourGuar-
dian ; and affure your felf this, your Child fhall be
my Child, and what eftate I have, or my Husband,
fhall be his : and fo fhe took her leave of me, cram
ming my hand full of Jacobnffes, as the earned of a
better penny.

I was forthwith conducted to this houfe, which
was intended for my lodging privately, where I was
entertain'd, according to instruction, with much re-
fpe6l and gallantry; a Maid was there ready provi
ded to attend me, and there was nothing wanting in
my entertainment to make my life comfortable, and
my looks cheerful. Here did I merrily pafs my time
away, being often vifited by my old Hoftefs, daily
puzzling each others invention, what we fhould have
for Dinner; what recreation in the afternoon; what
for Supper, and what divertifement afterwards; how
to make our pleafure more poyant by their diversity,
and variety ; but the greateft difficulty lay in our cun
ning projections of going abroad, which we knew we
muft carry with a world of fecrecie, or fpoil all what -
ever we intended to do.

G 2

84 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

In the mean time, the Gentle-woman (underfland-
ing my true reckoning, which was three moneths
gone with Child) calculated her time accordingly,
and gave out, fhe was with Child : every one admi
red at the news, having not had any in fo long a time
of marriage, and knew not whether they had beft
give credit to the report; her Husband would not
be induced to believe it by any means, looking uponit
as incredible, nay, almoft impoffible ; but that which
mofl of all favoured what fhe would have credited
was her being troubled at that inflant, with fome hy-
dropical humours, which had fo fwelled her belly,
that fhe had much adoe from perfwading her felf,
that fhe was really with Child. Her Husband per
ceiving this, from an Unbeliever became a Convert,
and by his belief wrought all the Neighbourhood in
to the like perfwation : but that which knockt the
nail on the head, was the opinion of the Midwife (a
Creature of the Gentlewomans, made abfolute to
her devotion by gifts, and promife of future rewards)
which proclaimed it every where as a wonder, that
one after fo many years, having never born a Child,
fhould now at lafl conceive. Neither was the kind,
and over-indulgent Husband, backward in fpreading
oflentatioufly, his glory, that he fhould at lafl be
called -Father, when all the glimmerings of thofe
hopes were quite extinguifht. His joy made him fo
rafh and inconfiderate, that he befpoke Goffips, and
concluded .upon a name for it, though he knew not
whether it would be born alive, male or female. On
the other fide, the feemingly over-joyed woman pro
vided clouts for the bantling, and all other things ne-
ceffary, which an over-bufie Lullaby could invent. So
many wet Nurfes \vere fent for, that they came tumb
ling to the houfe by .dozens; and fo many faults were

Part 3. otJicr Extravagants. 85

found with them, that they Troopt off again as fall ;
one was diflik'd for her Hair, it being of a red colour,
and therefore her milk was lookt upon as too hot,
rank, and venemous; every one giving in their Ver
dict, that fhe fhould not bewholefome,fmce the Turks
were accuftomed to make the ranked poyfon of the
flefli of flaves that were red-hair'd. Another was
too tall, and therefore flothfull, and unaclive, being
not talkative enough; a third not clear skinn'd, nor
well featur'd, having a caft with the eye, which might
be the ill pattern of directing the Childs eyes amifs :
a 4th. had a too indulgent husband, whom they fear
ed one time or other might curdle the Child's milk,
and fo endanger its health: a fifth had had formerly
fore Breafts.and theydoubted from thence the Milky-
way might be polluted : a fixth was too melancholly
enclin'd, which they judged would not only preju
dice her fuck, bui deprive her of the talking qualifica
tions of moft Nurfes, who look upon the impertinent
nonfenfical tittle-tattle to their Children, to be the
bafis of all their future learning. With much adoe,
they at length pitch upon a lovely brown woman, full
grown, well featur'd, quick fighted, clear skinned,
middle ftatur'd, with breads little and round, her blood
cirkling them in the pleafant blew Meanders of her
veins. Now left they fhould loofe her, if fhe went
out of their fight, fhe was hired, and entertained
into the houfe immediatly, although her Miflrifs had
five moneths to go of her fuppofed time.

Though her Husband was extafied with joy, his
Brother was moved by a contrary paflion, his folly
making him (hew it, in fo unfeemly a way, that every
one now concluded him that, which they only furmized
before, a villain, that had both ftudied and praflifed the
ruin of his neareft relations; & he was often accufed &

86 The Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

upbraided for fo doing, that he was forc'd to leave the
Town, and fmce is gone to a Cozen of his living in
Barmudus.

My time began now to draw nigh, being groan fo
bigg I could not with convenience ftir abroad, and too
reftlefs to ftayat home. As I felt any pain, Icaufed my
Miftrifs to be acquainted therewith, that fhe might be
fo too; if I felt my felf much difordered, I fent away
her confident presently to allarmher; who a<5led her
part as artificially, as I did it really. Thefe out-cries
of hers made the whole Garrifon continually ftand to
theirarms; there being about her continually the Mid
wife, Wet-Nurfe, Dry Nurfe, with many Neigh
bouring affiftants : the Maids below ready at com
mand, and a Man Midwife, if need fhould require
with fo many inftruments ready fixt, as would with
the very Iron fet up a Black-fmith: and all for the
ftrangenefs of fhape, furpaffing any rarity in Tredef-
cants Collection.

After fo many falfe allarms,a true one came at laft,
carried by our Confident aforefaid, with my Child in
her lap ; whofe very appearance was watch-word e-
nough for the Gentlewoman to exprefs the pangs of
Child-birth, which fhedid then in a moreviolent man
ner than before, imagining fomething more than or
dinary : fhe approaching the bed askt her lowdly how
fhe did, and how fhe felt her felf, and at that very in-
ftant clapt the Child into Bed to her; whoimmediate-
ly skreeking out, the Midwife ran to her, where feem-
ing to be bufied about her a while, at length takes the
Child from her, and doing with it, and her, as is ufu-
al ; the news of this her happy delivery was convey
ed to the Husband, who was near at hand, attending,
and with tears lamenting the fad pain his poor wife
underwent for him ; but the joyful tydings of having

Part 3. other Extravagants. 87

a Son born, wip'd away all thofe tears, and fo ani
mated his feeble Carkafs, that he would have en-
tred the Room, before it was either Civil, or Con
venient, had he not been ftopt by meer force. I mall
not trouble you by relating what an Univerfal re-
joyceing there was through the whole houfe, but on
ly inform you, that before the expiration of a
moneth the Child was Chriftened, being as lovely
a Child as could be born of a Woman, not any limb
or part of his body, which did not promife to ex
ceed his true Father in every thing. The Gentle
woman being up, as foon as me underfbood I was
well and fully recovered, appear'd abroad in publick,
whofe happy delivery was by all congratulated.
And to gratifie me, (he fent me an hundred pieces of
old Gold, defiring me to remove my Quarters, and
to engage my tongue eternally to conceal the fecret.
I now thought it high time to fend to my two
Gallants, who were obliged to me in bonds, the one
to pay me fourty pound, and the other fifty, upon my
delivery; they being both affured of the truth there
of, delayed me not, but fent me my moneys by the
firft conveniency, which added to my late purchafe ;
and what money I had before, made up to weighty a
portion, for fo light an Houfwife as my felf.

CHAP.

88 TJie Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

CHAP. V.

Mrs Dorothy relates fever al paff ages in the Inn: as,
how the Hoft drew Guefts to his Houfe, and tlicn
cheated them: the Boy by his Example, attempts to
cheat, but is taken in the manner; is beaten by his
Mi/iris, but is revenged of her and his M after ; is
turned over to be corrected by the Under Hoftlc, but
is wittily, and plea fantly revenged on him.

I Was now (continued Mrs Dorothy) rid of my
great Belly, and inftead of that, had a great Bag
of money ; and my Child being thus provided for, as I
have told you, I retired from the place where I had
lain in private, now to appear in publick at the Houfe
of my very good friend, the old Crony; part of whofe
Adventures I have already related to you : and fmce
you have not thought me tedious in the difcourfe I
have already made you, I fhall give you an account of
fome fuch Tranfa6lions in her Houfe, during my flay
there, which, I believe, will be no lefs pleafant than
what you have already heard: and then having made
a fhort paufe, we thufs proceeded.

The whole Family, confiding of her felf, her Hus
band, a Son of about twenty four years of Age, and
Daughter about nineteen,aChamberlain,aTapfteror
Winer, an Hoftler, Cook-maid, Scullion, and two or
three boyes; who were imployed under the others,
were all alike, knavifh enough, all guilty of fuch unpa-
rallel'd Knaveries as I have rarely heard of; and know
ing of one anothers tricks, they out-vyed one another,
ftrivingand contending which fhould exceed in Ro
guery, and fo fly and cunningly they carried it, that
'twas difficult to difcover them, efpecially when they

Part 3. other Extravagants. 89

all joyned together to cheat or abufe anybody; but
when they fell out among themfelves, they made ex
cellent fport in afling the revenges they took upon
oneanother, My Landlord loved his pleafureand pro
fit fo equally, that he made it his bufmefs to contrive
how to joyn them together; and although he com
monly had the beft Cuftom of any houfe in the town,
yet he would practice wayes to gain, and bring in
more ; among other wayes, he ufed this for one. He
would take his Horfe in an Afternoon, and ride out
fome ten or twelve miles, and fo return home again ;
but he feldome came home, but he brought Guefts
with him, which he would take up by the way, thus.
If he faw a parcel of Travellers, who he thought
to be good fellowes, and fit for his purpofe, he would
then enquire which way, and how far they travelled ;
to this they commonly anfwered, direflly ; and if
they were for our Town, then he would joyn with
them ; and foon after, his fecond queftion would be, to
know if they were acquainted at the Town, and at
what Inn they would take up their Quarters : If
they were ftrangers, and by that means indifferent
of the place where they fhould lodge ; then he told
them, that the beft Inn in the Town was his Houfe, but
not naming it to be his, or that he had any Intereft in
it, but only that he knew there was a good Hoftefs,
who had a handfome Daughter that would ufe them
well ; and he feldom miffed with this Bait to win them
to agree to go thither with him, and accordingly to
bring them home with him. But if they would not a-
gree upon the place, and he faw there was no good to
be done, then he would pretend fome excufe to ftay
behind them, & would wait for fuch company as would
at all points be for his turn; and with them would he
enter the Houfe as a Stranger : indeed he would

90 The Engli/h Rogue : Or, Part 3.

call the Chamberlain, Hoftler, and Tapfter, by their
Names ; but they, who knew their Duties, would in
no cafe fhew any Duty to him. Then would he, as
being acquainted in the Houfe, tell his Fellow Tra
vellers what provifions there was for Supper, and
would be fure to draw them up to the higheft Bill of
Fare he could. If the Hoftefs, or her Daughters com
pany were defired, he would be the forwardeft to call
them, and only treat and converfe with them as of
fome fmall acquaintance ; after fupper, he would en
deavour to draw on the Company to drink high, and
ufe all poffible means to enflame the reckoning; and
when he faw they were well heated with wine, and
the fury of their expences was over, he would pre
tend, out of good Husbandry, to call for a Reckon
ing before they went to bed, that they might not be
mif-reckoned, or ftaid from the purfuit of their Jour
ney in the Morning; to this they would commonly
agree, and the Sum totalof the reckoningbeingcaft up,
he would be the firft man that would, without fcruple,
or inquiry into the particulars, lay down his fhare,
and by his examples, the reft would follow; if any
did queftion the dearnefs of the Victuals, or the quan
tity of the drink, he would by one means or other
take them off,protefting that the Hoftefs was too ho-
neft to mif-reckon them, and that he had kept a juft
account himfelf, and was well fatisfied ; or elfe he
fhould be as cautious from parting from his money as
any of them; and then they, not diftruftinghim fur
ther, would by his example pay the (hot. Thus would
he many times, by his Crown or fix fhillings fhare,
mif-reckon on them fixteen or twenty fhillings; efpeci-
ally if they came to high drinking : and then the
reckoning being paid, they went to bed, he retiring
with his wife, and he would lye abed in the morning,

Part 3. other Extravagants. 91

and let them march off alone ; but if they, in the
Morning, did fall to drinking again, taking a hair of
the Old Dog, then would he up, and at them again,
make one at that fport,and many times put them out
of capacity to Travel that day, and fo keep them
there to his profit, and their expences; he fhifting his
Liquor, and in the end, fhifting himfelf out of their
Companies, when he has feen his Conveniency, leave-
ing them to pay roundly for their folly. If they en
quired after him, my Hoftefs would pretend he was
a Chance Gueft, as they were, only, fhe had feen him
the laft year, or fuch like; and thus he would force a
Trade, and enjoy his pleafure and profit, by joyning
them together ; and this courfe did he frequently ufe
when Guefts came not in of their own accord ; fo
that our houfe was feldome empty.

As mine Hoft,who was the Head and Chief of the
Houfe, had his tricks, fo had the reft of the Family
theirs, even the leaft in the Houfe; for there was an
unhappy boy, who was fometimes with the maid in
the Kitchin, fometimes with the Tapfter, attending
Guefts in their lodgings, and other times, with the
HoftlerandHorfes in the Stable; this boy, though he
was little was witty: and feeing that every one had
their tricks, he caft about how he might have his, and
have fome profit in the Adventure; fo that one day,
mine Hoft being abroad, and the Tapfter out of the
way, he drew the drink; and not only the Beer, but
carried bottles of wine to the Guefts, & feeing them in
a merry vain.he thought to try his skill at mif-reckon-
ing them ; and for fix bottles which he carried into
them when they came to pay, he reckoned them eight;
and though there was fome queftioning of the truth,
yet he juftified it, and ftood to it, that he had the
reckoning he demanded.

92 The Englijli Rogue : And Part 3.

This being his firft confiderable attempt in this Na
ture, for he had gained two (hillings for himfelf, he
was refolved to keep the prize for himfelf; and there
fore putting that up in his Pocket, he delivered the reft
at the Bar; the reckoning being wiped out.

But the Company falling into difcourfe, in fhort
time called for more wine, and then theTapfter being
returned, he officiated in the boyes place, and turning
him into the ftable; more wine they had, and flaying
longer than ordinary, and falling again to drinking,
they quaffed off the other half dozen bottles of wine,
and then calling to pay, the Tapfter, thinking to put
his old trick of mif-reckoning in practice, told them,
there were feven bottles to pay; but one of the com
pany who was more cautious than the reft, had made
his obfervation, and every bottle that was brought in,
he unbuttoned a button, and fo was able to aver and
juftify that there was but fix; and withal, the reft of
the company believing him, they all fell a ranting,
vowing that they would pay for no more, and farther
alledging that they were mif reckoned one or two
bottles in the laft reckoning; the Tapfter, although
he was guilty as to himfelf, yet he did not believe
them as to the other reckoning, becaufe he could not
imagine, that the boy would be fo bold as to attempt
to cheat them, and therefore he huff'd as high as they
in justification of the boy and himfelf; and fuch a
noife they made, that the Hoftefs went in to knowthe
caufe of that clamour : they at firft were fo hot on both
fides, that they would not hear her fpeak, neither did
they fpeak reafonably themfelves; but in the end fhe
underftood the matter, that they were wconged of
one or two bottles by the Boy, and one by theTapfter;
fhe hearing the matter, did not fo much ftand to j uft ifie

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 93

and vindicate the Tapfter, whom fhe did imagine was
guilty, but as for the boy.fhe was very confident, that
he had not wronged them, and when the heat of their
anger was fomewhat over, fhe examined particulars
enquiring how many bottles they paid for, they faid
eight : fhe who had not fo foon forgotten what fhe
had received, averred that fhe had but fix Jliillings for
wine, and therefore it was a miftake ; they ftill al-
edged eight, and fheyur : till now nobody could end
the controverfie but the boy, who was fought after,
and in fhort time found in the hayloft afleep, or medi
tating how he fhould beftow his purchafed Treafure ;
but being found, he was without any queftions there
immediately led away before the Gentlemen and his
Miftrefs, who were to be judges of this matter of fact.
The queftion was foon ftated to him, and he too well
underftood the matter, which he ftoutly deny'd,
but there was quickly fuch clear evidence appeared
againft him, that he was found guilty; for he not
dreaming or miftrufting any fuch matter, had not con
veyed the money away, fo but that the pockets being
fearched, there the two Jliillings were found, to the
great fhame and confufion of the fmall delinquent :
this was to the great amazement of the Guefls, his
Miftrefs, and the Tapfter; but the money being laid
down, and two bottles wine being brought in for it,
the Gentlemen were well enough pleafed, and made
no further enquiry into the other bottle, which
the Tapfter had likewife mif-reckoned them ; fo
that he fcaped without fhame or punifhment, fo
did not the boy, who was not only afhamed, but was
ordered to be feverely punifhed, and therefore the
next morning was fetched up by the under Hoftler,
(one who was not fo wife as the boy, though in
growth he was much biggar) with a Cat of nine tailes,

94 The EngliJJi Rogue : And Part 3.

which gave fo great an impreffion on the poor boyes
buttocks, that he was refolved on a revenge, which he
effected, as I fhall prefently tell you. This boy was
now looked on as an errant cunning Rogue, and one
who without good looking to would be too wife for
them all, for he had prefumed to mif-reckon twoyftz'/-
lings in fixy7«Y//;/£-.r,and put it all into his own pocket,
whereas the Tapfter who was a proficient in cheat
ing, and licenfed therein (but with this provifo, that
half of what he gained thereby was to be paid to his
Miftrefs) only endeavoured to mif-reckon one Jhil-
ling in fix ; fo that, I fay, the boy was narrowly
watched, and had many a blow on the back, and box
on the ear, more than formerly; he who knew he had
deferved it, for he was guilty of many petty wag
geries, was forced to bear, but however he made pro-
vifion againft it, for his Miftrefs ufmg to pommel him
on the fhoulders with her fift, he one time took a pa
per of pins, flicking them with the points upwards,
placed them between his Doublet and Caffock; and
his Miftrefs ftriking him, as fhe was wont to do, did
light upon the pins, pricked her hand till the blood ran
down her fingers ends, and the boy running away, fhe
could not imagine how this was done, for fhe faw no
thing upon his coat, that fhould caufe it ; fo the boy
getting away, removed the paper with pins, and there
was an end of the matter for that time. The Miftrefs
rinding fhe had fuffered by ftriking him on the fhoul
ders, would come no more there with her bare hands ;
but ufed a cudgel, if it were near her, and if not fhe
would ufe to flap him on the mouth with the back of
her hand ; and one time, he being in the Kitchen, and
fhe running after him to ftrike him, he claps a knife,
which lay near him, into his mouth, with the edge
outwards, fhe not minding that, but endeavouring and

Part 3. other Extravagant* t 95

intending to give him a great blow did fo, but to her
coft, for fhe cut her knuckles in fuch pitious manner,
that the blood ran down abundantly, and now it was
no fooling matter, but Chyrurgions work, where
fore one was fent for, and the boy ran away to his
wonted dormitory, the hay-loft. The Miftrefs took
her Chamber, and towards Evening the Matter came
home, and bringing with him fome Guefts, he foon
miffed his wife, and thereby knew the occafion of her
retirement, and it was not long ere he faw the boy,
the Authour of the harm ; he therefore took up a
cudgel, and ran haftily after the Boy, who fearing the
danger, betook him to his heels, and ran crofs a dung
hill in the yard ; the Mafter being eager to purfue the
boy, did not take the fame courfe the boy had done,
who had paffed over a board he had laid there on pur-
pofe, but the Mafter miffing of that, went on one
fide, and fell into a great filthy hole, which by reafon
of much wet and rain, was there flightly covered ;
and had he not been helped out by the Hoftler, he
might have ftifled; he having recovered his feet,
left the purfuit of the boy, and was forc'd to be con
ducted to bed, which was to his great grief and dam-
mage, for he had fpoiled his cloaths, wet himfelf, and
which was worft of all, he by this means was difap-
pointed of his purpofe in making a prey of his guefts
he had brought in with him to that purpofe. But the
Tapfter and others, did their beft in that behalf, and the
Boy was again committed to the difciplination af the
under Hoftler, who by the command of his Mafter,
almoft flead the poor boys buttocks.

The Boy was now revenged of his Mafter and
Miftrefs, who finding him fo unlucky, had no great
mind to meddle with him, neither did the Boy ftuddy
any revenge upon them ; but fo often as he faw the

96 The Englifli Rogue : And Part 3.

under- Hoftler, who had now twice been his tormen
tor, his blood would boyle at him, and all his ftudy
was to be even with him ; and thereupon he watched
for all opportunities, and it was not long ere he found
one. There was meat at the fire to be roafted, and he
was ordered to look to and wind up the Jack, which
was made to go by a ftone weight, which was faftned
to pulleys, and when the Jack was woond up, the
ftone weight being on the out-fide of the houfe, was
drawn up two ftoryes high, to the eves of the houfe ;
the boy obferving this, and that the Jack-weight was
down, and feeing his Enemy the under Hoftler in the
Yard, juft by the jack- weight he lifted that off from
the hook, and conveighed it under the girdle of the
Hoftler, juft behind, he not perceiving it : when hehad
thus done, he ran into the Kitchin, and woond up the
Jack, the Hoftler being none of the wifeft, wondered
what it was that firft of all held him by the back, and
afterwards drew him up from the ground; but it was
too late ere he difcovered the truth, for he was now
hanging in the aire; his girdle was of ftrong leather,
with a great brafs buckle and thong, which he could
not poffibly undo ; neither durft he attempt it for fear
of falling, and therefore he was in fhort time drawn
up to the top ; the boy not thinking this revenge not
enough, feeing no body came, proceeded further, and
taking a parcel of wet horfe-litter, and fome dry hay,
he placed it juft underneath the Hoftler, and fet fire to
it, which made fuch a fmother and frnoke, that the
poor Hoftlerwasalmoftchoaked, wherefore he roared
out moft hideoufly; the boy having done all he in
tended, faid, Now remember tJie Cat ivit/i nine tayles,
and fo ran away; by this time the Hoftler made fo
much noife, and the jack together, being forced by
weight to go fafter than ordinary, that at the noife all

Part 3. oilier Extravagant*. 97

the houfhold ran to fee what was the matter, when, in
fhort, there was found the poor Hoftler hanging be
tween heaven and earth, and with coughing and roar
ing he purged forwards and backwards, but moft
backwards ; in regard his girdle forced it downwards
by preffing and gripeing his ftomach, fo that he was
in a moft lamentable pickle ; and fo great was the afto-
nifhment of all the beholders, that he was come down
almoft to the bottom, ere the fmoaking hay was re
moved, or he relieved ; but at length down he came,
and thus ended this adventure.

CHAP. VIII.

The Boy learns, and praflifes Vaulting and tumbling,
the maidfervant attempting to do the like, is intang-
led, caught in the manner, and laughed at : Jhe puts a
trick upon a Puritanical Church- Warden, and
makes the boy by another trick, to lye in bed, and
lofe his dinner; he is revenged on her by a Gun
powder plot.

MRS. Dorothy putting a ftop to her difcourfe,
gave us conveniency and leifure to exprefs our
fatisfaction by our laughter, in which we continued
for fome fpace, and then rehearfmg and commenting
on what (he had told us, we again renewed our laugh
ter, fhe joyning with us in the fame exercife, when we
had put a ftop to our mirth, fhe thus continued.

Truly, Friends, I did think I might a little di
vert you by my relation ; but I fee you are plea-
fed much better than I expe6led, and if you are

H

98 The Englijh Rogue : And Part 3.

fo well contented with this which is but a tafte of
what I can tell you, I am fure the reft would be much
more delightful; but being defirous to put an end to
my difcourfe, by relating to you fuch matters as only
concern my felf, till my arrival here, I therefore beg
your excufe. Nay, replyed I, and Miftrefs Mary,
you muft not refufe us the requeft we both make you,
of proceeding in thefe pleafing Adventures of your
houfhold ; and, continued I, it is enough to know
and find you are here with us, we are fatisfied in that,
and hope you will give us the other fatisfa6lion we de-
fire ; and I pray be as full and free in your recital as
you can, for we cannot think any thing to be tedious
that is fo pleafant ; fhe hearing my defires, after few
excufes, agreed thereto ; and thereupon fhe thus re-
affumed the difcourfe.

The poor under Hoftler being thus defcended from
his place of Torment, was almoft in as pitiful a plight
as one taken down from the Gibbet half hanged to be
quartered; he had as little motion or fenfe ; for he
was almoft fuffocated with the fmoak that afcended
and flew up his nofe, and down his throat ; and asMa-
lefaflors do (as they fay) pifs for fear, or fome other
caufe, fo had he done ; and not only fo, but we could
perceive fomewhat elfe, of a yellowifh colour, that
had foaked through his breeches, run down his ftock-
ings, fo that few would touch him ; but at length, the
Hoftler, his fuperiour, confidering his condition and
former good fervice, took him up, and carried him
to his bed adjoyning to the Stable; where, with the
afliftance of Aqua vita, he was foon brought to his
former fenfes. Our young Rogue in the mean time ly
ing in the Hay-loft over him, laughing at the roguery
he had done, and the groans he heard the poor fellow

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 99

fetch, were as fo many inftruments of mufick to raife
his laughter to the higher pitch.

This Rogue, who wanted nothing fo much as Ro
ping, or a good Cat of nine tailes, now efcap'd with
out either; there being no body in the whole houfe
that hadanymind to meddlewith him ; hewas threat -
ned by fome, whilft others only laughed at him, and
he went merrily about his bufmefs: and to conclude,
much company coming that day to the houfe, and the
particulars of the Adventure being told them, they
fent for the boy and Hoftler ; and after feveral quefti-
ons, and much laughter, they made them drink to one
another, and become Friends.

The boy being thus freed from punifhment, fet his
wits at work, how he might employ his time to the
beft advantage, and be getting of money as well as
the reft of the Family did ; and foon after there being
a fair at our Town, among other fooleries that atten
ded it, there were a parcel of Rope-Dancers, and
Tumblers ; our boy was Mafter of fo much money, as
to fee them two or three times ; and having very much
affection to that quality, he purchafed acquaintance
with fuch another Crack Rope as himfelf, who was a
very nimble and ac~live youth at the Art of Vaulting;
him he invites to our houfe, and treating him with
fuch as the Houfe afforded, by all means defires his in-
ftruflions in that nimble miftery ; hefoonaffented,and
our boy being ingenuous, and very willing to learn,
foon attains to the knowledg of this miftery, and taking
all opportunities of pra6lifmg, could foon leap through
a hoop, vault over two or three joynt ftools, tumble
on the ground in various manners ; and being a pretty
proficient, had money feveral times given him by
Guefts that came to our houfe, for mewing his tricks ;
by vertue of his money he would brag and vapour as

IOO The Englijh Rogue: And Part 3.

well as the beft in the houfe ; and the reft of the fer-
vants feeing his gain would attemptto do the like, but
many times came off with the breaking of their fhins ;
amongft the reft, the Cook maid had a mighty great
itch to learn and practife fome of thefe tricks belike,
fuppofmg that if he, who was a boy, did get fo much
money by them, that then fhe might gain much more
being a maid ; and that fhe might as well do them as
he; the obftacle of Petticoats fhe removed by, re-
folving when fhe had learned, to have a pair of Bree
ches and Doublet for that purpofe, and that fhe quefti-
oned not, but to get money enough, it being a greater
Novelty to fee a woman in breeches ; but before fhe
purchafed them, fhe refolved to practice in her ordina
ry Habit, her Petticoats, and did fo when fhe had con
venient time and place ; fo that fhe likewife could per
form fomwhat in that practice. One time moft of the
other fervants being abroad, fhe was fent into the Cel
lar to draw a Gallon Pot full of Claret Wine ; fhe
believing it would be fome time ere it were full, by
reafon it ran only through a fmall Cane whileft the
Pot was filling, fhe lies down on her back, and refol
ved now to try whether fhe could put her feet in her
neck, in order to practice fome new trick of tumb
ling; fhee foon put one there, and with fome diffi
culty likewife put the other, when fhe had fo done,
fhe could not poffibly undoe what fhe had done, her
feet were as faft to her neck, as if they had grown
there; and though fhe tumbled and toffed, yet it was
all to no purpofe, for fhe could not by any means dif-
entangle, or difengage her felf from the pofture fhe
was in ; fhe finding her felf in this condition, knew
not what to do, for the Pot was now full, and
the Wine ran about the Cellar, and with tumb
ling about fhe had made her Coats to fly about her

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 101

ears ; at length fhe refolved to cry out, hoping her
Miftrefs, or fome other of the females of the houfe
might hear her, and come to her refcue ; this refo-
lution fhe put in execution, and cryed out amain,
help, help ; we were all in the Room over her,
and therefore foon heard her voice, but not knowing
whofe, or what was the matter ; mine Hoft at length
faid to the boy, firrah, run down into Cellar, and fee
what is the matter there ; the boy did fo, and after
fome little ftay came up again, and cryes out, Oh
.Heavens! Mafter, I think our Cook-maid is murthered
for I went down, and there lyes her body without a
Head, and a great deal of blood about her (which
was the fpilt Claret) but, faid his Mafter, are you
fure her head was off? yes, yes, faid the boy, come fee
how it is cut of from the neck ; and yet, continued he,
I cannot think fhe is yet dead, for fhe moved her
hands, and ftill cryes out, but her head I cannot find.
Mine Hoft hearing of this ftrange matter, foon ran
down into the Cellar, which was not fo dark, nor he
fo dim fighted, but he prefently difcovered how the
matter was. The only thing he did, was to flop the
Wine from running out, by putting the fpiggot into
the faucet, and fo returned up to us, and told us that
the boy was a little miftaken ; but fuch a fight had he
feen as was very unufual ; and thereupon defires us to
defend into the Cellar, and fee what he had done; no
fooner had he faid fo ; but our curiofities likewife in
duced us to go down, where in fhort time we likewife
had the fatisfaclion of feeing this ftrange fight : how
faid I, this is fome Monfter, and it would do well to
keep it in this manner till the next fair, and then we
may gain more by it then all the Tumblers did. A
pox of Tumbling, faid mine Hoftefs, I believe this
came from that Exercife.

H3

102 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

We thus having fpent our Verdi6ls, helped the
wench to difingage her felf,and put her in her wonted
natural pofture ; but when fhe was fo, fhe was not
come to her felf, fo much was fhe fpent with ftrugling,
and her joynts were fo out of order, that we were
forced to lead her up flairs, and put her to bed.

She was mightily afhamedat thismifchance, fothat
we couldhardly perfwade her to be feen by anybody ;
but the boy was as well pleafed, as fhe was troubled ;
it was honey and nuts to him to tell the guefts, how
the Cook-maid could do fome feats of activity, as
well as he, and then relate to them, in what pofture he
found her. Much fport was made upon this account ;
and although the Wench was fhy atfirft in being feen,
yet in time fhe bore it out bravely, \vhen the guefts
gave her money to talk with her about this Adventure.

By this means the wench became a great Enemy to
the boy, and did him many fhrew'd turns, but durft
not meddle with his body politick, dreading the dan
ger fhe fhould run into by the harmes of others who
had been his perfecutors ; wherefore fhe was forced
to let him alone as to matter of a6tion, only now and
then fhe would exercife her wit upon him, in which
fhe feldome came off but with the difadvantage.
She was famous for this her trick of activity, by
which fhe got money, but much more by another,
which fhe foon after effected, and came more clearly
off with it : It was then in time of rebellion, and all
obfervations oiChriftmas, E after, Whitfontide,or any
Holy-days, were by the Factious accounted fu-
perftitious, efpecially any obfervation of C/iriftmas;
and therefore, the more tocrofsthe defire and humour
of thofe who would obferve the feaft oiCkriftmas, the
men then in power commanded a ftricl: faft to be on
that day kept and obferved, with penalties on all thofe

Part 3. oilier Extravagant*. 103

who fhould drefs any victuals ; and althorough the
Town, and efpecially our houfe, was of another per-
fwation, yet fuch was the prevalency of the Faction,
thatit,wasftric~llyobferved; & itwas given out that the
Officers of the Town would fearch houfes, to find and
punifh Offenders. Our Cook-maid hearing of this,
was refolved to put a trick upon the Officers ; who
about the middle of Sermon time came attended with
a Guard, to fee and examine our Kitching, where they
found not the Jack a going, yet they found a good
fire, and the pot a boyling : How now, faid Mafter
Church warden, How dare you break the Lawes, by
drejfing victuals on this day? What have yon in t/iePot?
Quoth the Maid, Nothing but plumb porridg? How,
faid the Church-warden, Stiperjlitious Porridg ? this
is a very great off ence,anddefervcs as great punifhment,
to do thus in contempt of tJie Laws ; I ivill fee your
M after fined for this, and Jeverely punijhed. Well, re-
plyed fhe, but I pray, Majler Church-warden, be not
fo angry, but be pacified; which I know you will be, when
you fee further what is in the Pot, and with what the
porridgearemade; andlejlyou fhouldmijlakelwilljhew
you; whereupon fhe went to the Pot and took out a
large pair of Rams-horns, and faid,Z,<?0£ you, Mafter
Church-warden,//«jw tJiemeat; Jiowlikeyouit? I hope
fo well, that you will tajl of the broath y our f elf without
fcruple of confcience ? The cafe was fo plain, and
M after-Church- warden was fo fenfible that he was
jeer'd, that he made all poffible hafte out of the houfe,
threatning what he would do to the Wench, who
now only laughed at him, as did fome of his atten
dants, who knew the Church-warden was very fenfi
ble of the affront, his wife being one of thofe who
wore cork-heeld fhoes, which made her pafs for a
light Huswife, as indeed fhe was.

H4

IO4 The Englifh Rogue ; And Part 3

This trick which our Maid put upon the Church
warden, raifed agreat noife in the Town and Country,
and brought all the Cavileers to our houfe, who gave
her fomewhat to her box, fo that me was very happy
in this project, and our Hofthad very great Cuftom.
But ftill the Boy and Wench could not agree to fet
their horfes together ; for his bufmefs was to be up
in the morning with the firft, and help her make her
fire, this he could not indure, for he loved his bed
mightily well, and would rather want his belly full
of victuals, then fleep, he had liberty to lye a bed on
a Sunday fo long as he pleafed, becaufe then they
had few guefts ; wherefore he would conftantly lye
by it, till dinner time, which he knew by the jack
going ; for fo long as the jack went, fo long would
he lie by it, but when that was ftopt, he thought
it was time, to rife to dinner.

The wench obferving that he obferved thisCuftome
was refolved to put a trick on him, and therefore one
Sunday though dinner was dreffed by twelve a clock,
and eaten by one, yet fhe let the Jack go on till four
a Clock after-noon, ftill the boy lay liftning to the
Jacks going; and hearing that go ftill on, gave himfelf
to lazynefs, and took many a fweet turn, which fhe
laughed at heartily; at length fhe ftopt the Jack, and
immediately the boy arofe, and came down ftairs (for
he lay in a fmall loft over the Kitchin) to fee what
was become of the roaft; but he found none in the
Kitchin, nor Hall, nor no body in the houfe but the
wench ; who feeing him fearch about for his Dinner,
and afkingher queftions about the affairs of the belly,
fhe could not anfwer him for laughing; but foon after
the family returning from Church, he difcovered his
own miftake, and her roguery ; for this, he refolved
on a revenge, which he had upon her the next day,

Part 3. otJter Extravagants. 105

when, a confiderable dinner being to be dreffed; he
was called up in the morning to make a fire ; he did fo,
and was more than ordinarily diligent, for he laid a
row of Cinders, then frefh Coals, then a row of gun
powder, then a row of Cinders, then more gun-pow
der, and fo Cinders, till this pile of building was e-
rected ; that done, he flightly kindled it and departed,
going on an errand out of the Town. The Wench
not knowing, or diftrufting the intended mifchief,
hung on her Pot ; and both the Spits of Geefe, Ca
pons, and other Fowls ; but before they were a quar
ter roafted, the train of Powder took ; with that up
flew the Pot ; and both the Spits, with all the Fowl,
took a fecond flight ; the Wench was amazed, and
the Dinner fpoiled, for the aflies and Cinders had
made all the Fowls of a fad colour: fo thatthe Wench
ftamped and fwore, as if fhe had been bewitch'd.

CHAP. IX.

The Maid is out-witted by a Country Fellow in an
eateing wager, and fo is Jter M after, mine Hoft ;
who makes himfelf wlwle again by anollter eating
wager. Three Women drink off eighteen Gallons of
RJieniJJi Wine at one fitting, and tlie manner how.

MR S. Dorothy paufing, and we laughing, gave
her the conveniency to confider of what (he
was to fay further ; wherefore in Ihort time fhe thus
proceeded.

106 The Englifh Rogue ; And Part 3.

The poor Wench was at a great lofs, to think that
the Guefts muft loofe their dinner ; and fhe could not
for a long time think how this came about, nor dif-
truft that the boy had been concerned in it ; but at
length, the mift being removed, her eyes were opened,
and fhe believed the boy to be the Authour of this
mifchief. But fince it was done, and what was paft
could not be prevented or helped ; fhe bethought her
felf how to proceed ; and therefore, her Miftrefs com
ing into the Kitchin, and feeing the ftate of the matter,
they likewife called me and the Daughter, to aflift in
the remedy ; whilft the Wench made the fire good,
we fell to wafhing the Fowls from the fowlenefs
which the Cinders and Afhes had caufed ; but when
that was done, we had a further and more tedious
work, to pick out feveral corns of powder that were
faftned into the {kins of the Fowls ; at length, with
many hands, we likewife performed this work, and
with an hours lofs, the Dinner was in as much for-
wardnefs as it had been ; and at length, it wasdreffed
and eaten ; but the Guefts tafting, and feeing fome
remains of the Gun-powder, my Hoft excufed it well
enough, by telling them that thofe Fowles were fhot
by an accident.

Thus was the Dinner eaten, and much Wine drank
off before the boy returned ; but fo foon as he came
in, mine Hoft took him by the hand, and led him into
the room where the Guefts were ftill a drinking: and
firft defireing filence, and then their pardon, he told
them this was the Gunner, that had fhot all thofe
Fowls they had eaten, at one fhot ; how, faid they, he
is an excellent marks-man : yes truly, faid mine Hoft,
but he had a ftrange kind of inftrumenttodo this Ex
ecution; and I pray, Gentlemen, do you examine him
how it was done.

Part 3. otJter Extravagant*. 107

The Guefts thinking there was fomewhat in the
matter that was pleafant, defired the boy to acquaint
them with it; he feeing how matters went, and believ
ing no harm would come to him, in plain terms told
them all ; they were ftrangely pleafed with the boyes
difcourfe ; and he having told them the manner how
he did it, they defired to know the caufe, wherefore ;
to this he replyed, it was becaufe the maid had
cheated him of his Dinner, by letting the Jack to go,
as I told you.

The rehearfal of that Adventure pleafed them as
much as the other ; and the maid was call'd in, who
confeffing all that the boy had told them, the Guefts
made them Friends, and gave money to each of
them ; advifing the Wench not by any means to fall
out with the boy, and fo they difmifled them.

Thus had we much pleafure by Adventures, which
every day fell out between this boy and fome body or
other, but I will leave that, to tell you of fomewhat
elfe, as confiderable and pleafant. Our Cook-maid,
though fhe were pretty cunning and witty ; was yet
fometimes out-witted ; for one day, an ordinary
Country fellow came into the Kitchin ; and calling
for a Flaggon of beer, fate down by the fire to drink
it and thus he began with the Wench : Here is good
drink at your houfe, but I wonder you are not as well
provided with Victuals ; why, faid fhe, fo we are, for
here is good meat at the fire, mewing him a piece of
roaft beef, that weighed above a ftone ; yes, faid he
again, the meat may be good, but there is but a little
of it, there is enough for you, replyed fhe ; no, but
there is not, faid he ; how, faid fhe, can you eat all
this ? Yes, that I can, faid he ; Tie lay a wager of
that, faid fhe ; what you dare, faid the man, fhe would
have the wager be a quart of wine (for fhe was

io8 The Englijli Rogue ; And Part 3.

refolved again ft money wagers) nay, faid the Man, a
pint is enough for me with this meat, and fo much will
I lay : She thinking, that the lefs me layd the lefs me
mould lofe, if me )oft, and being very defirous to fee
this great wager of eating performed, agreed to his
Terms, and thereupon he fell too luftily, and did eat
confiderably, but far fhort of all, fo that he confented
his wager to be loft, and the pint of wine was called
for ; he feizing on it firft, put it to his nofe, and drank
all off; and throwing down fix pence for his pint of
wine, and twopence for his pot of beer, was departing,
when her Miftrefs, mine Hoftefs, enters the Kitchin,
and feeing the fellow departing, afked who muft pay
for the meat ? Not I, faid the fellow ; Nor I, faid the
wench, fo that a controverfiearofe between them; but
mine Hoft and fome company coming in, ended it,
by ajudging, that fince the Country-man called for no
meat, it was not fit he mould pay for it, and he not
paying, the maid muft, which me prefently did it,
but was laughed at for her folly. But me was not the
only over-reach'd perfon in the houfe, for it was not
long ere mine Hoft himfelf was finely caught.

There came three men, who although they were
neighbours, and famous for eating, yet mine Hoft not
knowing them, they thus over-reach'd him : they
came to fup, and lye there that night, and therefore
went into the Kitchin to fee what was for Supper.
There was Capons, Pidgeons, and Sparagus : Very
good meat, faid they : Now, mine Hoft, what
fhall we give you a peice for our fupper of thefe
three forts of victuals ? He asked, how much they
would have dreft : they asked him the fame
queftion, How much he would drefs : Why, faid
he, I will drefs three Capons, three dozen of

Part 3. otJier Extravagant*. 109

Pidgeons, and fifteen hundred of Sparagus. Very
good, faid they : but if this be not enough, we
expe6l to have more. That you (hall, faid he ;
but you (hall fup firft, and I hope there will be
enough for my felf and family, when you have
done. For that, you muft adventure it, faid they ;
Well now, your price? Said mine Hoft, I will have
three /hillings four pence a piece, that is, tenJJiillings
in all. Content, faid they; Make hafte that we
may drink afterwards. Thus was the Bargain made
up, and the Fowls laid down to the fire. In the mean
time the three Travellers fetched a walk, to get them
(as they faid) a ftomack to their Supper ; which in
convenient time being ready, and they returned, they
thus began ; each of the three took, each of them, a
Capon whole on their trenchers ; and cutting them
into pieces, they made one mouthful of each wing, a-
nother of each leg ; and fcraping all the meat from
the Carcafs, into two or three mouth-fuls, the Capons
were invifible; then they drank each his cup of Cla
ret, to whet their appetites ; that being done, they fell
to the Pidgeons, and cutting each Pidgeon into four,
quarters, they eat them, bones and all, at four bits ;
and then they drank again, and fell to the Sparagus,
which was in (hort time beftowed where the reft of
the victuals was; mine Hoft feeing them fo quick at
their work, ftared at them, and they calling for another
glafs of wine drank to him, and told him, that he muft
provide more victuals, or lofe his wager, he being angry
at both their propofitions, at length thought it was
better to let them have more meat, than not to be paid
for what they had, and be laughed at into the Bargain ;
wherefore he replyed, they (hould have enough ; and
calling for the Cook-maid, commanded her to
drefs the fame quantity of victuals; (he daring

1 10 The Englijh Rogue-. And Part 3.

on the Guefts, they bad her go down, and make hafte
for they wanted their fupper : down (he went, and did
accordingly ; and whilft fupper was drefling, they
walked and fmoak'd, in their Chamber. In time the
other courfe, confiding of three Capons, three dozen
of Pigeons, and fifteen hundred of Sparagus was
brought up, and in as little time as before it was eaten
up, as the former had been to the great coft, lofs, and
confufion of mine Hoft ; who flared now worfe than
he had done; but however he again asked them, if
they would have any more ; to this they readily re-
plyed, Yes. He again called, and the Cook maid being
come up, was commanded to drefs the fame quantity
again, and that quickly: She replyed, fhe could not,
for all the Fowl that was killed, was eaten ; and it
would be a great while, ere fhe could kill, pull and
drefs the like quantity; befides, there was no more
Sparagus then to be had ; they told mine Hoft they
muft have their bargain, or he lofe his wager : he re
plyed, if he could not furnifh them with that, yet they
might have of any other fort of victuals: they faid,
they would have that, or none, or elfe a third way,
come to compofition, to this mine Hoft gave ear, and
asked what compofition : they told him, that indeed
though they could give a difpatch to more victuals,
yet they would for once forbear further eating, and
exchange their victuals for drink : fo they reckoned
what their other mefs of victuals might come to, which
being computed to ten millings, theydefired ten fhil-
lings worth of wine. Mine Hoft fhook his head at this
and faid, they did him too hard, which they con-
feffing, and a little further difcourfmg on, it was a-
greed that they fhould have each of them a quart of
Canary, in full fatisfaction of the wager: this they
had, this they drank off, and fo went to bed, where

Part 3. otlier Extravagants. Ill

they flept more foundly then mine Hoft, who with all
his Family went fupperlefs to bed ; and he was ex-
treamly vex'd, that he fliould be out-witted and over
reached by three Bumpkins; but what could not be
cured muft be endured ; itwas but a folly to complain,
felf do, felf have, and now he remember'd the wager
between the Cook-maid and Country-man, and had
no caufe to laugh at her anymore. Night being fpent,
part in fleep, and part in thefe cogitations, he arofe,
and fo did his guefls, who honeftly paid their fhot,
though not half fo much as their reckoning came to ;
and at departure they told him, that if ever he had oc-
cafion for an eating wager, if he would fend for
any of them, they would do their weak endea
vours to aflift him as much to his gain as this had
been to his lofs ; and thereupon acquainted him with
the places of their dwellings, they departed : and in
deed, it was not long ere he had occafion to make ufe
of them ; for a Perfon of Quality, being to travel our
Road, fent his boy before to our houfe to befpeak a
Supper; the boy, having miftook his Mafter in his
direction, inftead of a couple of Capons, and a dozen
of Larks, which he had ordered him to befpeak, he
befpeak, a dozen of Capons, and a Couple of Larks,
mine Hoft did fomewhat diftruft the boy for his di
rections, when he fpake of a couple of Larks, and
told him furelyhe was miftaken,he muft have two do
zen of Larks ; no, faid the boy, my Mafter is but a
fmall eater, and the dozen of Capons and the two
Larkswill beenough for him and his Company, which
is but one Gentleman, befides himfelf ; well, replyed
mine Hoft, however Fie provide two dozen of Larks;
and if your Mafter will not eat them, Fie have them
my felf; to this the boy confented, and the fowls
were ordered to be drefled accordingly : mine Hoft

112 The EngliJJi Rogue \ And Part 3.

was very fenfible of the miftake, and that the Boy
fhould have befpoke but two Capons, and a dozen
of Larks ; but however, the boy being fo confident
that it was a dozen of Capons, he was refol-
ved to drefs them, and that his Mafter fhould pay
for them; but left they fhould be left on his
hands, and deducted for, he bethought on a way to
have them difpatched ; wherefore he difpatched away
a boy to one of his three Capon and Pidgeon eaters,
defiring him to favour him fo far, as to come that
evening to his houfe; for he did believe he might do
him a kindnefs in fome affairs relating to the teeth and
guts. The Country man was at home, and came at
his time : but before he came, the Mafter of the boy
came thither, and asking what was for Supper, was
anfwered, a dozen of Capons, and two dozen of
Larks ; and for whom is all this provifion ? faid the
Gentleman. For your worfhip, faid mine Hoft: how
fo, faid the Gentleman, by whofe order? by your
fervants, replyed mine Hoft; and thereupon the boy
being called, firrah, faid his Mafter, what orders did I
give you about myfupper? Sir, faid the boy, I be
lieve there is a miftake, and fo I told mine Hoft. For
I only befpake a dozen of Capons, and a couple of
Larks ; and he faid, it was too little, and that he would
drefs two dozen of Larks. The Gentleman and his
Friend laughed attheBoyes miftake, and excufe; and
mine Hoft faid, that he thought two dozen of Larks
was little enough for one dozen of Capons. That is
true, faid the Gentleman ; but I ordered the boy to be-
fpeak only a couple of Capons, and a dozen of Larks.
You fee faid mine Hoft, It is not my miftake, and I
did nothing but was reasonable. I but, faid the Gen
tleman, it is unreafonable to think, that we two and
the boy can eat fo much as you have provided for us;

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 113

not fo unreafonable neither, as you think, Sir, reply-
ed mine Hoft ; for I'le lay a good wager, that Tie pro
duce one man, that can, and will eat up all the Capons
himfelf ; how, faid the Gentleman ? I'le never believe
that, and I'le lay twenty (hillings of it, and venture my
Supper; done, faid mine Hoft; done, faid the Gentle
man ; and fo both their moneys were laid into the o-
ther Gentlemans hand. Thus was this wagerconclud-
edof and mine Hoftwenttohis Teeth and Gut-Cham
pion, who attended the fport; he told him the wager;
to that he fhook his head, and faid it was a hard tafk ;
but he would ftrive to ferve him. Supper being ready,
it was Ufheredinbymine Hoft, leading his Champion
by the hand ; who, after due reverance to the Com
pany, fits down ; and the meat being placed on the
board, the wager was again recited ; and it was fur
ther agreed, that the Champion might have what drink
he would call for ; and thereupon he began to ufe his
teeth, and the reft of the Company their eyes, to be
hold the manner how he made fo quick a difpatch of
his Victuals. I told you already how, and in that man
ner he did eat ; but now being to do much, he took
more time than ordinary ; but in time, ten of the
twelve were made invifible, being put into our Gut-
mongers Chriftmas Cup-board, and the eleventh was
on his Trencher, and part of it fent down his belly,
when mine Hoft looked on him with a more than curi
ous eye, and difcovered fomewhat of difcontent, which
caufed him to cry out, Come Friend! bear up, and
here's to you ; thank you, replyed the Eater ; and
taking the drink from mine Hoft, he whifpering
him in the ear, faid ; You have loft, I can eat no
more. How, faid the Gentleman, what fayes he ?
Nothing, faid mine Hoft, but that he is fure you
have loft, for he can eat a dozen more : How,

I

114 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

replyed the Gentle-man, but by my faith he lhall
not, for i'le have this my felf for my Supper : and
thereupon he feized on the twelfth Capon, and laying
it on his Trencher, cuts it in peices, and gives to his
Friend. Nay then, faid mine Hoft, I fee you agree
the wager to be mine : yes, replyed the Gentleman,
I had better do fo, than fill his belly, and lofe my
own fupper ; and thereupon the money was given to
mine Hoft ; who now, meerly by his quicknefs of
wit in thinking, and confidence in fpeaking fo contra
ry to the Eaters faying, won the wager ; and, which
was moft, faving his own credit, and that of his Cham
pion, who clearly confefled, that the wager was in
great danger to be loft.

Thus did mine Hoft get as much as he loft by the
former wager, and the Gentleman was well pleafed
at the lofs of his ; and all parties being contented,
they went to bed, and next day parted.

And now, continued Mrs. DorotJiy, that my hand
is in, I'le tell you one Story more of the like nature,
and fo conclude with this eating difcourfe.

It was not long ere fome Company came to the
Houfe, and in the Company three Women, who were
good girls, abfolute Botia Robots, they had a great
defire to drink RheniJJi wine, and therefore afked if
we had any ? Mine Hoft told them yes, he had a
Runlet of eighteen Gallons newly come in, and it was
excellent good ; the women faid that would hardly
ferve one fitting: no faid one of the Gentle-men furely
it will : they faid no, they would wager that they
themfelves could drink it off at one fitting. The Gen
tleman told them that if they would, he would not
only pay for it, but alfo give unto each of them forty
Ihillings, to buy a new Petticoat ; this they agreed
. to, nay, they faid they would not rife from their feats

Part 3. otJier Extravagant*. 1 1 5

e're it was done, provided they might have Anchoves,
and Neats-tongues, and fuch like viclualsto intermix :
this was agreed on, and that they might the more
conveniently do their bufmefs, they had each of them
an empty Butter-firkin with the head knock'd off, and
fo taking up their Coates, they laid their bare bums
on the firkins, thus they fate, and thus they drank,
fometimes eating and other whiles talking, fo that in
four hours time, all the wine was drank off, and if
they had occafion to evacuate, they did that without
trouble fitting as they did on butter-firkins.

CHAP. X.

Mrs. Dorothy difconrfes of tJte feveral cheats of
Drawers attd Tappers, inventing bad drink and
fmall meafure. Tlie Ho ft carries two men before the
Juftice, where lie came off with tJie lofs. He is out
witted by two Guejls, hit is revenged on t/iem by the
boyes ajfiftance.

THefe were the frolicks we daily had at our houfe,
which were commonly to the profit of mine
Hoft ; for whoever won or loft he went away with
the profit and gain ; and indeed his gain was very
great both in his victuals and drink, for when wine
was to be fold at eighteen pence the quart, we had
two millings or half a crown, and that we might not
come within the compafs of the law, to every bottle
of Wine, a fmall plate of Olives was carried up,

I 2

Il6 The Englifo Rogue \ And Part 3.

neither was this enough to have the price, but the
Wine was generally mixt, and bad ; and that the
Guefts might as well be cheated in quantity as quality,
it was commonly fold in bottles, where we many
times had two millings or half a crown for a bottle of
Wine that would not hold above a pinte and a half;
and for inftance, I will relate one little fine Cheat to
that purpofe : A Company of Gentlemen come to our
houfe and call'd for Wine, which they drank off but
liked not, wherefore they called the Drawer, and de-
firing another bottle told him that there was two faults
in the Wine they had drank, the one that it was not
fogood as they expected, the other, that the bottlewas
not full meafure ; they therefore defired him to mend
both the quality and quantity in the next, fince they
intended him, and always gave the beft price, half a
crown a bottle, he promifedan amendment asto both,
and fo went down, and indeed was as good as his word,
drawing the beft wine in the Cellar, and that in a Bot-
tleofthe largeftfize ; they thanked him and for his en-
couragementto continuehoneftto them they gave him
a milling, he pocketed the money and left them, they
drank on and finding their wine good, called for more,
which they had : But mark the falfnefsand ingratitude
of this rafcally Drawer, he in fhort time firft changed
their wine, and gave them worfe, and not contented
with that likewife cheated them of their meafure, he
carried a bottle of wine and filled a glafs out of it,
when one of the Gentlemen who was not yet fo
dim fighted but he could fee fomewhat of the intend
ed cheat, cry'd hold Drawer, let me fee that Glafs
and Bottle, and thereupon poured the wine into the
bottle which was indifferent full but looking on the
bottle, and feeing it was very fmall, he faid : furely
this Bottle does not hold a full quart, Oh Lord ! Sir,

Part 3. otficr Extravagant*. 117

faid the Drawer, do you think I would wrong you ?
I do not know ; replyed the Gentleman, but I much dif-
truft it, you have no caufe replyed the Drawer, for I
am fure that bottle is full meafure, what will you wa
ger of that faid the Gentleman ? any thing you will,
faid the Drawer: But do you think I would put any
tricks upon Gentlemen I have fo great refpecl: for, no
furely ? But faid the Gentleman I muft and will be fa-
tisfied, that you may quickly be, replyed the Drawer,
for I will fetch a new fealed quart pot and meafure it,
this was agreed upon, and in fhort time up comes the
Drawer with a quart pot in his hand, being come to
the Table he takes the bottle and pours the wine out of
that into the quart pot, which when looked upon was
full as it ought to be, now faid one to the Gentleman
who complained, you havewronged the honeft Draw
er and muft give him fatisfa6lion for the abufe, truly
replyed he, I was very much miftaken, and my
mind ftill gives me that there is fome cunning trick and
cheat in this contrivance, and that it is not as it appears
to be; truly replyed the Drawer, if you think I have
done you any abufe you do me wrong, and befides the
great refpecl; I have for you who are my Mafters beft
Cuftomers, I know if I fhould attempt to wrong you,
my Mafter would be much troubled and would not
keep a Servant in his Houfe that mould do it ; well for
all this replyed the Gentleman, I pray let me fee the
bottle and quart pot, the Drawer delivered him the
quart pot freely, but parted from the bottle with much
un willingnefs, but in fine the Gentleman had them both
when prefently he takes the quart pot and out of that
filled the bottle, and then he found the Cheat, which
was this ; there was more than half a pint of wine left
in the quart pot, how now, faid the Gentleman who is
wronged now, where lies the Cheat? The Drawer fee
ing himfclf found out and fearing hefhould be beaten

Ii8 The EnglifJi Rogue: And Part 3.

replyed, I do not know, and fo turn'd his back and left
them; great was the admiration of the whole comp
any, of the management of this cheat, but much more at
the impudence of the Drawer; now they all perceived
that the Drawer when he went down into the Cellar
to bring upa quart pot, brought wine in it, and that a-
bove half a pint, the afting of the thing it felf was
not fo much as the manner, that this knavifh Drawer
fhould be fo impudent as to (land in it, and juftifie it
with language, when as if he had not been too confi
dent, and fo foon as he had put the wine into a quart
pot had immediately gone away, he might have efca-
ped undifcovered ; but it was his fortune foto be found
out to the great admiration of the whole company,
who although they found themfelves cheated, yet
were hugely pleafed with the manner, and made it
their difcourfe in all Taverns they came into for a long
time after; but I believe it was to as little purpofe
with others, as with our folks, for when any fuch
tricks or cheats have been told in our houfe, our peo
ple would only give them the hearing, and feem to be
aftonifhed with the difcourfe, but be never a whit the
better for it, but immediately upon the next opportu
nity do the fame thing or as bad, and this was their
conftant practice; they would draw wine in glafs bot
tles that were fo thick at the bottom that when they
were empty they were as heavy as if they were half
full, and alfo batter'd pots that would not hold out
meafure, and fometimes would fill a pot not above
three quarters full, and whenthe Drawer brought it in,
he would prefently fill out a glafs, and ftare them in
the face as Juglers do when they are about iheir Hocus
Pocus, flight of hand tricks, and fo carry it off, and out
of pretence to civility to fill the firft glaffes they
would do it, but their end was quite different, it

Part 3. otJier Extravagant*. 119

being only to deceive them and to hinder them from
feeing the falfe meafure that is brought them, which
cannot be difcovered when a glafs or two is filled out.
Mine Hoft was finely caught one day with apot not
being filled: Two Old Country men coming to our
houfe in a morning called for a quart of wine, the
Drawer believing they were to be choufed, brought
up a quart pot, but it was little more than half full,
he intended they fhould have it raw, but it being a
cold morning, they bad him roft it, that is put it to
the fire and burn it ; he was now at a lofs in not filling
out the firft glafs, but not knowing how to help it, he
did fet it down before the fire, and I fuppofe, he in
tended to fill it up afterwards, but he forgetting that,
and the old men being bufie indifcourfe forgot to look
to it, when on a fudden they look'd, and the pot was
melted almoft half way down, which was as far as
there was no wine in it ; with that the maid feeing it
call'd out to them, what honeft men do you melt your
pot? Not we, faid they, it is the fire, but you are like
to pay for it, replyed the wench, that is when we do,
faid they, at this mine Hoft came up, the maid tells
how that thefe two old men had been telling their
Canterbury tales fo long that the pot was melted, then
they muft pay for it faid mine Hoft, for it was given
to their charge; thereupon the Drawer was call'd,
who likewife averred that he gave them the pot with
the wine into their charge and cuftody, and that there
fore they ought to look after it, and fmce it was dam-
ag^d to pay for it. They replyed, they took no charge
of it, neither did they touch it, but only ordered him,
to burn it well: mine Hoft faid they mould pay, and
they faid they would not, whereupon he threatened
them with a Juftices Warrant; they were fomewhat
unwilling to be troubled, and were content to pay for

120 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

the wine, and allow fix pence more for mending the
pot, mine H oft replying that would not do, for it could
not be mended, and he muft have a new one ; they fee
ing him fo unreafonable, were content the Juftice
fhould decide the Controverfie; wherefore before the
Juftice they went, and mine Hoft there made his Com
plaint that thofe two men had melted his quart pot,
and refufed to pay for it. The Juftice perceiving where
the matter lay, and that he told his tale wrong,
defired the men to fpeak, who in plain terms told him
they took no charge of the pot, but onely defired the
Drawer to caufe Wine to be burnt, that he had accor
dingly fet it down by the fire, and without their hand
ling or touching it, the pot was melted. So, faid the
Juftice, and did neitherof you drinkof the Wine? No,
not one drop, replyed the old men, and yet we offered
to pay for the Wine, and give fixpence towards mend
ing the pot. This is more than you ihall need to do,
faid the J uftice,& then he thufs proceeded to mine Hoft.
Friend, with what confidence can you demand any
money of thefe men that had nothing of you ? fmce
you would not do them Juftice, I will ; I do hereby ac
quit them from paying any thing for Wine, becaufe
they never had any; and for the melting the pot, how
did they do it ? It was not they, but your fervant who
drew the Wine, who had he filled the pot full of wine,
the Fire could not have melted it ; for I very well un-
derftand that the pot was melted no further than it
was empty: And further, continued the Juftice, this
fhall not ferve your turn, for I fhall Fine you for not
filling your pot ; Your Crime is veryapparent and evi
dent, and fo fhall your punifhment be, and I order you,
as a Fine, to pay down Twenty millings for your mif-
demeanor, or elfe I fhall make your Mittimus, and
fend you to Prifon. Thus was the Cafe altered, and the
Tale was now of another Hog; for mine Hoft who ex-

Part 3. other Extravagants, 121

pe6led fatisfaction, was forced to give it, and that im-
mediatly, or elfe go to Prifon.

This went againft the hair, but Neceffity hath no
Law,and thereforedown hepaidthemoney,and came
home heartily vexed, not fo much for the money he
had paid, as for the difgrace he received ; for he was
now become the Town-talk: But however, fmce he
could not help the difgrace, he was forced to be con
tented with that ; but for his lofs, he foon fetch'd it
up either in falfe meafures, Over-reckonings, or fome
fuch praftifes as I have told you. And befides thefe
extraordinary gains he made by Drink, he had his
ways to cheat in Victuals, he would reckon for a Difh
of anchoves that flood him in ten pence, or a (hilling,
two (hillings or half a Crown at the lead; and carry
them in a large Difh an inch afunderfromoneanother.
WJieJlpJialia Ham of Bacon he would cut fo thin, and
make fuch a large fhow of a little meat, that he would
reckon two fhillings for that which flood him in two
groats ; nay,andfometimes be paid fix pence for foul
ing of Linnen to it. A Neats-tongue of two fhillings,
he would reckon four fhillings, or four fhillings fix
pence for it, nay though they were cheated of part of
it, as I remember he was caught in the manner about
one. A Neat's-tongue being call'd for, and carried in
to the Guefts, but firfl (as the manner is) it was flit
down quite through the middle, and not barely fo,
but mine Hoflefsherfelf had gelded it, and cut off from
each fide a fine large flice, which fhe intendedfor fome
otherGentlemen in the Houfe, to draw down th'other
Bottle of wine. ThisNeats-tonguebeingcarriedtothe
Guefts, one of them complained of the cutting it, fay
ing, he had rather have had it whole ; for (faid he)
there is lefs lofs in cutting it in flices crofs-ways than
this. Why (faid another) you may do fo ftill,
and thereupon he took the Tongue and clapt it

122 TJie Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3-.

together again, but it would not come clofe by
above half an inch; and they difcovered the place,
where it had been pared, to look wide like a mouth :
they perceiving the cheat, were refolv'd to try a little
farther experiment, and therefore called in for mine
Hoft, who with a Sit you merry Gentlemen came in :
Landlord (faid one) I pray what do you reckon for
this Neats-Tongue? Not above four millings, or four
(hillings fixpence, faid he: I but that is too much re-
ply'd the man, this is but a little one, and I think not
a whole one. How! reply'd mine Hoft, not a whole
one! that were a good jeft indeed; I fay tis a whole
one, and a large one too. I'le wager a quart of Sack
(faid the Gentleman) that you are miftaken ; Done,
faid mine Hoft : whereupon the Neats-Tongue was
clapt together,and mine Hoft quickly faw that he had
loft ; he began to flounce and flufter, faying, that fome
of the company had done it; but leaving the Room,
and going to his wife in theKitchin.hefoon found that
he had loft indeed : the company being good guefts to
the houfe he was unwilling to difpleafe them ; where
fore he drew a quart of wine, went in and acknow
ledged his error, and paid forit,excufmg the matter as
well as he could, and they took all in good part. Thus
was he fometimes caught, and paid for it; but not once
in twenty times but he caught his guefts, and made
them pay for it. They would not only cheat their
guefts, but their own fervants bellies ; for except they
had good trading, that the Servants might feed on the
reverfione of their guefts dinners, they were like to go
without, or at leaft have'a poor one: fhe was very nig
gardly, and when they had fait fifh, which was com
monly once a week, fhe would allow them neither
Oyl nor Butter, but only Muftard, but fhe was bro
ken of that cuftom in this manner; after they had one

Part 3. oilier Extravagant*. 123

day din'd with fifh, dreft as I tell you, down Hairs
went one fervant, then another, and fo one after ano
ther they all dropt away and went into the Cellar ;
where when they were come, the Drawer faid, now
to our old Cuftom, that is, fmce we have had no oyl
nor butter, to our fifh, we will foak it in fack, my
friends, and that of the beft, every one his half pint,
and fo away to our bufinefs : mine Hoft having fome
bufinefs with fome of the fervants, and finding them
all miffing, went to the Cellar door, and there he not
only heard this propofition made by the Drawer, but
faw it alfo confirmed and executed ; whereupon he
went to his wife, and commanded her for the future
to allow his fervants not onely oyl with their muftard
to their fait fifh, but butter and eggs too if they would
have it, and fo they had for the future. I have known
mine Hoft fell and take money for one Joynt of meat
twice, in this manner : when a Feaft hath been above
ftairs, Joynts of Meat, and Fowles that have hardly
been touched, have been brought down and fold to
guefts below, as frefh brought from the fire, at a very
good rate : indeed no opportunity hath been omitted,
to gain money. There was a pretty paffage hapned
about a couple of guefts, that upon occafion lay there
two or three nights together ; thus it was : two men
came one night to lodge, and being not well in health,
it having been cold and rainy, they defired a good
fire in their Chamber, which they had without any
fupper, or any drink, but a quart of burnt wine, and fo
they wentto bed : thenextday proving coldand rainy
and their bufinefs not being very urgent, they conti
nued there, and kept their Chamber, with little victu
als, and as little drink ; but however they kept a good
fire, and mine Hoft feeing they had little elfe but fire-
ing, was refolved he would get fufficiently by that,

124 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

and therefore the next morning when they call'd to
know what was to pay, he reckoned them ten fhillings
for fireing for two nights and one day : this demand
they thought was very unreafonable, but, they knew
that they could not help themfelves, for he would
have what he demanded ; and befides, to fay truth, fi
ring was very fcarce and dear in that Country: the two
Travellers paid their fhot, and intended to leave the
houfe,but the weather proved fo cold and ftormy,they
could not ; wherefore they were forced to flay ; but
they refolved withall to be better Husbands of their
fireing than they had been, but could not tell how,
till in the end looking about the houfe they faw a
great old fafhion'd Bed-ftead, that lay ulelefs in a
Hole : they not telling for what ufe, asked my Land
lord the price of it, who not dreaming of their pur-
pofe, in few words fold it to them for five fhillings ;
when they had bought it, they hired a fellow for one
(hilling to cut it in pieces fit for fireing; and now being
furnifhed with fewel, they refolved to keep a good
fire which they did, and calling for mine Hoft, and a
quart of wine, bad him welcome to their good Hus
bandry ; for the wood they had bought of the bed-
ftead was as much agen as they had paid ten fhillings
for, wherefore they made a good fire, and fung old
rofe in the gun-room. Mine Hoft being thus beaten
at his own weapons, and his own Goods by himfelf
fold to his lofs, was fomewhat netled, and difcovered
his anger to his fervants. Mafter (faid the unhappy
boy) if you pleafe Tie be revenged of them : do if you
can (faid the Mafter) not doing mifchief. The boy
having a commiffion, was not long e're he put it in ex
ecution ; for joyning another Servant in confederacy
with him, they went that evening to wait on the two
guefts, when among other matters they talked of fpi-

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 12$

rits and apparitions ; quoth the boy, we are often
troubled with them here, and efpecially in this Cham
ber : I am forry for that (faid one of our Travellers)
for I am very fearful of any fuch things : and thus the
boy ported them with fear of that which he intended
and executed ; for about midnight he and his confede
rate took a Calf out of the Cow-houfe, and tying his
four legs together, but fo as he might not only ftand,
but go a little; they put him into our Travellers cham
ber, and there waited the event ; it was not long e're
the Calf began to pace it about the Room, making an
unufual noile ; and in this manner he continued (lam
ing till both our Travellers were awake, who hearing
the noife, were poffefled with fear and aftonifhment,
fuppofmg it to be a fpirit that was told them of:
thereupon they fhrunk clofe into the bed for fear ; the
noife continuing, and no harm or danger coming to
them, at length one of them confented to rife and light
a candle to fee what was the matter ; a candle was
found, and fome remains of fire being flill in the chim
ney, thither he went : and (looping down fell a blowing
with his mouth to light the candle, the Calf feeing a
light, went thitherwards, and efpying fomewhat that
was pendulous between the Travellers Legs, and ta
king it to be his Mother Cows Teat, thruft his chaps
thitherwards, and feizing it in his mouth, fell full lufti-
ly to fucking, the Tra veller perceiving himfelf caught
by the Members, and not knowing by what, and being
in fear of lofing them, fell a roaring very loud, to the
great forrow and grief of his bed-fellow, and as great
joy of our unhappy Boy and his Confederate.

126 The Englifh Rogue \ And Part 3,

CHAP. XI.

Six Country Blades fteal a Goofe and two Hens ; \by
the contrivance oftwooftJtemandtheHoJl; the other
four pay foundlyforlhem, and laugh at their Compa
nions. A Traveller by a miftake lies with another
mans Wife. A noife of Fidlers are forced to pay for
their fawcinefs.

THe poor Traveller, who was thus ufed by the
Calf, ftill continued his roaring out, and the Calf
being hungry, did fuck very hard, but to no purpofe,
our young Crack-rope and his Companion ftill lifte-
ning and laughing : but in fine, the noife continuing,
and they doubting that there was more than fport,
they entered the Chamber, where they faw the Calf
clofe to the Traveller, but could not tell what he did
there ; but the Traveller ftill making a noife, they
came near, and perceiving the Calfs miftake ; they
thruft fomewhat into his -mouth, and thereby difin-
gaged him from the Travellers Bawble : He ftill lay
on the Ground whilft they carried the Calf out of the
Chamber, foon returning with a lighted Candle to fee
what was the matter : the Traveller was by that time
fomewhat come to himfelf, and feeling that he had
loft nothing, was indifferently fatisfied : they being
now entered the Chamber, afked what was the mat
ter ? and wherefore he made fo much noife ? he now
looking about the Chamber, and feeing nothing but
People with a light, whom he knew, could not well

Part 3. other Extravagants. 127

tell what anfwer to give, only he told them, that the
Devil, or fome wicked Spirit had been there, and he
had like to have been mifchiev'd by him, but that now
he found himfelf well again : his Fellow-Traveller
likewife faid that there had been fome walking in the
Chamber, but what it was, and wherefore his Com
panion roared out, he knew not : in fine, they who
had done the mifchief were thanked for their readi-
nefs to come and aflift them ; and fo with fome per-
fwations our Traveller went to bed again, where he
lay till the next morning, although he flept not, fo
great was his fear of the foul Fiend ; but fo foon as
morning came they both arofe,and though the weath
er ftill continued cold and rainy, yet they could not
be perfwaded to ftay any longer in our Inn, but pay
ing their reckoning left it, and half their wood behind
them ; fo that mine Hoft was now no loofer by this
bargain, it being ready cleft to fell to the next cold
Gueft that fhould arrive there.

The laft paffage hapned in the Winter time, a little
before Chriftmas, which foon after coming, we had
two or three notable Accidents that befel in our Inn ;
the firft was this: half a dozen of young Country
Blades had been abroad a Fowling, or a Fooling ra
ther, and among other purchafe that they had, they
coming near a Farm-houfe where there was ftore of
Poultry, at two fhots which they made, they kill'd
two Hens and a Goofe : this with the reft of their
Game they brought to our houfe to be dreffed againft
the next day for dinner : they drank fome bottles of
wine when they brought them, and being merry (faid
one) we will to morrow drink a health to the owner
of the Hens and Geefe : well, that we will (faid a-
nother,) but I would not for forty (hillings that he
.fhould know of it, for if he did, I doubt he would

128 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Parts.

make us pay fawce : and truly I am yet fomewhat
fearful that we fhall be discovered : fo am I, faid ano
ther, and fo a third ; well, if we be found out we can
pay for them, and my fhare mail be ready. This was
their difcourfe, and fo for that time they parted ; but
it was not long ere two of the Company returned, and
calling for a bottle of wine fell heartily a laughing ;
and (fayes the one to the other) I am refolved it fhall
be fo, and with the affiftance of mine Hoft we may
carry the matter very clofely ; and thereupon mine
Hoft was call'd for: he being come, they told him that
they muft have his affiftance in adefign, which hepro-
mifed mould not be wanting, and thereupon one of
them thus began : mine Hoft, we have this day, as you
know, been a Fowling, and part of what we brought
in we plunder'd for, or in plain Englifh, ftole ; now
fome of our Company are very confcious of their guilt
and are not only penitent, but fearful ; now it is our
defign to increafe their fear, and get fome money out
of them to make us merry; and thus we have contrived
it : to morrow when we are towards the latter end of
our dinner, I would have you to tell us, that there is a
Country fellow, who enquires for fuch perfons as we
are, and likewiie that he was here as this day to en
quire of us, and that he talks of a warrant that he
hath againft us about fome Poultry his Mafter loft, and
that he fufpefled us to be guilty; and withal you may
add, that he is refolved to have the Law againft us, and
that you have had much adoe to perfwade him to be
patient till we had din'd. Mine Hoft having heard the
inftruclions, was no Fool, but foon underftood them,
and procur'd a Country Fellow to manage the bufmefs
fo well, that they mould be all ftartled, only (faid he)
you fhall allow him half a Crown for his labor, and
the reft that he gets of you (for I know you intend a

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 129

Compofition) fhall be juftly return'd you. Thus was
this Affair agreed on, and accordingly the next day
managed : for the Guefts alfo came at the hour ap
pointed, and merrily drank about till Dinner was
brought in ; which being come they fell to eating, and
the Goofe being well nigh eaten, a Glafs of Wine was
call'd for to drink a Health to the Owner, and mine
Hoft himfelf was then call'd for up to make one in the
Frolick : he being come, and feeing whereabouts Cau-
fes went, thought it now a fit time to begin, and there
fore he thus befpeaks the Company: Gentlemen, I un-
derftand your Health, and fhall willingly drink it, but
if I be not miftaken, you will have but little caufe to be
fo merry on this occafion : why ? what's the matter,
fays one ? what's the matter, faid another ? I'le tell
you prefently, reply 'd mine Hoft, but firft let us drink;
whereupon up went his Glafs, and down Gutter-lane
went the Wine, and mine Hoft being grave in his
Countenance, and flow in his Speech, they all, as
amazed, ftar'd either on him or one another, wondring
what fhould be themeaningof mine Hoft'sSpeech: At
length he fpake, and acquainted them with the bufmefs,
juft as he and two of the Company had agreed on;
then having done, added farther,That he had endeav
oured to underfeel the Fellow that was below, but he
found him very obftinate, and doubted very much that
he woad make no end but what theLawfhould : How!
(faid one) is your fooling come to this ! Oh Lord !
(faid another) we have brought our Hogs to a fair
Market : Well (faid a third) but what muft we do in
this cafe ? Truly (faid mine Hoft) if I may advife
you, I would have one of you go down to treat with
the Fellow, and fee what compofition you can draw
him to : This was in the end thought to be the beft
way, and thereupon one went down with mine Hoft;

K

130 The Englijli Ro%ue ; And Part 3.

fo foon as the Country-man faw him (being well in-
ftru<5led in every thing) he cries out, nay, I am fure I
am in the right, for though the man hath changed his
Clothes, yet that won't ferve his turn : I know you
well Sir, faid he, by your hair and beard : What do
you know replyed the gueft ? why I know, faid the
Country-man that you are one of the fix that ftolemy
Mafters two Hens and Goofe ; I faw you well enough
when you did it, and know you all well enough when
I fee you again ; I follow'd you hither yefterday, & fee
you hous'd,and able to fwear before Mr. Juftice that
you are the perfons ; and my Mafter is refolvedtopro-
fecute you, for he hath loft as much Poultry this win
ter as is worth five pound, and now we have found you
you fhall pay for all. How ! (faid the Gueft) furely
you do not mean as you fay ; one body may be like
another, and you maybe miftaken ; andbefides, if it
were fo, that we were the Parties, you mean yet a
great deal lefs than five Pound, which I hope will ferve
the turn for two hens and a goofe, which you fay is all
you loft. I (faid the fellow) that is all indeed that we
loft yefterday, but I tell you five pound will not pay
for all my Mafter hath loft within this moneth, and my
Mafter and I bothbelieve you had them all, or elfe you
would not fo readily have found the way into our
yard ; and therefore I fay, and fo my Mafter fay es, that
you fhall pay for them. Nay friend, (faid mine Hoft)
I pray let me perfwade you to be more reafonable in
your demands ; reafon me no reafons, (faid the fellow)
it was unreafonable for them to come and rob my
Mafter, and therefore I will not be reafonable ; I am
fure I fhall lofe my mare of Goofe and other Poultry
this Chri/lmas, that I fhould have had, had not we
been robb'd. Nay but come, (faid mine Hoft) let me
take up this matter : I fay you fhall not, (reply'd the

Part 3. other Exlravagants. 131

Fellow) the Juftice mail know the matter, and no bo
dy elfe ; but if they be your friends, if you will make
an end, and pay me the money, Tie be rul'd by you.
Whereupon mine Hoft took the Fellow by the Arm,
and leading him into a drinking room, faid, come let
you and I talk a little further of this matter, and in
the mean time, faid he to the Gueft, go you up to
your Friends and confer with them about it. How,
faid the fellow, you mean to lead me out of the way
while they get away from me. No, replyed mine Hoft,
I'le pafs my word for their appearance. Nay, that mat
ters not much, quoth the fellow ; for I have fuch a
Warrant in my pocket, as will fetch them again in the
Devilsname. Havingthus faid,heand mine Hoft went
to drink a pot of Ale together, and laugh awhile ; in
the mean time our Gueft went up to his companions to
relate how things were like to go with the fellow, but
he needed not tell them, for they being all concern'd,
had liftned at the flairs head to what the Fellow had
faid, and therefore knowing in what cafe they were,
they all agreed to contribute to the fellows fatisfaftion,
but they thinking five pounds were too much, grumb
led at the demand, but wasrefolved to give that rather
than fail, and have further trouble. One of the two
confederates feeing how matters went, and though he
was willing to put a trick upon his companions, yet
thoughtfive poundswas toogreat afum toget by wag
gery, he therefore made a propofal that he would go
downtothefellowand mineHoft andtreat with them,
and he would warrant to get the bufmefs of for a great
deal lefs : They were foon content with the propo-
fition, whereupon down he went, and after fome
time fpent with mine Hoft and the Country man,
he returned, faying, Come, come Friends, draw
your moneys, for I have ended the Controverfie,
K 2

132 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

and I hope to your content ; we muft be Noble-men,
a Noble a piece, in all Forty millings is the fum agreed
upon to compound this brabling Bufmefs, and herein
we are much engaged to mine Hoft for his civility,
who hath much perfwaded the fellow, and indeed the
fellow by his perfwafions is brought to be fo civil, that
I have promis'd him Half a Crown for himfelf. All
the Company were all well contented with this Com-
pofition,and thereupon readily laid down their money,
which one of our Confederates pretended to carry
down to the fellow, but he put it up in his own pocket,
onely giving him the Half Crownhehadpromifed, and
ordering half a dozen of Beer more for managing the
Affair fo handfomly. And thus was this Adventure
ended.and in fhort time the Company feparated,but the
two Confederates foon came back again, and fhared
flakes of the moneys, and there they laughed at the
eafmefs and credulity of their Companions, and mine
Hoft was as merry as they, and had as much caufe,for
if the Proverb be true, Let them laugh tJiat zvin, he
was fure to win moft, and therefore might well laugh ;
for he made them pay fawcily for the Sawces to their
Goofe, and in the confufion they were then in, it was
no hard matter to mif-reckon them feveral bottles of
Wine, and the two Confederates who onely managed
this Affair to make fportandnot for gain, delivered all
their profits, which was 26 s. 8 d. into mine Hofts
hands to be fpent two or three days after, when they
were to bring more company to laugh at this Adven
ture, and I remember they then came, and mineHoft
knowing they came eafily by their moneys, was refol-
vedtoputin for a fh are of it, and fo he did, and had it;
for they had but three Dimes of Fifh, but he again
made them pay for their Sawce, reckoning fourteen
fhillingsforthatanddreflingit,although the Fifh it felf

Part 3. other Eitravagants. 133

did coft but half fo much ; thefe were his Tricks.

But there was about that time fuch a trick plaid by
a miftake, as I have feldom heard of : Several Com
panies were in thehoufeand lodged there, and itbeing
long nights, much of that tedious time was fpent in
Gaming, and higgedly piggedly one with another, all
Companies mixt in that paftime; but it growing late,
thofe that were weary and fleepy dropt away to bed :
Among the reft, one man who had a very handfome
woman to his Wife went to bed, and his Lodging was
in a Chamber where there was another Bed ; the man
being in Bed, laid his wearing Clothes, viz., Doublet,
Breeches and Cloak upon him, and putting out the
candle wentto fleep ; in fhort time after, another fingle
man who was to lodge in the Bed in the fame Chamber
went up, and walking about, a conceit came into his
head, that it was probable he might have a Shee-bed-
fellow, and in order thereto he thus carried his on De-
fign: He put off his own Clothes, and laid them very
orderly on the Bed where the man was afleep.firft tak
ing off thofe of his Chamber-fellows, and when he had
done, he very fairly fpread them on the Bed he was to
lye in ; having done this, he went to bed and put out
his Candle, expecting the event, which happened to
be fo as he hoped and expected ; for not long after
up came the woman, intending to go to bed to her
Husband, undreft herfelf.and feeing and well enough
knowing her Husbands clothes, believingthatto be a
fufficient fign of her Husbands being there, not look
ing on the face which was purpofely hid, fhe put out
her Candle & went to Bed to the wrong man, who al
though he pretended then to be afleep,yet he did her
right before morning ; for fhe ftill fuppofmg it was her
husband,gave him free liberty to do what he would. Her
bed-fellow, though he had taken much pains and was

K 3

134 TJw Englifli Rogue \ And Part 3.

weary, yet towards morning confidering that if this
matter were difcovered, he might have fower Sauce
to his fweetMeat, ftudied and contrived how to come
off as well as he had come on, and therefore turning
to his Bed-fellow and kiffmg her, &c. as a Farewel, he
pretended to rife and make water, went out of the
Bed ; he foon found the way to his Chamber-fellows
Beds fide, and there took off his clothes, dreff'd him-
felf and departed. The woman miffing her Bed-fel
low, which fhe thought had been her Husband, much
wondred what was become of him, and lay and ftudied
in great confufion, fhe knew not what to do or fay,
and fhe began to diftruft that fhe had a wrong Bed
fellow, efpecially when fhe confider'd with herfelf that
her Husband was not wont to be fo kinde : when fhe
was partly fenfible of the miftake, fhe could not tell
how to think of a remedy; if fhe fhould arife and go
into the other Bed, fhe might chance to be miftaken
again, and therefore in this confufion fhe knew not
what to do : whileft fhe was in thefe thoughts a maid
with aCandleappeared,whopaffmgthrough the Room
gave her clear fightthather Husband was in the other
Bed, fhe therefore refolved now to rife, take her Clothes,
and go to Bed to her Husband ; but he who had flept
hard all night was now awaked with the noife of the
maid paffing through the Chamber, and therefore he
leaps out of the Bed and felt for a Chamber-pot, at the
length he found one, having ufed it, and going to return
to Bed where he had layen, his wife then took the op
portunity to call to him, faying, Sweet-heart, whither
go you? you miftake your Bed: No fure,faid the man,
where are you ? Here, fhe faid ; he hearing her voice
foon found out where fhe was, but could not prefently
be perfwaded that he had layen there all night, you fhal I
fee that by and by, replyed fhe, when you can fee your

Part 3. other Extravaganls. 135

clothes on this Bed : if it be fo, then you are in the right
faid he, and that he agreed to foon after day light ap
peared and he feeing his clothes on the Bed, was fatis-
fied : and thus was his bufmefs done, and he not knew
it, and thewomaninthemorningenquiringfortheman
who had been her Chamber-fellow, could not finde
him ; fhe was earneft in her inquiry after him, and this
raifedfome jealoufie in me, but I was foon after refolv-
ed of all by the man himfelf, who came again to our
houfe and told me. This was a fine Chriftmas Frolick,
I will adde one more, and fo have done with them.

The Fidlers of our Town haveing had good trading
this Chriftmas were grown proud and furly, and had
abufed fome Gentlemen, who told mine Hoft of it; he
who was good at inventing mifchief, foon contrived
a way to be revenged of them, and in order thereunto,
the next day a confiderable Dinner was befpoke, and
the Fidlers were fent for to attend and play to them,
which they did all Dinner. The Gentlemen having di
ned, the Fidlers had the Remains for their Dinner, and
then again they fell a tuning their inftruments and
played luftily, whileft the Guefts drank of their Cups
as roundly ; at length they fell to Dancing, and many
Countrey Dances they had, fpending the day in all
mannerofjoval and Sprightly Recreations; the night
being come, and therefore a fit time to put their plot
inexecution,theyagainDancedfeveralRamblingDan-
ces,and anon they all defired and agreed to Dance the
Cufhion-dance, which they did, and in their humours
rambled from one Room to another all over the houfe,
this mufick pacing it afore them, and now one dropt
away, and anon another, till in the end all the Guefts
weregone.and none were left but the Fidlers, who ft ill
plaid on expecting their Company. Mine Hoft feeing
it was now time came into them, and caufing them to
K 4

136 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

ceafe their playing, asked where are the two guefts ?
they reply'd they knew not : no, faid he, if you do
not finde them, you are like to fuffer ; for if you have
played away my Guefts, you mail pay their reckon
ing: he was fo peremptory in his demands, that it
was to no purpofe to contradi6l it ; and the reckon
ing amounting to three pounds, he made the five
Fidlers pay ten millings a man, and told them he
was a loofer in abaiting them ten millings of his
reckoning ; they were forced and could not help it,
and therefore paid down their duft, and they who
had not money enough were fain to leave their
Fidles, and go home without, and end Chrijlmas to
the Tune of Lachrymcs.

CHAP. II.

Mris. Dorothy difcourfes of mine Hofts misfortunes,
Asfirfthow he was cheated of a Silver Bowl. Se
condly, of a thirty pound reckoning; and Thirdly,
was carried away Prifoner, and forced to pay Fifty
pound for his Ranfom.

THus, continued Mris. Dorothy, was this revenge
managed by mine Hoft,and the Guefts who had
the reckoning of thirty pound to pay, came the next
day and paid it, and then appointed to come the next
week and fpend the fifty millings mine Hoft had got
ten from the Fidlers, which they did accordingly; and
thus faid fhe, did we finifh our Chrijlmas : and now I
hope, friends, faid fhe to me and M.ris.Mary, that you
willgive me leave to finifh my difcourfe; notfolongas
you can think of any more of thefe ftories, replyed I,
and fo did M. Mary ; and thereupon we both joyned

Part 3. other Extravagants. 137

in our defires to entreat her to proceed. Well, re-
plyedfhe,if I muft, then I will alter the Nature and Qua
lity of my difcourfe, and as I have told you of mine
Hofts good fortune, and wayes to get money, fo I
willacquaint you with fomeofhismisfortunes,and how
he loft money ; for Fortune was the fame thing to him
as fhe hath been to me, and I think to all others ; we
all have our feveral turns and changes, fometimes we
are on the top, and anon on the bottom of Fortunes
Wheel ; and as that is, fo is the World, round and roul-
ing, and ftill in motion, and fo are our Fortunes vari
ous: I replyed, I had full experience of this truth, and
could freely fubfcribe to it ; but, continued I, good
honeft Doll, let us be beholding to you fo much as to
prevent your difcourfe, and relate all the other tranf-
a6tions that you can remember befel duringyourftay
in this pleafant place, for by what you have told us,
I muft needs term it fo. We, faid fhe, fmce you will
have it fo, i'le endeavour to fatisfie you, and then
fhe thus began.

I have already told you of one of my Hofts mif-
fortunes in the quart pot, and how he was forced to
pay twenty (hillings inftead of fatisfaction which he
expected ; it was not long before that, that he had
a more fenfible lofs, for one morning in comes a
Countryman which calls for a Flaggon of Beer, and
defires a private Room, for, fayes he, I have company
a coming to me, and we have bufmefs. The Tapfter
accordinglyfhewshim a room, and brings a Flaggon of
Beer, and with it a Silver Cup worth three pound; the
Countryman drank off his beer, and call'd for another
Flaggon, & withal formine Hofttobearhimcompany:
mine Hoft feeing him alone, fate and talked with him
aboutftateaffairs,tillthey were both weary &minehoft
was ready to leave him : well,faid the Country man, I fee

138 The Englijli Rogue; And Part 3.

my Company will not come, and therefore I will not
ftay no longer, neither did he; but having drank up
his Beer, he call'd to pay : A groat, quoth the Tapfter;
there 'tis, faid the Countrey-man, laying it down, and
fo he went out of the Room, the Tap fterftaidebehinde
to bring away the Flaggon and Silver Cup,but though
he found theFlaggon,yettheCupwasnot to be found,
wherefore he haftily runs out and cries, Stop the man.
The Countrey-man was not in fuch haft e, but that he
quickly ftopt of himfelf ; he was not quite out of the
doors,and therefore hefoon returned to the Bar, where
when hewas come, he faid, Well, what is the matter ?
what would you have? The Cup, faid the Tapfter that
I brought to you ; I left it in the Room, faid the
Country-man: I cannot finde it, faid the Tapfter : and
at this noife mine Hoft appeared, who hearing what
was the matter, faid, I am fure the Cup was there even
now, for I drank in it ; it is there ftill for me, faid the
Countrey-man: Look then further, faid mine Hoft ;
the Tapfter did fo, but neither high nor low could he
finde this Cup ; well then, faid mine Hoft to the Coun
trey-man, if it begoneyoumufthaveit,orknowofthe
going of it, and therefore you fhall pay for it : Not
I, faid the Countrey-man, you fee I have none of it :
I have not been out of your houfe, nor no body hath
been with me, how then can I have it? you may fearch
me. Mine Hoft caufed him to be fearched, but there
was no Cup to be found, however mine Hoft was re-
folv'd not to lofe his Cup fo, and therefore he fends
for a Conftable, and charges him with the Countrey-
man, and threatens him with the Juftice ; all this
would not do, and the Countrey-man told him, TJtat
threatned Folks live long, and if he would go be
fore a Juftice, he was ready to go with him.
Mine Hoft was more and more perplexed, and

Part 3. other Extravagants. 139

feeing he could not have his cup, nor nothing con-
fels'd, before the Juftice they went, when they came
there mine Hoft made his complaint, and told the fto-
ry as truely it was, and the Country-man made the
fame anfwer there, as hehad done before tomineHoft;
the Juftice was perplexed, not knowing how to do
juftice, here was a Cup loft, and the Country-man did
not deny but he had it, but gone it was, and although
the Country-man was purfued he did not flie, he had
no body with him, and therefore it could not be con-
veighed away by confederacy, and for his own part he
had been, and was again fearched, but none found a-
bout him, and he in all refpe6ls pleaded innocency :
this, though confidered and weighed in the ballance of
juftice, he could not think that the Country-man had
it, and therefore to commit him would be injuftice; he
confidered all he could, and inclined to favour the
Country-man, who was altogether a ftranger, and he
believed innocent, efpecially when he confidered what
a kind of Perfon mine Hoft his accufer was, of whofe
life and converfation he had both known and heard
enough, and caufe him to believe that it might be
poffible that all this might be a Trick of mine Hofts
to cheat the Country-man, and therefore he gave his
judgement, that he did not believe by the Evidence
that was given, that the Country-man had the Cup,
and that he would not commit him unlefs mine Hoft
would lay, and fwear point blank Felony to hischarge,
andof thathedefired mine Hoft to beware. Mine Hoft
feeing which way it was like to go, faid no more, but
that he left it to Mr. Juftice, who being of this opinion
I told you of, discharged the country-man, and advifed
mine Hoft to let him hear no more of thefe matters,&
if he could not fecure his plate,&know what company
hedelivcreditto,thentokeepitup. MineHoftthanked

140 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

the Juftice for his advice, and fo departed, the Coun-
trey-man going about his bufmefs, and he returning
home, beingheartily vexed at his Lofs, and thecarriage
of the whole Affair, which was neither for his profit
norcredit ; but he was forced to fit down with the Lofs,
being heartily vexed to think how he fhould lofe the
Cup: he threw awayfome money in going to a Cunn
ing-man to know what was become of it, but all they
could tell him was.that he would hear of it again, and
fo he did fhortly after ; though it was to his further
coft, and to little purpofe. He had fome occafions at
our Country-Town duringthetime of the Affizes, and
there feeing the prifoners brought to their Trials, a-
mong others he efpyed the Countrey-man whom he
had charged with the Silver Cup, by enquiring what
whatwashiscrimePwastolditwasforpickingaPocket:
Nay then,faid mine Hoft,Imay chance to hear of my
Bowl again, and thereupon when the Tryal was over,
and the Prifoners carried back to the Goal, he went
and enquiredfor the Countrey-man, to whofeprefence
he was foon brought; Oh Lord,mafter! faid he, how
do you? who thought to have feen you here ? nay faid
mine Hoft, who thought to have feen you here ? I be
lieve you have not met with fo good friends in this
Countrey as you did at our Town, of our Juftice; but
let that pafs, come let us drink together, whereupon
a Flaggon of Beer was call'd for, and fome Tobacco,
which they very lovingly drank off, and fmoak'd to
gether ; which done, faid mine Hoft to the Countrey-
man ; I would gladly be refolved in one point which
(I queftion not) but you can do ; I fuppofe you mean
(faid the Countrey-man) about the old bufmefs, of the
Silver Cup you loft; yes truly faid mine Hoft,& the
lofing of it doth not fo much vex me, as the manner
howitwasloft; &therefore, continued he if you will do

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 141

me the kindnefs.to give me fatisfa£lion what became of
it, I do proteft I will acquit you although you are di
rectly guilty. No, this will not do, replyed the Coun
try-man, there is fomewhat elfe in the cafe: well then,
faid mine Hoft, if you will tell me, I will give you ten
(hillings to drink. Ready money does very well in a
Prifon, faid the Country-man, and will prevail much ;
but how mall I be affured you will not profecute me,
if I mould chance to be concerned? for that, replyed
mine Hoft, I can give you no other Warrant but my
Oath, which I will inviolably keep : well then faid the
Country-man, down with the merry Griggs, let me
handle the money, and Tie be very true to you ; and as
for your charging me with it, I fear you not. Mine hoft
being big with expectation to know how this cleanly
conveyance was wrought, foon laid down the ten mil
lings ; and then the Country-man thus proceeded : I
muft confefs that I know which way your Cup went,
but when you charged me with it I had it not ; neither
was it out of the room, and I muft tell you this, that if
you had fought narrowly, you might havefoundit,but
it was not there long after. We who live by our wits
muft work by policy more then down right ftrength,
and this cannot be done without Confederates, and I
hadfuch in the management of this affair, for Heft the
Cup faftned with foft wax under the middle of the
board of the Table where I drank, which place of the
Table by reafon it was covered with a cloath, as you
may remember it was, it could not well be feen ; and
therefore you and your fervants miffed of it : you
know that very willingly I went with you to the
Juftices ; and whilft we were gone thofe Friends and
Confederates of mine whom I had appointed, and
knew the Room and everything elfe, went into the
houfc, and into the fame Room, wliere they found the

142 The EngliJJi Rogue : And Part 3.

filver Cup, and without the leaft fufpition went fairly
off with it, and at a place appointed we met, and
there acquainted one another with our Adventures,
and what purchafes we had made, we equally fhared
them between us. Mine Hoft at the hearing of this
difcourfe was mightily furprized, although fully fatis-
fied ; but yet, faid he, I would be refolved one quef-
tion, which is this, how if we had found it where you
had put it whilft you were there ? why truly replyed
the cheat (for now I may call him fo) then you could
have charged me with nothing, and I would have
put it off with a jeft, and if that would not have
done, the moft you could have done, had been only to
have kicked and beaten me, and thofe things we of our
quality muft venture : you know the old Proverb, No-
tiling venture, nothing have, and Faint heart never
won fair Lady ; and we have this other Proverb to en
courage us, that Fortune lielpsthebold; as it doth com
monly thofe of our quality, and me did me I thank her
in that attempt. And there did thisVarlet defcant up
on his A6lions, to the great fatisfaction of mine Hoft,
who finding there was no more to be had of him, left
him, and foon after the Town ; coming home, and gi
ving us an account of this adventure; and this was a-
nother of his misfortunes, which was foon after fol
lowed by another wo rfe than the laft, and thus it was.
A Company of pretending Gallants one evening ar
rived at our houfe, and there was in their company a
young lad of about ten years of age, on whom they
all waited, giving himrefpe£l equal to a Perfon of Ho
nor, and their Mafter ; they were foon furnifhed with
Lodgings, the beft in the houfe, where they befpake a
plentiful fupper, which was provided, dreft, and fent
to them. Mine Hoft enquiring what, and who the
young Gentle-man was, whom he fuppofed was their

Part 3. other Extravagants. 143

Matter; they told him that he was the Son of ^.French
Marquefs, giving him a name to that purpofe, and
that his Father their Lord and Mafter, would in few
dayes be there; likewife that they being recomended
to this houfe by a Friend of his, who warranted them
good ufage, they were come thither, and there theyin-
tended to ftay till their Lord came. Mine Hoft was
highlypleafed with this recital, and he queftioned not
the truth of it, becaufe the young Gentleman could
not or would not fpeak any thing but a little Gibbe-
rifh French. Thefe Guefts ftaid there a fortnight eat
ing and drinking in moft plentiful manner; and every
day fome or all of them did ride out, leaving only one
perfon towaitontheirLord, and they came home ve
ry honeftly at night. They had now been fourteen
dayes and lain at Wrack and Manger, they and their
Horfes ; and their Bill amounted to thirty pounds,
which being a round fum of money ; he began to try
if he could get any, and to that end fpake by the by
to him that was chief perfon next to the young Lord,
but he was deaf of that ear, and told him that it
would not be above two or three dayes e're he was
furetheirLordhimfelf would come, and then he fhould
not only be paid, but alfo rewarded for the care, and
refpefts he had fhewed to his Son : Mine Hoft was fa-
tisfied with their reafons, and fo went about his bufi-
nefs ; and fo did this Blade about his ; for calling a
confultation of his Brethren, they refolved to be gone
the next day, and give mine Hoft the go by for his
Reckoning, and therefore they fo ordered the matter,
that that night whilft they were at fupper, and mine
Hoft with them ; in enters another man, a new face,
and enquired if my young Lord fuch a one, and his
Attendants were there? yesfaidthe Hoftler, who took
his Horfe, and then calling the Chamberlain, he was

144 The EngHJli Rogue : And Part 3.

conduced into the Room where the reft of his Ac
quaintance were, he being entered theRoom, made his
obeyfance to his young Mafter ; and then putting his
hand into his Pocket pull'd out a Letter, which he
presented to him ; and another who fate next him
took from him, opened, and read, telling mine Hoft
that the Letter was from their Lord, who promifed to
be there with -them by the next day at noon ; glad did
they feem to be, and fo was mine Hoft, who thought
now he was near the receiving of his money: the com
pany then told him that he muft provide a plentiful
dinner, and that they would all ride forth in the morn
ing to meet their old Mafter, only they would leave
their young Mafter behind to his care ; to this mine
Hoft was content, and the next morning they arofe
early, mounted their horfes, and away they went,
leaving their Lord in Bed. Mine Hoft provided dinner
according to the directions, and noon came, but no
Lord, or Attendants ; at length dinner was forced to
be taken up, or fpoiled, and then the young Lord was
enquired for, who was ftill in Bed, and could not rife,
for they had taken his fine Clothes with them : in fine,
upon fearch, an old Country Suit was found, which
now our young Lord owned to be his, and could fpeak
Englifli, faying, they were gone and carried away his
fine cloaths. Mine Hofthearinghecould {peakEng/i/h,
asked him feveral queftions, which the Boy anfwered
readily enough, and by that he underftood that they
took him up in thofe Clothes, and other rare matters
if he would go with them, be ruled by them, and learn
a few heard words ; and fo in conclufion mine Hoft
found to his coft,that they were a company of cheats,
who came to do that to him. he had done to others,
and though his lofs was great, yet he was forced to fit
down contented ; as for the Boy he being absolutely

Part 3. otJur Extravagant^ . 145

innocent, he was only turned out of the doors to feek
his fortune. Thus, faid MiftrefeDorot/iy you feehe had
his bitter with the fweet, and to his fweet meat he had
fower fawce ; and although his lofs was confiderable
enough, yet foon after he had another of worfer confe-
quence, and thus it was :

You muft note, that it was now in the time of re
bellion, and there was a fmall garrifon of Souldiers
quartered in our Town of the Round-heads Party,
and about ten miles off there was another Garrifon of
Cavaliers. Now one day there came to our Town
two Gentlemen very well mounted and armed, and
they had a Pafs from a round-headed Collonel our
Neighbour, and coming to our Town, and enquiring
forthebefl Inn, they were directed to our houfe, where
they took up their Quarters ; they pretended them-
felves to be Perfons of Quality, and therefore fpent
pretty handfomely at the firft, but in their flay there,
which was about eight dayes, they had run fivepounds
on the fcore ; mine Hoft defiring his money, they told
him fuddenly he fhould have it, moneys were coming
to them, but if he had not the patience to flay until
their money came, then (he knew) that they had two
good Horfes in his Stable, and he fhould in lieu of his
money have which hepleafed, at fucha rate as any in
different perfon fhould adjudgthe befl of them to be
worth : mine Hofl feeing them anfwer him fo fair, was
as kind as they.and told them that hedidbelievethem
to be Gentlemen of quality, and that he fcorned to un
dervalue them fo much as to difmount them, and as
they came on Horfe-back to depart on foot, but
that he had rather wait a while longer for the
Money, which they faid they flaid for : they
kindly thanked him for his courtefie, and promifed
him to requite it ; and thereupon all Perfons refled

146 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

well fatisfied, but no money coming at the time they
faid they expe6ted, he again afked them for moneys ;
and indeed it was their defire that he fhould do fo, or
elfethedefign they had in hand, and intended to carry
on, could not be well executed ; and therefore that
they might bring their proje6l to execution, they a-
gain offered him one of their horfes ; he had a great
mind to one of them, having a Cuftomer ready that
would give him a very good price, told them that fmce
they were fo willing he was fo too, and that they might
poffibly have their Horfe again when their money
came : it is all as one for that, replyed the Gentlemen,
we had rather go without horfes than you fhould be
diffatiffied, and therefore choofe which of the two you
will have: they being both, faid he good, I care not
which of them, and to that end if you pleafe to mor
row we will all three ride out of the Town a mile or
fo, and then you may conclude which you likebeft, and
as for the price we will well enough agree upon that ;
to this mine hoft confented, and the next day they all
three mounted their horfes, and away they rode, but
to the great forrow of us all, for thefe Gentlemen who
had lain thus long in our houfe were Caveliers, and be
longed to the adjoyning Garrifon, and when they had
drawn mine hoft with them as far as they could wil
lingly perfwade him, and that he offered to return,
they then drew, and with Sword in one hand, and Pif-
tol in the other, they came up to him and commanded
him to ftand, for he was their Prifoner, he afked them
for what? and would havedifputed the cafe with them
but it was to no purpofe ; they were deaf to all per-
fwations, and he living in a Round-headed Garrifon
they concluded him to be one, and therefore he was
their lawful Prifonor, and as one they would guard him
to their quarters ; fo they faid, and fo they did, and

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 147

taking his Sword from him, they caufed him to ride
on apace, till they brought him to their Quarters ;
before their Commander they conduced him, who ad
judged him to be a Prifoner, and the next day refol-
ved on his Ranfome, which he valued at a hundred
pounds: the one half he ordered the Gentlemen fhould
have, and the other to be devided among the indigent
Souldiers ? this was his doom : and now my poor
Hoft was delivered into Cuftody ; he writ away to his
Wife to acquaint her with this doleful News, fhe
could not raife fo much Money, and therefore he was
like to continue ; but in the end, by the afliftance of
fome Gentlemen who were Guefts to the houfe and
Caveliers, fhe got one half of the Ranfome to be aba
ted, and fo the fifty pounds being fent, he was delivered
up, and came home to chear his Wife and Family.

CHAP. XIII.

At tJie execution of a Felon feveral CJicaters meet, and

feeing a Countrey-man draw a Purfe of money re-

folve to cheat him of it, which they do firft by a brafs

Chain, and afterwards by drawing him in to bet at

Gameing. Tliey were again cJieated by mine Hoft,

and tfte principal CJieat comically puniflicd.

MIftrefs Dorothy here putting a flop to her dif-
courfe,we thereby underftood fhe had finifhed,
wherefore I thus difcourfed her: truly now I find that
to be true of your Hoft, which I have experimented in
myfelf, and that we muft meet with many rubs&mif-
fortunes, but thefe were but trivial to him confidering
his great comings in, by his extraordinary gain in tra
ding: that'struereplyed M.Z>0rctf/(y,butashehadcon-

L2

148 The Engli/Jt Rogue; And Part 3.

fiderable gain, fo he had many wayesto fpend it, and
many fpenders, his Wife and Children being all as ex-
penfive as might be, and what was got over the De
vils Back, was fpent under the Devils belly: and there
fore though much money went through his hands in a
year, yet it went through, and little ftuck there or ftaid
with him, fo that he was feldome Mafter of any confi-
derable fum of money; and therefore it went hard to
raife this fum of money, and fome of his Plate was
fain to march off to produce it ; but that being paid
and he come home, we were all well enough fatisfied,
and he toldhis wife this was moft certainly the fortune
of War, but he queftioned not but in fhort time he
would fetch itupagain; as indeed hedid in ufmgthofe
feveral ways I have told you of; and now I hope (faid
fhe) I have told you enough to fatisfie your curiofity ;
truly, reply ed I, you have taken a great deal of pains,
but if you have any more in your budget out with
them, for what you have hitherto related hath not on
ly been pleafant but profitable, and very full of variety.
Well, (replyed fhe) fmce you will have it fo, I will
proceed a little further, and recount fome paffages as
confiderable as any you have hitherto heard. There
was (continued fhe) not long before this timea bloody
murder committed, for an honeft Country-man that
lived about fix miles from us, one market day was dri
ving his Team of Horfes and Cart loaden with Corn
to our Town to fell, and being come about halfway,
he was met by a lufty tatterdemallion rafcal that was
on foot, travelling on the Road, he firft afked the Coun-
trey-man to give him fomething, telling him he was
a poor Traveller and had been robb'd : quoth the
Countrey-man, friend, I have nothing to give you,
for I have no money, being now going to Market
with .this Corn to make money of it ; the fellow

Part 3. other Extravagants. 149

feemed to reft contented with this anfwer, and there
upon walked on with the Countrey-man ; but they
had not gone far but the Devil entring into this fellow,
perfwaded him, here he might have a great prize, and
therefore ftill walked on, he at length feeing the Road
clear of Paflengers, and a convenient place for him to
put his purpofe in practice, with a lufty Cudgel he had
in his hand, he ftruck the poor Countrey-man over the
Head, that down he fell a fprawling, and not content
therewith, drew him a little out of the road, and in
moft cruel manner cut his throat ; having this done,
he feizeson the fore-horfe of the Team, and leads him
alfo with the Team and Cart out of the road to a con
venient place, where he flops, and then drawing the
body of the murthered Countrey-man to a Ditch-fide,
he there made a hole, and having ftrip'd him of all his
clothes, buried him, and Stripping himfelf of thofe
Rags he had on, he putting on the Countrey-mans
cloathes, buried his own with the Countrey-mans bo
dy ; and having thus done, he lead the Team into the
Road again ; this was done one winters morning early
before day ; and fo he had the conveniency to do all
this without interruption, and now with Whip in
hand, and habited like a Country-man, he drives on to
our town to Market; he took up his (landing at the
ufual place, and had the good fortune not to be quefli-
oned of any body, but enquiring how the rates of corn
went, he accordingly fold his at a good price as any :
and he not only made money of his Corn, buthearing
there was a horfe Fair that day at a Town but three
milesoff.andhavingdifpatch'tbetimeshedrovethither
and foon had a Cuftomer for both Horfes and Cart,
and there he bought himafaddlehorfe to ride on, being
thus fitted to his purpofe, he was not long e're he met
with a company of Shirks and Cheats, who intending

L3

150 The Englifh Rogue; And Part 3.

to choufe him, he was too crafty for them, and en
ters himfelf intotheirfociety,andby degrees becamea
Knight of the Pad, an obfolute High-way-man, but
the Devil who had fet him to work, was not longe're
he paid him his Wages, for he was purfued for a Rob
bery he had committed, and fo narrowly followed that
he was forced to take the water, to crofs a River, he
leap'dinon Horfeback,but the Horfe wasfoon drown
ed, and he narrowly efcap'dto a little Ifland in the Ri
ver, where hewas ftill in fight of hispurfuers, theyget-
tinga Boat came up to him, he beingarmed attempted
to difcharge a Piftol, but by reafon the powder was
wet, it would not off whereupon they coming nearer
to him he drewhis Sword, and though there were three
in the Boat he kept them from landing, and being re-
folved to fell his life at a dear Rate, he kill'd one of
them out-right, and wounded another, but now
another Boat with more help coming hewas in danger
to be loft, wherefore putting his Sword in his mouth
he again took the water, and fwam away, and they af
ter him, but length feeing it was in vain to refift he fuf-
fered himfelf to be taken, and bound, led away to the
Juftice, and thence to Prifon, where he believing he
muftdye, grew fome what penitent, and not onely con-
fefs'd the Fa6l he was then accufed for, but among o-
ther mifchiefs he likewife acknowledged the Murther,
and Robbery I have told you off; and the Afiizes be
ing come, and he tryed, and confeffing, he was con
demned to be hang'd in Chains at the place where he
committed the murther ; this being not above a mile
from our Town, at the day of Execution it drew mcffc
of the people out of it to fee the end of this wicked
wretch, who did fomwhat penitenrly,buthis Penitence
and Repentance did not work one jot upon others of
his quality, who were there prefent; but as commonly

Part 3. oilier Extravagants. 151

one Wedding-feaft begets another Wedding, fo
one Execution does ufuallyproduceanother; and they
who are Spectators at one Execution, in fhort time
come to be executed themfelves : whether there were
any perfons at this execution that did foon after take
his turn, I know not, but I am fure there were prefent
many Cheats, and Pick-pockets, and fuch fort of peo
ple, for our Town was that day pretty well throng'd
with them. Among other pra6lifes that was ufed, this
was one.

Two or three Cheaters going together faw a Coun-
tiy-man who had a Purfe of money in his hand, they
had obferved him to draw it to pay for fome Ginger
bread he bought on the way ; wherefore they clofed
with him, and endeavoured to nip his Bung, pick his
Pocket, but could not, for he knowing he was in a
dangerous place, and among as dangerous Company,
put his Purfe of money into his Breeches, which being
clofe at the knees, fecured it from falling out, and be-
fides he was very fly in having any body come too near
him. Our Practitioners in the Art of Thievery, feeing
this would not do, fet their wits a working further ; and
having all their tools about them in readinefs, taking
a convenient time and place.oneof themgoes before and
drops a Letter, another of his Companions who had
joyned himfelf to our Countrey-man, feeing it ly fair
ly for the purpofe, fayestohim,Look you what is here!
but although the Countrey-man did ftoop to take up
theLetter,yettheCheatwastoonimbleforhimin that,
and having it in his hand, faid, Here is fomewhat elfe
befides a Letter, I cry half, faid the Country-man : well,
faid the Cheat, indeed you ftoop'd as well as I, but I
have it; however I'le be fair with you; but let us fee
what it is,& whether it is worth the dividing; & there
upon he breaks open the letter, & there fees a fair chain

152 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

or neck-lace of Gold: Good Fortune (fayes the
Cheater) if this be right Gold : how fhall we know
that, faid the Countrey man ? let us fee what the
Letter fays, which being fhort and to the purpofe
fpake thus :

Brother John, I have here fent you back this neck
lace of gold you Jent me\ not for any diflike I have to it,
but my Wife is covetous and would have a biggar, this
comes not to above feven pounds, and Pie would Iiave one
of ten pounds ; therefore I pray get it changed for one of
thatpriee, and fend it by this bearer to your loving Bro
ther, N. B.

Nay, then we have good luck (faid the Cheater)
but I hope, faid he to the Countrey-man, you will not
expe<5t a full fhare, for you know I found it, and be-
fides, if we fhould divide it, I know not how to break
it in pieces, but I doubt it would fpoil it, therefore I
had rather have my fhare in money. Well, faid the
Countrey-man, I'le give you your fhare in money,
provided I may have a full fhare; that you fhall, faid
the Cheater, and therefore I muft have of you three
pounds ten fhillings, the price in all being as you fee,
feven pounds. I, but faid the Countreyman (thinking
to be too cunning for the Cheat) it may be worth
feven pounds in money in all, fafhion and all, but we
muft not value that, but only the Gold, therefore I
think three pounds in money is better than half the
Chain, and fo much I'le give you if you will let me
have it: wellcontent faid the Cheat, but then you fhall
give me a pint of wine over and above; to this the
Countrey-man alfo agreed, andtoourtown they came,
and into our houfe, and there the Cheat had the three
pounds, and the Countrey-man the Chain, who believ
ed he had that day rifen with his A — upwards, becaufe
he had met with fo good fortune. They drank off

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 153

their drink, and were going away, but the Cheat not
having yet done with him (intended to get the reft of
the money from him) offered him his pint of Wine,
which the Countrey-man accepted of; but before they
had drank it off, in comes another of the fame Tribe,
who asked whether fuch a man, naming one, were
there? no, (faid the Bar-keeper,) our Cheater and
Countrey-man fitting near the Cheat, asked of the
enquirer, did you not ask for fuch a man? Yes, faid the
enquirer, why faid our Cheater, I can tell you this
news of him that it will not be long e're he comes
hither, for I met him as I came in ; and he appointed me
to come in here and ftay for him: well, then I were
beft to ftay, faid the Enquirer: but (continued he)
we were beft to take a bigger Room, for we cannot ftir
our felves in this ; agreed, faid the Cheater, fo the
reckoning was paid, and they agreed to take a larger
Room, leaving word at the Bar that if any enquiry were
made for them, there they fhould find them; they
went into another Room, and our Countrey-man ha
ving done his bufmefs would be going; no, faid the
Cheater, I pray ftay and keep us company, it (hall not
coft you nothing; well, then faid the Countrey-man, I
amcontenttoftayalittle: they being now entred into
their Room, call'd for a quart of Wine, and drank it
off, what ftiall we do to fpend time, faid the laft Cheat
er? for I am weary of ftaying for this man, are you
fure you are not miftaken? no, faid the other: one of
them then pretends to walk a turn in the Room, and
coming to the window behind a Cufhion he pretends
to finde a pair of Cards (which indeed he himfelf had
laid there) look you here, faid he to the Countrey-
man and th'other, I have found fome tools, now we
may go to work, and fpend our time, if you will play;
not I, faid the Country-man, I'le never play ; then

154 The Englijh Rogue \ And Parts.

I will, faid the other Cheat, but not for money : why
then, faid the other, for fix pence, to be fpent, and
the Game Putt ; they being agreed, and my Countrey-
man being made Overfeer of the Game, fell to play ing,
and the Countrey-mans firft Acquaintance had the
better of it, winning twelve Games to the others four :
come, faid he, what fhall we do with all this drink ? we
will play two pence wet and four pence dry ; to this
the other agreed, and fo they play'd, and at this low
gaming the firft Cheat had in fhort time won of the fe-
cond ten fhillings in money ; the fecond feemed to be
angry, and therefore propofed to play for all money,
hoping to making himfelf whole again ; nay, faid the
other, I fhall not refufe your propofition, becaufe I have
won your money ; and therefore to it they went, and
the firft Cheater had ftill the fame luck, and won ten
fhillings more; then the other would play for twelve
pence a Game, no, faid the firft Cheater, I am not will
ing to exceed fix pence a Game, I will not alter what
I have begun, left I change luck, unlefs this honeft
Countrey-man will go my halves; I have no mind to
Gaming, reply'd the country-man ; you need not play
faidtheother, Tie do that,and youfee myluck is good,
venture a Crown with me, you know both our lucke
have been, and I hope will continue good ; well, con
tent, faid the Countrey-man, and fo they proceeded,
ftill our firft Cheat had good fortune, and he, and the
Countrey-man won ten fhillings a piece more of the
other, which made them merry ; and the other was
mad; he therefore told them he would win the Horfe,
or lofe the Saddle, and venture all now; and drawing
out about thirty fhillings; faid, come take it all, win it
and wear it; and fo they played; but they had now
drawn the Countrey-man in fufficiently, and he was
flufh ; but it lafted not long thus, e're he was taken

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 155

down a button-hole lower, for the fortune changed,
and all that he had won was loft, and forty fhillings
more : He was now angry, but to no purpofe, for he
did not difcover their foul play, and he in hopes of his
good fortune ventured, and loft the other forty fhill
ings ; and then he faid he would go halfes no longer,
for he thought he would be merry and wife, and if he
could not make a winning, he would be fure to make
a faving Bargain, which he reckoned he mould do,
becaufe although he had loft four pounds in money, &
given the Cheat three pounds for his mare of the Chain,
that yet he mould make feven pounds of the Chain,
and fo be no Lofer: they feeing he would not play, left
off, and he that had won the money was content to
give a Collation, which was called for, but our firft
Cheatpretendingmuchangerat his Lofs, was refolved
to venture more ; and to playing again he went, and in
fhort time he recovered much of hisloffes; thisangred
the Countrey-man that he had not joyned with him,
and in theend,feeinghisgoodluck continued, andttoat
he won, he again went halfs, but then it was not long
that they thrived, but the Countrey-man was forced
to draw his Purfe, and in the end lofe all his money,
which was near twenty pounds: He did not think his
condition to be fo bad as it was, becaufe he believed he
had a Chain worth feven pounds in his Pocket, and
therefore he reckoned he had not loft all. By this time
feveral of the reft of the Gang (having been abroad,
employed on the fame account, Couzeningand Cheat
ing of others) now flocked all to our Houfe, being the
place appointed for their Rendezvouz, there they
acquainted one another of their feveral Gains and
Prizes ; and then they fell a drinking, they drank
about luftily for joy, and the Countrey-man for
anger; and mine Hoft was called up to make one in

i $6 TJte Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

the Company ; he foon underftood what kind of
Guefts he had, and how they had cheated the poor
Country-man ; and therefore he was refolved to ferve
them in the fame kind ; he therefore put forward the
Affairs of drinking, and fome being hungry call'd for
Victuals; he told them he would get them what they
pleas'd ; and they being determined to take up their
Quarters there, for that night, a Supper wasbefpoke
for all the Company, fuch as mine Hoft in his difcretion
fhould think fit, he told them they fhould have it, and
accordingly went down to provide Supper, he foon re-
turnes and helps them to drink whilft Supper was dref-
fmg; by this time they were all perfectly drunk, he
then commands up fupper, and they fall too with a
Shoulder of Mutton and two Capons, eat and drink
hard, and call for more, he tells them it is coming, but
they nowhaving fate ftill a while were all fallen afleep,
he makes ufe of this opportunity, and brings up half
a dozen empty foul Difhes, or at leaftwife full of bones
of feveral fowls; as Pidgeons, Partridges, Phefants, and
all the Remains of Victuals that had been left in the
houfe that day; and ftrewsand places fome on their
feveral Trenchers, and thus he leaves them. Some
of them fleeping, and fitting uneafily fell from their
Chairs, and fo awaked themfelves; and their compani
ons being throughly awaked, they again fell to eating
and drinking ; fome turning over the bones that were
brought, faid, Howcamethefehere,Idonotremember
that I eat any fuch Victuals ? Nor I, faid another,
whereupon mine Hoft was call'd, and the queftion was
afked him : why furely, Gentlemen, you forget your
felves, faid he, you have flept fair; I believe you will
forget the Coller of Brawn you had too, that coft me
fix fhillings out of my Pocket; how! Brawn! faid
one, I, Brawn faid mine Hoft, you had it, and are

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 157

like to pay for it ; you'l remember nothing anon, this
is a fine drunken bout indeed ; fo it is, faid one of the
Company; fure we have been in a Dream; but it mat
ters not, mine Hoft,you muft and fhall be paid: Give
us the other dozen bottles, and bring a Bill, that we
may pay our Reckoning. This Order was prefently
obey'd, and a Bill brought, which in all came to feven
pounds; and I verily believe he mifreckoned them for
meat and drink, the one half, and told them he ufed
them very kindly ; they were bound to believe him,
and therefore every man was call'd to pay their fhares;
myCountrey-manfhrunk behind, intendingto efcape,
which one of the Company feeing, call'd him forwards,
and faid Come, We muft tell Nofes, and every man
pay alike ; the Countrey-man defired to be excus'd ;
and faid he had no money ; which they knowing well
enough, at length agreed to acquit him. This done,
they went to their feveral Lodgings to bed, and it was
time, for it was paft midnight, they all flept betterthan
the Country-man, who could hardly fleep a wink for
thinkingof his Misfortunes, and having fuch good luck
in the morn ing, it fhould prove fo bad e're night; But
morning being come, he and they all arofe, and the
Countrey-mans money being all fpent, he knew it
was to no purpofe for him to ftay there ; wherefore he
refolved to go to the Goldfmith's in the Town, and
fell, or pawn his Chain, that he might have fome money
to carry him home: Being come to the Goldfmith's he
produced the Chain, which although at the firft fight
he thought to be gold, yet upon trial he found it
othenvife, and that it was but brafs guilt ; he
tells the Countrey-man the fame, who at this
heavy News was like to break his heart : The
Goldfmith feeing the Countrey-man in fuch a

158 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

melancholy dump, enquires of him how he came by
it? hefoon acquainted him with the manner, and eve
ry circumftance: the Goldfmith as foon underftood
the Cheat, and advifeshim to go to the Juftice, and get
a Warrant for him that had thus cheated him : and
theCountrey-man telling him that he had no money,
nor friend, being a ftranger; he himfelf went with
him to the Juftice, who foon underftanding the mat
ter, granted his Warrant; and the Goldfmith pro
cured a Conftable to go with him to our houfe, where
the firft Cheater was apprehended, and carried be
fore the Juftice ; who upon examination explain'd
the Cafe, and finding the fellow guilty, ordered
that he mould be led to the whipping poft, and there
be whipped, and then be fent on a horfe back, with
his face towards the horfetail, and fo led out of
the Town ; and withal, the Juftice fent away
the Conftable to our houfe, to apprehend and
bring the reft of the gang before him ; but he
came too late, for the Birds were flown, doubt
ing fome fuch matter ; fo that only the firft
Cheater fuffered the punifhment aforefaid ; but I
remember he was fo impudent that when he came
by our houfe on horfeback, with his face to the horfe
tail, Ah, ha! faid one, what is the meaning of this ?
nothing, faid the Cheater, but that this horfe is given
me, and I am refolved to ride this way to make
good the Proverb, tJiat I may not look a gift iwrje
in tlie mouth.

Part 3. other Extravagants. 159

CHAP. XIV.

Two Shoemakers are cheated of a pair of Boots, and
'mine H oft gets another pair of tJtem. Mine Hoft
and one of the Shoemakers find out the Cfieater,
w/io is apprehended, and fent to Prifon but is re-
leafed by tlie Judge for an enterprise of his Com
panions, wfio aftcd wonderful Feats by flight of
Jiand.

THus was every one a gainer but the poor Coun-
trey-man, who was forc'd to march home by
weeping Crofs, only with a brafs chain worth eigh
teen pence, inftead of above twenty pounds which
he had brought out with him. Mine Hoft gained in
differently well, but the Cheaters nfore, being fully
fraighted; but as they got it eafily, fo they fpent it
merrily ; and then went to work for more, though
they devided the fpoil equally between them, yet
none had the punifhment but the Chain-Merchant,
and I believe he had as many lafhes on the b'ack
as there was links on the chain ; he took his punifh
ment very patiently, only when the blow came he
would fhrink up his moulders, which a ftander by
feeing, told him that did him more harm than good ;
it is no matter for that, friend, faid the cheater, you
may fpare your inftrucliions, for I (hall not follow
them, and now I am to be whip'd I will do as I Lift,
and when you come to the fame fport, and it is your
turn to be whip'd, you may behave your felf then as
you pleafe, thus was he pleafantly roguifh when he
was in the midft of his punifhment, and when he was

160 TJie Englijh Rogue-. And Parts.

on horfe-back he anfwered the People as roguifhlyas
I told you ; but being come to the Towns end he was
difmounted, and fent packing. Thus were we rid of
one Crew of Cheats, but truly, if all the Cheats of the
Town had been fo ferved as this was, mine Hoft muft
alfo have march'd off, who had he had his due, did
as juftly deferve it ; but it is the little fort of Knaves
and Rogues that are punifhed, the greater fcaping
Scot-free, as now mine Hoft did. After this Trick
we had another that was altogether as pleafant, and
before the finifhing of it, there were fome pleafant
paffages, and thus it was.

A Gentleman-Cheater comes to our houfe, and
ftays there aday; walks about the Town to finde fome
purchafe, but loft his labor, he feeing there was no
money to be had, was refolved to play at fmall Game
rather than ftand out ; and fomewhat therefore he
would do if it were but to bear his charges ; he
had obferved that there were but two Shoemakers
in the Town, one at the one end, and the other at
the other end : he faw they were well furnifhed with
boots and he wanted a pair, he therefore coming
home to his quarters, fent our Boy to one of the
Shoemakers to defire him to come to our houfe, to
bring a pair of boots to a Gentleman ; the Sho-maker
in hopes of a good Cuftomer returns with the Boy,
and brings two or three pair, our Gentleman trys
them on, and at laft is pleas'd with one pair, only
one of them was too little in the inftep, for that
faid the Shoemaker, it is a fmall fault, and I can
remedy it in an hours time, by putting it on the
Laft ; our Gentleman intending that fo he fhould,
asked, what price? eighteen fhillings was demanded,
but fifteen was the price agreed upon ; well, faid
the Gentleman, carry back the boot that is fo de
fective, and put it on the Laft, let it ftay on it two

Part 3. other Extravagants. 161

hours at leaft, and then come and bring it, and take
your money ; very good, faid the Shoemaker, and fo
taking up the remainder of the Boots he departed, not
diftrufting any thing, and not thinking any man who
had two legs could much advantage himfelf with one
fmgle Boot Our Gentleman being now Mafter of one
Boot, was refolved to have another, and therefore
he again calls the Boy, and defires him to go to the o-
ther Shoemaker, and wifhhim to come andbringapair
of Boots : for, faid he, the other Shoemaker you
brought could not fit me ; the boy believed him, not
thinking of the tranfaction, it being done privately in
his Chamber : The boy -went, and brings the other
Shoemaker with him, who likewife brought two or
three pairs of Boots ; our Gentleman likewife tries
them, and chufing that pair that was likeft to the o-
therhe had, he like wife agreed with the Shoemaker up
on price, but made the fame exceptions with this laft,
as he had done with the former, advifinghim to put the
Boot on the Laft, for one hour and a half, and at that
time to come exa6lly and receive his money ; away
went the Shoemaker with the reft of his Boots, leav
ing the odd one behind, and no foonerwashe gone but
he draws on his new Boots, and calling for a Reckon
ing, paid it, and his horfe being bridled and fadled he
mounted, and away he rode. At the time appointed
both the Shoemakers came, fo j uftly together that they
met at the Gate with each of them a Boot under his
Arm ; they both asked for our Gentleman, but hear
ing he was fled and gone, they both look'd blank upon
the matter; mine Hoftwasprefent, and underftanding
the ftory laughed heartily at it ; they knew not whe
ther they mould be angry or pleas'd, but being both
Brothers of a Trade and both ferved alike, they re
folved to laugh too, though it were but with

M

1 62 • TJie EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

one fide of their mouths, and fo they fate them down
and drank together; one Pot drew down an other, and
being of the Gentle Craft they were both good fel
lows, and at length a Bottle of wine they call'd for;
mine Hoft feeing them in a merry vain, faid, Gentle
men, I'le make a proportion to you, faith fince the Gent,
hath made a pair of two odd boots do you fo too and
let thefe as the other two go together, and therefore
fillip up Crofs or Pile who mall have both; I but laid
one, I am not willing to hazard my Boot for nothing,
therefore thus I propofe it ; let us have the other Bot
tle of Wine, and then let us fillip Crofs or Pile
and take our chance, and he that hath the fortune to
have both the Boots fhall paythe Reckoning ; agreed,
faid the other, and fo they proceeded ; and he whofe
chance it was to have both the Boots, did not only a-
gree to pay the Reckoning, but alfo called for another
Bottle of Wine. Mine Hoft ftill kept them company,
and helped them to laughat theFrolick,and nowthey
were gotten into fo merry a Vein, they refolv'd to club
for the other Bottle, which they likewife in fhort
time drank off". MineHofthaving aDefign upon them
for the Boots, feeing them merry, faid thus, Gentle
men, I made one propofition to you, even now and you
agreed upon it; I have anotherto make, which I quef-
tion not but you will affent to, but in the firft place, I
pray tell me the juft price of the Boots ; truly, reply-
ed the Mailer of them, I was to have fifteen (hillings of
the Gentleman for them, but they are really worth
fourteen millings, well then, replyed mine Hoft, my
Reckoning comes to fix millings ; now if you pleafe
I'le venture my Reckoning, which is near half of what
your Boots are worth againft them, and fillip up
Crofs or Pile whether I fhall have the Boots for
my Reckoning or nothing ; we'l make no dry

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 163

bargain faid the third perfon, we'l have fome Wine
to boot, or no Boots mall be ventured ; well, faid
mine Hoft, then I will add another bottle of Wine
to the Reckoning ; and thus all Parties being agreed,
Crofs and Pile being fillip'd up, mine Hoft had his
Chance, and the Boots ; and thus he gained what the o-
ther loft, and neither of the Shoemakers could laugh
at one another for their lofs was equal; and thus was
this pair of liquor'd Boots converted into liquor, and
that drank up, and this was the end of the adventure
of the Boots fortheprefent.but it was not quite finifh-
ed, for mine Hoft who again had fome bufmefs at the
Affizes, went to the Country Town where it was
kept, and there he metwith one of the Shoemakers his
Neighbour ; he had then the fame Boots on that he
had in a manner gain'd by chance ; and therefore re-
membringthe Jeft, they went in to drink at the next
Two-pot houfe ; there they were jeftingand laughing
at the paffage of the Boots, when on a fudden mine
Hoft looking out of the Window call'd to the Shoe
maker, look you here quickly, and I think I can (hew
you your Boot-Merchant ; the Shoemaker look'd out
and fa-whim, for it was he indeed, with the very Boots
on his Leggs ; he was walking by, in company of o-
thers, who by their Garbs and Mien did feem to be
perfons of Quality : The Shoemaker would have run
out prefently and feized on him, but mine Hoft would
not permit it,onlyadvifmg him to follow him, and fee
him hous'd ; The Shoemaker followed mine Hoft's di
rections, and fa w his Quarters, and upon enquiry found
that he was to continue there for fome time; where
fore he returned to mine Hoft, and acquainted him
of his intelligence ; they thereupon advifed together
what moft convenient to be done, and concluded that
mine Hoft mould go into his company, and acquaint
M 2

164 The Engli/Ji Rogue \ And Part 3.

him that the Shoemaker expected fatisfa<5tion for his
Boots, and it may be he is a Gentleman of Quality,
and only did it in a Frollick, and will now pay well
enough for it; but, faid mine Hoft, if I finde him to be
otherwife, we can foon have a Warrant to apprehend
him, and have him punifhed; this was reckoned to be
fober,and thebeft advice, and accordingly it was man
aged ; for that evening mine Hoft feeing him walking
alone in the Inn Yard, went and fpake to him, telling
him if he were not miftaken he thought he knew him ;
our Gentleman furveying of mine Hoft, reply'd, cer
tainly no, but however if he would go into a Room, he
would gladly drink with him ; to this mine Hoft con-
fented, they being come into a Room, drank and
fmoak'd together ; mine Hoft again asking him if he
were not long fmce at our Town? yes, faid the Gentle
man, and I pray you, where did you lodge ? at fuch
an Inn, reply'd the Gentleman, and naming ours ; why
then, reply'd mine Hoft, I am not miftaken, and if you
pleafe to call to mind you may remember me to be the
Mafter of the Houfe ; Oh ! I cry you mercy, reply'd
the Gentleman, now I know you, I did partly remem
ber you, but could not call to mind where I had feen
you ; but I pray what affair has brought you hither ?
no great matter, reply'd mine Hoft, only a little curi-
ofity ; that's well, faid the Gentleman : but, faid mine
Hoft, methinks your Boots and mine look as if they
were fomewhat of kin together, I pray where did you
buy them ? Why ? that may well be, reply'd our
Gentleman, for I bought them in yourTown; but Sir,
I pray (be not angry) faid mine Hoft, did you ever
pay for them ? Why do you ask ? faid the Gentle
man, becaufe,faid mine Hoft, if you did, then you are
flandered and abufed, and what if I did not pay
for them? faid the Gentleman ; why then, faid

Part 3. otJter Extravagant*. 165

mine Hoft, you are beft to do it, for the men of whom
you had them are both my Neighbours; well, well,
faid the Gentleman, no more of this, for I paid for them
as much as I will do: mine Hoft feeing him fo abfolute,
faid no more to him of that matter, but drank off their
drink, and club'd for their Reckoning, which beingpaid
he again at parting faid thus; Sir, it will be for your
Credit to pay for the Boots, I know all the ftory, and
if you will not pay now, one time or other you will
be forc'd to it to your Coft, and Trouble ; do not you
trouble your head with that, replied the Gentleman,
let it alone till that day comes; take your own courfe
faid mine Hoft ; and you yours, faid the Gentleman,
and fo they parted. Mine Hoft having had this huff
ing anfwer, made further enquiry what this perfon
was, and found that he was no better than a Cheat,
and one that came thither for no other purpofe, he
therefore tells his neighbour the Shoemaker of all paff-
ages, and advifes him to get a Warrant to apprehend
him, and carry him before the Judge; He who was
forward enough before, now went dire6lly and made
his Complaint to the Judge that evening, telling him
all the Circumftance of the matter ; the Judge asked
him if he had enquired what qualityhe was of? he an-
fwered, yes, he was fufpefted to be no better than a
Pick-pocket, or Cut-purfe: well then replied the
Judge, bring him hither to morrow morning before I
go to the Court; our Shoemaker did not fail in a tittle,
but the next morning feized on him in his Chamber,
and carried him immediately beforethe Judge; when
they came there, the Shoemaker made his Complaint,
and mine Hoft was there prefent, not only to juftifie
it, but to produce the very fellows, which indeed were
eafily enough to be known to be fo, and fo they man
aged their evidence that the Gentleman-Cheat had

1 66 The Englifh Rogue; And Part 3.

little or nothing to fay for himfelf, and therefore he
was committed to Prifon. Ithappenedatthistimethat
the Judge had a Kinfman with him who was forhe-
what wilde, and only rid about the progrefs with him
to fee fafhions, and he had one fcurvy humor, which
was this; he had a good Eftate,andwas full of mony ;
and therefore in a prodigal vapouring way, he would
carrya Purfe with near a hundred pieces of Gold in it,
in his pocket, and this he would always carry about
with him, and upon all occafions,though never fo trivial
he would be drawing his Purfe, and fhewing his Gold,
this was his Cuftom ; and the Judge his Unkle know
ing it, had oft times chid him for it, telling him that
one time or other he would have his Pocket pick'd and
lofe it ; he would not take any warning, but ftill re
plied he would warrant none could pick his pocket,
fo that his Unkle the Judge did wifh many times that
he might lofe it; and fo be broken of that foolifh vain
glorious humor. Our Cheat being now in Prifon, his
Companions, who were all Workmen in the fame
Trade, were very much troubled athis lofs,becaufehe
would have done them much fervice, and to be fo taken
up for fo trivial a matter as a pair of Boots much vex
ed them, and they knew there was no recovering him
without the Judges favour; they therefore refolved
to put themfelves in the beftEquipagetheycould,and
go to him, accordingly that night they went, and told
him they were humble Petitioners to his Honour, for
a poor friend of theirs whom his Honour had commit-
ed about a pair of Boots, and they hoped his Honour
would releafe him ; becaufe they very well knew
he was wrongfully accufed, being a Gentleman
by birth, and of a very good Houfe, &c. To
this the Judge gave ear, and told them that he
very well underftood the quality of their friend ;

Part 3. other Extravagants. 167

and theirs alfo, but, faid he, for once I fhall pafs by
this bufmefs upon one Condition ; to this they re
ply 'd, any Condition he pleafed ; he then being re-
folved what to do, commanded all his Servants and
Attendants out of the Room; and told them he well
underftood their qualities, and had occafion to make
ufe of them in an Affair, telling them that he had fuch
a one his Kinfman, who carried a Purfe of money in
his Pocket, now, faid he, I would have fome of you to
follow him, and get it from him, and bring it to me
untouch'd, and then I promife not only to pardon
you, but alfo to deliver your friend to you : They
hearing the Judges Propofition, ftar'd one upon ano
ther, not knowing what anfwer to give, where
fore he again told them that this he expected from
them, or elfe their friend fhould fuffer, they thought
fit to anfwer him with filence, and fo departed ; when
they were gone, they confulted together what
was to be done, and believing there would be no
great difficulty nor harm in the doing it, refolv'd
to effect it accordingly : And therefore the next
morning they waited at the Judges Door, and fee
ing his Kinfman, they found means to perform
their Enterprize, and got the Purfe of Gold
without any confiderable difficulty, and forth
with pretending bufmefs to the Judge, they deliver
ed it to him ; he nodded them an anfwer, advifing them
to come to him inthe evening; they did fo,andhegave
them a Difcharge for their friend; but that he might
do equal juftice, he commanded them to pay the
Shoemaker for the Boots, and gave them a piece of
Goldtodrink; they very thankfully received itanddid
accordingly. The Judges Kinfman being now come
out of the Court had occafion for moneys,
but feeking his purfe found he had loft it ; this

1 68 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

perplexed him to the heart ; but although the lofs was
confiderable, yet the vexation that his unkle muft
know it was more; he was exceeding melanchol-
ly and difcontented ; and his Unkle enquired and fent
for him, yet he would hardly come into his prefence :
his Unkle knew well enough what difeafe he was Tick
of; but however he asked him againandagainwhathe
ailed ? and what was the matter? he ftill anfwered him
with filence, and turning away his head. Supper time
being come, they fate down together, but the young
man would not eat a bit; what will you eat? faid his
Unkle, nothing, faid he : go fetch me a dim of Partrid
ges, faid the Judge; it is a dim I know you love: the
meat was brought, but the young man could eat no
thing: you mail eat, faid his Unkle before you rife, and
I will have a dim (hall pleafe you ; and therefore, faid
he to the waiters, go bring up the Di(h I commanded
fhould be laft brought up ; theythereuponwentdown,
and brought up a dim covered ; come Coufm, faid the
Old man, eat fome of this ; I cannot faid the kinfman,
you muft andfhall, faid the Unkle, and I pray uncover
the dim and ferve me fome : the young man feeing his
Unkle fo importunate, and believing becaufe the dim
was covered, that it might be a dim of ftew'd apples,
refolv'd to uncover the dim, and fatisfie his Unkle by
eating a little of that; wherefore at his Unkle's im
portunity he uncover' d the dim ; when he beheld in-
ftead of ftew'd apples there was a better fort of fruit,
it was his own Purfe of Gold; he no fooner faw it:
how, faid his Unkle, I told you I would pleafe you be
fore you did rife from fupper, and I think I have done
fo. The young man fmiling thanked him, and then
reaching to the dim of Partridges, he fell too luftily,
and did eat as hearty a meal as ever; thus did the re
covery of his Purfe of Gold recover his ftomack, as

Part 3. otJicr Extravagants. 169

indeed I think it would do any others, it being to him
and all others as good a Sawce as a Cordial. And now
although the young manwaswell enough pleafed that
he had recovered his purfe, yet he was vexed that his
Unkle mould thus difcover his folly,andftudyedhowhe
might be revenged on his Unkle ; he knew very well
that his purfe was taken from him by fome cunning
cheat, and that by his Unkles confent ; and it was not
long e're, upon enquiry, he found out the manner, and
alfo the People who did it ; he gave them therefore a
piece to drink, and told them that he would give them
twenty pounds more, if they would do him one piece
of fervice ; they feeing there was money coming, pro-
mifed him to do any thing in their powers ; he then
told them that it was indeed a high attempt, but he
would pay them as largely, and fave them harmlefs ;
and this it was, he would have them pick the Pocket of
the Judge as he fate on the Bench: they told him it
was both difficult and dangerous ; as for the difficulty,
faid he, I'le make fuch means that one of you mail come
near him, and for the danger, I will take of his anger,
and pay you as I have faid : to this they at length con-
fented and the next day put in execution ; for when
the Judge was moft bufie in examining Witnefles, he
that was the Artift that was to perform this, ap
proaches the Bench: the young Man fitting next
the Judge his Unkle, beckons the Pick-pocket,
and he comes up, and under pretence of whifper-
ing the young man in the ear, he pickt the Old
Mans Pocket, and carryed off the Purfe cleverly ;
when he had fo done he defcended, and ftood among
the other Spectators. In fhort time after the caufes
were heard, and one man who had laid long in prifon,
only for his fees, petition'd the Judge to mitigate and

170 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

leflen them that he might be able to pay them,where's
the Jaylor? faid the Judge; here my Lord, faid the
Jaylor; what Fees do you demand of this poor man?
faid the Judge; twenty (hillings my Lord, if it pleafe
you, and it is no more than your what Lorfhip order'd
me at the loweft ; then faid my Lord, you muft have
fo much ; I cannot help it ; I muft not make Laws one
day and break them another, I had rather pay the mo
ney out of my own purfe than do fo. His Kinfman
who fate next him, thought this was a very good op
portunity to fpeak, and therefore thus he faid ; May it
pleafe honour; I had good Fortune yefterday as your
Lordfhip knows, and therefore am refolv'd to do fome
charitable A61, and I think this of releafing this poor
Prifoner who lies for his Fees, will be none of the
leaft: wherefore whereas your Honor motions pay
ing all this poor mans Fees, I make this offer, that if
you pleafe to pay one ten (hillings, I will pay the other,
that the poor man may be difcharged : a very good
motion, faid the Judge. The young man foon found
the way to his Purfe, and pull'd out an Angel ; but
the Judge although he fearched both Pockets, could
find neither money nor Purfe, he was therefore much
furprized not knowing what to fay, nor think, but
quickly recollecting himfelf, thus he fpake, I am
fure, my friends, when I came in hither I had a Purfe
of money in my pocket, but now I cannot finde it, he
that hath taken it from me while I was here fitting, was
his Crafts-Mafter, and very bold, but I queftion not
but I fhall find him, I have fo good fkill in Phyfiogno-
my, that I know a Knave by his looks, therefore I de-
fire you all there below to look on me, every one did
fo, expecting what the Judge would do, who by and
by whifpering to the Juftice that fate next him, at
length arofe, and faid, look you Mafter Juftice, if I am

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 171

not deceived, yonder fellow with the ftravv in hisbeard
hath my Purfe; all the People flared one upon another,
and the Cheat that had the Purfe being confcious of
his guilt, doubting he was known to the Judge, and
that he had a ftraw in his beard, he lifting up his hand
ftroaked it to wipe it away, fuppofing by that means
to pafs undiscovered, but that difcovered him ; for the
Judgewhohad a quick eye,and expected that motion,
faw, and obferved it, thereupon pointed to him, faying,
that is he: it was now too late to fly, for the Jaylor
foon feized him, and upon fearch found the Purfe in
his Pocket. The Purfe was given to the Judge, who
told out ten fhillings to the Jay lor for the Poor mans
Fees, and ordered him to difcharge him, and in his
Room to take away that bold Delinquent that had
pick'd his Pocket; he did fo, neither did his kinfman
contradict him in the open Court, but when he came
honie he told him all the management, and defired a
difcharge for the Prifoner; the Judge knowing that it
was done but in jeft, granted his difcharge, and the
Kinfmen fent that, and the promifed twenty pounds,
and Fees for difcharge of the Prifoner.

1 72 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

CHAP. XV.

The Hoftefs's Daughter being courted by an ignorant
poetical Lover •; he brings a Soldier with him who be
coming intimately acquainted withMiftrefs Dorothy
relates to Jter\ how he by pretending to be a Cunning-
man and raijinga Spirit, hadfurnifliedhimrelf, his
Landlord and Landlady with a plentiful Supper,
which had been provided at tJie Cojl of another.

THus did thefe Cheats make the bed of a bad mar
ket, for being at the firft obftru6led in their de-
figns by their Companions Imprifonment, they were
at a lofs, and they got little money this bout but what
the Judge and hisKinfman gave them, and the people
who were prefent at this bold adventure of picking the
Judges pocket on the Bench, were very curious of their
own, and for the future had fome what more than or
dinary to talk of; but mine Hoft who knew more of
the matter than ordinary, made rare fport with this
ftory at his return, and the Shoemaker who hath re-
ceiv'd fatisfaftion for the lofs of his Boot, having had
money for the other, by mine Hofts appointment fent
for the other Shoemaker his fellow Tradefman, and
ordinary Charges being deducted, gave him the one
half; but mine Hoft fo ordered the matter, that as they
began, fo they ended in drink, and fpent all they had
received at our houfe, and thus ended the adventure of
the boots. Miftrefs Dorothy now flopping, and we
thereby finding that me had concluded her difcourfe,
we took the liberty of laughing, and wondring at what
fhe had told us, and therefore defired her to give her
felf the trouble to relate fome more adventures to us,
but me told us in plain terms that fhe had done,

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 173

and that we were toexpe6lnomorefromher. I hear
ing her fo peremptory in her reply, told her that we
had been very much engaged to her, for the extra
ordinary pains fhe had taken inthefe feveral relations;
but yet I muft need add this, that as yet fhe had not
fully performed her promife, for fhe had promis'd to
give us an account of all the family, when as, if I am
not miftaken fhe had faid little or nothing of two per-
fons, whom I fuppofed to be very confiderable, and
that was the Son and Daughter; and therefore I made
it my requefl to her, that fhe would recollect her felf,
and relate to us fomewhat of them, becaufe indeed
they were a little active while they liv'd at home with
their father and mother, but after they went abroad
in the world they were very remarkable, (and continued
ftie) fmce their leaving their father and motherland
my leaving the houfe were at one and the fame time,
and one the fame occafion I fhall now give you an
account of it, and then fhe thus proceeded.

One young Man and Maid living in a houfe where
fo much roguery was a6led,muft needs be well enough
experienc'd to a6l their Parts, but they were fo warily
looked after by their Mother, that it was almoft im-
poffible to exercife their Talent at home, and the
young man by reafon of the danger of the War, and
leaft he fhould be taken Prifoner and ferved as his
Father was, was enforced to keep home and ramble
but little, but his Sifter lefs, not being permitted to
go any way out of the Town. And although many
Guefts who came to our houfe faw her, and liked her
marvelloufly well, (for indeed fhe was handfom) and
would have made love to her, yet her Mother know
ing the danger by her own experience, watch'd her
too narrowly to permit it, and was refolved to ufe
her beft endeavor to preferve the Jewel of her

174 TJie Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

daughters maiden-head until flie fhould be lawfully
married. She being kept up fo ftrictly had few
Suiters, only one in the Town, who was a Farmers
Son had a moneths mind to her, and having read
the famous Hiftory of Tom Thumb, and from thence
proceeding to Fortunatus, and then to the moft
admirable Hiftory of Doraftus and Fawnia, was in
fected with Poetry and Love both at once, and abfo-
lutely believing that all he read was really true, did
wifh himfelf to be as fortunate v&Fortunatus himfelf,
and fmce he could not meet with that blind Lady/^?r-
tune to prefent him with fuch a Purfe, he did however
refolve to be as abfolute a lover as Doraftus ; and now
nothing to that accomplifhment being wanting but a
Miftrifs who fhould be }\\sFawnia, he found out our
Pretty Miftrefs Peggy my Hoftefs's Daughter (Hers
I may boldly call her, but mine Hoft's I dare not, the
Cafe being doubtful, by what I have already related to
you) a Miftrefs being found for our Swain, he made
fomeaddreffes to her, and was permitted by the Mother
to more freedom than any, becaufe the youth was not
only indifferent handfome.but rich, and mine Hoftefs
was pretty free that they fhould ftrike up a match to
gether ; I was ftill defired to keep Company with thefe
Lovers, but I had much ado to forbear laughing out
right when I heard his Courtfhip, all his language was
Stuff ftoln out of the books he had read ; and when he
was anfwered by Miftrefs Peggy, or any queftion pro
pounded by me to him in any ordinary or different
Dialect, he was as deaf as a Bell-founder, and was not
able to anfwer us ; I being refolved to make fport with
him, told him that I thought he would do mainly well
if he would apply his fancy to writing of Poetry, and
as an effay I advifed him to write a Letter to Miftrefs
Peggy in Verfe, he thanked me for my advice, and

Part 3. otJicr Extravagants. 175

defir'd myfriend-fhipand faidthat he would go imme
diately home and exercife himfelf in Poetry, and fo he
faid, and fo he did, for behold the next morning Mi-
ftrefs Aggy received a Letter from him, which we both
read and laugh'd at, for it was fo foolifhly forced, con
ceited, and nonfenfical that have I much ado to re
member the words, but having often repeated them,
I (hall now relate them to you.

Madam,

EVer till If aw thee my heart was Jlill at reft,
Little did I think one Female could have pierc't
Either Heart or Bowels, tliat on tJice doth wajle,
So fad all faint and feeble grow within my brejl ;
Alas, it is pity that f arrow to me JJiould come,
For to tell you the truth as yet I am but very young,
And to exprefs my f elf I want a better tongue ;
But I can truly and fadly fay that only you
Arejhe that hath brought me to grief and forrow too
Brave Vertues tJiat are in this lovely Damf el found
A t the firjl fight gave my poor heart a defperate wound.
You have my fences very much decayed
With love, that at one time they will be all difmaid
Long of the tender love that to you I do bear,
Even now I will make and end my only Dear.

Your true Lover,
L. M.

We all laughed heartily at this non-fenfical fluff,
and I told miftrefs Dorothy that fure fhe was mif-
taken in the recital of thefe verfes, and that they
were to be faid backwards, for that wayes that fhe

176 The Englifli Rogue'. And Part 3.

repeated them I difcovered the humour of our Poe
tical Lover, and Miftrefs Peggy by my directions
returned him this anfwer.

Amorous Friend,

TIs much you Jliould receive two infections at once,
tJie one Love, tJie other Poetry, but it is not very
Jlrange Jince they commonly accompany one another,
but fie affure you 'tis dangerous, for you know the
old Proverb, tliat fad are the effects 0/Love and Peafe
Porridge ; and befides Poetry is commonly attended
•with Poverty, but after a Jlrict perufal of your poetick
Fancies, I find tJiere is no great danger in your
poetick infection, for unlefs you improve your
Jelf mightily it will be a long time e're you be a corn-
pleat Poet, and Jince your Poetry and Love came to
gether, it will be as long e1 re you be a compleat Lover \
now if you have ftill a mind to profecute thefe two
Dejigns, of Love and Poetry, I advife you to make
ufe of fome ottier more fit and fublime object that
may raife your fancy to a higher pitch of eloquence,
or at leaft wife fenfe, as you have been in verfe. I
return this anfwer to you in profe, and as you like
this you may profecute your Defigns of Love and Po
etry, with fome other Object, but 1 pray give no more
trouble to

Your Frind,

M. S.

Part 3. otfier Extravagant*. 177

This to the beft of my remembrance wasthe anfwer
to our Lovers poetical Letter, and although what we
writ might have been enough to have dafhed the de-
figns of any other, yet our Lover came very confi
dently that evening, and thanked his Miftrefs for
receiving his Letter, and anfwering it ; telling her
that he did acknowledge he had not as yet any great
Skill in Poetry, but he had written his beft, and in
tended and hoped in the next to mend it, and fo he
proceeded in his troublefome Love-Suit Our Cook-
maid coming into the room where we were, and
having feen the Love Letter, it being made no fecret,
told us that lhe had a Love Letter fent her not long
fmce, which in her opinion was better than that ; and
we believing that there muft be fomewhat in it
worth the feeing, commanded her to fetch it, and
giving it into my hands, I read thefe words.

Madam,

I Hope the Brains of your Beauty being boy r din the
Kettle of Kindnefs with the Beef of Bounty, may
at length prove a dijhfor my dyet, fo that the Marrow
bone of your Maidenhead being cracked with the
Chopping-knife of my Courage, may upon t!ie Trenclier
of Truth declare Jww I love you ; let not the minc'd
meat of Modcjly baked in tJte Oven of Hatred in tJie
Cruft of Coynefs cauje my Denial, lejl the Dagger of
Death being drenched in tJie Barrel of my Blood may
with tJie Spiggot draw forth the Liquor of my Life.

Yours more than his own,

T. ?.
N

178 The EngliJJi Rogue \ And Parts.

This Letter pleas'd me more than the former, and I
told her that her Sweet-heart was ingenious and witty,
for he had courted her in her own language, and made
ufe of fuch words me underftood, and that in my opi
nion it was far better to do fo than to be altogether fo
poetical as to make mocksof their Miftrefles by com
paring their fore-heads to Alablafter, their eyes to
Diamonds, their lipstoCoral, and fuch kind offantafti-
cal fimilies, our Lover was of my opinion, and was fo
taken with the Cook-maids Letter that he defired to
copy it, and fo he did ; and while he was thus employ
ed, I remembred that I had a paper of verfes that
would employ all his fenfes to underftand, and it may
be puzzle him ; and therefore fetch'd it, and he hav
ing copyed the other lines, I mewed him thefe.

1 faw a Peacock with a fiery Tail
If aw a Blazing ftar that dropt down Hail
I faw a Cloud begirt with Ivy round
I faw a Sturdy Oak creep on the ground
I faw a P if mir e fw allow up a Whale
I faw a brackijli Sea brim full of Ale
I faw a Venice glafs Jixteen yards deep
I faw a Well full of metis tears tJiat weep
I faw mens Eyes all on a flaming fire
I faw a Houfe big as tJie Moon and higher
I faw tJte Sun all red even at midnight
I faw the man tJiat faw this dreadful fight.

And moft dreadful it was indeed, faid our Lover,
if it were true, but however (continued he) the Verfes
are very good, and I pray let me have a copy of them ;
which I permitted him to take; and he read them over,
and over again without underftanding the My ftery, but
the more he read, the more he feemed to wonder at the

Part 3. otJicr Extravagants. 179

flrangenefs of the feveral fights, and faid, fure this is
impoffible, not at all, faid I, and if you will lay ten (hil
lings to be fpent, I will make it out to you before you
go, that all that is there written is very true, and that I
have feen it all myfelf. I cannot believe it, replyedhe,
and I am content to lay the wager, provided Miflrefs
Peggy may be the Judge. Content, faid I, and fo the
money was laid inherhands,andthenltook up the pa
per and began to read thus: I faw a Peacock, and there
I made a flop, and faid, do you believe that? If you do
not, I can fhew you one in the yard : Ay, but faid he,
the Verfe is, Ifaw a Peacock witha fiery Tail, and that
is the wager: no, faid I, you muft flop when you have
redffaiva Peacock,znd then go on, with a fiery Tail /
faw a blazing Star; and I am fure that I have feen that
too, for blazing Stars have all fiery Tails : that is true,
replyed he, but I did not mean to read it fo : tis no
matter how you meant, faid I, but what I read is true,
and by vertue of that I fuppofe I fhall win the wager,
but however I proceeded, and read; That dropt down
Hail I faw a Cloud ; Begirt with Ivy round I faw a
ajlurdy Oak; Creep on t lie ground I faw a P if mire,
Swallow up a Wliale I faw a Brackifh Sea; Brim
full of Ale I faw a Venice Glafs: And fo I read on to
the end of the Verfes, flill making a full flop in the
middle of the verfe, where the fenfe required it ; thus
making fenfe of the impoflible nonfenfe : by this
time our Lover faw he was likely to lofe his Wager,
but however he cavelled at my thus reading it, and
faid, I ought to flop only where the thime ended ;
but all that he faid fignified nothing, for his Mif
trefs did me the juflice to award me the Wager,
and accordingly gave me my money, and kept the
other twenty millings to be fpent ; neither was
the Poetical Lover much difpleafed, for he had
a very high efleem of the Lines he had, protefling

N 2

i8o The Englijh Rogue: And Part 3.

he would not part with them for forty (hillings, and
he queftioned not but he fhould win much money by
Wagers he would lay about them, and being thus fa-
tisfied he left us, promifing the next night to return,
and then expecting a Colation for the ten (hillings he
had loft ; and fo we were rid of our poetical Lover till
the time appointed ; which being come, he likewife
came and brought with him a young man, a Soldier
that belong'd to the Garrifon in our Town ; I knew
the man by fight, for he was very remarkable, it being
the general report that he was a Cunning-man and
could tell fortunes, and our Lover brought him to give
his oppin ion, whether he fhould have miftrefs/>£§gjor
not. We gavehimthe ordinary welcome, he comingin
company with our Lover we were the more free with
him, who demeaned himfelf fo well that I had a more
than ordinary refpec"l for him, and told him he fhould
be welcome at any other time ; and fo our Colation
being ended, weforthattime parted ; but in fhort time
after he came again, and being as hefaid, much taken
with my company, defired to take all opportunities of
waiting on me : I feeing no harm in him, and finding
that he was none of the pitifull fort of fellows, but that
he was handfom, witty, and above all things that he
wore money in his Pocket, permitted him frequently
to vifit me, and it was not long e're I grew into fuch
familiarity with him, that I obliged him to fhew me
fo much of his Skill as to tell me my Fortune ; he was
furprizedat this propofition and made many Excufes,
but I grew to that height in my importunitie that I
wearied him ; at length he told me thatalthough allthe
Town had been miftaken in him yet I fhould not, and
that if I pleafed he would undeceive me, and in fhort
he told me that it was a miftake to think that he
was skillfull either in Aftrology or Magick, and al-

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 181

though he had gained fome moneys by pretending
to be knowing in that myftery, yet it was no fuch
matter: I fuppofmg that he only faid this to excufe
himfelf, ftill importuned him in fuch manner, that I
brought him to this : that provided I would promife
him fecrecy, he would difcover his whole fecrets to
me, and thereby make it abfolutely appear that
the Town was miftaken: I being defirous of hearing
Novelties, engaged to perform all he defired, and
thereupon he thus began.

Madam, in the difcourfe I (hall make you, I fhall
be forced to difcover not only my own fecrets, but alfo
thofe of another, the moft eminent of this Town, and
we're it not to you, and onely to you, I fhould not do
it for anyconfiderationwhatfoever,for it is the fecrets
of a woman of the beft quality, and therefore you may
be juftly angry with me for fo doing, but my refpe6ls,
& indeed my love to you is fo great, that I (hall not ftop
at any obftacles to perform anything you require ; &
withal I pray do not think, that fince I am fo eafie to
difcover one womans fecrets, and that of fuch eminency
and one to whom I am fo much obliged, that I fhould,
or may at one time or another, ferve you in the like
manner. No Madam (faid he) affure your felf of the
contrary, for although the woman I am to fpeak of
be fo eminent, indifferently handfom, and one to
whom I am fo much obliged, yet my acquaintance
with her began after a ftrange manner, and it was a
kind of neceflitythatfirft induced her to permit me the
freedom I enjoy with her; whereas on the contrary, the
refpe6ls I have for you are of another nature, for my
inclination and affection induce me to pay you all man
ner of fervice, which I am confident will be very lading.
He having made this plaufiblefpeech,thusproceeded.
N 3

1 82 The Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

It is not manymoneths fmce I was firft acquainted
with this place, you know my quality is a Soldier of
Fortune, and I may reafonably enough term my felf
fo, being of late fome-what favoured by that blindand
inconftant Lady ; our Commander in Chief thinking
it convenient to draw us out of the field where we had
been all the laft Summer, and place us inGarrifons for
the Winter feafon ; it fell to my lot, among other of
my Comrades, to be ordered to be quartered in this
Town, where when we came, we had our feveral Bil
lets delivered to us, and mine directed me tothe Houfe
of the wealthier!: Mercer in your Town, where I ftill
Quarter, and who you know is a Perfon as eminent
for Eftate, as any in the Town, I need not name him,
you knowing where I Quarter: it fo fortuned, that the
night I came thither firft to Quarter, he was out of
the Town, as he had been for fomedayespaft and was
to continue for two or three more. It was fomewhat
late when I knock'd at the door, and therefore the
Maid-fervant who heard me, ask'd me what I would
have? I anfwer'd that I was appointed in that Houfe
to take up my Quarters. The Maid foon called her
Miftrefs, and acquainted her with the matter ; which
fhe knowing, thus anfwer'd me, that me was a young
new-married woman, that her Husband was abfent,
that fhe had onely one fervant,and that therefore fhe
could not with any conveniency entertain any man in
her houfe. I could not be fatisfied with this anfwer,but
reply'd that I was forry I muft be fo troublefom, but
withal that it was too late to feek any other lodging;
and that my Comrades were all in their Quarters, and
therefore I muft unavoidably lye intheftreetif fhe did
not entertain me; wherefore I pray'd her to receive me
into her houfe, and put me into any place fhe pleafd,
and I promifedthat I would be as little troublefomeas

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 183

poflfibly I could, and therefore I defired her not to de
ny that fairly and by entreaty, which fhe knew I could
command. Theyoung woman, although fhe was much
troubled (believing that I might hinder a defigr. fhe
had in hand) yet knowing withal that what I faid was
true, and that I might command where I entreated,
commanded her maid to open the door, and fhew me
my lodging up in the Garret. When I was entred the
houfe, I told her that I was to lodge there, fo I defir'd
I might fup with her, (not that I would command it,
but that I would willinglypay for what I had)becaufe
it was late,and I had not eaten any thing all that day.
She feemed angry at my propofal, telling me that I
was miftaken if I took her houfe for an Inn, and if I
wanted a fupper, want I muft, for I was like to have
nothing there but my bare lodging, and indeed bare
I might call it, for it was a moft pitiful one, however
I was forc'd to make ufe of it, and go fupper-lefs to
bed. Being thus ready to dye for hunger, I had little
mind to deep, and therefore I only tumbled andtoffed
without fo much as clofing mine eyes together. After
I had lain an hour in this manner, cafting mine eyes
about the Chamber, I perceived fome light which came
through a Chink or Crevis in the floor, and my curio-
fity inviting me to it, I leap'd out of the bed, and laying
myeye tothe place, I might perceive under me a room
very well furnifht, wherein was a great Fire,two Spits,
of roafted Fowls, the Maid turningthem,and theyoung
Woman, the Miftrefs fitting in the arms of a young
Fellow a Lawyer, who to me appeared to be fo by his
Gown. How! faid I to myfelf, is thisthe Woman that
in her Husbands abfence will not receive a man into
her? Oh the unconftancy and fubtility of Women!
this I thought, but however I believed it was not asyet

N 4

184 The Englifh Rogue : And Part 3.

time to fpeak out ; but being very hungry, I beheld
the Spits with fome anger, and devoured the Fowls
with my eyes ; I had the patience to fee the Supper
drefs'd, though I was not to be a Gueft ; and though
Icould not tafte, yet I could fmell the Victuals: I faw
the Table fpread, the Bottles of Wine brought out,&
the Victuals placed on the Table, but juft as they were
going to fit down, one knock'd atthe door; thisfome-
what ftartled them, but their confufion was greater,
when the Maid asked who was at the door, underftood
it was her Mafter. They were all frighted and con
founded, not knowing where to put the man, or the
victuals, they had but little time to confider: There
was but one little Chamber adjoyning where the maid
lay, and under her Bed at length they laid him, and
theMeat,Drink,andalltheAppurtenances were placed
in a Clofet in the Chamber : This being done, and
the Woman fitting down by the fire, the Mafter who
was impatient with calling and knocking, was let in,
and coming up flairs, his Wife rifes from her feat, and
cryes out, Oh dear Husband! Wellcome home, how
glad am I to fee you, efpeciallyin coming foonerthan
I expected. That is true, faid the good man, I made
hafte and difpatched my Bufinefs, which being done,
Itook Horfeand made all poffible fpeed to come home
to you, and indeed, I have rid full fpeed all this day ;
And very welcome you are, faid me : But how come
you to have fo great a Fire ? faid the Husband : Oh
Love, faid the Wife, I am troubled with the Belly-ake
as paffes, and I made this fireto warm Trenchers and
clothes, to put to my Belly to eafe me; and truelyl
think that this pain hath taken me with vexing
at a paultrey bufmefs that happened this night; for
here came a Soldier and faid he muft, and would quar
ter here, and it hath fo angred andgriev'd me, to think

Part 3. other Extravagants. 185

that a man muft lodge here in your abfence, that I
think truly it hath brought my paine. I hearing
this, thought it would be convenient for me ere long
to appear, and therefore put on my Clothes, but ftill
I gave attention to the end of their difcourfe, which
was thus continued : Said the Husband, well, let that
pafs ; but I pray let me have fome Supper, for I have
made fuch hafte to day in travelling to come to you,
that I am almoft dead with hunger, wherefore I pray
give me fome Victuals. Victuals, reply ed the woman,
where do you think I fhould have it? Do you think
I make feafting in your abfence ? Alas, my maid and
I fupp'd to night with each of us a Roafted Apple, I
am forry for that, replyed the Husband, and am very
loath if I could help it, to go to Bed without a Sup
per, but what cannot be cured, muft be endured. I
hearing this, and believing it to be very proper for
my defign, being already drefs'd, went down flairs,
and knock'd at the door, which opened, I entred, and
faluting my Landlord, prayed him to excufe me for
difturbing his Wife, who had indeed refufed to enter
tain me, till I had acquainted her with my Orders,
which, left he fhould diftruft any thingtothe contrary,
I then pull'd out and fhew'd him, and told him that
I hoped his Wife could not complain of any incivility
I had offered her. No truly,reply'd fhe. I having fatis-
fi'd him in this, I told him that I underftood that he
had not fupped no more than I, and therefore if he
pleafed I would give him and his Lady a Supper,
for I had it in my power to accommodate them very
plentifully. How is that poffible ? reply'd my Land
lord, fince it is fo late, and nothing is to be had in
the Town, and befides that it will be too late to drefs
any thing. I bid him take no care for that, but if he
pleafed he fhould beprovided with viclualsreadydref-
ed provided he and his wife would both promife me

1 86 The Engli/li Rogue: And Part 3.

fecrefie ; they told me that they would do fo, but he
wondred, and fhe feemed to do fo too, at what I in
tended to do ; whereupon I told them I had a cor-
refpondency with Spirits, who would furnifh me with
what I defired.and thereupon taking a piece of Chalk,
and making a Circle I Placed myfelf in it, made cer
tain Figures about it, and taking a Staff in my hand,
waved it about my head, and then I uttered many
words which were onely conceited fuftian fluff, which
they underftood not, nor I myfelf neither, and then
proceeding I named a Spirit, and told him that he
muft quickly provide me a Supper for myfelf, my
Landlord, and his Lady. I feemed to liften, and then
told them that my Spirit was obedient, and nothing
was wanting now but to know what they would have;
I asked the queftion, but they anfwered, What I
pleafed : Bring then, faid I, a Boyl'd Hen and Bacon,
a Couple of Roafted Capons, a Dozen of Partridges,
two Dozen of Larks, a Pippin Tart, with Oranges
and Lemmons, and Fruit fufficient ; Alfo bring us
two Bottles of Canary and two of Claret; this was
the Victuals I had feen provided, and therefore this
I call'd for ; and withal, faid I, I charge thee not to
appear in any horrible fhape, fo as to frighten my
Landlord or Landlady, but difpatch quickly and fet
all down in the Clofet of this Chamber. Having thus
finifht my Inclination and paufed a little, now, faid
I, open the door and there you fhall fee I am obeyed.
The maid readily did as I commanded, and all was
there in ample manner ready drefs'd, to the great
aftonifhment of my Landlord, but my Landlady,
though fhe feem'd to be amazed, knew well enough that
fhe was difcovered, but as yet could not difaprove of
what I had done. The meat being produced, the Table
wasfpreadand the provifion placed thereon, and now

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 187

all things being in readinefs, I defired my Landlord
and Landlady to taketheirplaces; at myrequeflthey
did fo, but my Landlord was mighty unwilling to
eat, until he fee me eat and commend the Victuals
and Sauce, and I importuning him to tafte, he did
fo, and my Landlady by his example confented to
accompany us in the fame employment: Having now
done with one Di(h, and my Landlord rinding that to
be good,by my example fell to another, and though he
was fomewhat cautious, yet he made a good Meal ; I
am fure I did not fpare,but fed like a Farmer, and my
Landlady was not at all behind hand, (he well enough
knowing, that though I told them itwasdrefs'd under
ground, yetfhe could contradict me but me durft not ;
the maid had her part too, and all were well enough
content, except the poor Lawyer, who was both hun
gry and fearful, left as I had difcovered the meat,
I would alfo difcover the Caterer, but I minded no
fuch matter, I thought as I had begun well, fo to
end, and I would not be fo difcourteous to him to
make him fare ill, when by his means I had fared fo
well. We not onely eat luftily, but drank off our
our Wine cheerily, which was as good as evertipp'd
over Tongue, and for us three there was enough ;
and now at laft my Landlord did own that the Meat
and Sauce, Bread and Drink were all excellent
good, and that if the Spirits could command fo good
Fare, they were more harmlefs and better company
than he thought for : I told him my Spirit was ftill
in his houfe, and expected my further Commands,
therefore I defired to know whether he would have
ought elfe e're I difcharged him ? He told me, No :
Then, replyed I, he (hall defcend ; but fmce he hath
done us fo good fervice, I will, ifyoupleafe, let you
fee him. Oh by no means Sir, faid my Landlady,
fearing I would difcover her greateft Secrets.

1 88 The Englifh Rogue \ And Part 3.

Reft contented, replyed I, for I am Mafter of more
difcretion that to difoblidge a Lady ; affure your felf
it fhall be otherwife than you imagine : my Land
lord too was very fearful, but I affured him there
fhould be no caufe, and thereupon for the more
eafie management of what I intended, I ordered the
Servant-maid to open the Street door, and all the
other Doors of the Houfe, that the Spirit might
have the more freedom to depart, otherwife I told
them he would raife a Tempeft ; and, continued I,
he fhall not appear in any horrid form, but in the
habit of one of your Neighbors ; having told them
this, I thus began : Oh thou Spirit, who haft been
unexpectedly difturbed, but haft fo plentifully
catered for us, come forth for I now give thee leave
to go whither thou pleafeft. The Lawyer who was
but in the next room, and who had heard all paf-
fages, was not fc fottifh as to negle6l this opportu
nity, but pulling his Hat over his face that he might
go undifcovered, came forth of the room where he
had been hid, and with a fteady pace walked by
us, going down ftairs, and fo leaving the houfe,
whilft my Ladylady in a trembling manner fate and
beheld what had paffed.

Part 3- otJier Extravagant*. 189

CHAP. XVI.

TheSouldier isindanger to be caught by his Landlordin
his Landladies Chamber, but by tier wit tie efcapeth.
Mi/iris Dorothy relates that a parcel of Fodders ha
ving roti da Knight of four hundred pounds, two of
tliem are taken, buttfte Knight will notfwearabfolute-
ly againjl tJtem, becaufehe might fue and get his Mo
ney of the Hundred wJtere he was roUd. A Crew of
Pick-pockets wanting money, two of tfiem pretend to be
drunk and qtiarrelwith tfte third, wherefore tfiefetwo
are put into the Jlocks, and getting company, ttte third
Jiad tlie opportunity of picking many Pockets.

THe Lawyer having thus pafs'd by us to the amaze
ment of my Landlord, he then look'd on me with
fomewhatadiftracl:edcountenance,hiswifefeeingthat,
and doubting that he had or would difcover the mat
ter; to divert him from any queftions or confidera-
tions, pretended to be fo mightily amaz'd & frighted,
that fhe fell into a fwoon, and then her Husband, the
maid, and I had enough to do to bring her again to her
felf, neither could we do it fo well, but that her Husband
was forced to help the maid to carry and put her into
herbed, where for that night I left them and went to my
own,and now my belly being full it was not long ere I
fellafleep; awaking the next morning I began to confi-
der what had paffed, and wondred at my felf how I had
the confidence tomanagean affair fo difficult and dan
gerous, but when I confidered what I had done I re-
fotved to proceed, and as I knew the fecrets of my Lan-
lady.tomakefomeufe of thatknowledg.and out of her
misfortunes to make my felf a fortune therefore I re
commended my felf, remembringtheoldfaying,./4/#&-
ces Fortunajuvat, Fortune helps the bold, and there
fore I would try her favours, confidering that fhe

190 The Engli/h Rogue ; And Part 3.

could do me no injuries, I could not be much lower
than I was, and I was in great probability to rife high
er by the profecution of this Adventure. I did not
queftion but I fhould do well enough with my Land
lady, for I had not at all difobliged her in betraying
her fecrets, but rather mannaged them as well as fhe
could wifh or defire, and therefore fhe could not take
me for a Clown or Fool, but rather think me worthy
of her favour, and into her favour I was refolved to
get, or venture all ; fhe was young, and as you know
indifferent handfome, her hufband was old, and I be
lieve wanting in what moft pleafes a woman, and there
fore fhe had permitted the young Lawyer to fupply
that Defe6l,and confidering that I might as well as he
pretend to her favor, for I was as young, and (if I am not
miftaken) as handfom ; indeed he had this advantage,
of having more money than I, but I queftion'd not
but fhe would well enough difpenfewiththat, fhebeing
out of poffibility of wanting any, but rather able to
fupply me; and I had this advantage above him, that
I was in the houfe, and likely for fome time to con
tinue there, and by that means I might make ufe of
all opportunities, and indeed it was not long ere I
had one ; for I having fpent good part of the morning
in thefe congitations, I could hear my Landlord rife
and go out of the houfe, where fore I alfo arofe and made
my felf ready, and indeed I fpruced my felf up in the
beft manner I could ; being now ready I went down
flairs, and met with the Maid-fervant, who could
not look on me without blufhing, I gave her the Good
morrow, &afkedherhowher miftrefs did this morning
fhe replyed, fomething better than I left her laft night.
Truly replyed I, I am forry that fhe was fo ill, but more
efpecially to confiderthat I had been theoccafion of it,
but I would ftudy how to make her amends, & at prefent

Part 3. otJier Extravagants, 191

I defired to make myexcufes to her, if fhe would (hew
where flie was: fhe is not yet ftirring, faidthe Maid;
that matters not.faid I, and thereupon we went to her
bed fide; where when I was come, fhe feeing me turn
ed away her face: but Madam, to make fhort with my
ftory, I fpake to her, and that in fuch manner, that fhe
not only turned about, but gave me thanks for the fa
vors I had done, in managing her fecretswith fo much
difcretion, and that fhe was, and fhould be eternally
obliged to me, and fhould ftudy how to make me a-
mends : I replyed, amends was already made in the
good opinion fhe had for me, defiring her to continue
in it, and I fhould endeavour to ferve her in all things
to my power; and fince it was her misfortune to be di-
fturbed by her Hufbands unexpected return, and be
difapointed in the enjoyment of her Friend, that was
a thing I could help, but however, if fhe pleafed to ac
cept of me in his (lead, I fhould give her the beft fatis-
fa<5lionl could, (hefeemed to be angry at thispropofal,
but I proceeding and telling her that I was a Gentle
man born and bred, and it may be in all things equal,
if not above her Friend ; (he was content to let mekifs
her,and I finding that Imightwithoutmuch difficulty
proceed further, fent the Maid out for a Mornings
draught, and in her abfence perfwaded her to accept
of that from me which fhe fhould have had from her
Friend the Layer, had not her Husband difturbed
them; and I then pleafed her well, that ever fince fhe
hath made no difficulty toletmeenjoy her Perfon,and
be Mafter of that as well as I was of her fecrets ; and
being thus poffeffed ofherperfon, I not only comman
ded that but her Purfe, and have led the pleafanteft life
in the World. This Adventure, Madam was the oc-
cafion of my being accounted a Cunning-man, for my
Landlord, though I had enjoyned him fecrefie, yet he

1 92 The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

did not abfolutely keep it, but acquainted fome of his
familiar friends with my knowledg, fo that I was in
fhort time pointed at as I paffed along the ftreet, and
gazed at with the eyes of wonder ; nay fome of the
Neighborhood courted me very earneftly to anfwer
them feveral queftions, and beingoften importuned,did
give them fuchanfwers as might probably come to pafs,
which falling out accordingly I gain'd not only the re
putation of a cunning man, but my pockets were alfo
indifferently well lyned with Half-crown pieces. Thus
had I a handfome enjoyment of money and pleafure;
for I was free with my Landlady, and very little fuf-
pe6ledby herHufband; but Iwasonetimenearbeing
caught byhim, and thus it was. He was not only well
ftricken inyears,but by an accident fomeyears paft,had
loft one of his eyes, or elfe he would have efpyed us ;
for one dayhebeingabroad,andl beingdefirous to toy
with my Landlady, we in order thereto entred her
Chamber and lay down on her bed, we had not long
been there but we heard a noife, and the maid-fervant
looking to fee what was the matter, came haftily in to
us, and told us that her Mafter was coming up ftairs;
fhe had hardly delivered this unpleafant meffage, but
he was come up ftairs and was entring the Chamber,
but he was not fo quick, but his wife and I were as nim
ble, and were got upon our feet, and fhe running to the
door caught hold of her Hufband about the Neck and
cryed out, Oh Lord Husband, how dearly welcome you
are to me! efpecially at this time, wJten Ifo longed to fee
you. For what caufe, faid my Landlord ? what is the
meaning of this language? Oh dear Husband, replyed
{he, I have been afleep on the bed, where I had the
pleafanteft Dream that I have ever had in all my life ;
nay, (continued fhe) it is more than a Dream, for it is
a Vifion, and I hope a true one : well, what is it, faid

Part 3. other Extravagants. 193

he ? Why truely Husband, faid fhe, methoughts you
and I were walking along together in a pleafant Field,
and we met with a man that begged an Alms of you,
which you very liberally gavehim,and he being glad of
your liberality told you, that he would recompenfe it
by refloring you the fight of your other eye : Me
thoughts I was very joyfull at this propofition, and de-
fired him to do it, but you were doubtfull of his per
formance, and therefore unwilling to let him meddle
with you, but he promifing and affuring us that he
would certainly cure you, I perfwaded you to permit
him to wafh your eye with a certainWater he had in a
Viol about him, which he had no fooner done, but me
thoughts you faw very well with your blind eye, atthe
fight of which I was fo over-joyed, that I awaked, and
you then came up flairs ; and now Sweet-heart I am fo
confident of the Truth of my Dream, that I defire to ex
periment the fame, and therefore I pray let me put my
hand on your feeing Eye for a tryal. My Landlady
having done, her Husband replyed, Surely you have not
been afleep as you fay, but talk idly for want of fleep,
or elfe you would never make fo foolifh a propofition.
I know not, reply'd fhe, but I muft needs defire you to
give me fatisfa£lion in this particular, for I long to try
it. Well, faid he, that you may fee how much a fool
you are, I am content. She having liberty, clapt her
hand on his feeing Eye, and I who waited that oppor
tunity needed no further inftru6lions what to do, but
coming from behind the door where I had flood, with
long flridesand eafie, went out of the Chamber, and go
ing down flairs left the Houfe: She feeing me gone, and
thereby her bufinefs being done, asked her Husband if
he faw any thing ? No, faid he, but if you will remove
your hand I fhall fee a fool ; fhe did fo, and told him
that fhe was fatisfied, but hoped it had been other-

O

1 94 The Englifli Rogue \ And Part 3.

wife : And thus, continued the Soldier, we efcaped this
brunt, as we did many others. And now Madam, faid
he to me, I have been very free in relating to you the
greateft Secrets of my life, having fomuch confidence
in your difcretion, that I (hall run no hazard in your
knowing it, but hope as I have been free with you, fo
you will be fo generous as to acquaint me with your
quality and condition, and permit me to ferve you in all
I can. To this requeft I anfwer'd,That indeed I was not
of that Countrey.but another, and upon an urgent affair
was fome time fmce come horn London, whither I have
a defire to return; fo have I, faid the Soldier, and if you
pleafe to accept of my fervice, I fhall gladly wait on
you thither, for I have fo much refpect from my Cap
tain, that I queftion not but he will not onely give me
leave to go, but alfo give me a Pafsto fecure me thither.
I hearing him fay fo, told him that I would take fuch
order in my affairs, that I hoped in one months time
to be ready to be gone, and thenlfhould be glad of his
Company. This was the difcourfe I held with the Sol
dier, who was indeed very civil with me, fpending his
money freely as often as he came into my company. I
being refolved to leave this place, took order to get in
to my hands what moneys I had, which I had lent out
to fufficient perfons in the Town, which was in fhort
timepaid me; but very ftrange Accidents happened in
our houfe before my departure, which made me haften
it, and which were thus : I have already told you that
our houfe had been a Receptacle for Cheats and Pick
pockets, who by degrees coming to be Thieves and
High-way-men, they ftill frequented it, and mineHoft
who feeing he gain'd moneys, cared not much which
ways he came by it, made no great fcruple of Con-
fcience to entertain them, who indeed were very good
Cuftomers, and fpent equal to the beft Guefts we

Part 3. other Eztravagants. 195

had, and he might do that with them he might not
with others, for they were bound to believe and pay
all that he reckoned, although never fo unreafonable,
fo that he had an equal (hare, if not more, of all the
Prizes they made, fome whereof were very confider-
able ; for a Knight of York/hire having occafion to
travel our Road was fet upon and rob'd by fix of
our Guefts, he had onely Himfelf.Wife and Daughter,
Coachman, and one Horfeman, this was his Com
pany, but the Prize was confiderable, being four hun
dred pounds in money, befides Watches, Rings, and
other Jewels : Our Crew of Padders, although at firft
they were fevere enough in fearching them, and ftripp-
ingthemof all their Money and Jewels, yet dealt civily
enough with them (if I may term Thieves to be fo)
before they parted, for the Knight feeing it was in vain
to refift, and being too weak to do fo, permitted them
to take all from him, but when they came to his Lady
and had taken her little Money,and proceeded to take
her Rings from her Fingers, he was troubled, and told
them, that he hoped as they had found himciviltocon-
fefs and deliver all he had to them, and which he faid
was very confiderable, fo he hoped they would not ufe
any violence to his Wife and Daughter, in taking their
Rings from them which were inconfiderable, and might
happen to beprejudicialtothem, indifcoveringofthem
to the Law. They, who knew he faid right, not onely
defifted from proceeding againft the Ladies, but alfo
gavehim his Watch and Rings and all the odd Money
they had taken from him, contenting themfelves only
with the four hundred pounds, and giving him an
Oath that he, nor none of his company fhould remove
from that place for half an hours time, that they
might have leifure to efcape ; they left him. He was
as good as his word and ftaid out his time, and they
O 2

196 The Englifh Rogue \ And Part 3

with full fpeed rode to our Town, and at our houfe
took up their Quarters : They no fooner entred the
houfe, but they firft deliver'd their Money to the
cuftody of mine Hoft, and then called for a Trunk
whereinwas their Clothes, for they had always Change
of Clothes lay there, fo that in a quarter of an hours
time thefe fix Blades of Fortune were fo metamor-
phofed that they were not to be known ; he who when
he came in had a black Perriwig and grey clothes, now
had a white Perriwig and black Clothes, and by that
and pulling off Patches and fuch like Difguifements,
they were not to be known ; for if a Hue and Cry corns
out wherein is named the number of the Robbers, they
cannot diftinguifh or defcribe them otherwife than by
their Clothes and Horfes ; and as for their Habits they
thus alter them, and their Horfes are prefently either
fent to Grafs, orlock'd up in a private Stable, and their
Sadies andother Accoutrements are convey'daway and
lock'd up ; and commonly if there be fix or eight in a
Robbery, not above the one half, or three quarters of
them go to one houfe, but divide themfelves into Com
panies untilltheffueand Ojfhall be over,and then they
meetanddividethe Booty : This is their common prac
tice when a Robbery is done at any diftance from Lon-
don, but if it be done within twenty miles of that place,
then away they all flie thither, and enter the City at
feveral ends of the Town, and to feveral Quarters they
at prefent difperfe themfelves ; this I fay is their cuf-
tom. I told Miftrefs Dorothy that I was very well ac
quainted with the Truth of what fhe had faid, and
therefore defired her to proceed and acquaint me how
their Guefts came off with their Prize ; Very well,
faid fhe, for the Hue and Cry came not to our Town
till the next day; and by that time two of
the fix were gone, having taken their mares

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 197

with them, and the Hue and Cry having parted about
the Town it came to our houfe, where the Officers
failed in their Enquiry, for it nominated fix, whereas
our Company was but four, and the Defcription of
the Perfons and their Habits was fo different from
what our Guefts had, that there was no reafon in the
world to fufpe6l them, and as for their Horfes they
were not to be found, fo that, I fay, our Guefts all ef-
caped, and for joy feafted and drank very highly, but
in two days time their Joy was leffen'd ; for a trufty
Meflenger came to them and brought fad Newes from
the other two of their Companions, which was, that
they were taken, apprehended, and upon examination
found fo guilty, that they were fent to Goal. Our
Guefts were very much furprized at the news, & upon
examination of theperticulars, thus they foundit: The
Knight who was robb'd having ftaid in the place the
timehe promifed, that being over, he caufed his Coach
man to drive on to the next Town, where when he
came, he fent for the Town-Officers, and inform'd them
of his Lofs, and withal told them that he muft,and did
expe6l fatisfaction from them, and the reft of the In
habitants of that Hundred, becaufe he was robb'd two
hours before Sun-fet : They who heard him knew he
faid right, and that it muft be fo, unlefs they produc'd
all or fome of the Felons, and had them try'd and found
guilty at Law, wherefore the Sum being confiderable,
and the Cafe fo evident and plain to be proved, they
prefently took an account of the Knight of all particu
lars of the Robbers in the beft manner that he or his
fervants could direct, and having fo done fent out a Hiie
and Cry, directing and charging the Officers to ufe all
poffible diligence in the difcovery of thefe Fellons :
but they mifs'd of their purpofe for that day, but
the next it was the misfortune of thofe two of our

198 The Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

Guefts who had left our houfe to come thither, and
being now again upon the Pad, were accoutred in
their Padding Habit ; although they were but two,
and the number in the Hue and Cry was fix, yet their
Habits and Horfes were fo remarkable thatthey were
foon fufpefled, and the officers feized them quickly,
hailing them before the Juftice, whither when they
were come and examined, they could not anfwer fo
well, but that they were fhrewdly fufpefled ; but to
make the matter more clear, the Knight and his fer-
vants who were dill in the Town, were fent for, and then
it was not long ere the matter was but too plain for our
two Delinquents, efpecially when upon fearch of their
Portmantua's their mare of the Money was found,
however they ftoutly denied the Fa6l ; but notwith-
ftanding all that could be faid, they were fent to Pri-
fon. This News alarmed our Guefts, and made them
bethink themfelves of what fhould be moft neceffary
for their own prefervation, and thereupon they thus
refolved, that two of the four mould go near the
place where the Knight was, and obferve his motions,
and according to that a£t their matters as mould be
convenient, and the other two refolved for the prefent
to ftay at our houfe: but this Cafe which now at the
beginning appeared to be very bad and fad for their
two Companions, in the end by the cunning manag-
ment of the two Agents came off much better than
was expected, and indeed very well ; for they under-
ftanding that the Knight was engaged by the Juftice
to profecute, and that the Countrey would fee that
he fhould do fo, whereby they might be difcharged
from payment of the money he was robb'd off; This
confideration being had, they refolved by fome
trufty Meffenger to fend to the Knight, and there
fore they drew up a Letter to this purpofe.

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 199

THat they were Gentlemen of a good Extraction, but
tlie mis fortunes of times, and tlieir own NeceJJlties,
Jiadputthem upon a Courf e of life far different frmn tlieir
Inclinations; w/iich, alt/tough it was notjuflifiableby
Law jet tliey thought it notfo unreafonable as tlie World
did, andtfiey Jiad plenty of Examples for ttieir Practice,
tJie whole Nation being now engaged into Parties, who
under fair and fpecious pretence made it tJieirbuJinefs to
Rob (which t}iey termed Plunder) one anotlier, efpecially
tlie harmlefs Countrey, and thatfo often as theyJJtould
come in tJieir way : This tlieyfaid was theprefident by
which tltey walked, and by vertue of this CommiJJion
(which they believe as AutJientick asfome oftJieirs who
levy ed great Forces,} tltey had taken up Arms, and their
good f or tune,and this prefent mifhapjiadcaufed tliem to
meet,wliere, although tie was difpojf eft of his Money, yet
tlicy were confident lie had no very ill opinion of tliem, in
regard tliey liad ufed him and the Ladies in his company
with all civility ; this tlieylwpedhe would not forget, and
for tJiat confederation Jte would deal as civilly with tlieir
two Companions, wlioliadthe m is for tune to fall under the
power of tlie Law. This tJieytlwught was reafon enough
for tliem to Expecl all favour at his liands, but tlierewere
alfo other reafons for him to do it, and tJiat which tliey
tJiought would be tJie mojl prevalent, was, that it was a-
gainjl his own interejltoprofecutettieir Companions ; for
Jhould lie at the approaching AJJizesJo abfolutelycJiarge
tfiem with the Fall, as to bring tliem within thecompafs
of tlie Law, and it may be take ttieir Lives from tliem,
then he mujlexpecl no other fatisfaElion, but lofe his Mo
ney : whereas on tlie contrary if Jieand his fervants f pake
doubtfully in tlieir Evidence againjltliem,andtliey were
not proved to be guilty, then tie might by Law recover his
wliole Money of the Country. This tliey Jwped would be a
prevalent reafonwith him to ord'ertliematterfo as to let
their Companions efcape, which they prayed & hoped he

20O The Engli/h Rogue \ And Part 3.

would do: but if (as they thought again/I all reaf on) he
flwuld rigor ou/ly prof ecute them, hewas to remember that
four of tfieir Companions werejlill left at liberty with
fwords in their hands, and his misfortune might again
bring him under t/teir power, wlien he might not expeflfo
civil proceeding againjl him as he had the laft time, but
that they might revenge their Companions, but they con
cluded they Jwped he would not give them that occajjion.
And fo they concluded.

This Letter was carefully conveyed to the Knight,
who having read and confider'd the Contents, and find
ing their reafons to be good, and withal confidering
that if he fhould by his Evidence caft thefe two men
for their Lives, he was not fure of his own fo long as
they had companions, (who though at the firft he found
civil enough) whohad fwords in theirhands, and might
be revengeful and bloody-minded enough on that oc-
cafion ; neither, as they had urged, would it be for his
intereft, for he muft then lofe his Money, or the great-
eft part. Thefe reafons, I fay, made him to manage the
matter fo as thatupon Tryal they fhould be acquitted,
and therefore he fent to the Prifon a Confident of his,
to tell them that he would do fo, charging them to deny
the Fa6l & ftand upon their juftification; Andthusthe
Affizes comingtheywere indicl:ed,but the Knight & his
Servants (who were directed and inftru6led by him)
were all in one Tale, & faid, that indeed hewas robb'd of
four hundred pounds at fuch a place & time, by fix men,
two whereof were in fuch habits, or like fuch as the pri-
foners at the Bar had, but that he could not for all the
world fwear or fay that they were any of the perfons.
He faying no more than thus, and by his example his
Servants faying no more or lefs,&the Prifonersplead-
ing Juftification, they were in the end acquitted,
had their Money again deliver'd to them, and the

Part 3. oilier Extravagant*. 201

Knight nowproceedinginhisSuitagainfttheCountry,
recover'd his whole Moneys of them ; and thus our
two Prifoners with their two Comrades who had at
tended theTryall, came home to our houle with great
joy. And thus did Thieves efcape, and thehoneftCoun-
trey was punifh'd, and this I have known is a trick
that hath been ufed familiarly; fo that feveral Coun-
treys have been almoft undone with thefe kind of Rob
beries.

Soon after this paffage, there happened one as plea-
fant, thought not fo roguifh, and thus it was: A Crew
of Divers, Bung nippers, or Pick pockets came to our
houfe, and there beinga Fair in the Town they brought
home very good Purchafe, and fpent their moneys very
freely, but their trade did not continue fo good as it
began, and they in expenfes were fo profufe and pro-
diga.l,that they had out-run the Conftable, fpent more
than they were able to pay, and they were always us'd
to pay their Hoft well, and fo they were refolv'd to do
now, or fet their Wits on the Tenters; many Projects
they had, and many Eflays they made, fome of them
going abroad byturns,andthenreturningandfending
others, but our Town was but thinly peopled, and they
could not raife any confiderable Purchafe, wherefore
knowing that if they could get any number of people
together, they might then have the more convenient
opportunity of gettinga Prize, theythereforethus laid
their Plot; Three of them went out, two whereof were
to aft the drunken mans part, and fo they did very
Comically, for they reeling along the ftreets, tumbled
down feveral people who were in their way. The peo
ple believing them to be what they appear'd, viz.,
drunk, let them pafs on without much interruption ;
their fober Companion feeing that no body elfe
would take them up, he therefore was refolv'd

2O2 TJie Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

to do it, and thereupon meeting them as by chance, they
gave him the Juftle, which he not taking fo patientlyas
the other had done, not onely worded it with them, but
they proceeded to blows, fo that two being againft
one it was thought unequal, and they having been a-
bufive to others, a great company were affembled, and
among them the Conftable, who feizing upon all three
carried them before ajuftice,who hearing the matter,
and finding by the teflimony of the people who went
with them, that the two were wholly to blame, and
believing them to be as drunk as they feemed to be, he
therefore ordered that theyfhould be fet in the Stocks
for two hours, and the third be difcharged. This his
Order was obeyed, and they were conducted to the
Stocks, where they behav'dthemfelves fo pleafantlyin
foolifhdifcourfe to the people, that a very great number
of people were about them ; their Companion who was
at freedom feeing his con veniency, and being his Arts-
Mafter in the Myfteryof Diving, fifhed money out of
their pockets, fo that in two hours time that they were
in the Stocks, he plyed his work fo well that he had
gained near feven pounds ; being thus fraighted, he
came to our houfe,and it was not long ere his Compa
nions followed him ; when theyfindingfo confiderable
a Purchafe,paidmyLandlord the Reckoning and call'd
for a new one, where they drank roundly, remembring
all thofe by whom they fared the better; and then ha
ving done the bufinefs they came for, they paid their
Shot and march'd off to the next Town to fee if they
could fare any better than they had done at ours. And
thefe, continued Miftrefs Dorothy, were the Guefts
we now entertained, Fodders and Pick pockets, who
as they got their money eafily, fo they fpent it as
lightly, to the great profit of mine Hoft, for he
gained at leaft fifty pounds of the four hundred,

Part 3. other Eztravagants. 203

and ftill put in for a (hare: but as the Pitcher goes
not fo often to the water, but it comes home broken
at laft, fo in fhort time not onely his Guefts, but he
himfelf was caught and brought to condign punifh-
ment.

CHAP. XVII.

The Author relates a Story how fie and fix other P ad
ders robb'd a Carrier of fix hundred pounds, and
tliat one of the company in confederation of an hun
dred pounds paid him by tJie Countrey where the
Robbery was committed, owned tlie Facl, and tJiere-
by faved the Countrey (who were fued) from pay
ment of tlie reft, and at length by tlieir ajjijlance
gained his pardon. A If o how a young Pick-pocket
is put on by an old one, to cut an oldwomans Purfe
whileftjhe is at prayers in a Church-yard by a Tomb-
Jlone; tlie Boy performs tJie Exploit, but is dif-
cover'd and Jliew'd by the old pick-pocket to the peo
ple, wJio coming to ftare on tJie Boy had tJteir Pockets
pickt by the old one and his companions ; And aljo
Jiow an old Fodder being in danger to be hangd
for a Robbery, a young one for fifty pmtnds took the
Fact upon himfelf, difcfiarged tlie old one, and in
the end came clearly off himfelf .

I Finding by MiftrefsZtor0///j/'.rpaufingthatfhewas
fomewhat weary of her large Difcourfe, and be-
ingdefirousto knowthe conclufion of her Adventures,
defired her to refrefh her felf with a Cup of Wine
which flood by us, and then we all three, viz., Mif-
trefs Mary, Miftrefs Dorothy, and my felf, having
drank off a quart of the beft, I thus befpake her ;
Truly Miftrefs Dorothy, you have taken much pains in

204 The Englifh Rogue; And Part 3.

reciting thefe pleafant adventures that befel whil'ft
you liv'd in the Inn, and you muft needs have very
great experience by what you have related ; for al
though I was well acquainted with knaveries and
rogueries enough whileft I lived in England, yet all
our adventures are very new, being fuch whofe like
I have feldom heard ; and although I did follow the
Pd^#«£--Trade,efpecially atthattimewhen I had the
good fortuneatthefirftto meet with,and be acquainted
with you, yet I feldom knew, nor indeed ever heard
of the like efcape that your fix Fodders had ; it was
a neat and cleanly conveyance: but left you fhould
be tyred with too long fpeaking, and that I might
enable you the better to give us a full and exact
account of the reft of your adventures, I will relate
to you fome of my former Adventures, and efpeci-
ally one, which was fomewhat like that of your fix
PadderSy and thus it was.

A ftout gang of us who were Knights of the Road,
were one time affembled together at an Inn, from
whence we underftood a good round Sum of money
was to be carryed, and we only waited the departure
and motions of the Pack-horfes, that we might put
our project in execution, the Sum was fix hundred
pounds, and we knew it was to be carried in a pack,
but which pack and which horfe was to carry it, we
were ignorant of, and that we doubted would be a
hindrance or at leaftwife a trouble to our defign ; for
the Carrier having fuch a charge of money was refolv'd
to travel only by day light, and not in the night time,
whereby if it fhould happen he were robb'd, he might
not bear the lofs ; and we knowing this, and doubting
that he would keep in as much company as he could,
we fear'd it would be troublefome and dangerous to rob
him of that money, unlefs we knew in what pack it was;
for it would take up much time to cut up and examine all

Part 3. other Extravagants. 205

the reft of the Packs, which were near twenty in num
ber ; wherefore one of our Comrades made it his bufi-
nefs to difcover that matter, but although he was watch
ful, yet the Carrier and Owners were as fhie, fo that he
could not poflibly attain to his defires ; wherefore he
was refolv'd to under-feel the Hoftler,whouponalittle
acquaintance and a Re ward given him, and more pro-
mifed if the project fhould take, engaged to give him a
certainTokenhowhefliouldknowtheHorfe and Pack,
and to that end directed him to wait the next morning
early when the Pack-horfes went out: Our Companion
did fo, fitting in a Drinking-room in the Yard where
he could fee all paflages. The Horfes being loaded,
went out one after another, and the Moneyed-horfe in
the middle, when he came the Hoftler lifted up his
hand, and gave him a Clap over the Buttock, faying,
Goe.thy ways Dun, for tkou wilt never be fold to thy
worth : This was Item enough to our Companion to
mark, and knowwhat he had to do ; fothatthe Horfes
being all gone, and he having difpatcht his drink.came
up to us who attended him ; And then he telling us
that he knew how to execute our Defign, and that he
had knowledge enough, we refted contented, neither
did we leave that Inn till noon, although the Carrier
went out in the morning early, and this we did that we
might not be fufpe6led to have any defign upon him,
but foon after we had din'd we all mounted and away
we rode. It was not many hours before we over-took
the Carrier, or at leaft came near him, and then we
fent one of thecompanytofcourtheRoad,anddifcover
in what condition the Carrier was in, and as occafion
ferv'd to come back to us and acquaint us ; one hour
before night he came to us, who were not far off, and
told us, that then was the opportunity, for the Carrier

206 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

had engag'd company all the while before, but now
the night coming on, and theCompany being to travel
further than the Carrier, they had newly left him, and
then he was alone, onely with his man and two or
three paffengers ; we being eight in number, quickly
made up to the Carrier, and one with Sword drawn
and Piftol cock'd feiz'd on him, another on his man,
and the reft of our Companions on the reft of the Paf
fengers ; he of our Companions that knew the Horfe
and Pack onely went to him, fmgl'd him out, cut his
Girts, ripp'd up the Pack, and took forth the money,
without medling with any thing elfe ; we the reft of
his Companions in the mean time had difmounted
the Carrier, his man, and the Paffengers, and having
tyed their hands, we left them to fhift for themfelves,
and fix of us taking each of us a hundred pounds,
and the other two riding one in the Van, and the other
in the Rere, away we march'd, but at that rate that
in two hours we were got thirty miles from the place
where the robbery was committed, and we had fo
crofs'd the Country to prevent difcovery, that it was
almoft impoflible to overtake or finde us. We took
up our Quarters at an Inn where we were very well
acquainted, and for joy of our purchafe wanted for
nothing that money could produce us, and there we
fpent fome time in all manner of delights, till being
weary of the place, and fome of the Company having
a defire to depart and feparate, we accordingly did
fo ; and one of our Companions who had occafion
to ride that way where we committed this Robbery
performed one of the boldeft exploits that I have
ever heard of, and thus it was.

He had an Uncle who kept an Inn in theTown near
to the place where this Robbery was done, to whofe
houfe he came &was welcom'd ; he pretended he was a

Part 3. otfier Extravagant*. 207

Soldier, and was newly come from the Garrifon at
Briftol, and with fuch kind of imaginary Stories he
difcours'd his Uncle, and telling him the beft news he
could, and his Uncle likewife acquainted him with
the news of the Town, and as the chiefeft told him
that there had lately been a great robbery done, for a
Carrier was robb'd of fix hundred pound, and there
fore it being done in the day time, that Town muft pay
for it, and truely Coufin, faid he, our Town hath been
fo mightily peftred with Soldiers that we are very poor
and not able and my fhare comes to thirty pound of
the money : but faid our companion, can you not meet
with the thieves ? no replyed his Uncle ; we have
offered a hundred pound, to any that can difcover
them, but hitherto all hath been in vain. This was
the Hofts difcourfe with his Kinfman, who very well
knew he was one of the number ; and a conceit came
into his head, that it was pofiible that as he had got al-
moft a hundred pounds already by this robbery, fo he
might get anotherwhole hundred pounds; and there
fore being refolved what to do, he thus difcoveredhim-
felf to his Uncle : it is now faid he, three years fince I
left myFather,and everfmce thatlhaveledatrouble-
fome life, fo that I am almoft weary of it; and it is not
long fmce that for a mifdemeanor I had done in our
Garrifon, I was condemned to be hang'd, but I thank
my ftars I efcaped it, and being fo near death and ef-
caping, I foon after came acquainted with a cunning
man, who telling me my Fortune, told me that I had
lately efcaped a danger, which I very well knew ; and
he withal added, that I fhould run into many other
dangers, and fhould efcape them ; and that he was
certain I was not born to be hang'd : and now there
fore Uncle faid he, I will once again tempt my fate,
and being affured thatlfhall not be hang'd, I care not,

208 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

if I may be enfured the hundred pounds you fpake of,
if I take upon me and own the Robbery ; and I think
it will be no difficult matter to do, for as I remember
one of the Gentlemen Padders who did that feat was
habited and mounted juft as I am. His Uncle having
heard his difcourfe, flared at him, and asked him if he
were mad ? no, replyed he, but if you will warrant me
the money I'le undertake the matter : his Uncle fee
ing him thus refolved, began to confider a little more
ferioufly of the matter, and told his kinfman, that if
he would do the one, he would not only enfure him
of the other, but alfo endeavour his pardon, and there
upon he fent for fome of the Neighbors whom he
might truft ; and told them that there was a wild
young man his kinfman, who would fave them five
hundred pounds, and told them the manner how,
they were well enough fatisfied with the propofition,
and not only promifed him the money which was a-
greed on, mould beprefentlyputinto anyfriends hand,
but alfo that they would undertake his pardon, or at
leaft-wife a reprieve that he might fue out his pardon ;
this being agreed upon, they next proceeded in their
difcourfe how this affair was to be managed, and after
feveral propofitions made, it was concluded, that as he
came into the Town,fo he mould go out, and the next
day he mould re-enter the Town when the Officers
who fhould be then appointed to fearch for fufpitious
perfons mould feize on him, and he mould at the firft
deny the fa6t, but upon examination mould fo vary
and waver in his difcourfe, that he mould give juftcaufe
of fufpition ; they having agreed on this, and feveral
other particulars, and the money being depofited in a
young maidens hand, who was his Uncles Daughter ;
he took horfe and privately left the Town. The next
day the Officers of the Town being charged to keep

Part 3. othet Extravagants. 209

ftrift watch, and fearch all fufpitious places ; they did
fo, and as they had been a little way out of the town,
and were returning our Adventurer overtook them ;
who rides here fays one.fure that man is cloathed juft
as the Carrier described one of the Padders were ? he
hearing them fay this, made fome ftand, and offered
to turn his back, they therefore imagining that he
might be fufpe6led, asked of him what he was ? and
came near to encompafs him, he ftill withdrawing
drew his piftol and fired at them, they then flaring on
each other, and feeing that none of their company was
kill'd or wounded, were encouraged to make up to
him ; and although he drew his fword yet they being
armed adventured uponhim,andfeizingon him,puH'd
him from his horfe back, he then asked them, what
was the matter, and what they would have ? they
told him that he was a high-way man,and that theywere
very certain of, or elfe why did he (hoot at them, and
were glad they had caught him, he fhould pay for all
the trouble he had put the Town to ; fome railed at
him in this manner, whilft others difarmed him and
bound his hands together, and then they led him
away to the Town, where with great noife they carried
him before their Juftice of the peace ; he ftri6lly ex
amined him and abfolutelycharged him withthe former
Robbery,advifmghimtoconfefs,and inform againfthis
companions, and then he told him he would endeavour
togethim apardon : ouradventurer gave him the hear
ing of all, but denyed all knowledge of the robbery,
but fo faintly and with fuch faultering and uncertain
ties, that the Juftice committed him to prifon. In few
dayes after the Carrier came that wayes, and he was
conducted to the Thief, were after a light fight and
difcourfe with him, he and his fervant remembred
him, and the Owner of the money was fent for
who was alfo carried before the Juftice; and there

P

2IO The Englijh Rogue \ And Part 3.

he, the Carrier and his Servant were all bound to
profecute the Felon, which was much in the vexa
tion of the owner of the moneys, who expected the
next aflizes to have a tryal againft the Town, and
to recover his money of them, whereas now he faw
he was like to lofe that, and only have an Endict-
ment againft the Felon, when as if he fhould find
him guilty, it would be a little fatisfa<5lion for fuch a
fum of money as he had loft. And as he expelled,
and as the plot was laid, fo it fell out ; for the Aflizes
being come, an Endictment was brought in againft
our Delinquent, and although he bufs'ld to defend
himfelf, yet he was found guilty, and then he made
an ingenious confeflion to the Judge of the manner
of the Robbery,only concealingasmuchas he thought
convenient, alleadging that indeed he was guilty,
but it was his firft fa6l, but he was drawn in by
chance being overtaken on the way by the Robbers ;
he being coming to the Town to vifit his Unkle, and
therefore he pray'd mercy of the court, the Judge
told him that if he would difcover his companions
fomewhat might be done, but not elfe, he replyed,
that truly he was not in their company, above eight
and forty hours in all, and therefore knew not of
their haunts, but if his honor would fpare his life he
would if ever he met them, caufe them to be appre
hended; to this the Judge made no Anfwer, fo that
our Adventurers Uncle prefented a Petition to the
Judge in behalf of his Kinf-man, and the other Chief
men of the Town pretending for his Unkles fake to
do fo aflifted him in it, and they drew the Petition fo
pitifully, that the Judge at their importunity granted
him reprieve for the prefent, leaving him to fue out
his pardon as faft as he could : and thus all Parties
were content except the owner of the moneys, whowent
away with a Flea in his ear : and our Adventurer fo

Part 3. other Extravagants. 211

plyed his bufmefs, wanting for neither money nor
friends, that in fhort time he gained his pardon, and
he was fet free : and I will add this further of ourcom-
panion, that after this he turned honeft man, for by
virtue of the money he had gained in this robbery,
and what was given him, he firft fet up an Ale-
houfe, and foon after an Inn, and hath born all
Offices in the Parifh. And this ftory, faid I, Miftrefs
Dorothy, fomwhat refembles yours, for your Thieves
cheated the Country who paid the Knight what he
had loft, and here on the contrary, the Country out
witted the Party rob'd, and faved their pudes ; and
truly I have known feveral of thefe tranfa6lions, and
fometimes the guilty efcape, and the innocent are
punifhed. And now, continued I, Miftrefs Dorothy:
you fee I am acquainted with thefe kind of ftories
and .as I have already related one of a Padder, which
do fomwhat equal yours, I will now alfo tell you
another of a Pick-pocket, which (hall be much like
yours of that nature, and thus it was.

A Crew of Blades of that Profeffion came to a
Countrey-town on a market day, and finding there
was little good to be done without fome occafion to
draw the People together more than ordinary, they
therefore went to an Ale-houfe to confult on what
was neceffary to be done, and there after feveral de
bates held, it was concluded as follows, that whereas
they had lately taken up a boy of about ten years of
age, who was very defirous of learning their myftery,
and whereas they had inftru&ed him fufficiently in
the theory thereof, that it was now time to put him in
practice, and therefore the graveft man in the company
was to walk out with him, fhew him what he was to do
and help him if he flood in need thereof, and the reft
ofthefocietyweretobeathandtodoasoccafionfhould

P 2

212 The Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

offer ; this being agreed upon, the old fellow took
the Boy by the hand, and leads him through the Mar
ket, but there was no probability of a prize ; and the
Boy having promifed to do much, the old man fought
out for fome what that might be worthy his under
taking, and fo going out of the market they entred the
Church-yard and there they faw an old woman with a
great pouch of mony by herfide, kneelingbyaTomb-
ftone and doing her devotions : Our old fellow feeing
this, faid to the Boy, Sirrah, you fee that old woman
with the Pouch ; yes Sir, replyes the Boy, go thither
faid he, and bring away her Purfe and money ; the
boy was not at all daunted at the boldnefs of the un
dertaking, but went up to the woman, and fo foon as
he came near her, he likewife fell on his knees, and
fell a mumbling as if he were alfo at his devotions ;
the old woman feeing him fo devout, permitted him
to continne by her, but he putting down one of his
hands by virtue of a Knife and Horn-thimble cut
off her Purfe : The old man flood not far off and faw
his carriage which was fo cunningly contriv'd that
he could not forbear laughing at it, but bethinking
him of a further Defign, he was refolved to difcover
the Boy, whereupon flopping fome paffengers that
were going by, he faid to them, I pray friendsbehold
yonder Boy how devout he is, do you not think he
will be a good one in time that is fo religioufly given
already? yes furely, faid the people, Oh the cunning-
nefs of the young Rogue ! faid the old fellow, and
how much you are all miflaken .for I have flood
and feen that young Rogue cut the old womans
Purfe, and thereupon he went to his young prac
titioner in Roguery, and took him by the hand
caufing him to arife, and bringing him to the
people, fhewed them the Purfe he had thus pur-
chafed ; the old woman was not fo intent at her de-

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 213

votions, but fhe carting her eyes afide likewife faw a
Purfe in the Boys hand, miffing her own foon knew
that to be it, wherefore fhe and all the people came
nearer the" Boy, who ftood ft ill as a ftock and faid
nothing to them, and all the people, not only they
that went by, but alfo at their report moft of the
people in the market came thither to fee this young
Rogue, admiring at the boldnefs of the fa<5t, but they
had been better to have ftaid away and minded their
own Affairs ; for our old Rogue feeing his oppor
tunity, and that now there was a great many people
together, he fell a diving into their pockets, and got
good Pillage, and his Companions who were not far
off at the noife came in to the fport, and all laid
about them fo luftily that there were few who efcaped
without their pockets being pick'd, onely the old
woman had her purfe again, but in exchange of that
ourold Rogue and his Companions had twenty others
better fraught with moneys; in fine, they being weary
with looking on the boy, & the Pick-pockets think
ing they had done fufficiently for that time, the old
fellow came to the boy, and told him that as he had
firft of all difcovered him, fo he mould go along with
him ; the boy who had learned obedience to his Su
periors, confented, and fo they march'd off, and went
a little way out of the Town to an Ale-houfe, where
they divided the plunder of the field, which amounted
to above twenty pounds. And thus having told my
Tale, I faid to Miftrefs Dorothy that I thought this
was fomewhat like her difcourfe of the Pick-pockets.
She told me fhe muft needs confefs it, and that both
my Tales exceeded hers, and therefore fhe defired
me to remitt her promife of proceeding any further
in her difcourfe ; for, faid fhe, I lhall be able to ac
quaint you with nothing but what you know already;

214 TJie Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3-

as for that, faid I, I muft hear the conclufion of your
ftory, but fmce you feem to prove of what I have
told you, I fhall proceed a little further, and relate
a Story to you fomewhat like my firft, and thus it
was,

AHigh-way-manwhohadufed theTrade for along
time, was at length catch'd, and the evidence was fo
clear againft him that he was likely to be caft, and
then he was fure to go to pot, for he had been fmged
on the Fift already, and the Judge who was to try
him was very fevere on that account ; wherefore he
was very melancholly, and much perplexed, and all
the friends he had could not comfort him ; however
he was one day drinking with fome friends in the
Jayl, and telling them the fadnefs of his condition,
and feveral ways were propounded for his fafety ;
they told him that it would be beft to compound the
fa6l with the Profecutor ; I have offered that, faid the
Felon, and though I did not take above twenty
pounds from the party, yet I have offered him fifty
pound for composition if he will forbear profecution ;
but he will not hear of any thing but the Law, and
will make no end but what that fhall, and if it comes
to that, then I am certain forrow will be my Sops ;
how, faid one that was prefent, will he not take fifty
pounds for twenty ? fure he wants no money, for if
he knew the want of it fo much as I do, he would
not make fo flight of fifty pounds ; but I pray, con
tinued he, what is the reafon he is fo outragious
againft you ? what is the caufe of his violent pro
ceeding ? Truly, reply'd the Thief, it was my mil-
fortune to be one of thofe two that met with him
one night, and he having twenty pounds and a Watch
about him we eas'd him of them, my Companion
efcaped, but I was feized the next night on fufpition,

Part 3. other Extravagants. 215

and having befides my fhare of the twenty pounds
the watch about me which we had likewife taken from
him, it was as he faid, a clear Teftimony & evidence
of the Fa£t, he earneftly enquired for the ring
which my companion had for his fhare; & becaufe I
cannot help him to the ring he is thus obftinate, well
then, I fee faid the other, you have confefs'd the fa6l,&
therefore there is no hopeof favingyou: truly replyed
the Padder, I never yet confeffed it to any one that I
think will do me any prejudice, but much lefs to him ;
but infteadof confefTmg I havealways floutlydenyed
it.alleadging that I bought the Watch that Evening of
one in whofe company I was ; nay then, replyed the
other, your cafe is not fo defperate as I thought it, and
how fay you now, continued he, are you willing to be
as good as your word, and give the fifty pounds you
fpeak of to be difcharged of this matter? yes with all
my heart, faid the Padder ; well then faid the other,
if you will depofite the money into another mans
hands that I maybe fure of it when you are difcharged
I will undertake you fhallbe acquited; content, faid the
other, but I pray acquaint me with the manner how
you will manage this affair; our Undertaker replyed,
that he had confidered of what was to be done, and
was refolved fo he might be fure of the money, to ven
ture his own neck to fave the others, and that he would
take upon him the fact, and thereby difcharge him.
The Padder was content to part with his money, but
withalhedefiredtohavefomecleerdemonflrationhow
he intended to manage the bufmefs ; to which our un
dertaker replyed, it muft be your care not to be tryed
till the lafl day of the aflizes, and then ftill deny the
fa6l very ftoutly, continuing your allegation that you
did buy the Watch of a ftranger, but one whom you
knew if you againfhould feehim,and then I muftbor-

216 The Eng lifh Rogue ; And Parts.

row your Clothes, and the Perriwig you wore when
you committed the FacT:, and then I purpofe at that
time not to be far from you ; and when I fee a conve
nient time I wil appear, & the manner fhal be thus :
I will attempt to pick a mans pocket, but I will do
it fo unworkman like, that if he be not a very Dolt
he fhall difcover me, I being difcovered muft pre-
fently be brought before the Judge for the Fa6l,
and when you fee me there you fhall cry out as
amazed and furprized, that I am the very man of
whom you bought the Watch, and you fhall then
fee that although I deny it a little at firft, yet I will
at laft confefs my felf guilty, and fo you fhall be
difcharged : This, faid our Undertaker is my propo-
fition, and now if you can contrive it better, do, and
I will follow your directions. The Padder and all
his friends were hugely well fatisfied & pleafed with
the Undertakers difcourfe, and could not find any
fault in any particular, wherefore their Agreement
was quickly perfected, and the fifty pounds were
delivered into the cuftody of one whom they both
knew and entrufted, to be kept by him until the
Padder fhould be difcharged. Several perfons then
prefent asked of the Undertaker how he intended
to come off himfelf ? as for that, replyed he, I have
it in my head, and I will venture that, and keep it
fafe enough too I hope : this bufmefs being thus
agreed on they at prefent parted, and the Under
taker had the Clothes and Perriwig of the Padder
delivered to him ; and the Padder did put himfelf
into a habit quite different from that ; Thus Affairs
flood when the Affizes began, which lafted two
days, onely the firft day was pafl, and our Padder
had by his endeavours kept himfelf from being
called ; the fecond day was come and forenoon

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 217

paft, when in the after-noon this Caufe was to be
heard ; the Judges fervant were fome of them gone
out of the Town to make provifion for their Mafter
at another Town, whither he was that night to fol
low, fo that there was a necemty for his removal ;
& then about three of the clock this prifoner was
brought to the bar, his Indi6lment was read, which
was for robing the Countrey-man, of 20!. in money,
and a filver watch, and a gold Ring, to this the pri
foner pleaded not guilty and fo put himfelf upon his
tryal, according to the ordinary form ; then was the
Countryman called, who did alledge that the pri
foner at the Bar was the party, who with another
his companion did rob him as aforefaid ; the prifoner
denyed the fact, and defired the Judge to ask his
accufer what habit he was then in, to this the
Countrey-man replyed, that indeed his habit and
hair were then different from what he now had, but
that was an eafie thing to alter, but he was fure he
was the man, for he had his very watch in his
pocket, to this the prifoner replyed as formerly, that
he bought it of a perfon who indeed was habited as
the Country-man had defcribed. He was come to
this part of his tryal when a noife was heard in the
Court of crying out a pick-pocket, a pick-pocket,
and foon after our undertaker was haled into Court ;
the Judge feeing him, faid, Sirrah, how durft you be
fo bold ? I fhall talk with you by and by, fet him
by at prefent ; the prifoner at the Bar feeing it was
now a fit time, cryed out, O my Lord ! I pray let
him ftay here now, for indeed my Lord that is the
very perfon of whom I bought the watch, and whofe
juft fate hath brought him hither at this time, that
my innocency may be cleared, therefore I befeech
you my Lord, let him be examined, and I queftion
not but you will foon find my innocency. The

218 Tlie Englijh Rogiie ; And Part 3.

Judge hearing the exclamations of the prifoner, and
fuppofmg there might be fomewhat in the cafe, and
withal being defirous to execute juftice caufed the
Undertaker to be brought to the bar, and then he
thus began : now, you who are the prifoner at the
bar, and upon your tryal, what do you fay to, or
charge this man with ; my Lord replyed the padder,
I fay and alledge that this Perfon who now ftands
here by me, is the very perfon of whom I bought
the watch, and I gave him fifty (hillings for it, let
him deny it if he can, and my Lord I further fay,
that I fuppofe he is the perfon who committed the
robbery, for he is habited juft as this Country-man
defcribed one of them to be : what fay you to this :
faid my Lord to the Country-man, truly my Lord,
faid he, I am fomewhat at a ftand, for indeed one
of thofe who robb'd me was habited as this fellow
is, pointing to the undertaker, but I finding my
Watch in the cuftody of this other did verily believe
and was very confident that it was he that robb'd
me, but I muft leave all to your Lord-fhip and the
Jury: Now, you Sir, faid my Lord to the under
taker, what fay you for your felf? did you fell a
Watch to this man here ? my Lord, replyed he, I
have never a Watch, no, I know that now, faid my
Lord, but did you not fell a Watch to this man ?
my Lord faid the undertaker, I am an honeft man,
that's a fign of your honefty, when you pick a pocket
in my prefence, my Lord it is a miftake, replyed the
Fellow ; I believe, faid my Lord, we fhall not be
miftaken in you by and by, having thus faid the
Watch it felf was produc'd, and fhew'd to the un
dertaker ; and he was asked if he knew it, yes, my
Lord, faid he, I had fuch a watch as this ; and where
had you it ? I know not faid the undertaker : at this
the Padder cryed out, O my Lord, he hath faid

Part 3. oilier Extravagants. 219

enough to difcharge me and accufe himfelf, for he
ownes he had the Watch, and I am fure I bought it
of him, therefore good my Lord do me Juftice ? ac
quit me, and punifh him; all in due time faid my Lord,
we muft not condemn him before he be lawfully in
dicted, but I think he hath confefs'd enough againft
himfelf,and therefore he fhall be committed, and fmce
I cannot flay now any longer he fhall be indicted the
next Affizes, till then he muft lye by it and have time
to repent : but I pray my Lord, faid the Padder, let
me be difcharged ; I cannot difcharge you reply'd my
Lord, now you are upon your tryal, except the Jury
find you not guilty: I put myfelf upon them, faid the
Padder, whereupon the Jury only asking the Under
taker fome queftions which he doubtfully anfwered,
the Jury gave their Verdict, Not guilty, and thus was
the .Padder difcharged, but however he was bound to
come in evidence the next Affixes againft the under
taker, and fo was the Country-man, but he had been
better to have taken fifty pounds than thus to have
troubled himfelf about the Ring, for in the end he loft
all, and no hanging was in the cafe; for when the
next Affizes came, and our Undertaker was indicted,
the Tale was now of another Hogg, he denyed all
knowledge of the Watch, and as he had owned any
thing before, he now again denyed it, bringing wit-
neffes to prove where he was at that hour, and all the
time of the robbery, and faying, he told them it was
a miftake the laft time, that he was then only furpri-
zed ; and indeed he fpake fo well, and to the purpofe,
that he was acquitted of the robbery, and only
whipt a little for picking the pocket, and fo he march'd
off with fifty pounds ; and the Padder who did not
appear at the Affizes as witnefs againft him, let the
recognizance go againft him, leaving the law to find
him where they could catch him.

22O The Englijh Rogue : And Part 3.

CHAP. XVIII.

Miftrefs Mary relates a notable Jlory of a Countrey-
Gentleman's cheating a Goldfmith ; another muck
more remarkable, of a Gentlemans Boy by aljijlance
of his Majler, who put a notable trick on a Gold
fmith: afterwards going for France, is notorioujly
robVd by way of retaliation, the manner how, with
with his accompanying a Jeeming Gallant to a
Feajl wltojleals a piece of Plate.

HAving now finifhed my difcourfe, I defired Mi
ftrefs Dorothy to proceed in hers, and put an
end to her Adventures, to which fhe replyed,that fince
I was fowell acquainted with thefe paffages.and could
recount things fo various and wittily-pleafant, which
far exceeded anything fhe could fay, fhe defired to be
excufed from any further recital ; I told her I muft
needs however, hear what fhe could further fay, for
all fhe had hitherto faid was various from what I had
related to her ; and Miftrefs Mary likewife joyned
with me in this requeft,tellingher that fhe muft needs
proceed in her Narrative, for fhe longed to hear what
was the end of the Hoft,and Hoftefs, and how fhe left
them and came to London, and what elfe had hapned
to her till the firft of their Acquaintance. Truly re-
plyed Miftrefs Dorothy, I fhall give you fatisfaflion
to all thefe particulars ; but methinks you were but
fhort in your Narrative and might have enlarg'd ; and
fince you did as I believe, omit manypaffages of your
Life that were confiderable, I pray let us hear fome

Part 3. other Extravagants. 221

of them from you. I muft confefs, faid Miftrefs Ma
ry, that in the recital I made you of my actions, I
only recounted to you thofe things which did pertain
to my own ftory, as thinking it impertinent to re
late any others ; but if I had thought it pleafant, I
could likewife have told you of fome fuch Robberies
and Cheates, as fome of my acquaintance were
engag'd in. It is not too late to do it now, faid I
to her ; and feeing Miftrefs Dorothy is not yet pleafed
to continue her ftory, I pray you therefore to let us
know fome of your experience in this nature. I fhall
not deny your requeft, replyed Miftrefs Mary, and
therefore after fome little paufe to recollect her felf
of what fhe had to fay ; (he thus began.

I muft confefs that I had feveral of my Cuftomers
whileft I liv'd publickly at London, who although
they come to me full, return'd empty, and then ne-
ceflity put them upon unlawful courfes, and when
they could not live of themfelves, then they liv'd by
fhirking upon others ; this was their firft ftep, and
when this would not do, and they began to be angry
and difcontented that they could not wear money
in their pockets, they then fell to gameing, and all
the Cheats of that Myftery were put in practice ;
when that courfe left them, the next was to pick
pockets, fteal Cloaks, and a hundred fuch kinde of
fhirking tricks, till from one degree to another they
came to the high pad, and from thence to the Goal,
and fo to the Gibbet ; many I fay, of my acquaint
ance did run through all thefe Courfes, and begin
ning, as they fay, with a pin, proceeded to a point,
and fo to a biggar thing, till the rope held them ;
but I alwayes made it my bufmefs to leave them
off when they began thefe Courfes. Among others
that came to me, I had a Country Gentleman who
defigning to deal honeftly with a mop-keeper, had

222 The Engli/h Rogue ; And Part 3.

occafion to out-wit him, who intended to cheat the
Country-man. The Countrey Gentleman when he
came to me had his Pockets well lined with Half-
Crown Pieces, but he loving his pleafure I made
him pay for it fo considerably, that his Pocket was
well near emptied : he had twenty Pieces of Gold
and feveral Rings, part of which I defign'd to be
Miftrefs of, but he was to wife and wary to part
from any fuch precious Commodities : but an urgent
occafion happening, and mony being wanting, he
was refolved to fell a Diamond Ring that he had,
which was worth fifty pounds, wherefore he keeping
a Servant took him along, and to Lombard-ftreet
they went, when he came there, pitch'd upon a Gold-
fmiths Shop where he intended to fell it ; he there
fore drew off his Ring, and ask'd the Goldfmith
what it was worth ? The Goldfmith looking on him,
and then on the Ring, did hope to make this Ring
his own for a fmall matter ; and feeing our Countrey-
man in a plain Countrey Habit, did believe that he
had little skill in Diamonds, and that this came ac
cidentally to his poffeffion, and that he might pur-
chafe it very eafily, wherefore he being doubtful
what to anfwer as to Price, told the Countrey-man
that the worth of it was uncertain, for he could not
directly tell whether it was right, or counterfeit ; As
for that, faid the Countrey-man, I believe it is right,
and dare warrant it, and indeed I intend to fell it,
and therefore would know what you will give me
for it : Truly, replyed the Goldfmith, I believe it
may be worth ten pounds ; Yes, and more money,
faid the Countrey-man ; Not much more, faid the
Goldfmith, for look you here, faid he, here is a
Ring which I will warrant is much better than
yours, and I will alfo warrant it to be a right good
diamond, and I will fell it you for twenty pounds :

Part 3. other Extravagants. 223

This the Goldfmith faid, fuppofmg that the Coun-
trey-man who came to fell, had no skill, inclination,
nor money to buy ; but the Countrey-man believing
that the Goldfmith onely faid thus, thinking to draw
him on to part from his own Ring the more eafily,
and by that means cheat him, refolv'd if he could,
to be too wife for the Goldfmith ; wherefore taking
both the Rings into his hands as to compare them
together, he thus faid : I am fure mine is a right
Diamond : and fo is mine, reply'd the Goldfmith :
and faid the Countrey-man, fhall I have it for
twenty pounds? Yes, reply'd the Goldfmith; but
faid he, I fuppofe you come to fell, and not to buy ;
and fince you fhall fee I will be a good Cuftomer, I
will give you fifteen pounds for yours. Nay reply'd
the Countrey-man, fince I have had my choice to
by or fell, I will never refufe a good Penny-worth,
as I think this is, therefore Mafter Goldfmith, I will
keep my own and give you money for yours :
Where is it ? faid the Goldfmith haftily, and endea
vouring then to feize on his Ring ; Hold a blow
there, faid the Countrey-man, here's your money,
but the Ring I will keep. The Goldfmith feeing
himfelf caught, fluftered and flounced like a mad
man, and the Countrey-man pulling out a little
Purfe, told down twenty Pieces of Gold, & faid,
Here Shop-keeper, here's your money; but I hope
you will allow me eighteen pence a piece in ex
change for my Gold. Tell not me of exchange,
but give me my Ring, faid the Goldfmith : It is
mine, faid the Countrey-man, for I have bought it
and paid for it, and have witnefs of my Bargain. All
this would not ferve the Goldfmith's turn, but he curs'd
& fwore that the Countrey-man came to cheat him.&
his ring he would have ; & at the noife feveral people
came about his Shop, but he was fo perplexed that he

224 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

could not tell his Tale, and the Countrey-Gentleman
could ; at length a Conftable came, and although the
Goldfmith knew not to what purpofe, yet before a
Juftice he would go : the Countrey-man was con
tent, and therefore together they went ; when they
came there, the Goldfmith who was the plaintiff,
began his Tale, and faid, that the Countrey-man
had taken a Diamond Ringfrom him worth one hun
dred pounds ; and would give him but twenty pounds
for it, have a care what you fay, reply'd the Coun
try-man ; for if you charge me with taking a ring
from you, I fuppofe that is ftealing ; and if you fay
fo, I fhall vex you farther than I have done, and
then he told the Juftice the whole ftory as I have
related, which was then a very plain cafe, & for
proof of the matter, the Countrey-Gentleman's man
was witnefs. The Goldfmith hearing this, alleadged,
that he believed the Countrey Gentleman and his
man were both Importers and Cheats : to this the
Countrey-man reply'd as before, that he were beft
have a care he did not make his cafe worfe, and
bring an old houfe on his head by flandering of
him, for it was well known that he was a Gentle-man
of three hundred pounds per Annum, and liv'd at a
place he nam'd but twenty miles from London ; and
that he being defirous to fell a ring, came to his fhop
to that purpofe, but he would have cheated him ; but
it prov'd he only made a rod for his own breech, and
what he intended to him, was fallen upon himfelf :
thus did the Country Gentleman make good his
difcourfe, and the Juftice feeingthere wasnoinjuftice
done, difmiff 'd them ; but order'd that his Neighbour
the Goldfmith fhould have the twenty pieces of Gold
for twenty pounds, though they were worth more in
exchange ; and this was all the fatisfaclion he had.

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 225

The Country Gentleman went prefently to a Citizen,
an acquaintance of his, to whom he deliver'd the
ring he had fo purchafed, defiring him to fell it for
him which he did ; for being known to be a Citizen,
the Goldfmith that bought it offered him at the firft
word Ninety five pounds for it, and in the end gave
him forty millings more, with which money he re
turned to the Countrey-man, and he giving him the
forty millings for his pains, returned with the reft
to me, relating all the matter as it had paffed. I
was as much pleas'd as he, becaufe I queftion'd not
but I mould partake with him, and fo I did ; for he
gave me ten pound to buy me a Gown ; and thus
was our Goldfmith well enough ferv'd. And it was
not long after, before another GoHfmith had a con-
fiderable lofs, and thus it was.

Amongft the other Cuftomers that came to me,
there was a Gentleman, a Blade of fortune, who al
though he was of a good Family, yet being a younger
Brother, had but little befides his wits to live upon ;
but as he was a Gentleman, fo kept himfelf in a
Garb according to his Quality, and had a foot boy in
a Livery to attend him: this boy was a notable young
Rogue, and had aflifted his Matter in many an ex
ploit, and was privy to moft of his fecrets : this
young man (continued Miftrefs Mary] coming to
vifit me, and we falling into difcourfes of wit, I re
lated to him the adventure of the Countrey-Gentle-
man with the Goldfmith ; he was much pleafed
with the relation, and told me the Goldfmirti was
well enough ferved, and that above all trades,
he had a greater picque or anger againft them
than any ; for (faid he) it grieves me to the heart
to walk through Cluapjide or Lombard-JIrect, with
little or no moneyes in my pocket, and fee fo
much jingling of money in their Shops, and

Q

226 The EngliJIi Rogue; And Part 3.

fo great a quantity of Jacobuses and other Gold,
either lying in their Glafs-cafes, or telling on the
Compters, and methinks when I fee it my fingers
itch to be handling of fome of them ; but I believe
if a Gentleman fhould ftarve they would not part
from any without very good Security ; but (faid he)
I have now thought upon a way how to get fome of
them without much hazard ; and I being defirous
to know, he told me thus : my boy and I will walk
along ; and Sirrah, faid he to the boy, when I make
a fmall flop, do you go into the Goldfmiths Shop
where you fhall fee them telling of money ; and lay
ing your hand upon a heap, catch up a handful, but
fo foon as you have taken it up, let it fall down
again and leave it where you had it, and come after
me and leave the reft to my management ; the boy
promis'd to do as he was directed : but, faid I, what
advantage can you make by your boys handling of
money and leaving it behind him ? as for that, faid
he, I queftion not before I have done I fhall make
a good bufinefs of it, and thereupon he left me, and
went immediatly to put this his project in execu
tion ; he returned that evening and told me all was
well yet, and it would be better in time : I defired
to know his meaning, whereupon he told me, that
according to his appointment the boy went into the
Goldfmiths fhop, took up a handful of money, laid
it all down again and ran away to him, that he was
no fooner come to him, but the Goldfmiths Servants
were at his heels, that he looking about and feeing
them, ask'd what the matter was ? they reply'd,
his boy had ftollen fome money : he anfvver'd he
knew it was falfe, they faid it was true ; and he
fhould go back with them to their Mafter : the boy
was content, and fo was the Mafter, when coming to
the Shop, the Goldfmith himfelf faid that that Boy,

Part 3. otJier Extravagant*. 227

if he were his, had robb'd him. The Boy and his
Matter both denyed it, and they fell to hot words,
fo that the Goldfmith call'd me (faid the Gentleman)
Shirking Fellow, and that he would have me fent
to Neivgate for robbing him : for if the boy did it,
it was by my appointment : I (faid the Gentleman)
told him that he did abufe me, and that in conclu-
fion muft, and fhould pay for it : but firft I defired
to know with what Sum they charged the boy ;
they faid they knew not, but that he had taken
money from a heap which they were telling of,
which heap was a hundred pounds ; hearing them
fay thus, I told them I would flay the telling of it,
and then they might judge who had the abufe : they
were content with it, and accordingly went to tell
ing : half an hour had difpatched that matter, and
then they found that they had all their money right
to a farthing. The Goldfmith feeing this, asked my
pardon for the affront : for, faid he, it is a miflake :
I anfwer'd, that he muft pay for his prating, and
that I was a Perfon of that quality that would not
put up the affront, and that he muft hear further
from me ; he feeing me fo hot, was as chollerick as
I, and fo we parted, and thus far (faid he) I have
proceeded. But all this while (faid I) I do not fee
where is your gain : that is to come, laid he, and fo
it was, and did come in, and that confiderably too ;
for the next day he caufed the Goldfmith to be ar-
refted in an a<5lion of Defamation, and the Sergeant
who arrefted him being well fee'd by the Gentleman,
told the Goldfmith that he were beft to compound
the matter, for the Gentleman was a Perfon of Qua
lity, and would not put it up, but make him pay
foundly for it, if he proceeded any further. The
Goldfmith being defirous of quiet harkned to his
counfel, and agreed to give io/. but that would not

Q 2

228 Tlie EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

be taken ; but twenty pounds was given to the Gen
tleman, and fo the bufmefs was made up for the
prefent. Our Gentleman who had fome of the
Goldfmiths money, was refolv'd to have more, or
venture hard for it ; wherefore having again given
inftruc"lions to his Boy what do, he made feveral
Journeys to the Goldfmiths, walking by his door to
watch an opportunity, at length he found one ; for
he feeing the Servants telling of a confiderable
quantity of Gold ; he gave the fign to his Boy, who
prefently went in and clapping his hand on the
heap, took up and brought away a full handful, and
coming to his Mafter gave it him ; neither did the
Boy make fuch hafte out of the Shop, but that he
could hear a flranger who was in the Shop receiving
money, fay to the Apprentice, why do you not ftop
the Boy ? no, faid the Apprentice, I do not mean it,
I know him well enough, my Mafter paid Sauce
lately for flopping him ; and fo they continued tell
ing their money, which I am fure did not fall out
fo right as formerly ; for that evening the Mafter
and Boy both came to my lodging, and not only
told me how they had fped, but I faw the effects
of their enterprize; for this young rogue had brought
off with him between forty and fifty brave
yellow pieces ; we all three rejoyced at our good
fortune, for I was concerned, having five pieces of
it given to me, I then told the Gentleman that he
had run a very great hazard, and that I did not
think he had pra6lis'd thefe tricks ; no truly,
replyed he, this is the firft I ever did in Eng
land, but I have been abroad in France and other
Countreys, where I was acquainted with rare
ingenious fellows at thefe tricks, and they had
notable inventions to get moneys ; and fome-
times I would put in as a Party with them, and
from them it was that I learned this confidence : I

Part 3. otJur Extravagant*. 229

then defired him to relate to me fome of his praftifes
in thofe Countreys, he foon granted my requeft, and
began as followeth.

I had not been long in Paris but I had fome tricks
put upon me; the firft was this, I endeavoured to ap
pear brave, made a rich Sute and Cloak, and with this
ftrutted about the ftreets to fhew my felf, hoping and
expelling that fome French Madam or other would
fall in love with me, but inftead of that, fome of thefe
Gentlemen Divers fell in love with my Cloak, and
were refolved to have it, wherefore they watched me
one evening and as it growing late I was going home
to my Quarters pafling through a blind Lane where
was nothing but back doors of Gentlemens ftables ;
three fellows feized on me, one dives into my pockets,
whence he fifh'd out all the little money I had about
me,. which amounted to abovethirtyfhillings Englijh,
another draws his knife and cuts the Neck-button of
my Cloak, and the third takes off my hat; I had not
loft all my fpirits, fo that I told them they did very
uncivily by me to take away my hat, and leave me to
walk without one ; they begun to fwear at me and
forc'd me to entreat for my hat, and withal confider-
ing that the lofs of my Cloak would fpoil my Suit, I
told them that I hoped as they were Gentlemen, fo
they would hear reafon, and offered if they would
put any price upon the Cloak I would redeem it; they
thinking money would do them more good than the
Cloak, told me that if I would give them five pounds,
I fhould have it: the Cloak ftood me in ten pounds,
and therefore I was refolved to give them five pounds,
therefore I defired them to name the place and time
when I fhould meet them with the money; theyan-
fwered me the next evening about that time, and in
aplace there adjoyning in the ftreet; but they told me

230 TJie Engli/h Rogue \ And Part 3.

that if I thought by that appointment to bring any
with me to catch them, that then they would mif-
chief me ; I promis'd them that I would not, and fo
we departed, but withal they were fo civil as to give
me my Hat along with me ; I went home to my Lodg
ing, and though I was vexed at my misfortune, yet I
was forced to reft with patience till the next evening
when putting the promis'd money in my pocket, went
at the time to the place appointed ; I had not ftaid
there long but I heard the noife of aCoach, and on
a fudden two men came out at the boot, and feifmg
on me muffled me in one of their Cloaks and put
me into the Coach ; this done, the Coach-man did
drive on apace, and I was in but bad taking to think
what a cafe I was in, and did verily believe that thofe
fellows who had the laft night taken my money and
Cloak from me, had now a Defign upon my life, and
therefore were come themfelves, or had fent fome of
their Companions, to rob and kill me, I had not
continued long in thefe thoughts but the coach ftopt,
and I was taken out of it, and being carried into a
Court-yard, was unmuffled, and led into a great Hall,
where I was met by thofe three who had the night
before Dif-cloak'd me ; they told me I was wel-come,
and that what had been done to me that evening
was only to prevent their being out-witted and dif-
covered by me, and withal, as I was a ftranger, to
treat and entertain me amongft them ; I hearing
that it was no worfe Pluck'd up my Spirits and an-
fwer'd them, that I was refolv'd to be in every thing
as good as my word, and therefore came alone to
the place appointed, and had brought my money
with me ; they then led me through the Hall into
an adjoyning Wardrobe which was full of Cloaks,
Gowns, Hatts, Swords, and all fuch kind of HabilU

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 231

ments, and among the reft I faw my Cloak, where
fore I told out the money and took my Cloak, put
it on, and went into the Hall amongft them, there
I was welcomed by feveral of the Gang and they
had women amongft them, who all looked on me with
a cheerful countenance, & treated me very civily.
This they all defired of me that if I intended their
friendfhip and my own fafety, I muft not take any
notice of them before any company, or if I met them
abroad ; I promis'd to perform this Injunction, and
fo w"e went to fupper, after that to dancing, and fpent
three or four hours in very pleafant manner, and
then feveral of them departing I thought it was time
for me to do fo too, but I believed it would be con
venient to ask leave before I went ; wherefore I told
thofe whom I bed knew, that I was amind if they
pleas'd, to go home ; they told me that I might do
fo, but it muft be in the fame manner as I came; I
confented to it, and two of them going into the Coach
with me, hid my face for a fhort fpace, and then let
me fee ; but I quickly perceived that I had gone
through feveral By-lanes and paflages, and at length
came to the place where I had been taken up, and
there they fet me down, and the Coachman whirl
ing about left me in a moment ; I therefore went
the ready way home to my Lodging, where I went
to bed and confulted with my felf about this Adven
ture, not having known or heard of the like ; but it
was not many days before I was engaged in another
which was as ftrange as the former. Although I was
in a ftrange Countrey, yet I had fome acquaintance
whom I vifited fometimes ; One day being folitary
a walking, I met with one of thefe of my acquaint
ance, he faluted me very courteoufly, and told me
he fuppofed I was minded to break off the friend-

232 The Englifli Rogue; And Part 3.

fhip we had lately contracted becaufe I had been fo
great a ftranger at his houfe : I replyed, that I in
tended fuddenly to give him a vifit ; I pray then,
Sir, faid he, let it be to morrow, the fooner the bet
ter, for I have a great defire to converfe with you ;
and Sir, faid he, if you have any friend bring him
with you, and for your fake he mall be as welcome
as your felf ; I replyed, it was very likely that I
fhould wait upon him, and thus we parted : I re
member fmce that about the time I met this friend,
I was overtaken by a gentile fellow, who had fol
lowed me like my fhaddow, and during the time of
this converfe he waited as I did, and now I being
parted from my friend, and having walked a little
fafter than before, I had dropt my Gentleman who
fauntred behind. The next day about the time that
mortals whet their Knives on Threfholds, and Shooe-
foles, I prepared to go to dinner to my friends, and
again by the way I was accofted by this gentile
fellow, who had the day before followed me, and
now he did fo again ; and when I came to my
friends houfe and entred, there he did fo too, and
with as much confidence as if he had been of great
acquaintance with the Inviter; he fate down among
other Guefts that were there, Dinner was foon after
brought in, and there being feveral Guefts much
victuals, and much variety was ferved at the Table,
my ftrange Gentleman did eat as heartily and talk
as boldly as any there, and I thought him to be
one of the Inviters acquaintance, and he fuppofed
he was my friend which I had brought with me ;
but he proved to be very no good friend to the man
of the houfe, for waiting his opportunity he went to
the Cupboards head which ftood in a convenient
n'ace, and clapping a piece of plate worth ten

Part 3. other Extravagants. 233

pounds under his Cloak, he walked off incognito.
I foon after miffed him, and my friend miffed my
friend as he told me, but it was not much longer
e're the Plate was miffing, and although private
fearch was made, yet it was not found, and our
friend being gone, the Inviter miffing none of the
Guefts but him, asked me for him, but when I told
him he was no friend nor acquaintance of mine, he
foon knew which way his Plate went. Thus (faid he)
he thinking him to be my friend, and I thinking him
to be his, this fellow had the conveniency of doing
this injury; but, continued he, I foon underftood
that it was a ufual matter to play fuch pranks and
that more confiderable, and that withal a very bold
confidence, unufual with other Nations, and upon
fecond thoughts I remember I had feen this fellow
among thofe who had my Cloak, but it was too
late now to remember it, and it had been unfafe
then to have taken any notice of him, remembring
the Charge had been given me.

234 TJie Englifli Rogue : And Part 3.

CHAP. X I X.

Two notorious Rogues robUd a Church by tJie help of
two Fryers habits they Jiad murther'd; afterwards
they robUd a Merchant of Silks, Plate, &c. By a
iwtable Jlratagem they laid for thepurpofe in an Inn
neit adjacent, they ranfack'daLinnen-drapers Shop
in the night by conveying a boy into it being enclosed
within afuppofed Bay I of Goods, who proved tJie
Key to let tJiem in to perfect their defign ; by coun
terfeiting a Gentlemans key, they Jlole from him fix
hundred Crowns, and murdering him flead his face
tJiat he might not be known, but were notwithftand-
ing by a miraculous providence dif covered and exe
cuted, who being penitent at their death, confejt many
notorious villanies. A notable trick a Gentleman
puts upon a Pick pocket.

(continued Miftrefs Mary) did this Gen-
_ tleman finifh his two ftories of the Cloak, and the
piece of Plate I told him I wondered at the boldnefs
of thofe French men, and that they exceeded our
Countrey men in confidence; yes, (faid he) if you
knew fo much as I, you would have reafon to fay fo,
for it is a ufual thing for them to feize Gentlemen if
they can light upon them in any convenient place: and
carry them fome miles out of the Town, and make
them pay money for a ranfom, neither dare they con
tradict it left worfe befal them, and they are bloodily
minded, for if they cannot get money, they will do any
murder. Not far from Paris, continued he, two of
thefe Rogues had been hunting for Prey, and becaufe

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 235

they could not meet with any purchafe, they were
refoJved rather than fail to commit fome murder ;
the next that met them were two Fryers, thefe hav
ing no money to redeem their lives they difpatched
into the other world, and having fo done, they ftript
them ; and put on their Fryers weeds ; being thus
habited they march'd further into the Country, and
coming late to a Countrey-town, went to the Par-
fons houfe, who entertained them ; as they came in
late, fo they went out early, pretending neceflary oc-
cafions, and the Parfon not being up nor willing to
rife fo foon, they defired the Key of the Church
(which was adjoyning to the houfe) that they might
go it to do their devotions before they went ? the
Key was accordingly delivered, and they went in, but
inftead of faying their prayers, they made a prey of
what they met with, the filver Chalices, and all the
Ornaments of the Church they took with them, and
fo went on their wayes to do more mifchief, but not
havingthe conveniency to execute theirdefigns in the
habit they were in, they therefore went to the place
where they had hid their own, and there putting
them on, they march'd to Paris, where they walked
about the City to efpy what mifchief might be done ;
being now both weary, hungry, and thirfty,they went
into a drinking houfe, which being full of Guefts
below, they were conducted up one pair of ftairs, and
there they had both victuals and drink fuch as they
defired, when their bellies were full, their eyes did
wander about the Room, to fee if they might efpy
any thing to make a purchafe of; but although they
could fee nothing in that room, yet they could difcern
that in the houfe oppofite to them, there was much
rich Goods, fine Silks, and Sattins; their fingers itch'd
to be handling of them, but at prefent they knew

236 TJie Englijli Rogue ; And Part 3.

not how, however refolving that they would at
tempt it, but not finding any means how at prefent
to do k, they therefore were refolved to try if they
could take up their Quarters at the houfe they
were drinking in, and then they did not queflion
but they fhould in fhort time find out fome means
to execute their Defign, having taken this re-
folution, they therefore call'd for more drink, and
their Landlords company, and being frolick, and
expenfive, that they might be accounted goodGuefts,
they asked of the Landlord whether they might not
have a Lodging there? he believing it would be to his
profit, told them they might, but they muft lodge
one pair of Stairs higher; they were well enough con
tent with that, and therefore drank on till it was
night, and then to bed they went ; and laid their plot
how to rob this Merchants houfe, which they did in
few days after: In order to which Defign of theirs,
they went out and purchafed Ropes, and a Fully,
and feeing a large Cheft to be fold at the fecond hand,
they likewife bought that, and putting in their Ropes
and Fully, and a great quantity of Raggs and ftones,
and fuch like Tram, that it might feem heavy, they
caufed it to be carried to their Lodging: Their Hoft
feeing fo large a Cheft, and fo heavy, did believe that
his Guefts were rich, and that a confiderable quan
tity of Treafure was therein enclofed, and therefore
gave them a greater refpect than formerly. They
every day when they went out, carried out part of
the Rubbifh which they had beftowed in the Cheft,
fo that in fhort time it was empty, or at leaft, no
thing but the Ropes and Fully was in it: They only
now waited for a convenient opportunity to execute
their defign, which they confidered muft be done
when both the houfes,as well that where they lodged,
as the Merchants houfe they intended to rob, were

Part 3. otlter Extravagants. 237

empty; and no day was fo likely to leave them fo,
as a Sunday; wherefore that they might have the
better pretence for flaying at home, they both pre
tended fome indifpofition in their bodyes, for which
they faid they thought it convenient to take Phyfick,
they had been fo good Guefts to the houfe, that the
Hoft was willing to accommodate them in anything;
however, when he and his Family went to Church,
they lock'd the Street-door: No fooner was that
houfe clear, but they were refolved to attempt the
other, and knowing that the Mafter and Miftrefs,
and moft, if not all the Family, was likewife gone out,
they were refolved to kill the reft, if they found any
fingle perfon that fhould oppofe them: They in
tended to make their way into the houfe by going
down the chimny, and therefore they had provided
Ropes and a Fully, and there was no great difficulty
to get to the houfe top, for they afcended to the
Garretof their Landlords houfe.got out of thewindow
to the top of that, and the other houfe joyning to
that, to the ftreet fide, they foon got to the Chimny
they intended to defcend. The houfe where they
lodged, and this Merchants houfe were joyned to
gether in the Front, but backwards there was an
Ally of about fix foot wide that feperated them, and
a crofs this Ally it was that they firft faw the Room
wherein the Silks were placed ; they being gotten
to the Chimny's top, laid a piece of Timber acrofs,
and fattening their Fully to that, and putting their
Rope in the Fully, the one who was to defcend the
Chimny, took hold of one end of the Rope ; and his
companion holding another part of the Rope, by
degrees he was let down into the Room he defired :
It was two pair of ftairs below the Garret, and in
regard the Silk might be foild and fpoil'd if they
were drawn up the chimny, they did not take that

238 TJte EngliJJi Rogue : And Part 3.

courfe but a more eafie one, for he that was on the
houfe top, went into their lodging the fame way he
came up, and going down into the Chamber that was
even with, and oppofite to that where his Companion
was, he opened a Cafement, and his Companion do
ing the like, they could without much difficulty reach
to one another, and fo in fhort time the richeft, and
beft of the Merchants Silk was conveyed into their
Quarters. Our Thieves feeing they had gained this
prize with fo little danger and difficulty, were re-
folved to get more if they could ; and therefore he
that was in the houfe ranfack'd it all over, and rind
ing a confiderable quantity of Plate and money, he
likewife conveyed it to his Companion ; and now hav
ing done all this, he went into the Shop, intending
to leave the ftreet door open, that the Merchant when
he came home might fuppofe that the thieves who
had robb'd him did come in that ways, but the ftreet
door was double lock'd, and therefore it could not
be opened, wherefore he undid the bolts of one of
the Shop windows, and leaving it loofely open, he
went up agen, and telling his Companion what he
had done, and that there was no more to be done, he
ordered him to go to the houfe top, and as he had
affifted in letting him down the Chimny, fo to help
to draw him up, which the other did accordingly.
There was one fcruple came into their minds, that
although the Shop-window was opened, and the Mer
chant might reafonably enough imagine that the
Thieves who had robb'd him, had come in that way,
yet they were very fenfible, that with defcending and
afcending the Chimny they had thrown down much
foot, which might caufe a jealoufie, that they who
robb'd the houfe might come in that way, and fo they
might be difcover'd ; wherefore to prevent all fuch

Part. 3. other Extravagant*. 239

fufpition as much as they could, they tumbled down
two or three Brick-batts that lay on the top of the
Chimny, which might be luppofed to be blown down
by the wind ; and having thus done they retired to
their Quarters, difpofmg all their Silks, Money, and
Plateunto their Cheft, and thatthere might be the lefs
fufpition of them, the Landlord foon returning, one
of them pretending to be very ill, and the other very
dilligent in attending his Companion ; their Landlord
furnifhed them with ftrong waters, and fuch other
cordials as were at hand ; and the Merchant coming
home found his Shop-window open, and his houfe
robb'd, it being fo apparent as he thought that the
Robbers came in, or went out at the Shop- windows ;
he had no fufpition of any other contrivance, all that
he could do, was, to have all fufpitious places iearch'd,
his neighbours houfe efcaped, being too near home
to be fufpecled : the hoft only thinking he had ef-
cap'd a danger being fo near, and telling them that
it was not good to leave a houfe empty, and although
all his folks went with him to Church, yet he had
left two honeft Guefts in his houfe, and befides they
were locked in faft enough. Thus, continued the
Gentleman, was this Robbery committed, and they
who were guilty went away unfufpected. The next
day they conveyed part of their purchafe away to a
place where they hid all their prizes, and by degrees
getting the moft part away, they continued not long
in thofe Quarters, but made another Remove. Thefe
fellows were notable cunning Rafcals, and had fo
many ways to bring in Purchafes, that they gathered
much goods together, but covetous of more ftill
attempted further Projects, till in the end they were
caught and defervedly punifhed.

The next Project they had (faid the Gentleman)

240 Tlie Englijh Rogue : And Part 3.

was this, they had a boy who oftentimes ferved and
afTifted them in their undertaking, and he was now
very ufeful ; for one day intending to fteal, they pre
tended to buy fome Linnen cloath ; and a conceit co
ming into their heads, they did buy fome confiderable
quantity; they left it at the Drapers where they
bought it, paying a fmall matter of money in part at
prefent, promifmg to come the next day and fetch it
away, and pay the reft of the money : the next day
they came and brought a Porter with them loaden
with a Bayl made up, as theyfaid, of Woollen-cloath
which they faid they had bought, and intendingtofend
that,and what they had bought of him into the Coun-
trey, the Carrier was gone before they came, and
therefore they could not fend away either till the next
day; when, they faid, another Carrier was to go to
the place they intended to fend to ; and therefore they
defired the Shop-keeper to let them leave that Bayl of
Cloth in his Shop till the next day, when they in
tended to fetch them both. They having been Cufto-
mers to the Shop, he did not refufe them fo fmall a
courtefie, but permitted them to fet it in a convenient
place in the Shop ; but his entertaining of that Bayl
of Cloth, was almoft as fatal to him as the Trojans en
tertainment of the wooden-horfe ; for at midnight
when the Draper was afleep, thefe Rogues were wake
ful, and having conveyed this Roguifh Boy I told you
of, into this Bayl, which they pretended was Cloth,
he taking out his Knife cut his way through, fo that
he came out the Bayl, and not rinding the Key of the
Shop-door, he opened the Shop-windows and did let
in his two Matters, who waited there for that purpofe;
they being within the Shop were not idle, but having
feen by day-light where the fmeft Cloth was plac'd
they now removed it, and breaking open a Desk

Part 3. otlier Extravagants. 241

wherein they had obferved the Draper did put his
money, there they found four hundred French Crowns,
fo taking that money, and as much of the fineft Cloth
as they could carry, they march'd off; neither did
the boy ftay behinde, but leaving an empty Bayl
covered with Canvas, and ftuff'd round about with
Cotton, he alfo loading himfelf, went with his maf-
ters, the fame way he had let them in, and fo they
carried this purchafe to the reft. The next morning
the Draper, and his Servants were foon fenfible of
the Robbery, and feeing the hole cut in the Bayl,
they quickly difcovered the manner how, but it was
fuch a Novelty as had not been heard of; and he
was forced to reft himfelf contented with his lofs, for
notwithftanding all his endeavours, he could not for
the prefent hear of his Cuftomers, who indeed were
fafe enough in their Quarters. Thefe Rogues who
now had money enough put themfelves in a gentle
habit, and kept company with the beft, but ftill they
waited to do all the mifchief they could, and to that
end they ingratiated themfelves into the company of
Countrey Gentlemen, fuch as were beft acquainted
with the Cuftoms and Humors of the Town; many
they met with, and few efcaped them, but that they
either got them into play, cheated them, or pick'd
their pockets or made fome other prize of them :
Among others they met with a young Country-Gen
tleman, who had been unfortunate enough already,
for he having had a quarrel about a miftrefs, and
fighting with his Rival, had the Fortune, or Misfor
tune rather, to kill him; Divine vengeance feldom
miffes to purfue, and overtake thofe who are guilty
of murther; & although thefe kind of murthers,
which are the mofl excufable, being as they term
them, fairly done, pafs rather for pieces of gallantry

R

242 The EnglifJi Rogue : And Part 3.

than otherwife; yet fome great misfortune always
attends them, as I have obferv'd by feveral Prece
dents, but more efpecially by this Gentlemans mis
fortunes; for no fooner had he made his Enemy to
fall in the place where they had fought, but he was
forc'd to fly away for his own fafety, doubting elfe
he might fall in to the hands of Juftice; he therefore
with all fpeed retired to a place, fix miles from thence,
where he had fought, to a friends houfe,and not think
ing himfelf fafe, being there provided with money
enough for a long journey, he travelled on towards
Paris, being a place whofe large Circuit, and number
of inhabitants might hide him from all purfuers ; in
his waythither hewas met by Thieves, who attempted
to rob him, but they being but two and he valliant
enough, as he thought to oppofe them, drew and
defended himfelf, he here likewife had the fortune to
caufe one of them to drop down by him, which the
other feeing, fled, but not fo far but that he foon
returned with three more in his company ; The Gen
tleman feeing this, and doubting that now he fhould
not onely be robb'd of what he had, but alfo believ
ing that they would kill him to revenge their fellow;
he therefore takes one Purfe of money and threw it
into a Hedge near him, hopeing that if he did efcape,
he might have that for a referve. By this time the
thieves were come up to him, and all drew upon
him, he (knowing that odds did overcome Hercules
and might do him) therefore told them, that if it
were his mony they wanted, he would deliver it to
them ; although they were very angry for the lofs of
their Companion, yet it being money that they came
for, they accepted of that ; he giving them another
Purfe of money which he had about him ; but in re
gard they had fuffered fo great a lofs as the death of

Part 3. oilier Extravagants. 243

one of their Companions, they ftripp'd, and ty'd our
young Gentleman, and taking away their Companion
with them, they departed. He lay not long there
but was unty'd, and reliev'd by fome Paflengers, who
furnifhed him with an old Coat, and he taking up his
Purfe of money, where he had laid it, went along with
them to the next Town; there he furnifhed himfelf
with Cloaths, and fo travelled on towards Paris ; but
before he came thither, he was again met with by
Thieves, who then robb'd him of all his money; fo
that when he came into the City he was in a fad con
dition, being a Stranger, moneylefs, and friendlefs :
however thefe laft Thieves being fo civil as to leave
him his Cloaths, he took a lodging in a convenient
place of the Town, and prefently fent away to his
friends, acquainting them with his misfortunes, and
defiring them to fend him more money: Although it
was a great way he had to fend, yet in a little time
he received an anfwer according to his expectations,
and although till then he was forc'd to run on the
Score, and keep houfe, yet now he honeftly paid his
Hoft, and putting himfelf in a very good Garb, he
now went abroad, & light into the company of our
two thievifh Rogues who dealt Roguifhly with him ;
for perceiving him to be a ftranger, they took him
up, and became his companions ; and that they might
be able to do him the more mifchief, they fo far in
gratiated themfelves into his company, as to take a
lodging where he lay, and then finding that he was
pretty well furnifhed with moneys, they tryed feveral
ways to get it from him, they tempted him to
gameing, but he was not guilty of that hazardous
vanity, and would not play; he carried but little
money in his pocket, but he left the reft in his Trunk
which was alfo lock'd up in his Chamber; and the

244 The Englijh Rogue : And Part 3.

Landlord of the houfe being an honeft man, was very
careful of it; however they were refolved to be Maf-
ters of it by one means or other: but they delayed
it a while longer by an occafion that fell out ; he had
written for more moneys, intending to pafs from
France into the Low-countreys ; and thereupon a
Letter came one day to his hands, which acquainted
him, that within fourteen days he might receive fix
hundred Crowns of a Merchant in Paris, to whom a
Bill of Exchange was directed ; this Letter he dropt
by accident, and one of thefe Rogues met with and
read it, but knowing that it would advantage him
nothing to keep it, he foon gave it to the owner.
He acquainted his Companion with the News, and
how he did believe that the Gentleman would, when
he received that money, bring it home to his Lodg
ing, wherefore they would ftay until that time &
then they would rob him of it all; this refolution they
both continued in, and that he might not diftruft
them in any particular, they kept him company
very much, feldom permitting him to be in any other
company; they alfo carried him abroad with them to
feveral of their friends, who treated him very well for
their fakes: In the mean time, they being often with
him in his Chamber, one of them took the Key out
of his Chamber-door, and making an impreflion of
it upon Wax, put it in there again ; his Companion
keeping our Gentleman company in the mean time :
The fourteen days being come, he went and received
his money, and bringing it home lock'd it up in his
Trunk ; And now being furnifhed with money, he was
refolv'd to fit himfelf with Clothes, and proceed on
his intended Journey; but he was prevented; as I
fhall prefently tell you, for thefe two Rogues having
now got the key of the Chamber-door made, and

Part 3. otJi£r Extravagants. 245

having tryed it, were refolv'd to delay no longer, but
catch the Birds before they were flown, as they would
be in few days, if they did not prevent it; for this
caufe they invited him one evening to go out with
them to fupper, he diftrufting nothing went with
them, where was better cheer than Company, for all
the Entertainers were as very Rogues as thefe two,
however they treated him very civilly, and after fup
per fell to drinking, he being defirous to return to
his lodging, requefted his companions to be going;
but they knowing it was yet too early to execute
their Defign ; defired him to flay longer, and fo long
as he had their companies, they told him he would
be fafe enough ; he feeing them refolv'd to ftay, was
content, and fo they drank on till about eleven of
the clock at night ; and then, he not being willing to
flay longer, they agreed to go with him; and to the
end they might not be ftopp'd by any Watch, they
agreed to go a back-way, which was fomewhat about ;
this they pretended was the reafon of their going
that way, but it was indeed, that thofe who were his
entertainers, and who were to affift them in their
Enterprize might by going the neareft way, meet
them ; which accordingly they did, for at the place
appointed by all, but our Gentleman, they met, and
pretending themfelves drunk, joftell'd one another
fo, that their fwords were foon drawn, and they af-
faulted one another, our Gentleman feeing that thofe
who met them were but four, and he and his Com
pany were three, did not queftion but he might have
the better on it, or at lead defend himfelf, and there
fore being perfectly valiant, he fo profecuted one of
the two who affaulted him that he laid him at his
feet; the reft thinking that thofe two who affaulted
him would have performed their Enterprize well

246 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

enough had hitherto only plaid with one another,
in clafhing of their fwords, but now feeing one of
their Companions fall, and doubting more mifchief,
they all four, as well thofe whom he thought were his
friends as thofe whom he knew to be his AfTaylants,
left their jeft and fell all upon him in earneft, and
he being thus over-match'd, was foon kill'd. The
Rogues who were left alive, feeing him, and one of
the Companions dead, knew not what refolution to
take, but after a fhort confultation, they refolved to
carry off their dead Companion, and leave the other
there ; but the two who were his Companions, fearing
he might be known before they had finifhed theirPro-
je6l, and they might be prevented; they therefore
drew their Knives, and like bloody Butchers fley'd
all the fkin from the poor Gentlemans face , and fo
taking the Key of his Trunk out of his pocket, and
all his Letters, that they might leave nothing about
him to caufe him to be known; they and their Com
panions parted: the two Rogues went home to their
Lodging ; where when they were let in, they were
asked where the Gentleman their Companion was ?
they reply 'd, they left him prefently after they went
out ; and this anfwer ferv'd for the prefent : they then
went into their own Chamber, but foon after with
their falfe Key they got into his, and opening his
Trunk they took out all his money, and lock'd it
up in a Trunk in their own Chamber; and this being
done, they went to Bed : The next morning they
went out, and carried the money with them to the
place where all their other Treafure lay ; returning
again, intended to get away all their other things
that were of any value, in the Trunk; purpofing to
be gone, and leave that behind them, for they knew
it would caufe fufpition if they remov'd Trunk and

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 247

all, fo fuddenly; in their removal of their money,
they had carelefsly left their counterfeit-key of the
Gentlemans Chamber-door in their Chamber-win
dow, wherefore the Landlord coming in there, and
feeing a Key, which although it was new yet he
believed he had feen it, or one like it ; he therefore
comparing fome other Keys with that, found that it
was like the Key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door;
he therefore try'd it, and found that it would open it
as well as the other : he was in fome kind of amaze
to think of this, and the Gentleman not coming home,
he began to fufpecT: that all was not well : About
noon he went in again into the Gentlemans Cham
ber, and knowing that he had lately received a con-
fiderable Sum of money, which he believ'd he had
put in his Trunk, he therefore lifted up the Trunk
in his hand to poize it, and feel if it were heavy ; but
it was light enough ; they having already taken out
all the money; he having fet it down again faw
lying by it a pocket-handkerchief, which, he being
now grown curious, dilligently looked for the Marks
of it, which he found not to be marked with the two
Letters of the Gentlemans name, but two others,
which were the name of one of the others: Thefe
things raifed further fcruples in his minde, wherfore
he was refolv'd to obferve his two Guefts with a
more curious eye ; and one of them foon after re
turning, he watch'd him, and faw that he went to
his Trunk, and made up a Bundle which he carried
out ; no fooner was he gone out, but he heard the
report which had gone about the Town all that day;
that a Gentleman in fuch a place was barbaroufly
murthered, and was fo much a Stranger that no
body knew him; the Landlord hearing this, his
heart leap'd and he was in a very great perplexity,
fo that he could hardly ftand on his leggs; fo foon

248 TJie EngliJIi Rogue ; And Part 3.

as he was come to himfelf he took a Neighbour with
him, and went to the place where the Gentleman lay
murthered : It was to no purpofe to think to know
him by his face, for that was quite disfigured ; his
skin being fley'd off; but although his Cloathes were
bloody, yet he could by them know that it was his
Gueft, who lay there murthered; he then told his
Neighbour what were his thoughts, and withal, that
he believ'd he knew the Murderers, and thereupon
having acquainted him with all his Doubts and Jea-
loufies of his two other Guefts; he and his Neigh
bour both were of the oppinion that they had hand
in this Murther, and therefore they hafted home to
fee what might be further difcovered; Juft as they
came in, one of the two went out with a bundle un
der his arm, which the Landlord feeing, he caufed
one to follow him, and dilligently to obferve all he
did. He that was fent was fo careful, that he foon
after returned, and told him, that certainly there was
fome matter of great conlequence between his two
Guefts, and three others, who were dividing and tell
ing of moneys, and he heard one of the two fay ; that
now all was well, for he had brought off every thing,
and intended to go no more ; where are they? faid the
Landlord ; they are at fuch a houfe, naming it, faid
the Meffenger: but I followed your Gueft to another
place firft, where he left the parcel he carried out,
and waiting fome time, he came out of that houfe,
which was a private houfe; and went to the other,
which was a Viftualing-houfe ; I, faid he, following
him thither, was permitted to go in there, as he did,
to drink ; he went to his Companions, and I took a
Room next adjoyning; where I heard, faid he, what
I have told you, and feveral other difcourfes, which
makes me think, that thefe perfons have lately been
upon fome Defign ; but what, I cannot at prefent

Part 3. otiier Extravagants. 249

imagine. But I can, reply'd the Landlord, I doubt,
what I have imagined is true ; wherefore Neighbours,
faid he, what is beft to be done? I pray advife me;
they told him the beft advice they could give him
was to go to the Magiftrate, and acquaint him with
what had happened ; he did fo, and they at his re-
queft went with him ; being come before the Magif
trate, the Landlord told him, that not long fmce a
Gentleman came to his houfe to lodge, and foon
after him, two more who being well acquainted to
gether, went out (faid he) to fupper; the two returned
home ; but it was fomewhat late, and the third not
coming home, raifed in me fome fufpition, which
hath fallen out too true ; for, faid he, the poor Gen
tleman is barbaroufly murdered, and lies in fuch a
place, I have been to fee him, but, although I can
not know him by his face; for they have fley'd off
the fkin, yet I believe it is he by his Cloathes; and,
continued he, I very much fufpe6l my other two
Guefts are guilty of the murther, for I have found a
falfe Key of the Gentlemans Chamber-door in their
Chamber: and fo he proceeded in telling the Juftice
all the particular obfervations he, and the perfon he
had fent.had made: the Juftice was of their oppinion,
that thefe two men had murthered the third ; and
therefore fending for Officers, and a Guard, fent im-
mediatly to the place where they were all together,
and fecuring them, they were brought before him, he
examined them feverally, and fo finding them in fe-
veral Tales, he gathered fo much from their Exami
nations and Confeffions, that he found them guilty;
and then being inform'd that one of them had left a
parcel at a private houfe; he caufed that place to be
fearch'd, and there was found a great deal of wealth
and goods; there was the Merchants Silks; the

250 The Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

Drapers Cloth; the Challices, and other Church
utenfils, and the two Fryars weeds, and much other
goods, Commodities, and Difguifes ; all which was
feized on, and the report of this murder, and the other
particulars, running about the City, it came to the
ears of the Merchant and Draper, and many others
who had been lately robb'd ; and they coming, knew
and owned their Goods. Our Rogues who were now
fad enough for commiting any more Roguries, and
feeing that they were difcovered, for they were told
of all things that had hapned; now faw it was to
no purpofe to deny thofe feveral fa6ls that would be
too plainly proved againft them; wherefore they con-
fefs'd all this that I have told you of, and feveral
murders they have committed, among others that of
the two poor Fryars ; and robbing the Church, where
fore the Parfon, and the Church-wardens of that
Parifh hearing of this confeflion, came to Paris, and
the Felons executed, they and the Merchant, and
Draper, and all others whom they had robb'd of any
thing, had their goods returned them ; and thus faid
the Gentleman, was the end of thefe wretches ; and
I came to be thus particularly acquainted with this
ftory, becaufe when I was at Paris, I lodg'd at the
fame houfe where they had done, and my Landlord
acquainted me with all thefe particulars.

The Gentleman having finifh'd his difcourfe, faid
Miftrefs Mary, I told him that thefe two were cruel,
and bloody minded Thieves, and that I did not care
for hearing any fuch ftories, for that I was much
troubled, and methought fenfibly concerned in his
relation; he replyed, that indeed this was bloody and
horrible, but that it was ufual to have fuch murthers
committed in Paris; and that very frequently, and
continued he, both the Thieves and Pick-pockets, are

Part 3. otJicr Extravagant*. 251

far more cruel and bold than in England-, and al
though I have given you examples of both, yet I
could tell you many more, and enlarge very much
upon this Subject for it is ufual for Pick-pockets
there, to perform their work in an extraordinary
manner, for they are furnifhed with Arms, and
Hands made with Wax or Wood ; and by vertue of
thefe, they will frequently and without fufpition, pick
pockets in the Church; for they will hold two hands
with a true Arm, and a falfe one, that is an Arm of
Wax or Wood up, and in their hands they will hold a
book and feem to be bufily employ'd in turning over
leaves, at their Devotions, when as the third Arm and
hand is picking of pockets ; and People ftanding by,
nay, the Parfon himfelf whofe pocket is pick'd, will
have very little caufe to fufpedl him that does it : alfo
if they get a man out of the way, and are minded to
rob him, they will put a piece of Iron or Brafs into his
mouth, like unto a Pear, which they call a Ctioak-pear\
and that properly enough ; for the party who hath it
in his mouth, endeavouring to get it out cannot, for
there being a Spring within it which forceth it open,
it is impoflible to get it out without a Key to it,
which they have; therefore they who put this Choak-
pear into the mouths of any, after they are firft robb'd
of what they have about them, they are told, if they
intend to be rid of that Pear, they muft go and fetch
more mony, which they muft bring to a place they
appoint, or elfe they are like to chew upon the Pear,
without any other Victuals, which is like to be hard
Dyet to them. But continued he, I fhall tell you
one of thefe wax or wooden-handed-fellows, and fo
conclude.

A Gentleman having had his pocket feveral times
pick'd of moneys and Watches, was much troubled

252 TJie EngliJJi Rogue; And Part 3.

and refolv'd if pofTible to find out, and catch one
Pick-pocket that fhould pay for all ; wherefore he
advifes with a Smith, an ingenious fellow of that
quality, to make him a band of Iron or Steel, with
fome prickles about the fide of his pocket, and a
fpring towards the bottom, which when it fhould be
touch'd, would caufe the band of Iron or Steel, at
the top to clofe together, fo that if a Pick-pocket
fhould come there, it would catch and hold him fafl
by the hand : this he had made to his defire, and
then he went to the next Affembly, which was at a
tryal of caufes, and it was not long e're his proje6l
took; he heard his Engine difcharge, and the fowl
was caught; he knew which Pocket it was, and
therefore lookt on that fide one flood with hat off, and
both his hands were upon his Hat, which were held
up as high as his face ; he therefore wondring whofe
hand he had caught, and feeing the man in that
poflure, doubted that his Engine had deceived him,
and had given falfe fire, but putting his hand to
wards his pocket he found a hand there, which was
in vain ftrugling to get out; wherefore that he might
know who this hand belonged to, he got out of the
prefs of people, and the man who held his Hat in
that poflure went with him ; when they were gone a
little to the one fide, the poor fellow cryed out ; I
pray Sir, let me have my hand; how! replyed the
Gentleman, I fee you have two already, and therefore
if you have a third, you may well fpare me that to
guard my pocket for the future: the fellow faw that
he was caught, and therefore replyed to the Gentle
man ; truly Sir, it is but a tryal of skil, a new inven
tion, and I hope you will not be angry with a piece
of ingenuity; but if you are, rather than fail, if you
pleafe to let me go, and not difcover me, ile give you

Part 3- otJter Extravagants. 253

any fatisfac"lion ; what fecurity mall I have for that
faid the Gentleman? all that I can give, faid the
Diver ; and thereupon he drew out a purfe of money
from his own pocket, which it is like had an another
owner but lately, but now it helped to make his
compofition, for the Gentle-man and Pick-pocket
going to the Tavern they clapt up an agreement ;
he not only receiving fatisfa<5lion for what he had
formerly loft, but alfo difcovered to him the Nature,
Ufe, and quality of a Wooden hand.

CHAP. XX.

Miftrefs Mary continues tJic Jlory of the young Gentle
man ; relates how a Clieat (with two more] pretend
ing to be a Countrey man, performed a very profit
able but mojl comical exploit on a SJwp keeper ; flie
is interrupted by tlie Arrival of her comrades ; Meri-
ton Lattroon enters into a Pleafant Dialogue with
her\ his Indian wife falls in love with Miftrefs
Mary and Miftrefs Dorothy, difguisd in mans
apparel: and a pleafant Adventure there upon.

THus (faid Miftrefs Mary) did the Gentleman
difcourfe of the French manner of Thieving and
Cheating, which was after a more confident and bold
manner than that of our Countrey-men ; and their
manner of picking pockets was, I told him a great
Novelty ; he replyed that he could relate many fuch
tricks that were done at his being there; two more
whereof, continued he, I will tell you, and fo conclude.

254 The EngliJJt Rogue \ And Part 3.

Three Cheats intending a piece of roguery, had
aparelled themfelves like Countrey-men ; and two
fauntring in the Street, one of the other went into a
Shop-keeper, whom they faw was alone in his Shop,
and tells him that he was a Countrey-man, and had
born all offices in the Parifh where he liv'd : and was
now Church-warden, and that he was come to Town
to lay out a little money for the ufe of the Parifh ;
but more efpecially to buy a Cope for the Parfon ;
and, faid he, I would buy a good one though it coft
me the more money: and thereupon fetch'd feveral
and fhew'd him : he turn'd many of them over, but
ftill defired to fee better, at length one was brought
which he feemed to like: but, faid he to the Shop
keeper, I doubt it is too fhort: no, faid the Shop
keeper, it is long enough of all confcience, and there
upon meafured it upon the Country-man: who faid,
I cannot tell by this meafuring, whether it be long
enough or no : but our Parfon is a man much about
your pitch, and therefore I pray do you put it on,
and I mail be better fatisfied, the Shop-keeper to
fatisfie his Cuftomer, did fo; and our cheating
Church-warden did affift, and help him to put it on;
but in doing it, he clapt his hand into the Shop
keepers pocket, and drew from thence a purfe of
money, the Shop keeper perceiv'd it, and caught hold
of his Cuftomer, but he flipping out of his hand,
fhew'd him a fair pair of heels, and the Shop-keeper
without putting off the Cope followed him ; in the
mean time the other two of our cheats Companions
acted their parts, for the one went into the fhop, and
taking the next bundle of goods that came to hand
went away, and the third doubting that if the Shop
keeper kept his pace he might overtake his Com
panion whom he purfued ; he therefore having plac'd

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 255

himfelf in the way on purpofe. catches hold on the
Shop-keeper, and fayes, O Lord Mafter Do6lor!
what makes you thus diftracted? as to run in the
ftreets in this unfeemly manner: the Shop-keeper
told him that he was miftaken, he was no Parfon,
and that he was in purfuit of a fellow that robb'd
him; by this time our Cheat who was purfued, had
turned a corner of a Street, and was out of fight ;
and the Neighbors coming out to fee what was the
matter, perfwaded the Shop-keeper to go home again
and put off that Garment, and then go look for the
Cheater ; he did fo, but there he found that he had a
fecond lofs, which made him more angry than before,
efpecially when he confidered that he was without
all remedy, not being able to difcover who they were
that had mown him this clenly conveyance.

Another time faid the Gentleman, a couple of
thefe bold rogues underftanding that a Gentle-man
was newly come from travel; and having enquired
into and been acquainted with many particulars in
his Journey, were refolved to get money out of him ;
and therefore waiting a time and place convenient,
and feeing him walking with another Gentleman, one
of thefe bold rogues thus accofts him : Sir, your very
humble fervant, I am very joyful to fee you after
your return; although you have travelled feveral
Countries fmce I faw you laft, yet you are not one
jot alter'd : but you are, replyed briskly the Gen
tleman, if ever I faw you before, for to the beft of
my remembrance this is the firft time : I mall bring
you, reply'd the Confident, to be of another mind
when I tell you that my name is Mounjieur Brifack,
and that you and I travell'd many a mile together,
and were very merry at fuch and fuch places, nam
ing them ; I hope Sir, continued he, that you do re-

256 The Englijli Rogue ; And Part 3.

member that we ftaid three dayes at fuch a place,
and then departed, having very bad way, and a te
dious Journeyto fuch a place, ftill naming the places,
and there we met with fuch and fuch Gentlemen, who
continued in our companies a fortnight, all the while
we ftaid there ; and we came to fuch and fuch a
place. All this reply'd the Gentleman, and all thofe
Persons I very well remember ; but indeed Mounfieur
Brifack, if your name be fo, I do not at all remem
ber you ; but fmce you give me fo good an account
of my Journey, I muft needs believe you to be ac
quainted with me in thofe parts ; and fmce you are
fo, I pray how doth Mounfieur Langone? very well,
reply'd our Cheat; he intends to be here in fhort
time, and then I will bring him to you that we may
renew our acquaintance : I fhall be glad of the oppor
tunity, reply'd the Gentleman, and fo good Moun-
Jieur Brifack, faid he, till then I fhall be your humble
Servant; yours Sir, reply'd the Cheat; but I pray,
Sir, do you now remember me ? yes, yes, reply'd the
Gentleman ; then I hope reply'd the Cheat, you will
alfo remember that I did you a fmall courtfie in the
time of our acquaintance; what was it? faid the
Gentleman, that I may acknowledge it ; and thank
you ; no great matter, Sir, faid the Cheat, it was but
a friendly office, we ought to do fo for one another at
fuch a diftance; I do not underftand you, faid the
Gentleman ; you are very forgetful, faid the Cheat,
but I hope that as now you remember me, fo you will
remember to pay me that little money you borrowed
of me at fuch a place ; I know nothing of it, reply'd
theGentleman ; I lent it to you replyed the Cheat, by
the fame token, that your Horfe was taken lame in
one legg, and you were forc'd to leave him behind
you, and take another: truly, replyed the Gentle-

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 257

man, the token is good, but I do not remember the
other matter; but I hope you will, reply'd the Cheat,
and pay me for your Credit-fake before it comes to
the hearing of our Fellow-travellers; how much do
you fay it was, reply'd the Gentleman ; but twenty
Crowns, a fmall fum, and foon paid; I know you are
not without fo much money about you, and if you
pleafe to pay it me now, it will do me as great a kind-
nefs in receiving it now, as it did you when I lent it ;
well replyed the Gent, if it be fo, when Motinjieur
Langone returns I will pay you, which you fay will
be in fhort time; I hope Sir, replyed the Cheat, you
will not injure me fo much as to put me to ftay fo
long, when you promifed me to pay it at our next
meeting, and befides, Sir, it will not be for your Credit
to let him or any of our Fellow Travellers know that
you boggle at the payment of fuch a driblet as
twenty Crowns: and thus did he importune the Gen
tle-man for payment, by telling him that he had now
acknowledged it before witnefs, and that if he would
not quietly pay, he would compel him to it : fo that
the Gentleman to purchafe his quiet gave him what
he demanded, left, as he faid, he mould fhame him.
"Whilft Miftrefs Mary was bufied in the recital of
what was afore delivered, and intending to have pro
ceeded in the fame difcourfe; fhe was interrupted by
the return of the Captain, Drugjler, and Scrivener,
and Gregory, and her looks and colour difcovered
to the Capt. that fhe had play'd the extravagant in
the ufe of that liberty & freedom which he freely
gave her, and could not contain himfelf from expref-
fing fome refentments thereof: and addreflmg his
difcourfe to me in a fleering manner, come Mafter
Mcriton Latroon (faid he) I fhall know you better by
degrees, and do fear I (hall find you too much guilty

S

258 The Englijh Rogue-, And Part 3.

of the humour of the Turks and Italians, who unatu-
rally delight in the fociety of young men: they are
pretty Smock-fac'd Lads, how do you like them, Sir,
if you could procure a change of their Sex, would
not either of them ferve for fine play-fellows.

I think (faid I) they are beft as they are, without
any change; nay, with your pardon, good Captain,!
know it an undeniable truth, which your own fre
quent experience doth, or muft acknowledge ; their
unfuitable habits, I confefs at firft muffled up, or
quite darkned all former knowledge of them: but
you muft excufe them, if they did unmask them-
felves to be known to one, they once preferred be
fore their own fafeties and reputations. Your fweet
William was once my little wanton Mally, whom
with many more, I firft beguiled by hiring my felf in
womans apparel, as a Servant maid in a boarding
School. This other whom you call George, was a
Country-girl, whofe beauty and good feature difarm'd
me in the road, as I went on the Pad, and although I
had never feen her till then, I was fo paflionately in
love with her, that I never reftedtill I had obtained my
defires on her, which effected, I ungreatfully left her.

This faid the Captain, is a thing I was wholly ig
norant of till now, although from our friend Gregory
I have been informed of the moft remarkable paffages
of your life : fuch wonderful and unheard of tranfac-
tions in one man's life, that in his relation I thought
him reading to me fome Legend of incredibilities.

I replyed that I had referved this fecret with fome
others, to be difcovered as occafion fhould ferve, and
that in time, nothing mould be hid from him. And
now Sir, faid I, you nor the reft of your friends muft
not entertain a jealoufie that I participate and (hare
with them in your Miftrefs's affections; to be plain if

Part 3. other Extravagants. 259

your belief of that raife in you any anger or revenge,
you will difcover thereby your folly moft egregioufly ;
for can you expe6l a conftancy from fuch, who know
they cannot live, but by being inconftant ; they are
like fuch who are upon a trading Voyage, it is not one
Port, but a great many that makes up their market ;
neither are they like fome Merchants who particu
larly trade to one place, as to Guiney, Hambrough,
&c. They are generally trucking, or vending their
commodities through the Univerfe: Mai, faid I, you
muft not be angry that I thus plainly and boldly dif-
clofe the naked truth; pray on, Sir, faid fhe; I (hall
exercife my patience in hearing your rallery, but I
pray tell me when you are out of breath, that I
may inform you of the infirmities and frailties that
belong to your more noble Sex, and fpare not ours ;
you will not be fo unjuft to deny me that liberty you
take your felf ; a match, quoth I, and therefore I mall
proceed. When you were but fourteen, you began
like a Nut to grow brown at bottom, which you know
will then drop or fall of it felf, or I might more pro
perly compare you to forward Summer fruit, which
proves mellow in the non-age of the fpring, but rotts
by too foon falling, when more follid fruit mail deny
the nipping frofts of an approaching Winter. There is
a Queen-apple, and a Bitter-Jweet fo call'd, you re-
femble the one in the lovely colour, the other in the
diftafteful Gujlo: but fince I fpeak of fruit, the moft
common refemblance is a Medlar, which is never
good till rotten ; fuch are you, never finer dreft than
in your winding fheet. Several of your Sex when
married are but a parcel of Crab trees, wall'd in at
a great charge. As for thy part, thou art like a
honeycomb with a Bee in it, which infallibly ftings
him that taftes thereof: to be fhort, ye have fair

260 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

tongues and falfe hearts ; fine faces, but foul Confcien-
ces ; pride prompts ye to all manner of prodigality,
and luft leads ye to that loofnefs, which ruinates thou-
fands in the deftruction of yourfelves. To conclude,
I could love thee, but that thou art female, and would
never have married, but that I thought it beft ex
pedient to bring me to repentance. Now Sir faid
fhe, I believe it is my time to fpeak, for I find by
your ftraining, you are very needy; you have but
little water left by the fucking of your Pump; I fee
where your plot lies clearly, by undervaluing me and
our Sex, you would put our friends out of conceit
with us and others, that you might make a Mono
poly of our Sex ; be advifed Sir, your Patent will not
be worth the procuring, if we are fo variable and
wavering, as you would falfly make the world believe,
you have Marfhall'd up a fair company of Meta
phors, that your wit might flutter in our difparage-
ment. Our failing from port to port to advance
our profit, is not fo difcomendable as you would have
it, fmce it is rather our misfortune to meet with fuch
Bank-rupts, Broken-merchants, who have neither
flock nor credit to barter with us for our wares.
Surely your wit is mightily improv'd (fmce your poor
Poetry you writ to my friend Doll, which fhe related
to me was almoft all the reward fhe had for her loft
Virginity) it skipt fo nimbly from Pole to Pole, from
Sea to Land, to fetch a Lean ftarvelin of a conceit,
and that was the comparing of us to ripe Nutts, or
Nutts brown at bottom as you well know; for all
we are flip-fhell'd were it not for truanting-waggs
who rufhing into our Thickets fhake us down; we
might hang long enough, not like your Crack-ropes:
and for your likening us to fruit foon ripe, and as
aoon rotten, I dare confidently aver that we might

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 261

remain a long time on the tree, did not fuch un
happy Boys as you are throw ftones at us. Laftly,
you fay our fweets are accompanyed with ftings, I
know not what you mean, but I am fure you flung
this Gentlewoman and my felf in that manner that
the fwelling lafted nine moneths, and by a Mid-wife
was at laft delivered of our pain. To conclude, with
what force can you condemn us for inconftancy ?
when every new face you fee fhall change your af
fection, variety fhall be as fo many winds to blow
your amorous pretences to more points than are
contained within a Compafs, and when you have
had, after a long Seige, the Town (you fate down
before) furrendered, you fall a plundring inftantly,
and it may be, after this, ingratefully fet the Garri-
fon on fire; if not, at leaftwife curfe the time and
money you fpent in your Conqueft, throwing it off
as a thing not worth the managing and keeping :
No more (dear Mall, faid I,) no more, what hither
to I have exprefs'd, was but a tryal of thy wit, which
fince I find fo pregnant, thy better parts, thy mind,
I will endeavour to enjoy hereafter.

All the Company was greatly pleas'd with our
Drollery, and now faid I, Gentlemen, without tri
fling the time away too much, fince we know one the
others part lives, and prefent intentions ; let us enter
into a ferious confultation, how we may advantage
each others intereft here, in order elfewhere. Al
though you, Sir (fpeaking to the Captain) have been
in thefe parts twice or thrice before, yet I queftion
not but the knowledge I have of this Country will
prove as ferviceable to our defign, as any others that
have been here a longer time befides the advantage of
my projections; the Captain with all the reft readily
confented to be advifed with me in every thing, as

262 The Englijli Rogue : And • Part 3.

giving me the priority in all manner of Roguery.
Gentlemen, faid I, the love I bear my own Countrey
(although all Countries indeed, mould not be fuch
ftrangers to us, as not to make them abfolutely our
own, when neceffity compels us thereunto) I fay, ha
ving a longing defire to fee Europe, and return for
England, having now gotten fomething confiderable
for a future maintenance, I fhall make it my whole
bufmefs to take up what commodities I can on
truft, and with what I have, and my felf, I refolve
to accompany you homewards ; and that I may be
the better wellcome among you, I will be afliftant
to you in the buying your commodities, and pro
curing you a credit withal.

Thefe propofals commanded both their thanks
and embraces, and to work we went immediately.
But before I proceed to tell you how, and in what
manner we enrich'd our felves by cheating and de
ceiving the Countrey: I muft give you an account,
that my fhe-black divil, my wife, had a moneths
mind to no lefs than a brace of white Jofephs, I mean
my two Girls in mans apparrel ; I confefs the temp
tation was great enough to have deluded any other
woman of more ChrifHan principles; when I heard
of it, I thought I fhould have dyed by the excefs
of laughter, and that I might have the more fport,
I ordered my two Females not to difcountenance
her amorous defires. I have heretofore inform'd
you that fhe was for feature and ftature as handfome,
and as proper as moft Europeans, and had a natural
genius, her Sex is not ordinarily endued withal: in
the time of my living with her, I had taken confi
derable pains to teach \iet Engli/Ii of which fhe hath
a competent underftanding and utterance. Seeing
me go very gentile and gallant, fhe differted her own

Part 3. oilier Extravagants. 263

Country fafhion, and thought herfelf obliged to be
cloathed in mine, which I condefcended to, not fo
much to pleafe my eye, as to fport my fancy, for
they became her as well as a Hat and Feather,
Sword and Belt, with a Red-coat would become a
Jack-an-apes riding before the Bears.

We had not many Engli/Ji-vjomzn. among us, how
ever fhe imitated every one of them in fome thing
or other, fo that fhe feemed when drefl to have bor
rowed of at leaft twenty women, and thofe Habili
ments look'd as if they had been thrown on her with
a pitchfork. She being extreemly fmitten in love
with thefe 2 handfome young man, as fhe thought
them, began now to be lefs carelefs in her drefs, but
what diforders fhe endeavoured to reclifie and
amend, fhe made a thoufand times worfe ; fhe con-
fulted her glafs, and imagining her face was not
naturally fair enough, that is, not black (for black-
nefs is efteem'd by them as beauty, and tawninefs
the contrary) I fay to correct that natural defect by
Art, fhe got fome Lamb black, or fome thing like
it, by which paint fhe refolved to be devilifh fair.

I wondred to fee my pretty fweetings face, all of
a fudden fo ftrangely chang'd, but I concerning my
felf but little with her, never demanded how it
came, but according to my ufual Cuftome went to
bed, and not long after my wife followed me: I had
drank very executively that day, by which means I
flept profoundly and was not fenfible what her petu-
lancy prompt'd her to when I was afleep ; but cer
tain I am, fhe did fo all to bekifs me, and fo rubb'd
the black paint off her face upon mine, that none
could tell which was the blacker of the two in the
morning when I arofe.
. I got not out of bed till an hour after all the reft

264 TJte EngliJJi Rogue : And Part 3.

of the People in the houfe were up, and flaying fome-
what longer above than I ufually did, fhe came up
into the Chamber, and perceiving my face to be
black, fhe was at a ftand, not knowing what to fay,
or do ; but at length concluded (as fhe confefs'd af
terwards) that her God was angry with her for lov
ing any other white befides her Husband, and there
fore had taken away his white face, and had given
him a black one in the room : fhe retired down with
much more reverance than ufual, and was fo amazed,
that fhe fpake not a word to any below. The Cap
tain and his friends, with feveral of my own ac
quaintance were attending my coming down, who
feeing my face thus difcoloured, knew me not, yet
knew my voice and clothes, and though I bid them
good morrow, they returned me not the like civilty,
but inftead thereof, ask'd me whether I was not an
impudent fellow to counterfeit another voice and
wear his clothes? Gentlemen faid I, are ye all mad,
or have ye eyes that ye dare own ? I am the man I
was the laft night I am very certain ; you may have
the fame body, faid the Captain, but the foul Fiend
ftole away thy head laft night for being drunk, and
left his own in its room ; hereupon a Looking-glafs
was fetcht, and put it into my hands, but I no fooner
faw my face in it, but it dropt out of my hands break
ing all in pieces, and with the amazement of this fud-
den alteration, I was juft ready to expire; now did
all my former roguries come frefh into my memory,
believing that they, with what I was now about to
act, had rode pofte to the Devil to inform him what
I was; that he was come to fetch me away alive, and
that he had lent me this hellifh face, that I might be
the fitter for his company in his Journey homeward.
The Company feeing me ftand fo like a change-

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 26$

ling, could not forbear laughing till they held their
fides, at length one of them came, and with a wet
cloth rubbing my face, reftored it me again, I could
not imagine who fhould ferve me this trick, or how it
fhould be done, but at laft recollecting my thoughts,
I remembred that my wife of late feemed to me to be
more than ufually black; whereupon 1 call'd her to
me, and with the fame cloth I made her blacknefs
vanifh too. She perceiving I was inflam'd with rage
and fury, fell upon her knees, and begging my par
don, me told me every circumftance of what fhe had
done and defign'd, concealing her real contrivance ;
that fhe had painted her face in that manner to in-
creafe my love, fhe faid.and that in kiflTmg me and lay
ing her face to mine, (not imagining the black would
come off) fhe had thus difcoloured my face, and would
never do fo again : I was fo far from being Angry
with her, that I could not forbear laughing heartily,
which renewed the like in my friends; however I
charged her never to make herfelf fairer than fhe
was again, and if I found her pride extend that way,
I would deveft her and reduce her to the Clout, it
being all the clothes the Indians wear, an infignifi-
cant fore covering; this troubled her more than if
I mould have gafhed her flefh and fill'd the wound
with fait, a punifhment frequently ufed among them.
Notwithftanding the ill fuccefs of her firft project,
yet fhe was refolv'd to profecute her love but which
fhe loved beft, fhe could not tell, if there had been
an half dozen more, fhe had room enough in her
breafts to entertain them, and had affection to have
fcattered plentifully among them all.

266 The Englijli Rogue; hn& Parts.

CHAP. XXI.

Latroon's Wife profccutes her love, the manner of her
extravagant Horfc-courtfliip, inviting them to a
bowl of Punch, JJie forc'd them to the Squeak, is
difc(n>crcd in her amours by her Husband and would
liave poyfoned her f elf to ejcape his anger. Latroon
brings his new Comrades into the acquaintance of
the Bannian, whom by fcafting him aboard and
ajliorc, they make their friend in their knavifli Defign.

MY Wife was none of thofe puling, whining, lo
vers, who not obtaining their defires, pre-
fently exclaim againft the injuftice of Heaven in not
granting their wilhes, and growing fullen to make
amends for their Blafphemy, hang themfelves, or
cut their own throats. She had a certain way of
Court-fhip peculiar to herfelf, and a kind of Horfe-
play in her kiffmg, which was fo ftrong and eager:
that you muft have a fpecial care fhe did not beat
fome of your teeth down your throat ; her embraces
were as foft as a Bears, I think fully as ftrong, fhe hath
made me fometimes in a merry humour, cry Oh : and
therefore I cannot fee how thefe ftriplings will efcape
with life fhould they be encirkled in her arms.

What kind of Rhetorick fhe ufed to perfwade
them with, I am not yet acquainted, but I under-
ftand fhe boarded them both at once and put them
to the fqueak, without uttering a word, and had not
they fled for it, fhe had ranfacked their carcaffes to
have tryed their Manhood, this made them ever

Part 3. other Extravagants. 267

after fhun being alone with her, which made her fo
mad, that when fhe hath feen them in company, if
by any means fhe could come at them, fhe would
have pinch'd them by the arms, or elfe where, her
fingers being as bad as a pair of pincers. She was
ignorant of the way of winning them by Prefents, or
the fubtle infmuation of fine words, varnifhed with
love and Service; fhe was downright with them, if
they would not love her, fhe would fee whether fhe
could make them; but that not doing, fhe was re-
folv'd to try whether drunkennefs would operate
any thing upon them. Whilft I and my new Affo-
ciates were gone abroad to haften our purpofes of
marching off together, fhe had prepar'd a Bowl of
Punch, with other excellent Liquors, not omitting
feveral Difhes of Sweetmeats; fhe ftrained her felf
at that time to the utmoft to exprefs her civillity
and kindnefs, drinking often to them till at laft fhe
perceiv'd that the ftrength of thofe feveral Liquors
they drank had elevated them; then did fhe in as
good Englijti as fhe was Miftrefs of, tell them that
fhe lov'd them, and they muft love her, that fhe had
never feen fuch pretty white men before, with that
fhe caught one of them about the neck, the other
fearing they fhould be now difcovered, indeavored
to affift her Comrade, and ftruggled to difengage
her hands from about her neck, but fhe being too
ftrong, would not difengage her hold, but by main
ftrength brought them both down to the ground to
gether with her; juft as my bufmefs calling me home,
I-entred the Room wherein I found my Spoufe at
Tantum Scantutn with the two fuppofed young-men,
tumbling all together promifcuoufly: I knew they
could not if they would, and would not if they could
make me a Cuckold, therefore I had no caufe to be

268 The Englifh Rogue ; And Part 3.

angry with any, but my Chriftian Infidel, and yet
I had but little reafon to be fo with her, confidering
the brutifhnefs of her nature, and barbaroufnefs of
her education : however fo fenfible fhe was of the in
jury fhe defign'd to do me, that taking a Dagger out
of her pocket, which fhe mightily delighted to carry
always about her, fhe would have ftabb'd her felf,
had I not prevented her, by forcing it out of her
hands. I faw nothing but diftru6lion and diftrac-
tion in her eyes, and therefore, watcht her narrowly
fhe would not mifchief her felf, or any elfe ; fhe
feeing that feem'd better compos'd, and ftepping afide
drawing a fmall Box out of her pocket, which fhe
always made her Vade mecum, and was fill'd with
the rankeft poyfon, fhe conveyed fome of it into a
Cup, and offer'd to drink to me, which fhe would
have done, had I not dafht it out of her hand : fhe
feeing me fo careful of her prefervation, imagined I
had no evil will againft her, fhe fell upon her knees
again, and begg'd of me that I would kill her, for
fhe deferv'd it, or take for my fatisfa6lion as many
wives as I pleas'd into the houfe, and fhe would
not be offended at it in the leaft ; I told her I would
have no morewives than fhe, and that I would forgive
her this time, fo fhe would never do the like again.
She now trebled her diligence at home, whilft I
exercifed my wit abroad, among the Bannians I in
vited one of the principal of them home to a treat, a
man of vaft fway, and great credit in the Country;
and having acquainted my new Correfpondents, or
fellow Confpirators of the time of our meeting, I or
dered them to appear as fplendidly as they could, ac
cording to the Cuftome of the Country; and to be
noble in their expences, all which they performed fo
well, that they gain'd a great efteem with the Ban-

Part 3. other Extravagants. 269

nian\ Moreover I informed him privatly; that the
Captain (though an Interloper) was refolv'd not to be
behind hand in the lading his Ship homeward, with
the beft Faftor in the company, having Gold enough
for that purpofe, and that thofe young men that ac
companied him to the indies were the fons of Englifh
Lords, that had brought with them great ftore of
Gold to fee this Country, and lay it out in the Com
modities thereof: he hearkened to me with much at
tention, and having always had a very good oppinion
for me, believ'd what I faid to be no lefs than truth,
and therefore defired me that I would perfwade them
that he might negotiate their Affairs for them ; this
was the thing I defired, which I mould have offer'd
him, had he not fo happily prevented me by his own
voluntary motion, and to encourage his willingnefs
therein, I whifpered the Captain in the ear afide,
informing him that the Bannian was fully wrought
upon, and that now he had not need to fear fraught at
half credit, as I fhall mannage the matter, I defired
him to invite him abroad to morrrow, and what friends
he fhould think to bring along with him, which ac
cordingly he did; after that we had been fufficiently
merry together in my houfe, and though he was fome-
what elderly, yet he was a very comely old man, and
had wit and heat enough in him to play the Good-fel
low: We had fo liberally entertained him (and had fo
fitted every thing to his humour, I knowing his hu
mour to a hair) that on his going away, he acknow
ledged infinite fatisfa<5lion in that he had received,
promifing for thefe civilities his utmoft Service and
Afliftance ; the Captain ftopt him in his further ac
knowledgments, by affuring him they were nothing
to what he and the Company intended for him,
defiring him that he would favour them with
his Company abroad the next day ; the Ban-

2/o TJie Engli/h Rogue : And Part 3.

nian gratefully accepted the proffer, for he was
a perfon that lov'd dearly his belly, and therefore
the more willing and ready to accept our EngliJJi
treatment, which he knew was no niggardly one ; but
had he known what a ftale purgation he mould have
had after all his feafting, he would have foonerfwal-
lowed a Pagod, than one fingle morfel.

About noon I found \\\Q Bannian at his own houfe,
and telling him that he was expected abroad, he
made himfelf ready to go with me, in our way thither
we met with fome of his moft intimate friends, and
fome of mine, thofe which I thought would further
our defign I fingled out, and took them along with
us. The Captain had made ample provifion for
us, and underftanding from me that the Bannian
was obliged to abftain from fome fort of meat, he
had to be fure provided none thereof; having feafted
with all the jollity imaginable, firing feveral pieces of
Ordinance according to Command; now Sir, faid
the Captain, that you might know we come not into
your company empty-handed, or that we will take
up any of your Goods and Commodities without
paying you for them according to contract, I will
fhew you fomething which (hall be a Secret to every
body elfe, fo unlocking a Cheft, he fhew'd them a
great quantity of his own Gold, and his Underta
kers ; if this be not enough, fee there of this friend
of mine fifteen hundred pieces, and of that mans
there, five hundred, with a thoufand more if occa-
fion (hould ferve.

This made the Bannian and his friends admire to
fee fo great a quantity of Gold, however he feem'd to
take but little notice, only faying, you have a great
deal of money, Sir, and we have a great deal of va
luable Commodities, which you (hall not want, but
truft them to my procurement for you, and you (hall

Part 3. other Extravagants. 271

not fail in your expe<5lation ; he fpake EngliJJt good
enough to let us underftand, that he would be our
Servant to do our bufmefs, and the Merchant too, to
credit us if we fo pleas'd. What Goods we took of
him at firft we paid him ready money before de
livered, and by degrees caus'd him to fend fome
abroad, and paid him three or four days after: And
to the intent we might not be in the lead fufpe6ted
for any knavery, I advifed the Scrivener, Drugfter,
and Gregory (their Hanger-on) to give out they in
tended to (lay in the Country fome confiderable while,
that what goods they bought, they would fend for
England^ when the Captain fhould return thither,
and to confirm the truth of this report, they built
them an houfe, befitting the entertainment of them,
and the fecuring what Goods they fhould procure by
way of Merchandize, fervants I procur'd them, fuch
as I thought would be for their turn, both Male and
Female, but if they intended to have their Victuals
well dreft, they muft not expe6l the Cookery from
them ; however they refolv'd to try the ability of their
new fervants, who handled the matter fo fcurvily,
that when it was brought to Table, there was not
one, but was of a different oppinion in giving a name
for what was brought before them, not knowing
whether it was boil'd, bak'd, broyl'd, or roafted; for
the looks thereof feem'd to have a touch of them all ;
fo that it was concluded by all that the Proverb was
never better verifi'd than now; God fends meat, and
t/te Devil fends Cooks ; and fo any Stranger would
have taken them, they being of his own fmoaky
complexion. Wherefore to avoid thefe foul inconve
niences of fluttifh feeding, it was agreed on, that
Mall (alias Williani) Doll (alias George} not with -
ftandingtheir Breeches, fhould omciateas Cooks, their
friends mould be caterers, and their menials Skullions.

272 The Englifh Rogue ; And Part 3.

CHAP. XXII.

Latroon in order to his returning to Europe gets a
great deal of Goods, mojl on credit; he fufpe£ls his
•wife of fome villanous Dejign, dif covers her wicked
inclination, and hints at the common caufe of Cuc-
koldry. She under pretence of loving vifit poyforid
one of the fuppofed youngmen, and had like to have
difpatcht the otlter, and afterwards kills her felf:
tier AJJiftant in this Murther was found not far
dijlant from Bantam torn to pieces by wild Beafts>
three days after the Fact.

IN this Equipage our friends were in, whilft the
Captain, and my felf were daily bringing in Grift
to the Mill; the Bannian according to his promife,
with fpeedy fedulity procur'd us what ever we defired,
and to encourage his Induftry bad daily (almoft)
encouragements for his quick difpatch. Our bufmefs
now ran on wheels, neither did the pleafures of our
new Houfkeepers flacken in their carreer, they had
every thing which the Country afforded, and more,
for they had two fuch matchlefs European girls, which
all India could not parallel, whofe lufter was the
brighter by reafon of thofe dark and dufky foils
which were always near them.

But damn'd be that curfed inftrument that totally
eclipft the light of thofe two Wandringjlars, which
muft ne'er fhine more in our Hemifphere. Who
would have thought a wife, after fo much penitence
and fubmiflion (being obfequious beyond imitation)

Part 3. other Extravagants. 273

fhould renew her revenge, and profecute it to death.
It is true, fhe found me remifs in the cooling of her
amorous Heats, but that from the firft I ufed her to,
that fhe might not expeft it when it came, as a duty,
but a courtefie, or a very fignal favour, by reafon
hereof fhe was void of frequent expectation ; had
fhe been as white, and as lovely fair as any of my
own Country-women, I would have ferv'd her in
the like manner; if I intended to make my wife ab-
folutely my own. For in my time I have obferv'd
at leaft an hundred Examples of this nature; Wo
men, whom I am confident might have ran the Race
of their lives in the way of modefty and honefty, had
they not been chafed or over heated at firft by the
oflentatious humour of their hot brained Bride-
groome, ftriving to out-do himfelf, that he might
purchafe the efteem of being a lufty man excelling
others in ftrength and vigour; but when the wife
fhallfindethe fatisfaftionof her defires dif-continued,
fhe will be apt to think her husband was too prodi
gal at firft, and fo became Natures Spend-thrift, and
now thinks of no other thing than how fhe fhall be
fupplyed by others. Others again are like fome
childifh appetites, who feeding on fome excellent
Difh, they never tafted of before, and being exceed
ing pleafant,eat beyond meafure,thinkingthemfelves
never to be fatisfied, fo getting a furfeit, ever after
loath what they lov'd, the very fight thereof will
even naufeate their ftomachs. I fay by ftinting my
wife after this manner, fhe could not fufpe<5l that by
rambling abroad, I difappointed her expectations at
home, fince cuftom made her believe me indiffe
rently honeft. But her revenge was grounded on the
Bafis of equity, for fince fhe was fo far from being
jealous, that fhe allowed me to make ufe of others,

T

274 The Englijh Rogue: And Part 3.

(he judged I could not in reafon dis-allow her the
enjoyment of one or fo, efpecially of my own com
plexion.

The removal of thefe two young men (as fhe fup-
pofed, and in that belief courted them to her embra
ces) fhe verily believ'd was occafion'd by me, and de-
fign'd that fhe might have no converfe with them.
Whilft they were in fight of her, fhe pleas'd her felf
in viewing them, but being depriv'd of that hourly
happinefs, fhe had not fo much prudence as to con
ceal the refentment of her lofs, and the injury was
done her by me, but expreft (in her manner) to my
very face things that carried with them fufpitions
of a dangerous confequence.

For the prevention thereof, I feemingly fhow'd
much kindnefs unto her, giving her a many good
words, & granting her with all leave to vifit thofe
two young-men, with this provifo, fhe would not
wrong me, and all this was to pacific for the prefent,
till I was ready to go from the implacablenefs of
of her revengful fpirit, which is an Inmate properly
not onely in her, but in all the Indians her Countrey
people. She feem'd hereat to be very well fatisfied,
but fo impatient fhe was to have a review of them,
that fhe went from me immediately to them, at the
fight of them fhe reprefented her joy in fo many
antick fhapes, and formes, that all which were pre-
fent burft out into a great fit of laughter, which fhe
conftrued in favour of her felf, fuppofmg from hence,
they were over-joy'd to fee her ; and what made
her believe it the more, was their welcoming her to
their new houfe, in the beft manner they could,
drinking to her fo often (in the beft liquors they
had) till fhe was half Sea-over; the heat of the
Per/tan-wine fhe drank, gave fire to the old train,
which fhould kindle the Magazine of Love, which

Part 3. otfier Extravagants. 275

lay covert in the Cole-pit of her hellifh luft ; and
now breaking like a Hand-granado, the pieces of
the fhell could not fly fafter than her arms did about
their necks, there was no warding them, fo that they
were forc'd to fubmit to the cruelty of her over-
powerful affection. But when fhe infifted upon the
complement thereof, they bade her then defift, for
they were refolv'd never to wrong her Husband in
that nature, and threatned her, that if fhe would
not be civil, they would acquaint him therewith.
Hearing them menace her after that fafhion, fhe.
retreated and fate down at a diflance, and feem'd
fomewhat penfive, but having fpoke fome few words
to a Black that part by her in the Indian tongue
(which I would have underftood had I been by) to
which there was a fudden reply; fhe feem'd to throw
off her melancholly and re-affume her jolly attempt,
telling them that the next day fhe would come
again, if they would make as much of her as they
had done then ; they told her they would.

I vifiting them that evening, they acquainted me
how welcome they had made my wife for my fake,
how fhe had renew'd her love, and how prepofter-
oufly fhe had manag'd it ; in recital thereof we had
good fport over a Bowl of Punch: to avoid the dan
gers of going home late I bade them goodnight. In
the morning early coming down I found one of their
female Slaves clofe in difcourfe with my wife, who
feeing me vanifhed ; I fufpe6ling nothing, went to
the Bannian about my bufmefs, and that day we had
fo much bufmefs to do, that it was near night, before
I could vifit our friends, to acquaint them what pro-
grefs I had made therein, and how near it was brought
to confummation. But I had no fooner entred
the doors, but my ears were entertain'd with the.

276 Tfo Englifli Rogue ; And Part 3.

doleful groans of my two difguifed Amazons, who lay
upon a Matt on the ground, foaming at mouth with
the Scrivener & Drugfter, & Gregory attending them,
offering their utmoft afliftance, which was to little
purpofe, fince they were ignorant of what they ail'd ;
as foon as I faw them, I knew they were poyfon'd,
having feen feveral in the like condition (a common
practice among them upon the leaft fufpition of an
injury defign'd, or an offence already receiv'd) but
knew not what remedy to apply, and whilft I was in
confutation with myfelf what was beft to do, I faw
Malls teeth drop out of her head, and Gregory going
to raife her head, the fkin and hair with it came off
in his hands like a Perriwig, fo did the hair of the
other; fo ftrong was the poyfon adminiftred, that
Mall died in lefs than half an hour after the recep
tion thereof; but Dorothy efcaped ever to a miracle.
This fad accident had like to have converted the
houfe into a Bedlam, for the three young men which
had attended them in this difafter, were fo ftrongly
diftrafled at the fight of what had happened, that I
thought the Devil had juft then by a reentry took
poffefllon of them, or that they had taken the fame
potion of Poyfon, which was very near as bad ; be
lieving it would work as fubtlely and as nimbly on
them as it had already done, (Principiis objla) I ran
with might and main forfomeSallad-oyl,aJarrwhere
of I brought in the twinkling of an eye, Drink, drink,
faid I, to them all, quickly, quickly, one after the
other, as faft as you can, which they did, not knowing
any reafon therefore, but that I commanded them ;
having even gorg'd themfelves with it, and being not
able to drink anymore, I poured it down their throats
till I had almoft choak'd them, or rather drowned
them therein, they cried out to me, for the love of

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 277

God to forbear, or I fhould kill them, judging me to
be mad indeed : as they were evacuating what they
had too plentifully received, the Captain whom I
had left with the Bannian to follow after me, came
in, who asking me what was the matter? I told him
particularly. He could not but fhew fomething of
touble, but having been acquainted with all forts of
loffes and miferies. from his Cradle in a manner by
traverfmg to and fro the Univerfe, he bore this with
a patience agreeable to his courage and Man-hood,
and now our friends having difembogu'd the Oyl
that was within them, fhew'd all the appearances of
perfect health; now feeing them in a condition
to return an anfwer to what queftions I mould pro
pound to them, I ask'd what ftrangers they had en*-
tertained at home to day? they reply'd, None; but,
faid Gregory, let us firft fee whether a certain fhe-
devil of ours be within, and then I fhall tell you
what I have obferved ; upon this we fearch'd for her,
but could not find her, it feems the fame Black I
found in the morning difcourfmg with my wife, when
having done this execrable murder, by the inftiga-
tion of my other devil at home, was fled, as more
plainly by and by will appear. Said Gregory, not
full an hour fmce; whilft we were at the farther end
of the houfe bufied about our wares, Miftrefs Mary,
and Miftrefs Dorothy, commanded fome wine to be
brought them, which was accordingly done by this
female we now mifs, and brought in a midling Co
coa-nut bowl; they were juft drinking the third
time round, as we came in, nay, now faid Mall, my
little merry Grigg, here's to the Miftrefs of thy
affections, fpeaking to me, and drinking heartily, I
looking into the Bowl to fee how much was left,
this Black dafht the Bowl out of my hand, and be-

278 The EngliJIi Rogue ; And Part 3.

caufe there was but little in it, I judged it onely to
be an effect of her rude petulancy, and fo did the
reft, taking no further notice. Prefently our two
friends grew extraordinary ill, and though we were
three to two yet they would have found work for as
many more had not death thus bound one of them
hand and foot, and the other feemingly dead for the
prefent : I will lay my life, faid I, I know where there
is another of the Confpirators, fo taking the Captain
with me only, we made all the haft we could to my
own houfe, and found by the extraordinary number
of people therein, that fomething more than ordi
nary was the matter, and fo there was, for my wife
with her beloved Dagger, had with one home ftabb
made a hole through her heart, wide enough for hall
a fcore lives to go out a breft without joftling one
the other.

I was not troubled to fee her thus weltring in her
own blood, but that fhe had not liv'd to be punifh'd
luitable to the crime fhe committed, if any punifh-
ment could be invented. The Prefident of Bantam
hearing of this horrid Murder, fent for me, to whom
I gave an ample relation as I could by information,
or otherwife, who feemed very much concerned, and
immediately difpatcht feveral in the fearch of the
Coadjutrix to the Murderefs, about three days after
wards they found (fome ten miles diftant from Ban
tam) a female Carkcafs, turn all to pieces, the limbs
thereof were gnawed in that manner, that there was
little flefh upon the bones, onely the head was un-
touch'd, and fome of the company that had feen
her before, would have fworn it was the fame, and
therefore it was agreed upon to carry it to the Pre
fident, which they did, and prefently order'd to be
faftned on a long Pole, for a future terror to fuch
like Malefactors, efpecially the Natives.

Part 3. other Extravagants. 279

CHAP. XXIII.

Latroon and his Comrades about to leave Bantam and
go to Surrat, having done lading their VeJJel,JJiew
• fame tricks to prevent fufpition of marching ojft
He fets fail from tlience and meets with an
Enemy, an account of a mojl defperate and horri
ble fight with him. He gives you an exafl ac
count or journal of that Voyage from Bantam to
Surrat.

HAving buried our dead, we refolv'd upon a
General Counfel, to fee what we had done,
and what we had left undone. We found that half
our ready money was disburft, and that we had
above half as much goods upon Credit, as our whole
fum amounted to, and now refolving to make a final
and fpeedydifpatch of all, I got all my Eftate aboard
not leaving any thing valuable behind me, except
ing only what was in the houfe for the accommo
dation of my Guefts, having an happy opportunity
of conveying my own Goods with the Captains, and
others that were concern'd with us the Scrivener, and
the reft did the like.

. That very day that we intended to fet fayl, we
were all merry at my houfe with the Bannian, and

280 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

promifmg that the next day we would pay him what
was in arrears, and alfo lay out five hundred peices
more ready money ; he feem'd highly pleas'd, leaving
him, we fhew'd our felves through the whole Fa6lory
with much Gallantry. The reafon that we did not
take in our whole loading in this Port, was the great
number of Dutch Veflels which lately came into the
road, and more daily expected, which we knew would
not only obftru6l our Credit, but raife the Commodi
ties of that place. We were fain to fcuffle hard among
our Country-men for what we had already, there be
ing at that time at Anchor in the harbour feveralfhips.
And having ready money pretty (lore we refolved to
take in the reft at Surrat, which place would fecure
us well enough, and what we had deceitfully got.
Having fpent moft part of the day in fhewing our
felves in the Town, about Three of the Clock in the
afternoon, it being the fourteenth day of July, we
got aboard, as if we intended to feaft it, for there
was none of the whole Fa6lory, or our Bannian ef-
pecially would think us fo indifcreet to fet fayl with
half our fraught, that was my policy, and being un-
fufpe6led upon that account we might with the
greater facility and fecurity march off. Getting all
our Anchors aboard in a trice, we looft our Sayls
away we fteer'd between the Main and Paulo pan
jan, all the next day till fix in the Evening, being
then athwart the South-f alt-hill, we fleered South-
weft and by weft, and weft and \yyfouth, but from
that hill we fteer'd weft fouth weft, having the wind
for the moft part at Ea ft fouth eaft with much rain,
which affli6led me grievoufly, for my fears of fome
purfuing us would not let me quit the Decks till I
thought we were out of all danger in being followed.
The fixteenth of this moneth at noon we efpy'd Hip-

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 281

pins Ifland Eaftward ten leagues off, having fleer'd
all night Weft fouth weft. Latitude about 6 Degrees
38 and Longitude from Sonth-falt-hil 6 Degrees 44
Weft, the wind at fouth-eaft with the help of a Cur
rant for twenty four hours, from the fixteenth to
the twenty ninth of this month, we had the winds
between the foitth-eaft, and eaft north eaft, with moft
intolerable rains at Noon, being in latitude 1 1 de
grees 59 fouth, and longitude 20 Degrees 35 Weft,
the variation about 12 Degrees 35 Wefterly; we
failed this month on feveral Courfes, four hundred
ninty fix miles.

Mi&n&DorfftJSy being indifferently well recovered
though a bad fpeftacle to look on by reafon of the
skin of her body all coming off with her nails, fuch
was the malignity of the Venome ; I fay, fpeaking as
well as fhe could, defired me to write fome lines on
her dearly beloved dead Comrade, knowing that my
fancy did ever incline to meafure lines, and fo to
pleafe my felf, more than to give her fatisfa6lion, I
compofed thefe Verfes.

On the death of his Indian wife, and his old
Wench.

Start not my Mufe, what Paradox is this,
TJiat the fame caufe works both my Woe and Blifsf
Here lies my blifs, a more tlian brutijh Wife,
By her own Butcliring hands bereft of life.
My Woe lies here, my murder' d Joy, Alas !
Wfiat Wicked hand durft bring this 111 to pafs?
Hells confiftoryyiite within that breft,
Which fent my Love to tier Eternal reft.
How happy had I been, had the Bleft Powers,
Enlargd her Minutes, and liave made them Hours.

282 TJie Englijh Rogue; And Part 3.

Turrid thefe Jhort hours into long days, that I
Might dread Deaths approach, when Jhe Jlwuld dye,
Butjhe is gone p aft all recal; and we
Can only weep and Jigh her Elegie.
Though we don't mourn Jhe can no Mourners lack,
Each Nature is at her fad death in Black,
Met/links they're hoarfe with crying, and their votes
'(Being fad, and doleful] do befit their Coats.
•The Clouds dropt tears', the Ayry-Quire (which flies
Over our heads] do Jing her Obfequies.
Shall we be dumb, whilft Birds do ufe their Art?
No let's in Sorrow bear with them a part,
When that y've done for Mall, bereft of life,
Rejoyce with me, dead, dead's my wicked Wife.

Augujl the ninth, fleering NortJierly forty two
Leagues, we found per obfervationem the Ship to run
but thirty feven Leagues, which is five Leagues lefs
by reafon of the Current which fets us the South
wards Latitude at 6 Degrees 24 Longitude 36 De
grees 58 Weft from the Salthil. This afternoon we
were in the Latitude of the Changus, to the Weft-
wards of them, not feeing any fign of danger, the
variation is good help if heedfully obferv'd, finding
about 22 Degrees when you are in 7 or 8 Degrees
of Southerly Latitude, a Northerly coufe will go clear
of all danger. The twelfth of this moneth we croft
^Equator, fleering North, North eaft, Latitude 10 De
grees, Seconds 85 Digits Southerly Longitude 36 De
grees 5 1 digits Weft, the wind at South and by Weft,
the variation 19 Degrees, Seconds 35 Digits Weft.

The twenty-fifth of Auguft we lay a try with
main courfe, and mizen our Drift North 9 Leagues,
the wind at South weft, a frefh Gale. One of our men
taking our main Top-fail, cryed out a Sail, a Sail. In

Part 3. othet Extravagants. 283

a quarter of an hour by the help of my Profpeftive,
I could difcern her to be an Enemy of confiderable
force, about fome forty four pieces of Ordinance.
She made towards us with all the fpeed fhe could,
and we to fhorted our way, bore up to her with all
the Sail we could make, fo that we fetch't up one the
other quickly although we had but thirty fix Guns,
eight lefs than fhe carry'd, and having fewer men
withal we feared her not, but ran up board and board
with her before we fir'd a Gun, and then we poured
in a whole broad-fide into her, whilft we pepper'd
them above with whole Vollies of fmall fhot : they re
turned us the like kindnefs, which kill'd us four out
right befides what were wounded. Our Captain be-
hav'd himfelf very manfully, and fo beftirr'd himfelf
in the fight, fhewing fo clear a courage as would have
animated a very Coward to fight, as for my own part
the meer obfervation of his magnanimous behaviour,
infus'd into me more valour than I thought my felf
capable to contain, or able to make ufe of: my Land-
water Soldiers, the Scrivener and his two Compani
ons, by the Captains example, and my encouraging,
look'd Death as boldly, and as daringly in the face, as
if they had intended to look him out of countenance,
though at firft no fhot, either great or fmall went
whiftling by them but what made them dap their
heads, as if that would fecurethem; that Bullet which
injures man never tattles in his ear the enfuing dan
ger; that Bullet that whiftles in the Air, proclames
your crown as fafe from cracking, as is the Goofe after
flie hath part through the Barn door (looping left her
lofty head fhould knock the top thereof.

There was not any in the Ship exempted from Ser
vice, every man as he was Quartered not budging,
but doing the utmoft he could to offend his Enemy;

284 T/i£ EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

a brave young ftout fellow (whom I fhall never for
get) ftanding by me and my Bantam Comrades) a
fhot came and took away his legg with that fury,
that it rebounded from the fide; falling, he feemed
not a wit daunted, but called out aloud, Courage Cap
tain, I warrant you Vi£lory, if you will but fend down
this Foot and Legg of mine to the Gunner, and let
him fend it to them inftead of fhot, and I fhall laugh
to fee here, how it will kick the Arfes of thofe info-
lent Rogues ; Gregory ftanding by and feeing what
had paft, though fomething fcar'd, yet would not dif-
cover any fright, and to hide it the better, com
mended the brave refolutionof the man, and as he was
laughing at the odnefs of his conceit (poor Fellow)
a fhot came and took away one fide of his face, fo
dyed immediately, now it may be faid, he could laugh
at him but with half a mouth. This laft unhappy Bout
fo feared the little valor which was in the Scrivener,
that he inftantly quitted his ftation, and diforder'd
more men in his way to his fuppofed fafety,the Hold,
than twenty Troopers could have done in the midft
of a Foot-company, a little afterwards the Drugfter
attempted to do the like, fome of the men in the
wafte, feeing him upon his flight (juft as I was mov
ing on the fame defign) cried out, knock him down,
knock down that cowardly fellow with a handfpike,
thinking they had meant me, being on the motion,
I endeavour'd to prove the contrary by giving him
a fore pelt over the noddle with my Mufquet which
laid him a fleep on the Deck ; was highly commended
by our Captain for fo doing, telling me that two fuch
fellows among a thoufand men, nay an Army of ten
times the number, might by their fear occafion their
total overthrow.

The Drugfter recovering got to his Quarters,

Part 3. otJier Extravagant*. 285

and thought it better to dye fighting than to be kill'd
for being afraid to dye, to work he went with a Blun-
derbufs, and fired it fo often that he durft not charge
it again till it was cooler, my Mufquet was in the like
condition. By this time the Enemy began to ftand a-
way from us, but we were refolv'd to keep her com
pany, and make her pay for the trouble and coft me
had put us to. We perceiv'd (he had much a doe to
keep herfelf above water, fo that we were not long
before we came to bear again upon her, which we did
fo efficacioufly, that by a lucky mot penetrating her
powder room me blew up, we being fo near her, I ve
rily thought (he would have blown us into the airtoo,
as (he did her own men, part of which fell down into
our Ship, as if you would have fcatter'd faggot (licks
off a houfe top : we had not above fix men in all
kill'd, and about nine wounded, none mortally, which
were immediately committed into the hands of an
excellent Chirurgion we had aboard, who took fuch
a fpecial care of them that before we came to Surrat,
they were all perfectly cured.

Our (hip receiv'd fome dammage which was rec-
tifyed by our Carpenters as well as they could for
the prefent, and fail'd forward in our voyage. The
next day we were forc'd to lye a Try again, which
we did the thirtieth day, the wind at South-weft
allowing each days drift. The one and thirtieth we
fhortned fail all but our Sprit-fail, top-fail becaufe
of falling too foon with the Coaft of India. This
month we ran eight hundred fifty two Leagues on
feveral Courfes.

From the firft to the fourth of September, we ftood
away only with a fprit-fail top-fail the courfe and di-
ftances, &c., obferved having a fair wind Wefterly,
but the next we fteer'd Eaft and by North, with
Sprit-fail and fore-topfail. The fifth from twelve to

286 The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

fix {per Compafs) Eaft five Leagues, having at four
of the Clock had ground fixty four fathome Oazy
fand, then fet more fail and flood in North, North-
weft till fix in the morning, our depth in running the
Courfe of feven Leagues was fifty five, fixty and fixty-
four Fathome inLatitude,about 2oDegrees, Seconds
42 and Longitude 30 Degrees. Seconds, 3 Digits Weft.
On the fixthday wefteer'd Eaft and by North, till four
in the afternoon, at which time we faw Land, it was
low and Sandy banks, with fome Trees, and a white
Tower or Church which may be feen four or five
Leagues off. This place was judged by thofe men of
ours that had fail'd often this way, to be fourteen
Leagues to the wejhvard of Diu. This evening we
took a fmall boat not far ottPoramena, bound to Chi-
chauho near Cattle, they had only three horfes in her,
having nothing in her worth making prize, we difmift
them the next day without taking ought from them.
The feventh and eight dayes we flood off and on, ex
pecting to meet with fome Jonks. On the ninth we
met with a Jonk of Gogo, coming from Mare Ru-
bram, or the Red-Sea, richly laden, which we took,
imagining we now were made for ever, but the Com
mander foon dafht all our joyes, by producing a pafs
from the Prefident of Surrat, upon fight hereof our
Captain durft not detain her. I was on board her
and having feen fome part of her Cargo, I judg'd by
that the richnefs of the reft, and therefore perfwaded
the Captain to make her prize though (he had a hun
dred prefident paffes, but he would not yeild, know
ing better the danger than I did, and fo difmift her
to my great forrow.

On the tenth we took a Jonk belonging to the King
of Succatore, bound as they faid, to Surrat, (the Devil
was in our Captain to believe a word they faid if
ought might be gotten by them) and had aboard of

Part 3. other Extravagants. 287

her little that was confiderable, faving fix horfes, and
baft to make Ropes withal, wherefore he difmift her.

On the eleventh we anchored in twenty fathom
three Leagues off the fhore, to give notice if any
Jonks mould pafs by in the night, they ftood to the
Weftwards ; and met a Jonk coming from the Red-
fea, but this cowardly Hulk feeing our Boat, fuppofed
her to be a Scout from fome Man of War not far off,
ran and fheltered her felf under a Fort fome fourteen.
Leagues to the Weft-ward of Z>/#-head. This Jonk
had fome Europeans aboard her, which plyed their
fmall mot fo that our Boat was forced to leave her,
and coming aboard us was fent out again better pro
vided with men and arms to lye as they had done be
fore, to meet with the faid Jonk, but in the night came
fix Sayl of Friggats inftead of her and anchored by
them. Our defperate daring lefs than little Fan Fan,
would not leave them (knowing who they were) tilt
fhe had fpit that little Venom that was in her and then
retir'd, this fo allarm'd us that we got all fayls loofe ;
and weighing up our Anchor the Cable broke, fo our
Anchor was loft ; we ftood in and having fpent fome
fhot on theFriggatsnotwithftandingtherewasfuchin-
equality in the number, they ftood away for the fhore
and left us, however we would not let them pafs fo,
but being fome feven Leagues from Z>z#-head, in the
night we ftood in again amongft the Friggats, but there
being little wind and a light night, they crept under
the more, from the twelfth to the feventeenth we
plyed to and again, ftanding off in the day, and in
again at night, feeing thefe Friggats every day, but
could not come at them ; they lay there to give the,
Jonks notice of us as we fuppofed.

The eighteenth we made up to the Land of Saint
John's fourteen or fifteen Leagues off, near which

288 TJte Englifh Rogue; And Part 3.

we took a boat that came from Danda ja-vapore,
bound for a place near Diu, out of this boat we only
took two Meftico's and a boy, and fo difmift her ;
anchoring at eighteen Fathome Oazy (being high
water and little wind) in Latitude 19 Degrees, 48
Digits, about nine Leagues of fhore, Valentines pike,
Eaft and by South, per Compafs.

The two and twentieth we faw a Jonk and gave
chafe to her, fetching her up we found her to be a
great Junk of Surrat, bound for Acheen with Mer-
chandife, having a pafs from the Prefidentand Coun-
cel, therefore he medled not with them ; but in the
afternoon came to an anchor in two and twenty Fa
thom, about thirty Leagues of fhore. The weather
was gufty with much rain, but never did I hear fuch
peals of Thunder, nor fee fuch great and continued
flafhes of Lightning : at four in the evening the next
day we anchor'd at eighteen fathom within fix leagues
of Damon, the wind at North North eaft, and varia
ble, with fuch terrible claps of Thunder and Light
ning, that my friends, the Scrivener and Drugfter
would have freely parted with all they had to have
been at the bottom of a Corni/fiT'mn-m'me. Theyen-
vied now poor Gregories condition, accounting his mi-
fery a great happinefs, for fince the Element of Wa
ter had received him into the Womb of her protecti
on, the Element of fire might as foon give him a new
foul as to detrimenthis body, theirs being now minute
ly expos'd to the mercy of its uncontroulable fury.

On the twenty fifths evening we anchored in ten
fathom reddifh clay, the Pagod Eaft, North eaft,per
Compafs, and the trees of old Swalley, North, North-
eaft, about three Leagues off; the next day the wind
being at North, North-weft,viz turn'd up and anchor'd
in ten fathom, the Toddy-trees Eaft and by North,
per Compafs.

Part 3. otfter Extravagants. 289

Laftly, having laid one buoy on the tonge of the
fand and another on the point of the Main, we came
over the Barr, the leaft water is four fathom and
half at half flood, fo we ran in till the Souther-
Toddy-tree bore South and by Eaft per Compafs,
and there anchor'd in eight fathom water. This
month we failed not above one Hundred and feven
Leagues.

CHAP. XXIV.

Latroon and his friends arrive in Swalley Road,
tJiey go ajhore at Surrat, are entertained with other
Captains of Ships lately come to an Anchor, by the
Prefident ; lie difcovers an old Miftrefs of his and
his old felloT.v fervant, waiting on a Captain in a
difguijing habit ; lie renews his acquaintance with
her ; Jlie tells him wJiat befell far after his unworthy
/flipping her to Virginia, and the caufe of her com
ing for India. SJie enters into a League with\j&-
troon to cheat her pretended M after, which JJie did,
the manner /tow. Tliey fail togctJier from Surrat
Jwmeward.

r I ^He next day after our coming to an Anchor in
\_ Swalley Road, there came in to us fix fail of
J}utc/i-{hips from Nova Batavia ; and two days after
came in four Englifli fhips more into the fame Port.
One of the Captains meeting with a Fleet of Friggats
entring in at the Rivers mouth, was boarded by them
and unhapily blown up, himfelf and others of his
Company efcaped, but were miferably burnt with
powder. The fhip drave into Swalley over the Bar

V

290 The Englifli Rogue : And Part 3.

and was tow'd on fhore by our Boats and Barges,
but all in a manner confumed by the fire ; there
was a Dufc/i-fhip fought with the Friggats this
while, which Sunk three of them, and in the fight
there was three more furpriz'd, the firft by the
CJiarles Barge, the next by our Long-boat, which we
doubly mann'd, and the laft by && Dutch : they were
but of little value, being laden with Paddee, Beech-
leaves and other trifles.

Now did our Captain command the Skiffs to be
mann'd, and taking me, the Scrivener, Drugfter.with
fome of the Ship, we went afhore, and prefented our
felves to the Prefident, who wellcom'd us in the beft
manner he could, and to fpeak the truth, his entertain
ment was magnificent; whilft we were frankly drink
ing Healths to our friends in England, there came into
us (who came afhore that morning) the Captains of
the other three Ships, with their Chief Officers, as
alfo a great many Dutch Commanders and their
Attendants, we ufed to fay The more the merrier,
and fo found it, for the Prefident as he was a very
generous man, fo he was prudent, and therefore by
his noble deportment towards us, was refolved to
oblige us both.

We on the other fide, ftrove to out-vy each other
in gallantry of Spirit, and in this manner we con
tinued feafting three days, fwimming in an Ocean
of Liquor.

In this time of our Jollity I minded efpocially a
young man that waited on one of the Captains ; he
had a very Sweet countenance, but his Complexion
was very much Sun-burnt by travelling ; I did
verily believe I had feen the face before, and there
fore very much eyed it, which he perceiving fixt
his eyes as often on me, for I never caft my eye

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 291

that way where he flood waiting, but I found him
ftill looking towards me.

My heart renewed private intelligencewhat hewas,
but my reafon could not fo much as guefs from
whence it came ; for by the extraordinary motion
thereof beating ftrokes on my breft as nimbly as a
Drummer a Travale on his Drum-head ; I look'd
on him as one I knew, neither was I alone thus,
for at that diftance I could perceive that the fight
of me did put him into a ftrange confufion.

As I was contriving how to have fome private
conference with him, his Mafter commanded him to
take fome of the Boats Crew and go aboard and
fetch him fomething which he wanted, he had no
fooner receiv'd the Command, but cafting his Eyes
on me he endeavor'd to tell me by them, he had an
eager defire to fpeak with me.

He going out, I withdrew from the Company, de-
firing their excufe for a while and follow'd him, but
coming near him he trembled fo he could hardly
move a foot forward, feeing him in that agony, I
asked him what ailed him ? Bade him not be afraid,
that I came not after him to mifchief him, or injure
him in the leaft. I believe, faid he, you intend me
no harm now, but it would have been well if you
had never done me any. How! replyed I, it is im-
poflible I fhould be fo cruel as to injure a face fo
innocently harmlefs as thine appears : yes, Sir, you
have, faid he, and were it not for fomething within
me I have no name for, I would be reveng'd on thy
very foul for the abufe thou haft done me ; I have
now no longertimelefttodifcourfeyou, but to-morrow
meet me under the Southern Toddy-trees, and there
I fhall not fail to let you underftand the miferies

V 2

292 The Englifh Rogue ; And Part 3.

of , and there he dropt his tears fo faft that he

could hardly fee his way before him. I was fo amaz
ed at what I had feen and heard, that there I flood
as a thing immovable, fpeechlefs, and almoft fenflefs ;
flaying fomewhat too long, the Captain came out to
look me, and found me in this pofture flaring up into
the Skie ; What's the matter man ? faid he, what
wonders doft thou fee there, thou doft fo gaze ? I
tell thee man, faid he, this is no proper time nor
place to take an observation, we are now at Land ;
but he knew not what obfervation I had taken, if
he had he would have fpoiled the Inftrument if he
could.

Recollecting my felf, Your pardon good Sir, faid I,
I proteft you drink too fmartly within, fo that I was
forc'd to come out to fuck in fome little airy refrefh-
ment. This (hall not excufe you, quoth he, therefore
come along with me. Coming in he told the whole
company in what a rediculous pofture he found me,
and did fo Romance upon it, that he made them all
laugh. One while, faid he, he was telling the Clouds
he faw, pleafing himfelf with the feveral monftrous
fhapes they bore, though I could not fee one in all our
Hemifphere. Then he turned his ear up to the firma
ment, as if he were hearkening to the Sweet harmony
of the Sphears, and in my confcience, if I had not pre
vented him, I had feen him madly dance by himfelf
without one ftroke of Mufick. After this he turn'd his
eyes upwards again, and fixing them there awhile, the
nine heavens or firmaments were fo tranfparent to his
fight, that looking through them, he recounted their
particular names to himfelf in order as they were po-
fited. He would have proceeded but that the company
would not lethim.for my own part he might have tal
ked till dooms-day withoutanyinterruption from me,

Part 3. otJier Extravagant*. 293

my thoughts being wholly imployed in fearching out
the meaning of what the youngman lately fpake to me.

I obferved after his return, he could not or would
not look once towards me as long as I ftaid. That
night we parted fome flaying afhore, others going
aboard ; but I, knowing what bufmefs I had to do the
next morning, lay all night with one of the Fa6lors,
a true Toper, and one that I had been formerly merry
with in London. I got up early and went to the place
appointed, where I ftaid not long e're I faw him whom
I expefled advancing towards me, I arofe to meet
him, fo walking together we chofe a place where we
fate down, which was both convenient,and fecret for
our purpofe. As I was about to fpeak he prevented it,
by calling me bafe, faithlefs, perjur'd man (I flatting
up, laid my hand on my Sword) Nay hold, Sir, faid
he, think not to expiate your offence by murdering
the perfon againft whom they were committed, fo
pullingoffhisPerriwigdifcovered fome fhort red hair?
do you know this colour, faid he, which once you told
me you lov'd beyond any other? Here is the fame
Dimple in the Chin, and Mole on the Lip, and the
famefkin (ftripping open his doublet) which you have
unreafonably praifed for its excelling whitenefs;
thefe were the flatteries you ufed to delude a poor
credulous maiden, whom you not onely fham'd but
ruin'd. You cannot forget your matchlefs treachery
in feducing me aboard a Virginia fhip, in whom I
was carry'd thither and fold, you hoping by that vil-
lany to have been for ever rid of me and mine.

I now faw who me was (my fellow fervant when I
was an Apprentice) and knowing what fhe faid to be a
truth, I ask'd her forgivenefs, acknowledging all my
unworthynefs to her, and protefted if fhe durfl truft
me once more I would make her amends for all, at

294 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

which fhe fmil'd (for fhe ever lov'd me too well to
be angry with me) I taking hold of this advantage did
fo prefs her to a forgivenefs, that fhe could not deny
me, having feal'd it with a thoufand kiffes : and now
dear Jane, faid I, I have a longing defire to know
how you fpent your time in Virginia, and how you
came hither with this Captain; that I fhall do briefly,
fhe replyed.

WHen I faw that you had fo cruelly trapparid
me, and tJiat all your love was nothing but a
deluding pretence to enjoy what you could, and be/hut of
me afterwards as I faw you Jtad done, I attempted to
fling my Self into the Sea, but being prevented in tJiat,
I betook my felf to my Cabbin where for grief I
lay the wJwle Voyage fo defperately ill tftat none had
any hopes of my life, for my Child dying as I fuppofe
for want of thofe that JJiould carefully looke after it.
Arriving at Virginia, and anchoring at Potomack
River : feveral Planters came aboard of us, and made
a quick riddance of all the Pajfengers but my felf , none
offering a pipe of Tobacco for me, for I was grown fo
weak I could not Jland, and fo lean that I was a meer
skinful of bones. The Majler feeing me in this con
dition, and judging I could not live two dayes to an
end, commanded me to be carried afhore to dye. A
Planters wife tltat was very antient, feeing me lie in
that miferable and deplorable manner, took pity on me,
and took me home to her houfe, where flie proved fo
good a Nurfe to me tJtat every day I did fen fib ly a-
mend. Being well, there was a great contejl between the
Husband of this good old woman , and the Majler whofe
Servant I JJiould be, a Suit was commenced, and upon
try al the Majler was cajl he putting me ajhore as ufe-
lefs to him, acquitted himfelf of all future trouble with
me. I being clear from him, my good Patron and Pa-

Part 3. other Extravagant*. 295

tronefs difcftarged me in open Court for Jiaving any
thing to fay to me, for wliat neccffarics tJiey had pro
vided for me during my ficknefs, being now a free-wo
man Iliad a hundred good matches offered me, all which
I refusd; tJtere were fome of tJie great ones too courted
me for tJieir luft (for I /tad now recovered my com
plexion, and my eyes JiadJJiaken off tJiatdulnefs which
liad clog'd tJie fwiftnefs of their motion) but all tliefe
temptations prevailed not, the memory of you Jiad
too large a power over my Jteart tJtan to yield to any one
elfe. But length of time began by degrees to extenuate
that cjleem I had of you, fo tliat 1 did not beJiave my
fclffo refervedly as formerly I had, but affumed a great
deal of freedome. One day my Maftcr (as I now call
him] coming to the houfe wJtere I was (for his Ship
tJien rode in the River not far off us) took fo great a
likeing to me at tJie firft fight, that as he hath confefsd
fince, he was never at quiet but wJien in my Jociety ;
So that in a little time he /tad fo won upon my affec
tions, that my carriage towards him fufficiently de-
monjlrated how dearly I loved him. To conclude, he
made a perfect conqucjl of me, and as the earnejl of a
perpetual tye, he fully enjoyed me, and promifed mar
riage if I tibould go with him as foon as he came to
Weymouth in the weft of England, wJiere ftood his
Habitation. I greedily fwallo-^ed all his perfwations
(although one would ftave thought me more wary,
liaving been fo notorioufly cJieated by you before,) &
the time coming when he would fet fail, I march d down
to his Ship with as many as would have compleated a
Regiment which followed me. looking upon me as tlie
moft abfolute mirror of Chaftity which ever arrived in
thofe parts, joyful I was to return to my native Coun
try, and as glad was my overcomcr in tliat lie had ob
tained fo pretty a play-fellow to pafs away his time in
his paffage fiomewards. In feven weeks we came

296 The Englifh Rogue \ And Part 3.

upon the coaft of England, and was by the ftrefs of
weather put into Plymouth-found, where we rode with
much difficulty between the I/land and the Land. The
third day after our anchoring there, the wind ceajing
though the weather wasfom^what hazy, he went a/Jiore,
and taking none with him but my J "elf Coxjwain and
his Crew. I wondred what tie meant by it, my fond
hopes prompted me to believe tliat here he woidd per
form the promife he made me at Virginia, but I found
my f elf deceived; for he difmift the boat after he had
fill'd their skins full of wine, and commanded them,
to wait upon him in the morning.

There being now none left but he and I together ;
Deareft, faid he, be not troubled at what I fhall tell
you, and it fhall be never the worfe for you. I have a
Wife and Children at Waymouth, although to gain
my ends of you I pretended to have none; fhe is the
moft jealous woman in the world, and well fhe may,
for fhe knows there is no woman in the Creation
much more deform'd than her felf, wherefore this I
would have you to do that I may continue your com
pany ; you fhall change your feminine habit for what
is mafculine, under which difguife you fhall pafs as a
young man I have met with abroad, which for fancy's
fake I have chofen to be my Companion in my Tra
vels. / thought I Jhould have funk into the Earth to
hear him make this new confident proposition to me
after fo many vowes and promifes to make me his wife,
but gathering courage, I Jlarted out of his hand and
would have gone down Jlairs, but pulling me back,
what faid I, are all my expectations come to this?
imift I be only your wandring whore at laft? have I
leftfo many wealthy matches at Potomack for this?
110, 1 am in mine own Country, in a place where I am
not known, & I will wajh andfcourfor a lively-hood
rattier t/ian fubmit fo bafely after fo many worthy

Part 3. otJicr Extravagants. 297

proffers. Notwithjlanding a tJioufand rcfolutions I
had to leave him; yet fuch was the fubtlety of mans
Jly infatuation, that he made me unfay all that I had
faid in lefs than half an hour; and I agreed to every
thing tie would Jiave me do. Leaving me at the Tavern
he went immediately, and bought a fuite (which he
gueft would fit me) with Hatt, Shooes, Stockings, and
whatever was requi/ite to cloathayoung manfajhion-
ably, and brought them to me upon tryal, tltey exactly
fitted me. Now becaufe we would not give any caufe
of fufpition to the people of the houfe where we were in
changing my habit, it was concluded on between us to
walk out of the town fomew here, Jte beingwellacqitainted
with all the places about the town, made choice of Cat-
down, wliere in tJie cleft of an follow rock I unchasd,
throwing my proper Itabit into the Sea, and although it
wasfomewJiat immodefl I was forc'd to beg his help in
my new metamorphojis ; lie had procur d me a veryA\\-
a-mode Perriwig, but before tJtat would fit me he mufl
play the Barbar himfelf, which tie didby cutting myJtair
offclofe to my head. Being now clad with every thing re-
qui/itefrom top to toe, we made towards tJie town again,
wJiere entring tJie former houfe we were in, we drank and
were very merry, having a noifeofmujick, Jiaving flipped
one bedfervd us witltout fufpition; in themorningcame
theboatforuswith tJie doctor in her, who askedmyMaf-
terveryferioujly for the Gentlewoman,hereplyedjhe}iad
kindred and friends in this place and that Jhe refoltfdto
Jlay with them a while ; tJten he enquired w hat tliat young
man was ; O,faid he, he is of my former acquaintance^
wJw having little to depend on liere, is refold d to fee the
world abroad with me. Coming aboard ourMaflerneed
not make a repetition of what lie had already faid, tJie
Doctor did it for him: now did we fet fail Jleering for
Waymouth which we did reach in a little time.
I was entertained in his houje with much civility

298 The Englifli Rogue : And Part 3.

from his wife, and the fervants obferving what refpeEl
tlteir Mafter fliew'd me, paid me the like. There was
feldom a day wherein Jie had me not to a Tavern, fome-
times with company, but mojl commonly alone, and this
life I led for fotirteen moncths; at the expiration of which
my majler being employed by fome Merchants in a Voy-
agetoEaft-\m&a., took mealongwithhim by which means
we have the wonderful hap to fee one another again.

My Jinny having ended her difcourfe, I endea
voured to endear myfelf unto her with all the out
ward demonftrations I could devife or imagine, pro-
tefting for the future I would never violate my faith
to her, that fhe and I would run our fortune, live
together, and fhe dying I would voluntarily do fo
too, to accompany her to the other world.

Fearing left I fhould detain her too long, and give
her Mafter any caufe of fufpition, I difpatch'd her
away, and foon after went aboard our own fhip, but
before I went I appointed her to meet me there two
days after. The Captain, my felf, and all that were
concern'd, went roundly about our bufmefs, for fmce
he had gone beyond the bounds of his commiflion, he
was refolv'd not to return home with her, but con
vert Ship and goods to his own ufe ; this in fecret he
acquainted me with, as knowing my ingenious
roguefhip would be very helpful and afliftant to him
in all his enterprizes; and that I might oblidge him
to me in an abfolute bond of friendfhip, I feem'd to
make him my Cabinet-counfel in all my affairs, and
did really inform him of the truth of the laft Ad
venture, knowing I could not carry on my defign
without his privity and help.

He did much wonder to hear me tell him that I
had here alfo difcovered another of my wenches in
man's apparrel, but his wonder turn'd into rejoycing
when I told him how this wench fhould enrich our

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 299

Stock by robbing her or his pretended Matter of his
Gold and what elfe he had valuable, and could hardly
reft to think how I would effecl: my defign. Fear
not, faid I, his Gold is all our own, therefore let us
lay out our own as faft as we can, in the commodi-
tes of this place. The Dutch thought we had the
Devil and all of mony, to fee our goods come tum
bling in upon us fo faft, fo that with what goods
we took in at Bantam, and what we receiv'd here, our
fhip wanted but little of her full fraught.

The time was come wherein I was to have another
Mefs of difcourfe with my Jinny, who was punctual
to her time, and there before me at the place ap
pointed. And after fome few amorous ceremonies I fe-
rioufly told her that it was my intent never to part
with her during life, fhe anfwered that it was her
defire, and that fhe would run any hazard to bear
me company; well, faid I, make your felf ready to
go along with us, for we are refolv'd to fet fayl with
in thefe two dayes ; that I fhall (fhe faid) and know
that I will not come with empty hands; my love
fhall neither be burthenfome to you, nor expenfive;
how prithee, how faid I, why thus, my pretended
Mafter, as I have told you loves me dearly, expref-
fmg it in whatever way I defire, and to let me fee
how great a truft he dares impofe upon me, and what
confidence he hath of my fidelity, I have the key of
his Cheft wherein is contain'd 8 hundred Jacobufs's,
befides a box of rough diamonds with other ftones of
price, all of which, or as much as I can carry off
handfomelywill I bring to thee, fo much efficacy hath
my firft Lover over me that I could be content to
undo all the reft to raife thee. I told her the notion
was very fuitable to our prefent affair, and that it
was the beft and eafieft courfe I could propound for
our happy living hereafter, and that when (he faw

3<x> The Englijh Rogue ; And Part 3.

any white thing hanging in our flirowd fhe fhould
then fall to her work, which fhould be the to'v'en of
our being all ready; which fhe could eafily do at
any time, for the Captain being almoft continually
a fhore and fhe with him, it was but waiting for the
boat (upon the fign given) which at her command
would carry her aboard and bring her with the leafl
word afhore. Moreover that having got the prize,
fhe fhould prefently make down to the Toddy-treest
over againft which we lay at Anchor, and upon the
fignal of a Handkerchief, we would fend our boat in-
flantly afhore to receive her. All which according
to inftruction was exactly perform'd, the Captain
whom fhe requited in this manner for all his love
being at that time dead drunk by an invitation of
the Factors of Surrat.

Having got my double Treafure aboard, and what
lading we defir'd, our Hold fhut up, our Anchors
weigh'd, and our Canvas fpread, away we fail'd over
the Bar, with an hundred fhot after us, for our Coun
try-men as well as Hollanders, concluded there muft
be fome damn'd inexpreffible Treachery in this our
fuddain failing, neither giving notice fome days be
fore, or fairly taking our leaves by fireing of Guns ac
cording to Cuftom ; befides they knew we had not
taken in our full Lading. Let them fire their hearts
out we valued them not, in derifion we fir'd a Gun at
ftern, and fo flood to the Southwards.

I knew very well this female confident of mine
would effectually do the bufinefs we had plotted to
gether, and fo to divert my felf and make fport with
the Captain of the difcovery of my Rival, I wrote
fome few Lines and nail'd them on a Toddy-tree on
the fhore directed to the faid Captain, which I knew
would be difcovered by fome or other, and carried to
him the verfes were as follow.

Part 3. otJier Extravagants. 301

Noble Captain.

'Twos a clofe plot y* faith, but 'twould not hide

From, me your wench, which flwuld have bin my Bride ;

You cJiang'd Iier Garb, but could not change her face]

Nor change her heart, where once I had a place

Nere tJience to be removed although Jhe Jhow' d

Some love to you, the Debt to me Jhe ow'd.

Love was aftranger to tier till I came.

WJwm feeing lovd, and loving loft her fame.

Sated with Iier delights I bafely prov'd

Ttt ingrate that loath d what 1 Jliouldftillkavelorfd.

I turrid her off, well might Jhe then perplex

Herfelf, and curfe t/t' inconftance of our Sex.

To be reveng'd, with meJJie did confer,

To do her right on thofe tJiat wronged her.

I was tliefirft, but me Jhe did forgive,

Becaufe as one, we miift together live.

You were tlie next, wtwfe crimes are many fold,

Yet have fued out your pardon with your Gold :

Yourfubtle Wheedling* cheated her belief,

And would have filch d Iier heart to play tlie Thief.

Youftole into her Secrets, fo that JJie

May at Loves-bar charge you with Felony.

For thus ptir lay ning,ftealing hearts away,

And being caught you now JJtall foundly pay.

She vows to me,JIte'lfpare you not a bit,

But keep intire the Purchafe of her Wit.

Wliat Proteftations, and what Oaths you made.

Were broke by you as foon as tlicy were f aid.

Your great pretences and your bouncing Stories ;

The idle flafliings of your fancy' d glories ;

All which JJie minds not, Jince flte Iiath required

A Treafure which fo long we both dejir'd.

3O2 The EngliJJi Rogue ; And Part 3.

Now we are now almoft quits (againft your will)
This is the Sum that mujl difcharge our Bill :
Imprimis fo mueh ; lying by Jier fide,
And breaking promife, made Jier not your Bride.
Item/<?r changing Petty-coats for Hofe,
A nd doing fomething, which I wont difclofe.
Item for making- fuck a pretty toy,
Your wanton Miftris, and your Cabbin-boy ;
Whom Morning, Noon, and fometimes very late,
Failed not to -make your conjlant Trickry-mate.
Thus Jlands tti Account, and now we're evenjuft,
Dif charing you of what we did intruft,
If not quite broke, forfome new Credit look,
You nerejhall enter more into our Book.

I fhall not trouble you with the particulars of an
exa6l Journal of our voyage from Surrat till we
came to Venice, to which part we were bound, but
only give you fome light touches by the way.

The laft day otAprilwe. crofs'd \hz^Equator, and
the firft of May made a new way by judgement, and
by observation our way was four Leagues to the
South- wards, having a rowlingSea out of the Souther
board. The fourth vijune in the morning we faw the
Ifland Mauritius and a little after three or four fmall
Iflands appeared alfo ; we flood in betwixtMaurifius
and thefe Iflands, and when we were thwart the point
of Rocks which lye on Mauritius fide, we edg'd off
towards the Ifland, giving that point and breach a
good birth ; our depth was twenty, and two and twenty
fathom hard ground, and being within one mile of the
weftermoft rock, we had twenty four fathom, the wind
being at fouth eaft, we left into the fhore about a mile
diftant from it we anchored that night. Herewe rode
near ten days, refrefhing our felves with what the
Ifland afforded, as Goats, Hogs, and frefh fifh good

Part 3. other Extravagants. 303

ftore. It is reported here are many fifh rank poyfon,
we did eat all forts, as Mullets, Lantarasks, Whiskers,
Rockfifli and Garfifli, and many others, but found
no harm by feeding on them. We fet fail hence and
about 28 Leagues diflance from Mauritius,\ve. pafs'd
by an Ifland call'd the MofchacJienas, near which we
fprung a leak, that each hour we pumpt above two
hundred and fifty ftrokes, it being gufty whether and
a great Sea out of the South-eaft, but by our Car
penters it was happily ftopt, although it was under
the next timber abaft the well near the Keel, which
by rummidging the Hold they found it fo to be. The
next place we anchored at was the Ifland vt Johanna,
here we had much lightning and thunder, the wind
having been out of the Sea in the day, and off fhore
in the night. This place affordeth very good flefh
great quantity of fifh and fowl, we had a Bullock for
ten. long red Cornelion heads ; we had alfo excellent
Oranges andLcMmons,thc people are very loving and
friendly, having two Governours or Captains among
them, the one call'd Androm Pela, and the other
Majfe Core, they defired of us no other money for
ought we bought than thofe red heads. Sailing from
hence we fprung our main top-maft, which our Car
penters taking down fifht it and got it up again the
fame day. On the third of 'September in latitude 1 6. d.
33 the wind at South call, we faw the Ifland of St.
Helena, to the weft-ward of the Chappel thereof we
anchored a mile diftant, the Captain caufed the skiff
to be hoifted out and fo my Jinny, the Scrivener,
Drugfter, and Do6lor &c. we landed at Lemmon-
valley. Here with fome Guns we carried with us we
kill'd Hogs and Goats, otherwife it is hard to take
them, running at the fight of us up inacceffible crag
gy Rocks. In ranging through the I fie, our men

304 The Englifh Rogue : &c. Part 3.

found divers Oranges and Lemmon-trees but no fruit
thereon, the Dutch having been there as we fup-
pofe, had gathered them, as appeared by their names
on certain Stones and Trees ; we caught here Mack-
rel, Breams and Borettoes good (lore.
FINIS.

To the Reader inftead of the Errata.
TJte A uthor hath his faults the Printer too
All men whiljl here do err, and fo do you.

ANd therefore Reader pardon the Printer, who
promifes amendment ; and I hope thy acceptance
of this and the fourth part already pub li/hed, will in
duce me to finifli this Story with a fifth & lajl part.
In the mean time the Author of this, hath lately writ
ten Printed and Publijhed, another Book entitled.

The Unlucky Citizen, experimentially defcribed in
the various misfortunes of an Unlucky Londoner.
Calculated for the Meridian of this City : but may
ferve by way of advice to all the Comonality of Eng
land. More particularly to Parents and Children,
Mafters and Servants, Husbands and Wives. Inter
mixed with f ever al Choice Novels, Stored with variety
of Examples and advice prejident and precept. Illuf-
trated with Pictures fitted to the fever al Stories.

A ndletmeajfure thee Read er that no more ispromifed
in the Title than is performed in the Book for it not only
equals this in relatingvarietyofpleajant extravagancies
and other Novels but it is profitable in the many reflec
tions and good advices given to the Reader,a«^/j in
tended to be profecutedin afecondpart wherein youJJiall
Itave not only real and true examples and experiences,
but alfo as good and foundadviceascanbecollected from
any Book either Morall or Divine which this age hath
produced. Therefore defpifeitnotbecaufeoftheMvfadzy
Title, for it is or will be worthy of thy perufalL

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PR
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H97E5
v.3

Head, Richard

The English rogue

PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE
CARDS OR SLIPS FROM THIS POCKET

UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO LIBRARY

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